Not Hungry
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Until you learn to make peace with yourself and love who you are, you are never going to be happy with another person. You've already said as much yourself, in fact. As a single woman in the dating world I'm asking, please...don't start dating until you seek help.
I said this several times in the thread while people were saying I should date right now despite how I look. I know my jaundiced view of myself would poison a relationship and it's also not fair to the woman to say, "I don't like how I look, so if you say anything positive about me physically, get ready for some sulking." While losing weight won't magically solve all my problems, I don't buy the "when you get slim, you'll just find something new to hate" bit. I may not be able to lose as much weight as I want. I will never be able to look how I truly want, and one of my biggest challenges is to learn to deal with the stuff I can't change and the remarks I receive.
Thats the other thing I was going to mention...you said you don't buy it, but you have already started finding other things to hate about yourself...baldness...your height....and you haven't even lost the weight yet.7 -
dragon_girl26 wrote: »Thats the other thing I was going to mention...you said you don't buy it, but you have already started finding other things to hate about yourself...baldness...your height....and you haven't even lost the weight yet.
Those are things I already hated about myself, not things I have "already started finding," and I mentioned them in my previous posts. Yes, I have to accept that I can't fix my height and that some people will see me as a big guy just because I'm a half foot taller than the average guy. And yes, I have to accept being bald (I've been bald longer than I've had hair, so I've pretty much "accepted" it...I just don't like that it contributes to the "big bald oaf" look that I hate). It's hard because I'm jealous of people who can go from big to small and kill those rude remarks about their size and I can't, and it's going to be as big a challenge as losing the weight.
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »dragon_girl26 wrote: »Thats the other thing I was going to mention...you said you don't buy it, but you have already started finding other things to hate about yourself...baldness...your height....and you haven't even lost the weight yet.
Those are things I already hated about myself, not things I have "already started finding," and I mentioned them in my previous posts. Yes, I have to accept that I can't fix my height and that some people will see me as a big guy just because I'm a half foot taller than the average guy. And yes, I have to accept being bald (I've been bald longer than I've had hair, so I've pretty much "accepted" it...I just don't like that it contributes to the "big bald oaf" look that I hate). It's hard because I'm jealous of people who can go from big to small and kill those rude remarks about their size and I can't, and it's going to be as big a challenge as losing the weight.
It doesn't sound at all as though you've accepted it, as evidenced by this increasingly ridiculous thread and other posts you've made elsewhere. You asked for responses, you directed the thread onto this subject and you've had nearly 100 replies trying to support and offer guidance, to the point of people getting fed up. You say you're reading and listening, and yet over and over you reply with the same comments, you stereotype other people despite complaining about being stereoyped yourself and you're frankly insulting to a large group of women (the 'desperate' ones who will 'settle' for you as you are now).
Please stop going round in circles, talk to a doctor and look at the options for some therapy which will help you to reframe how you see yourself so that you are able to find some happiness.9 -
kerrym1980 wrote: »It doesn't sound at all as though you've accepted it, as evidenced by this increasingly ridiculous thread and other posts you've made elsewhere. You asked for responses, you directed the thread onto this subject and you've had nearly 100 replies trying to support and offer guidance, to the point of people getting fed up. You say you're reading and listening, and yet over and over you reply with the same comments, you stereotype other people despite complaining about being stereoyped yourself and you're frankly insulting to a large group of women (the 'desperate' ones who will 'settle' for you as you are now).
Yes, I have accepted it. I accept that I will probably be bald the rest of my life. Acceptance is not the same as loving something.
Stop trying to turn this into a gender issue. How would you describe men that you didn't want to date? And for the last goddamn time, I NEVER SAID IT WAS WRONG FOR WOMEN TO JUDGE ME BASED ON MY LOOKS BECAUSE I DO THE SAME THING. IT'S HUMAN NATURE. If I were gay or a woman, I'd be saying the same thing about men: "I wish I looked different so that they wouldn't see me as a football player, etc., etc."
And, as I said before, just because I have responses and even arguments about people's comments don't mean I think they're totally full of *kitten*. And if you're fed up, stop posting.
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »kerrym1980 wrote: »It doesn't sound at all as though you've accepted it, as evidenced by this increasingly ridiculous thread and other posts you've made elsewhere. You asked for responses, you directed the thread onto this subject and you've had nearly 100 replies trying to support and offer guidance, to the point of people getting fed up. You say you're reading and listening, and yet over and over you reply with the same comments, you stereotype other people despite complaining about being stereoyped yourself and you're frankly insulting to a large group of women (the 'desperate' ones who will 'settle' for you as you are now).
Yes, I have accepted it. I accept that I will probably be bald the rest of my life. Acceptance is not the same as loving something.
Stop trying to turn this into a gender issue. How would you describe men that you didn't want to date? And for the last goddamn time, I NEVER SAID IT WAS WRONG FOR WOMEN TO JUDGE ME BASED ON MY LOOKS BECAUSE I DO THE SAME THING. IT'S HUMAN NATURE. If I were gay or a woman, I'd be saying the same thing about men: "I wish I looked different so that they wouldn't see me as a football player, etc., etc."
And, as I said before, just because I have responses and even arguments about people's comments don't mean I think they're totally full of *kitten*. And if you're fed up, stop posting.
1. Never said acceptance = loving something. You go on and on ad infinitum about it. That's not acceptance.
2. It IS a gender issue when you refer to women who would date larger men as 'desperate' and 'settling'. You've said similar in other threads.
3. I never suggested that you said it was wrong for women - or anyone - to judge you based on your looks, but you have constantly suggested this yourself.
4. You're arguing with people who have tried, for 100 comments, to offer you support. You seem to want to wallow in your misery rather than wrap it up.
5. I'm not fed up. As I said way back, I see a lot of myself in the concerns you have and I started out by wanting to offer empathy and support, but this thread is no longer helping you and, to be honest, you're increasingly unpleasant and argumentative, so I'll wish you well.6 -
kerrym1980 wrote: »1. Never said acceptance = loving something. You go on and on ad infinitum about it. That's not acceptance.
2. It IS a gender issue when you refer to women who would date larger men as 'desperate' and 'settling'. You've said similar in other threads.
3. I never suggested that you said it was wrong for women - or anyone - to judge you based on your looks, but you have constantly suggested this yourself.
4. You're arguing with people who have tried, for 100 comments, to offer you support. You seem to want to wallow in your misery rather than wrap it up.
5. I'm not fed up. As I said way back, I see a lot of myself in the concerns you have and I started out by wanting to offer empathy and support, but this thread is no longer helping you and, to be honest, you're increasingly unpleasant and argumentative, so I'll wish you well.
1. So what is "accepting" to you?
2. As I said previously, I'd say the same thing about men. Plenty of men are desperate and settle for less for various reasons. Not everyone gets their dream person and yes, a lot of people do settle because they're afraid to be alone.
3. No, I never said that. I suppose you could say I "suggested" it because I didn't add "Of course, plenty of men settle as well."
4. Once again, JUST BECAUSE I RESPOND TO PEOPLE DOES NOT MEAN I AM REFUTING OR SHRUGGING OFF THEIR ADVICE. And I've made more than one post letting people here as a whole know that just because I have a response to what they say doesn't mean I think their advice is crap.
5. You said "people are getting fed up." I presume that that statement, as well as the tone of your recent posts, means you feel the same way. Not to mention that you said more than once that you were giving up because you didn't think I was listening or didn't understand what you were saying. That sounds like "fed up" to me.
I appreciate your past posts and I realize that there's only so much you can say to a guy who says he's unattractive because of things he can't change. I will also concede that some of my more pessimistic remarks were made when I was in a rotten mood, but I still do not believe that looks do not matter, that only shallow people care what another person looks like, or that if someone else thinks I look good, that should take precedence over my own feelings. Plenty of people out there are attracted to fat men/women...does that mean that they shouldn't feel bad about how they look?
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »Until you learn to make peace with yourself and love who you are, you are never going to be happy with another person. You've already said as much yourself, in fact. As a single woman in the dating world I'm asking, please...don't start dating until you seek help.
I said this several times in the thread while people were saying I should date right now despite how I look. I know my jaundiced view of myself would poison a relationship and it's also not fair to the woman to say, "I don't like how I look, so if you say anything positive about me physically, get ready for some sulking." While losing weight won't magically solve all my problems, I don't buy the "when you get slim, you'll just find something new to hate" bit. I may not be able to lose as much weight as I want. I will never be able to look how I truly want, and one of my biggest challenges is to learn to deal with the stuff I can't change and the remarks I receive.
don't know where you messed up quotes but that wasn't what I said. I am happily married to a wonderful man who loves me for ME , as I love him for HIM.
but I do agree that unless you learn to love yourself and make peace with yourself, you will always be miserable.
THERAPY.
its not just for whack jobs.10 -
HerNameIsMischief wrote: »kerrym1980 wrote: »1. Never said acceptance = loving something. You go on and on ad infinitum about it. That's not acceptance.
2. It IS a gender issue when you refer to women who would date larger men as 'desperate' and 'settling'. You've said similar in other threads.
3. I never suggested that you said it was wrong for women - or anyone - to judge you based on your looks, but you have constantly suggested this yourself.
4. You're arguing with people who have tried, for 100 comments, to offer you support. You seem to want to wallow in your misery rather than wrap it up.
5. I'm not fed up. As I said way back, I see a lot of myself in the concerns you have and I started out by wanting to offer empathy and support, but this thread is no longer helping you and, to be honest, you're increasingly unpleasant and argumentative, so I'll wish you well.
1. So what is "accepting" to you?
2. As I said previously, I'd say the same thing about men. Plenty of men are desperate and settle for less for various reasons. Not everyone gets their dream person and yes, a lot of people do settle because they're afraid to be alone.
3. No, I never said that. I suppose you could say I "suggested" it because I didn't add "Of course, plenty of men settle as well."
4. Once again, JUST BECAUSE I RESPOND TO PEOPLE DOES NOT MEAN I AM REFUTING OR SHRUGGING OFF THEIR ADVICE. And I've made more than one post letting people here as a whole know that just because I have a response to what they say doesn't mean I think their advice is crap.
5. You said "people are getting fed up." I presume that that statement, as well as the tone of your recent posts, means you feel the same way. Not to mention that you said more than once that you were giving up because you didn't think I was listening or didn't understand what you were saying. That sounds like "fed up" to me.
I appreciate your past posts and I realize that there's only so much you can say to a guy who says he's unattractive because of things he can't change. I will also concede that some of my more pessimistic remarks were made when I was in a rotten mood, but I still do not believe that looks do not matter, that only shallow people care what another person looks like, or that if someone else thinks I look good, that should take precedence over my own feelings. Plenty of people out there are attracted to fat men/women...does that mean that they shouldn't feel bad about how they look?
The problem is that being with a bigger person doesn't mean you're desperate.
It can be hard to believe this when you're struggling with your own size, but plenty of people are with bigger people because they genuinely like them. You're not part of some underclass that is reliant on pity or desperation to have intimate relationships. I'm not trying to undercut the difficulties people face dating while bigger, but please believe that you're worthy of love.
And no -- I don't think anyone should feel bad about how they look. This doesn't mean that there aren't legitimate reasons to lose weight or that it isn't a project that is worthy of someone's time. But nobody SHOULD be looking in the mirror and feeling bad about that, because that is some rank stuff. I know in practice it doesn't work that way and we DO get down about parts of our physical reality. But SHOULD you, like it's a requirement or better than feeling good about it? No.9 -
I think many women see some of their own insecurities in this OP comments. How we beat ourselves up over the body God gifted to us. Too short, stubby legs, too tall, too skinny... on and on. My hair is too Curley.. too straight.. too thin.. too thick...
I wonder if we focus on the things we can't change so we don't have to do the work to change the things we can?7 -
I disagree with the (well meaning) folks on here who say you should feel "masculine" and take it as a compliment when women feel small and wonderful next to you. First of all, it's not your job to make other people feel better about themselves in comparison to you. If someone said to me "I feel so small next to you" or "I generally feel stupid but next to you I feel smart" I would be offended too. You also have every right to define masculinity and your desired look which may be different than what others think looks "good" on a guy (which seems to be larger-than-a-woman).
I just would put height and bald in a different category than weight, because you can't change the first two but you can change the third. It sounds like you recognize you need some work in self-acceptance (at least in the first two categories). I was so put off by the thought that you shouldn't worry about being bald because "some women don't care about looks" because that is really misleading. Some women actually find being bald attractive! But I digress.
I'm sure you know this, but confidence is a very attractive quality. Losing weight did make me more confident, but it was really the journey over the year it took to get to my goal, changing my life habits, and looking inward that lead to me accepting myself (disclaimer: it's still a work in progress!). Podcasts helped me a lot. I listen to "We Only Look Thin" and "Half Size Me" and both talk about mindset A LOT. It's hard to undo all the self-hatred, but you can get there. It takes time.
Good luck, and stick with it, despite the reactive responses you are getting. And for whatever it's worth, I opened both your pictures and you are OBJECTIVELY pretty cute to me. Remember women have different tastes - it's not that "some people don't care about looks" as much as "some people find your look attractive." Google my state's Lieutenant Governor (PA) John Fetterman. He's 6'8", bald, and a tough looking dude. Also a Harvard grad, was an incredible mayor of a small town, and now is the best Lieutenant Governor we've ever had. Lots of us don't equate big and bald with oaf.9 -
ChickenKillerPuppy wrote: »I disagree with the (well meaning) folks on here who say you should feel "masculine" and take it as a compliment when women feel small and wonderful next to you. First of all, it's not your job to make other people feel better about themselves in comparison to you. If someone said to me "I feel so small next to you" or "I generally feel stupid but next to you I feel smart" I would be offended too. You also have every right to define masculinity and your desired look which may be different than what others think looks "good" on a guy (which seems to be larger-than-a-woman).
I just would put height and bald in a different category than weight, because you can't change the first two but you can change the third. It sounds like you recognize you need some work in self-acceptance (at least in the first two categories). I was so put off by the thought that you shouldn't worry about being bald because "some women don't care about looks" because that is really misleading. Some women actually find being bald attractive! But I digress.
I'm sure you know this, but confidence is a very attractive quality. Losing weight did make me more confident, but it was really the journey over the year it took to get to my goal, changing my life habits, and looking inward that lead to me accepting myself (disclaimer: it's still a work in progress!). Podcasts helped me a lot. I listen to "We Only Look Thin" and "Half Size Me" and both talk about mindset A LOT. It's hard to undo all the self-hatred, but you can get there. It takes time.
Good luck, and stick with it, despite the reactive responses you are getting. And for whatever it's worth, I opened both your pictures and you are OBJECTIVELY pretty cute to me. Remember women have different tastes - it's not that "some people don't care about looks" as much as "some people find your look attractive." Google my state's Lieutenant Governor (PA) John Fetterman. He's 6'8", bald, and a tough looking dude. Also a Harvard grad, was an incredible mayor of a small town, and now is the best Lieutenant Governor we've ever had. Lots of us don't equate big and bald with oaf.
Agreed!
@HerNameIsMischief Regarding the bald thing... Some women find bald men attractive. I’m one of those women. I met my husband when he was in his mid 40s and already bald. I find him adorable and could not picture him with hair. He’s not built like the Rock—he was chubbalicious when I met him and still is. I’m a marathoner and a fitness fanatic. I only say this because we don’t happen to share a love of fitness but we love each other. People love who they love for who they are.
You have attractive features. And even if you didn’t, you should be kind to yourself. I have suffered from body dysmorphia since I was a child. My case has been so severe that I couldn’t bear to have my skin touch itself, as in allow my skin to fold naturally. Over the course of many years in treatment, I’ve learned to curb my hateful language inward and ask “would I say this to my best friend or someone I love?” If the answer is no, then I know I need to change the internal dialogue. It is hard, but you can do it. One word at a time. My motto became “erase and replace.”
@ChickenKillerPuppy Yes, I too, adore John Fetterman. The man seems so kind, genuine, and has a brilliant mind. I simply adore when he gives interviews from rest stops. I’m also from PA!4 -
ChickenKillerPuppy wrote: »I disagree with the (well meaning) folks on here who say you should feel "masculine" and take it as a compliment when women feel small and wonderful next to you. First of all, it's not your job to make other people feel better about themselves in comparison to you. If someone said to me "I feel so small next to you" or "I generally feel stupid but next to you I feel smart" I would be offended too. You also have every right to define masculinity and your desired look which may be different than what others think looks "good" on a guy (which seems to be larger-than-a-woman).
I have searched this entire thread and you are the first person who used the word "masculine," so you are disagreeing with people you have imagined.
This is much closer to OP's interpretation of what other people IRL say to him and mean when they say it than it is to anything that any of the posters prior to you have said.10 -
I'm sorry to hear you are upset about your weight/apperance. As others have said, try not to take what people tell you too personally, the majority of people who comment on people's looks are trying to compliment them! But I get it, I used to be really thin and ate a lot. At work I was called "doughnut girl" cause I ate doughnuts everyday, and people always made jokes about how much I ate, assuming it was okay because I was thin (I stated eating my lunch in the closet at work because of this). Try to let people know that these remarks hurt your feelings, and then they can learn from their mistakes, I wish I did that. When it comes to what people find attractive, it varies of course. Like thee commenter who liked your bald head, whether you hate it or not, some people will love it. I've learned that you should just be how you please, and ignore other's opinions. Some girls like big, muscular guys, some like thin guys, some like bald guys, some like guys with hair... So just go for what makes you comfortable. Hope you are able to find happiness with yourself! Sending hugs!3
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »OP, IMO you have a very skewed perspective of what's important in life and how you play a part in your own life. No one, absolutely no one, is going to be able to convince you that you're a worthy human being. Losing weight isn't going to help. Having a beautiful girl on your arm isn't going to help. Having a full head of hair isn't going to help. People have tried to offer you encouraging words about how they see you and that obviously isn't helpful. The best thing you can do for yourself is seek a qualified reputable therapist to help you accept yourself as you are. Truthfully, the only turn-off I've gotten from you is your self-loathing.
You'd have to have pretty low standards to say that you were cheered by strangers telling you you're a worthy human being. Losing weight will help me. I will never achieve my ideal, but I'm not going to buy that if I lose 50 lbs (I've already lost more than 15), I won't feel good about it. And who are you to say that nothing anyone has said hasn't helped me...especially after I made a special post to let people know that while I often debate or question their posts, I do listen to what they have to say?
Ugh, don't ask me why I engage in back and forth banter like this because it only serves to make my emotions run amok and drive my blood pressure up. But while outside shoveling the driveway, my thoughts looped and looped around this whole self-obsessed self-hate thread. I'm nobody. Ok? Absolutely nobody. Just some empty words on a screen because you started this whole thread. BUT your obvious obsession about not accepting what others have said to the point of trying to drill out every tiny little thought they may have about bald men, why they can't picture you with hair, trying to make you feel good about your height and baldness all while every one of your replies focuses on how much you loathe yourself and the image you seem to think you portray. If you're not happy with yourself, do what you feel you must do and can do, to change that. He!!, maybe we're all completely wrong(and I KNOW I wasn't the only one to mention it or feel that way)about how changing your weight won't change a thing. Maybe I should've added the word probably. I feel, that *probably*, from all your posts I've read and remember, that *probably* you are a depressed and sad self-hating kinda guy who hated staying with his mother and step-father(who you clearly hated because you mentioned wishing him dead); you seem to need to emphasize over and over how you hate the image you seem to portray to other people. Many people have said the smile makes a big difference in your presentation of face and attitude. Many people have suggested therapy to gain a better self-image.
If you're listening to replies, then great!! I just felt that your questioning every single little piece of wisdom and insight posted trying to help you was *probably* not being accepted.
*sigh*
Good luck!
ETA: if you're not looking to strangers for advice and cheering on, then WTH are you looking for?? And Why are we even having this conversation?9 -
I’ve read through this whole thread and... yikes! Going to try to condense a few thoughts.
1. OP, sounds like you’re surrounded by @$$holes! If the people who are making comments are the same people you surround yourself with... maybe shed a few “friends” and find new company. “You are the company you keep...”
2. If it isn’t your company who keeps making the comments about Ht/wt/baldness/etc and it’s just the general public, you’re really giving them too much air time in your mind.
3. From your pictures you look like an “average” guy. (Meaning there’s nothing about you that would make me walk up to you in public and say something like you look like a football player/bouncer/biker and 6’3” doesn’t get a comment from me (5’4”) about ht). I certainly don’t think you look like a “big dumb oaf.” Which leads me to the assumption it’s those around you that have made the comments and now your internal voice echos that.
4. I’ve spent time around football players when by BIL played, bouncers during my bar days, and I’m around bikers often (husband is a “biker”). I’m also military and spent time around law enforcement. I wouldn’t pigeon hole you as any of those! But all of them actually come in all shapes and sizes, some are bald, some have hair past their shoulders (my husband being the latter). Maybe my gauge is broken and I know my opinion doesn’t matter because the ones that matter are those that repeat in your mind.
5. I too will gently recommend therapy. It worked wonders for my self hate and many others will probably say the same thing. I did see you post that you would look into it after your trip, so if that’s the case- I’m proud of you! It’s *kitten* hard to commit, go, and start unpacking $#!t but I think you’ll find it worth it. I’m even willing to help you navigate resources, providers, or whatever you need! In the meantime keep working on your weight loss and strive for self improvement you can feel good about. Don’t beat yourself up or quit! I really do hope you’re successful in whatever it is you’re looking to get out of this journey.
And I’m sorry people are insensitive and don’t always realize their words (even unsolicited compliments) can be hurtful. You’re entitled to feel however you want about your height, bald head, or your weight. But I hope you find a time when even if you don’t like it, you can find something positive to say about it.
Anyways, that was longer than I planned. You can tell me to go kick rocks and I’ll do just that. But wishing you all the luck on your journey, whatever that looks like! Be well!10 -
I’m agreeing with the others that you have to find a way to love yourself, to accept your flaws as things you can’t control. My husband is a big dude. He’s 400 lbs, bald, size 15 feet. He’s 5’9 so pretty short. I know he is very insecure about his size or features. He’s had to adapt for himself. He does choose to be bald though as that’s what he likes for himself. He’s got HULK feet (his term) from genetics along with his big head (also his statement). I think he’s learned to embrace the things he can’t control in the ways that he can. He embraces it with his humor so he might still be crying inside but doesn’t take it out on others who try to compliment or make a comparison on his size. When a 5 year old compared him to a gorilla as he was in a grey shirt, while the parents were appalled he admitted to me to say ‘she’s not wrong’. His back does look like a silver back gorilla in the grey shirt. He’s also a very intimidating dude. He doesn’t like when I say that about him but he is when he’s not showing his jolly/funny self.
His size or features aren’t what I’m attracted to nor why I started to date him. (Not saying he's ugly either though) Opposite in fact. First meeting via online dating didn’t go well so I had turned him down and didn’t meet at that time. I had lost 60 lbs at that point so I was concerned his lifestyle would cause me to gain the weight back. I gained it back anyway, away from him, but at least it was due to me. Real life occurred and we ended up meeting through mutual friends. There was an instant connection even though I remembered I had turned him down but couldn’t remember why it didn’t go well at that time; he didn’t remember me. I didn’t love his size but I loved his personality. He’s a very sexy man due to his personality. He’s funny, caring, loyal to his friends and family. For his health I wish he could get himself in position to lose weight but he’s just not there yet and maybe never will. Before we got married he did push me away due to his insecurities. Now he regrets that he did so that we would have not taken so long to get married. I love him for who he is so yes there’s girls out there that aren’t with their person for the looks. I’m not really into bald heads but I’m not going to ask him to change as he likes it and he accepts the same from me for the things I do to my hair that may not be his preference.
My losing weight way back then definitely didn’t solve my self esteem issues. They just were different as then I’d start to worry if the guys were only with me because I wasn’t fat; so what would happen if I gained back was then the worry.
Yes online dating may not be for you but keep in mind for those you may see out. Your person may not be who you'd typically pick but they may just be it.
Best of luck with your journey. Being on here and working on your weight is a great first step for the changes you can make that you can control.7 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »I have searched this entire thread and you are the first person who used the word "masculine," so you are disagreeing with people you have imagined.
Hi there - it's on p. 2 of the thread. I did not quote it directly because the person who posted it clearly meant what she said in a supportive and loving way, so I did not want to call her out directly, I just wanted to respond to the sentiment because I disagree with it. Here is the quote - from a post on the middle of p.2"
"And THIS is exactly your problem--you should feel wonderful, powerful, masculine,....... The question is --why not? You need to figure it out. "
The person who posted this said several times in different ways that OP should take it as a compliment when women tell him they feel so good and small next to him because that's how this person feels, even after the OP made it clear he sees that as an insult. I just wanted to chime in with my take too.
Thanks for the reply - I think it's fine that folks can have different thoughts on the OP's situation. I just prefer to respond to the ideas I disagree with and not make it personal about who posted it. That's the beauty of the message boards - people can all have different ideas and give their opinion and different people will get different things out what they read. It's a good community for that reason.
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ChickenKillerPuppy wrote: »lynn_glenmont wrote: »I have searched this entire thread and you are the first person who used the word "masculine," so you are disagreeing with people you have imagined.
Hi there - it's on p. 2 of the thread. I did not quote it directly because the person who posted it clearly meant what she said in a supportive and loving way, so I did not want to call her out directly, I just wanted to respond to the sentiment because I disagree with it. Here is the quote - from a post on the middle of p.2"
"And THIS is exactly your problem--you should feel wonderful, powerful, masculine,....... The question is --why not? You need to figure it out. "
The person who posted this said several times in different ways that OP should take it as a compliment when women tell him they feel so good and small next to him because that's how this person feels, even after the OP made it clear he sees that as an insult. I just wanted to chime in with my take too.
Thanks for the reply - I think it's fine that folks can have different thoughts on the OP's situation. I just prefer to respond to the ideas I disagree with and not make it personal about who posted it. That's the beauty of the message boards - people can all have different ideas and give their opinion and different people will get different things out what they read. It's a good community for that reason.
Yup---I'll own it. And I did try my best to find out exactly why the OP is so insistent. It's a shame and all the women that are trying to explain how women really think about men and their looks--all brushed off. Ironic because he wants to date and attract the "right" woman, who won't love or be attracted to him for himself but some image he wants to build. Nothing will last on that foundation. So, after learning more about the OP and his problems--going to let it slide. Everyone has a right to their ideas. About that you, and he, are right.11
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