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Relationship Compatibility
Replies
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celticria46 wrote: »Marrying different race leads to problems. People should stay with their own kind
More importantly God says we should not be unequally yoked.. Ie.. a believer with a non-believer.. different faiths..
But we live in a fallen sinful world that is lost and doomed to destroy it self so.. self gratification comes first..and most marry for financial reason loneliness, infatuation or simple cause it's been conditioned in their head grow up go to school get a job get married have kids get a mortgage then die.. Puppets on a string..
Smh
You’re right, humans should stay with humankind. Animals, not so much.11 -
Diatonic12 wrote: »I am debate free on purpose but "Marrying different race leads to problems. People should stay with their own kind" = that statement is nuttier than a Christmas fruitcake.
You don't know your bible. Moses was married to a Cushite woman, from Cush, a region south of Ethiopia. Research it. We're not supposed to discuss religion or politics but since you have already taken this to the razor's edge I am jumping into pool.
Jump on in because the water is fine. When you make it to the gates...guess what. All of the identifiers and tags, even the names of the churches that you belong to are being clipped off at the gate. None of it will exist there. Not one single name of any offshoot church is even named in the bible. There are 1000's of them that exist now.
Not one person or even a particular church is better than the next. Every tag. Every identifier. Every bias that creates nothing but chaos on this earth is being clipped off.
They only exist in your mind through your biases right now. It's a choice to continue living with that kind of social norm chaos in your head. You could throw all of it out with the bathwater and choose to start over today. I would.
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5 -
celticria46 wrote: »Marrying different race leads to problems. People should stay with their own kind
More importantly God says we should not be unequally yoked.. Ie.. a believer with a non-believer.. different faiths..
But we live in a fallen sinful world that is lost and doomed to destroy it self so.. self gratification comes first..and most marry for financial reason loneliness, infatuation or simple cause it's been conditioned in their head grow up go to school get a job get married have kids get a mortgage then die.. Puppets on a string..
Smh
Where did God said this?
You do know that God did not write the Bible right and as someone said to me - What pen did God use to write the Bible?
Now if you were to say to me that God or the Spiritual Being gave the men inspiration to write the Bible - then we will agree
You even have to see what Bible. Each Christian religion cherry picked what books to believe in and put them in their Bible, leaving out other books.
Then you have to look at the translation. Many passages from original Hebrew have been completely changed. In several passages, where you see the word God, Lord our other ways to name him, in the Hebrew version there is god+name... And many times it's different.
I've seen theological discussions and it really requires faith to believe the word recommendations they give lol.
But we better avoid this path, it usually leads to very heated discussions.
I am still waiting to where God wrote the Bible
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »msalicia07 wrote: »A little background information-
I’m a Caucasian, blonde, blue eyed female, American. My husband is Asian, has dark features, about my height, close to my weight, and his family fled the Khmer Rouge (he is 1st generation American). We are both in our early 30’s.
In another thread it was commented that marrying your race and culture creates more compatibility. Another poster said race is just aesthetics and that proximity, as well as personality, are what make relationships compatible. I didn’t want to derail the thread so thought it would be an interesting topic to discuss, as I myself am in an interracial marriage.
I have found people have incredibly strong opinions about what they think makes a relationship compatible, and we are subject to comments and questions nearly everyday about our relationship. Mostly it’s when my husband is at the hospital and shows a picture of us, his associates are astounded I’m a blonde white female.
Because of him I have learned about the world of prearranged marriages, and how common they still are. I’ve learned many new customs, food preparations, and 2 new languages. But in no way did I feel these differences meant we weren’t compatible. It was our outlook on life that deciphered that.
Any thoughts and personal experiences? The more I dive into this the more I realize there is a world of belief systems that are being passed down, and I’d like to know what they are and why you believe them.
I'll also say that from just watching shows like 90 Fiance and how some Americans go to other countries and disrespect how that country follows their culture leaves me with the understanding when countries say that Americans are some of the rudest people on Earth.
I'm born and raised American. I'm of Filipino decent. I do follow a lot of Filipino culture especially where it comes to respect of elders regardless if they are your family or not. We have some non Filipinos in my family tree and they adapt to our culture when it comes to family gatherings, parties, weddings, funerals, etc.
But IMO, while I do not care whether there is interracial relationships, I DO believe that if one does have a relationship with someone of their own race, there are less problems especially with those who though they may be fine with adaptation, friends and family DON'T seem to do as well. And when opposing families get to disagreeing how the relationship should be, that puts a lot of pressure on the couple themselves.
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Well written and so true especially when it comes to respecting one's elders
Respect is given when received. Being an elder does not give one the right to be a tool or a racist ahole. I feel in a lot of cultures, elders have this "right" to be as disrespectful as possible with no recourse other than to obey blindly.
More likely the American way - name the cultures0 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »msalicia07 wrote: »A little background information-
I’m a Caucasian, blonde, blue eyed female, American. My husband is Asian, has dark features, about my height, close to my weight, and his family fled the Khmer Rouge (he is 1st generation American). We are both in our early 30’s.
In another thread it was commented that marrying your race and culture creates more compatibility. Another poster said race is just aesthetics and that proximity, as well as personality, are what make relationships compatible. I didn’t want to derail the thread so thought it would be an interesting topic to discuss, as I myself am in an interracial marriage.
I have found people have incredibly strong opinions about what they think makes a relationship compatible, and we are subject to comments and questions nearly everyday about our relationship. Mostly it’s when my husband is at the hospital and shows a picture of us, his associates are astounded I’m a blonde white female.
Because of him I have learned about the world of prearranged marriages, and how common they still are. I’ve learned many new customs, food preparations, and 2 new languages. But in no way did I feel these differences meant we weren’t compatible. It was our outlook on life that deciphered that.
Any thoughts and personal experiences? The more I dive into this the more I realize there is a world of belief systems that are being passed down, and I’d like to know what they are and why you believe them.
I'll also say that from just watching shows like 90 Fiance and how some Americans go to other countries and disrespect how that country follows their culture leaves me with the understanding when countries say that Americans are some of the rudest people on Earth.
I'm born and raised American. I'm of Filipino decent. I do follow a lot of Filipino culture especially where it comes to respect of elders regardless if they are your family or not. We have some non Filipinos in my family tree and they adapt to our culture when it comes to family gatherings, parties, weddings, funerals, etc.
But IMO, while I do not care whether there is interracial relationships, I DO believe that if one does have a relationship with someone of their own race, there are less problems especially with those who though they may be fine with adaptation, friends and family DON'T seem to do as well. And when opposing families get to disagreeing how the relationship should be, that puts a lot of pressure on the couple themselves.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Kickboxing Certified Instructor
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Well written and so true especially when it comes to respecting one's elders
Respect is given when received. Being an elder does not give one the right to be a tool or a racist ahole. I feel in a lot of cultures, elders have this "right" to be as disrespectful as possible with no recourse other than to obey blindly.
More likely the American way - name the cultures
What are you talking about?
My Chinese fiancé was raised as most in Chinese culture to blindly obey elders and never question anything they say. No matter how disrespectful the elder in question is being.
There are a lot of cultures that are all about "respecting your elders". Respect again is given when received. 🤷♀️7 -
As long as both spouses are willing to love and work on their marriage, then eventually, things get worked out.. and there is no "races" we are all one race.6
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »msalicia07 wrote: »A little background information-
I’m a Caucasian, blonde, blue eyed female, American. My husband is Asian, has dark features, about my height, close to my weight, and his family fled the Khmer Rouge (he is 1st generation American). We are both in our early 30’s.
In another thread it was commented that marrying your race and culture creates more compatibility. Another poster said race is just aesthetics and that proximity, as well as personality, are what make relationships compatible. I didn’t want to derail the thread so thought it would be an interesting topic to discuss, as I myself am in an interracial marriage.
I have found people have incredibly strong opinions about what they think makes a relationship compatible, and we are subject to comments and questions nearly everyday about our relationship. Mostly it’s when my husband is at the hospital and shows a picture of us, his associates are astounded I’m a blonde white female.
Because of him I have learned about the world of prearranged marriages, and how common they still are. I’ve learned many new customs, food preparations, and 2 new languages. But in no way did I feel these differences meant we weren’t compatible. It was our outlook on life that deciphered that.
Any thoughts and personal experiences? The more I dive into this the more I realize there is a world of belief systems that are being passed down, and I’d like to know what they are and why you believe them.
I'll also say that from just watching shows like 90 Fiance and how some Americans go to other countries and disrespect how that country follows their culture leaves me with the understanding when countries say that Americans are some of the rudest people on Earth.
I'm born and raised American. I'm of Filipino decent. I do follow a lot of Filipino culture especially where it comes to respect of elders regardless if they are your family or not. We have some non Filipinos in my family tree and they adapt to our culture when it comes to family gatherings, parties, weddings, funerals, etc.
But IMO, while I do not care whether there is interracial relationships, I DO believe that if one does have a relationship with someone of their own race, there are less problems especially with those who though they may be fine with adaptation, friends and family DON'T seem to do as well. And when opposing families get to disagreeing how the relationship should be, that puts a lot of pressure on the couple themselves.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Well written and so true especially when it comes to respecting one's elders
Respect is given when received. Being an elder does not give one the right to be a tool or a racist ahole. I feel in a lot of cultures, elders have this "right" to be as disrespectful as possible with no recourse other than to obey blindly.
More likely the American way - name the cultures
What are you talking about?
My Chinese fiancé was raised as most in Chinese culture to blindly obey elders and never question anything they say. No matter how disrespectful the elder in question is being.
There are a lot of cultures that are all about "respecting your elders". Respect again is given when received. 🤷♀️
As I said it's an American way of life that your elders do not count
Immigrants come here and quickly adapt to the American culture, where one's elders must know their place
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »msalicia07 wrote: »A little background information-
I’m a Caucasian, blonde, blue eyed female, American. My husband is Asian, has dark features, about my height, close to my weight, and his family fled the Khmer Rouge (he is 1st generation American). We are both in our early 30’s.
In another thread it was commented that marrying your race and culture creates more compatibility. Another poster said race is just aesthetics and that proximity, as well as personality, are what make relationships compatible. I didn’t want to derail the thread so thought it would be an interesting topic to discuss, as I myself am in an interracial marriage.
I have found people have incredibly strong opinions about what they think makes a relationship compatible, and we are subject to comments and questions nearly everyday about our relationship. Mostly it’s when my husband is at the hospital and shows a picture of us, his associates are astounded I’m a blonde white female.
Because of him I have learned about the world of prearranged marriages, and how common they still are. I’ve learned many new customs, food preparations, and 2 new languages. But in no way did I feel these differences meant we weren’t compatible. It was our outlook on life that deciphered that.
Any thoughts and personal experiences? The more I dive into this the more I realize there is a world of belief systems that are being passed down, and I’d like to know what they are and why you believe them.
I'll also say that from just watching shows like 90 Fiance and how some Americans go to other countries and disrespect how that country follows their culture leaves me with the understanding when countries say that Americans are some of the rudest people on Earth.
I'm born and raised American. I'm of Filipino decent. I do follow a lot of Filipino culture especially where it comes to respect of elders regardless if they are your family or not. We have some non Filipinos in my family tree and they adapt to our culture when it comes to family gatherings, parties, weddings, funerals, etc.
But IMO, while I do not care whether there is interracial relationships, I DO believe that if one does have a relationship with someone of their own race, there are less problems especially with those who though they may be fine with adaptation, friends and family DON'T seem to do as well. And when opposing families get to disagreeing how the relationship should be, that puts a lot of pressure on the couple themselves.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Well written and so true especially when it comes to respecting one's elders
Respect is given when received. Being an elder does not give one the right to be a tool or a racist ahole. I feel in a lot of cultures, elders have this "right" to be as disrespectful as possible with no recourse other than to obey blindly.
More likely the American way - name the cultures
What are you talking about?
My Chinese fiancé was raised as most in Chinese culture to blindly obey elders and never question anything they say. No matter how disrespectful the elder in question is being.
There are a lot of cultures that are all about "respecting your elders". Respect again is given when received. 🤷♀️
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
3 -
SunnyBunBun79 wrote: »As long as both spouses are willing to love and work on their marriage, then eventually, things get worked out.. and there is no "races" we are all one race.
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1 -
SunnyBunBun79 wrote: »As long as both spouses are willing to love and work on their marriage, then eventually, things get worked out.. and there is no "races" we are all one race.
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I understand what you mean but ethnicity doesn't define whole separate races. We are all one race.4 -
SunnyBunBun79 wrote: »SunnyBunBun79 wrote: »As long as both spouses are willing to love and work on their marriage, then eventually, things get worked out.. and there is no "races" we are all one race.
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I understand what you mean but ethnicity doesn't define whole separate races. We are all one race.
"Race and ethnicity are used to categorize certain sections of the population. In basic terms, race describes physical traits, and ethnicity refers to cultural identification. Race may also be identified as something you inherit while ethnicity is something you learn."
Unfortunately in our current world, people do see the differences and many times it creates a stereotype. I'd love if it didn't. It's slowly changing. Like I said earlier, I embrace people who are just good people regardless of where they are from or how they were raised.
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1 -
Differences in Physical traits doesn't equate being a whole entire separate race. We are the human race and there are offshoots of differences in skeletal features, But yes, we are all one human race. I'm just talking about that, ( DNA etc ) not the cultural society differences that have become commonly used to differentiate where people live and grow up in. Molecular biology shows very clearly, that data shows that the DNA of any two human beings is 99.9 percent identical, and we all share the same set of genes. In any case, 'race' is a social construct, not a scientific one. It started off with people wanting to be cast as superior to others in some way...and there begins social divides.6
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SunnyBunBun79 wrote: »Differences in Physical traits doesn't equate being a whole entire separate race. We are the human race and there are offshoots of differences in skeletal features, But yes, we are all one human race. I'm just talking about that, ( DNA etc ) not the cultural society differences that have become commonly used to differentiate where people live and grow up in. Molecular biology shows very clearly, that data shows that the DNA of any two human beings is 99.9 percent identical, and we all share the same set of genes. In any case, 'race' is a social construct, not a scientific one. It started off with people wanting to be cast as superior to others in some way...and there begins social divides.
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3 -
I wouldn't date anyone who would have me as a boyfriend.7
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SunnyBunBun79 wrote: »As long as both spouses are willing to love and work on their marriage, then eventually, things get worked out.. and there is no "races" we are all one race.
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There is more genetic variation within so-called races than there between standard types of any given "races." Races are a social construct.5 -
I have heard that similar religious beliefs are important, but my husband is Jewish and I am a non believer coming up on 25 years. Every couple is different.3
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celticria46 wrote: »Marrying different race leads to problems. People should stay with their own kind
More importantly God says we should not be unequally yoked.. Ie.. a believer with a non-believer.. different faiths..
But we live in a fallen sinful world that is lost and doomed to destroy it self so.. self gratification comes first..and most marry for financial reason loneliness, infatuation or simple cause it's been conditioned in their head grow up go to school get a job get married have kids get a mortgage then die.. Puppets on a string..
Smh
Clearly racism does still exist and some people use religion as an excuse to justify this.7 -
paperpudding wrote: »celticria46 wrote: »Marrying different race leads to problems. People should stay with their own kind
More importantly God says we should not be unequally yoked.. Ie.. a believer with a non-believer.. different faiths..
But we live in a fallen sinful world that is lost and doomed to destroy it self so.. self gratification comes first..and most marry for financial reason loneliness, infatuation or simple cause it's been conditioned in their head grow up go to school get a job get married have kids get a mortgage then die.. Puppets on a string..
Smh
Clearly racism does still exist and some people use religion as an excuse to justify this.
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3 -
paperpudding wrote: »celticria46 wrote: »Marrying different race leads to problems. People should stay with their own kind
More importantly God says we should not be unequally yoked.. Ie.. a believer with a non-believer.. different faiths..
But we live in a fallen sinful world that is lost and doomed to destroy it self so.. self gratification comes first..and most marry for financial reason loneliness, infatuation or simple cause it's been conditioned in their head grow up go to school get a job get married have kids get a mortgage then die.. Puppets on a string..
Smh
Clearly racism does still exist and some people use religion as an excuse to justify this.
Or faaaaammmmiilllyyy and "respect your elders and do as I say!" 🙄3 -
I’m White (half middle eastern) and have often dated other races. Black and Latino men always approached me the most so that’s who I dated. I had one serious relationship with a White Australian man. My current partner is half Black and half White/Puerto Rican.
I haven’t found that our racial differences have created many problems. In fact, I tend to have more in common with minority groups. Although I am White, I am brunette and most people think I’m Latina at first glance so I’m treated like a minority wherever I go.
I grew up in Los Angeles which is a very diverse city. I am also Muslim but not very religious. My partners have been Christians who are not very religious or agnostic.
Compatibility is more about personality and chemistry than race, IMO. I firmly believe that.5 -
richardgavel wrote: »On the notion of "only your race or culture" or however it's worded, I see those a distinct. Race is something that is purely physical, it says nothing about who you are as a person. I don't know if I can say the same about culture. I think that does have a big influence. I'm not saying I would never be compatible with someone of another culture, but I think it's a characteristic on the level of many other things we see on dating sites to determine compatibility, such as educational level, interest in fitness, interest in other activities, religion...
Thing is, some (sub-)cultures can have similarities, even when national origin or race differ. Certain values, preferences, attitudes recur in different cultures and subcultures. Just to give some obvious examples of things superficially different cultures can share: Religious tradition, family cohesion (or lack), value placed on academic or financial success, family size preference, gender roles . . . .
I've long argued - only partly tongue in cheek - that complementary neuroses are the basis of many successful relationships. My trivial example is that I dislike driving, and my late husband disliked riding with other drivers. More profoundly, perhaps overbearing people pair better with meek ones, sneaky people with gullible ones, narcissists with those who need a confident idol, and so forth? 😉
I've often said, tongue only partially in cheek, that we ALL have some baggage we carry around for whatever reason. We just need to find someone with matching bags....4 -
celticria46 wrote: »Marrying different race leads to problems. People should stay with their own kind
More importantly God says we should not be unequally yoked.. Ie.. a believer with a non-believer.. different faiths..
But we live in a fallen sinful world that is lost and doomed to destroy it self so.. self gratification comes first..and most marry for financial reason loneliness, infatuation or simple cause it's been conditioned in their head grow up go to school get a job get married have kids get a mortgage then die.. Puppets on a string..
Smh
It's amazing that someone would rule out entire swaths of the earth's population as potential mates due to race and then talk about other people being "puppets."
You've bought into one of the faultiest and sloppiest ways to actually know something about a person that there is.9 -
Well, pragmatic anyway.
As a recovering scientist it's nice to think maybe I'm actually a romantic pragmatist instead of just a curmudgeonly pragmatist. But I'm probably just a curmudgeon. And you should see the bags I carry!
2 -
I'm in an interracial marriage, I'm Mexican in both sides and my wife is Caucasian... I understand what you mean, but in the neighborhood we grew up in, it's not an uncommon or unusual thing...
However the area we now live in is a little more affluent and I can't say I haven't noticed strange looks or reactions from older people from time to time...
Why is this... The truth is that physical brain composition and life experiences aside... I'm no different from these people who look at us strangely...
It all just comes down to physical brain composition, chemistry, and past experiences and influences that have shaped us into the people we are...
There isn't anything else that fundamentally separates us from one another... You can find and make peace with these people knowing this, regardless if they fail to see it!
And check out my podcast for more if you appreciate this outlook and would like to hear more! 😂
I call it "The Mr Healthy Habits Show" available wherever you podcast!2 -
One thing I can add to the discussion is this:
I was born and grew up in eastern Europe, let's say, and moved to north America in my mid-late teens. Even being relatively young, the "shock" part of "culture shock" was pretty real... and the fact that most people around me had roughly the same complexion as myself didn't change anything about it... so it always feels weird to me when people conflate race and culture.
Also, lol'd at "their own kind".
ETA: come to think of it, most relationships I've had were interracial; never thought about it that way, I just date whoever will put up with me I like that likes me back.7 -
While I believe the other posters beliefs are disgusting, I also believe the casual belittling of the religious beliefs of billions of people is also kind of gross.10
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stevehenderson776 wrote: »While I believe the other posters beliefs are disgusting, I also believe the casual belittling of the religious beliefs of billions of people is also kind of gross.
Could you explain this please? - Nobody seemed to me to be belittling religious beliefs or any religions - but solely the racism posted and the using of religion to justify that.
Although calling others puppets on a string seemed rather a belittling comment.
8 -
When I married my (now-ex) husband in the 80s, the first chaplain we approached wouldn't marry us because of our "religious differences" - he was a non-practicing Protestant and I was a non-practicing Catholic.
The second chaplain had us take the Myers-Briggs personality test and facilitated a discussion on the differences.2
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