WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR FEBRUARY 2021

dlfk202000 wrote: »

First marriage I did all the bill paying and was very careful about what was spent, then he left and I really was careful. My big splurge was a kids hamburger at Mc.Donalds and that was maybe once a month(that was 30 yrs ago so they were less than $1 back then, but, I knew i could make a burger myself for less than that)-
I still watch what I spend- tend to still be a saver even though I don't HAVE to be now.
My current husband took over the bill paying about 5 yrs after we got married. He does all of it. I have no real idea about how much money goes out every month. I know I would change things some if I was the one doing it. Things that I think we could cut back on are things he seems to spend even more money on now but, because of the virus and him working a lot more hours every week and bringing more money in, I have not said anything. My income has not changed at all and his hours are at least doubled for now.(since March with no change back in sight).
We have very few real bills- no mortgage and small car loan that he is paying double on every month on my car. We have insurances and true up bill for the PGE/Solar are the main ones then regular monthly- cable/internet which is way more than I think we should pay and he will not consider changing it unless it is to get even better/faster service. Extra money going into savings every month(financially we are doing good, couple wise, we are about bankrupt)
I do have an account that he doesn't know about that I started many years ago, "just in case" that my mom knows about and the statements go to her house. After first hubby leaving me without notice, I have to do what ever I can to cover my butt.

Debbie

Thanks, i think i would be uneasy not seeing the accounts if my significant other was doing them. I'd want to check them out from time to time. That seems like a big deal about the secret account. Though i can understand needing to not share everything with other. (i think, if in a couple now, i would surely opt for separate accounts and one common one, but not secretly). My brother and his spouse are long and happily married, as far as i know, and he said his spouse, who is very responsible, and was and i also a good earner, had messy accounting, so they kept separate accounts, and he said, with humor, "and never the twain shall meet", though i'm guessing that may have evolved as they approach retirement. I can certainly understand wanting to cover for yourself. Do you think there is any hope going in getting out of the red and into the black couple-wise?

I can relate about the minimalist splurges. After my parents split, when i was a teen, my mom had scantest of alimony after 25 years (having married in the period where it was frowned upon for a woman to keep working when the kids came along), just enough to barely get by on, and we would stop by a muffin chain called "pewter pot" and each get a tea, and split a hot blueberry muffin with butter, as our splurge, probably about 2 or 3 dollars for the whole deal, but a moment to be out and sit down and be served. There is something truly nice about those rare frugal splurges.

Single in Paris i used to eat out about 1x a month for about 7 dollars.

bwcetc wrote: »

Today we took him back to his home. He's been vaccinated and I've been having a lot of back, hip and knee problems. The timing seemed right. He was there 6 hours. Just 6 hours when we got a phone call that once again ... I can hardly believe I'm typing this .. yet another untrained aide fed him dried out fish. And he choked. Taken by ambulance he is now in the ER and I am waiting for information.

Beth, this makes me so angry. First i hope that he heals quickly in regard to the present situation.
I agree with Machka and Heather, that you can't trust them.
Are there not other homes or institutions options somewhere? What about if it's a bit farther than your home? Not ideal for visiting, but better to drive an hour or even two, or even more, each way, than to deal with the current situation.
I don't know if it comes into play, but sometimes the ugly big institutional-looking places can be better than pretty "homes", because they have a great variety of staff, services, etc, possibly more people there out of vocation, and may in some cases have actual better over-all care. That's what i saw for my mom when she went from a pretty, but relatively understaffed home of 6 to a massive, ugly -looking institution that was clearly way better and more happy-making for her.
Is there housing aid and help for him to have other options? One of my sisters is schizophrenic, with fairly good autonomy, and gets housing aid, and helper aid now, ever since a very serious bout of cancer wore her out 2 or 3 years ago. Since she's always been on disability, there is housing aid, and now also helpers that come by 2x a week, plus taxi service and so on. I know your son needs more help than that, but i think hybrid options are being developed, more and more. (Another sister, trained as a nurse, works on developing hybrid options for care in her county, which she says is a growing phenomon).
I would look into it with topnotch lawyer before going to court and contacting the media. I have a friend who lost after a long, drawn out (years long) court case with lots of press coverage, mainly because the hospital has a lot of money for topnotch lawyers and didn't hesitate to use dark approaches. I'm not against court cases, and have a couple going on, but they consume time, and headspace majorly, often for years. That said, someone should be notified. (an inspection service?) Maybe they should be shut down.

@Katla49 someone -Exermom, michele poste this from JRsmom, yesterday :

I changed accounts left the old one restarted just had too many who died of Covid on it I couldn’t find the courage to unadd them. Plus young people I added we’re doing just fine now I wanted to have more adult conversation lol 😂. It is me JRLateInLifeMom. Daughter has had Covid twice now the variant y original one . She better now got a on base apartment

Beth
Hope your son's surgery for the blockage is minimally invasive and maximally successful. Your anger radiates off the page--and if there was ever a more righteous reason, I haven't heard of it. Don't know what the statutes are in your state, but in most, if not all, endangering a patient is a felony. Hope your lawyer is helpful, and hope the authorities shut this group home down before they kill someone.

Tracey
I use Splenda - two packets for one cup of plain yogurt, or three packets if I'm adding something that's not sweet, like frozen strawberries. For the mandarins, I use one of the small individual cups of mandarins, drained of juices. I'm sure you could use any sweetener that makes sense for you.

Rori
Thanks for the worry, my dear. The inability to smell or taste seems to be one of the first symptoms from most people I know who've had it, so now I put my perfume on every morning. If the worry flits across my brainpan, I just raise my wrist to breathe in the scent, and so far so good. In some studies, that symptom occurs in as many as 98 percent of cases. We deal with our stresses however we can, and I worry about you, too, my friend, for very different reasons. Much love winging its way to you.

Got my knee pain under control yesterday for the first time since the cold snap began. Removing the flex tape actually helped the situation. I had to because in this heated inside dry air, the skin surface on my legs is starting to bubble, so I have to keep lotion on them, and the tape simply won't stick. Turns out, my knees prefer it right now without any flex tape at all. Works for me!

Also having to wear finger cots (little tiny finger condoms) on my thumb and a couple fingers as the tips are cracking due to the combination of handwashing and dry heat. The only thing that heals them up is Working Hands cream, basically just glycerin and water. Works, though, so I keep it around all the time. The finger cots are so much easier than Band-Aids, which restrict finger movement and never work for long, but it's like having tiny little sock puppets flying across the keyboard.

There are worse things. If you want to amuse yourself or just keep them around for finger cuts and cracks, they're available at Walmart, and quite cheap.


Got to get Corey's lunch put together, kept enough braised steak from last night's dinner to put together an easy sandwich or wrap for him this morning...time to get moving!

Love y'all,
Lisa in AR

Beth - PHEW! Sending you love and strength.

Heather UK xxxxxxxx

Allie: Oh no! Hope they get it sorted soon. (((Hugs)))
Rori: (((Hugs))) I have no words! Keeping you in my prayers.
Beth: That beggars belief. That place should be shut down.
Lisa: 🤣 ... tiny little sock puppets

From my walk today ...



The photo on the right is this one ...




And now ... the house is clean, my dressing room is done except for a couple little projects in there, and I am tired.

My GP put me on medication for my back and one of the side effects is drowsiness and fatigue. Just what I need! But when my head hits the pillow, I get a really good night's sleep.

M in Oz

@Machka9 you were really well organised for your divorce. good for you! it stinks that you had to pay for it, but if you say you were in a good place, that's great.

(((Beth))) Very glad to hear he's ok.

Barbara, I agree about tracking expenditures, just like for calories. I go to osteopath. here there are virtually no if any chiropractors but masses of osteopaths.

@Terri, tracking all, yeah it seems its maybe a must especially in younger days when saving, wanting to buy a house, etc. sharing pro rata is how I have done things in the past.

Barbie, Wow about your mom holding onto the decades of accounts! Have you kept those accounts, or, if not, what did you do with them? I agree tracking expenditures is like tracking food.

tracking time on inherited paper spreadsheet today
tracking money

I did 5 or 5.5 hours on writing today. going for a short walk before curfew and i think i can get in another couple of hours. yay! i sent 2 pages to my corrector. she wants things in little doses at present, and that works for me at present. it's in french so i always need to have it corrected.