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When people comment on your weight loss....

2

Replies

  • SouthWestLondon
    SouthWestLondon Posts: 123 Member
    I find it so weird to hear about people who ask things like 'how much have you lost' etc. That's just such weird behaviour except maybe from close family or very close friends. When I lost 115lbs in 2015, I think my mother was the only one to ask specifically how much I'd lost (in a supportive way).

    In terms of compliments, again, I've never had explicit 'you have lost so much weight' compliments (apart from one or two aunts). But I did have lots of 'You're looking great' compliments.

    'You're looking well' is a good one, I think. The unspoken bit is 'you've lost weight', but of course there's lots of reasons I might be looking well - better haircut, better clothes, better skin - in addition to lost weight.
  • wunderkindking
    wunderkindking Posts: 1,462 Member
    Don't comment on someone's body unless you know for an incontrovertible fact that they are purposefully trying to change it in some way (i.e., this person has chosen to tell you that they're trying to lose/gain weight). If you merely suspect that they are doing this (like, you've seen them using an app like MFP, exercising, or if they appear visibly larger or smaller than last time you saw them) but they've never directly told you, specifically, about it, assume this is not something they want to share with you, for any number of reasons. Unless they tell you, you can't know if it's something they would appreciate commentary on, either in general or from you, specifically. And maybe you'll feel some type of way about that, if it's a person that you think "should" like/trust you enough to share this kind of thing with you, but those feelings are yours to manage.

    This.

    Because commenting without KNOWING is how you compliment someone on losing weight - because they have cancer, or are deep in grief, or something else deeply personal and unwanted.

    Weight loss/weight gain can happen/be motivated by a lot of reasons. Some of them are deeply personal, even if deliberate, and have nothing to do with aesthetics.

    Compliment their shirt.
  • gionrogado
    gionrogado Posts: 45 Member
    my male and female friends have different reactions to my weight loss. the ladies comment somewhere along the lines "lookin' good, congrats. been working out?" while my guy friends say something like "you're too thin, eat more"

    i find it amusing and i dont mind at all
  • jefffugler
    jefffugler Posts: 2 Member
    No problems for me, after all they are just confirming what I say to myself. I know I didn't look or feel good so they are just reinforcing that it needed to happen. When I look in the mirror I think great start but a ways to go, so them saying keep going doesn't bother me in the slightest. It motivates me. I'd much rather people say looking much better, keep it up than hearing my friends and family tell me I must lose weight for my own good.
  • penguinmama87
    penguinmama87 Posts: 949 Member
    Don't comment on someone's body unless you know for an incontrovertible fact that they are purposefully trying to change it in some way (i.e., this person has chosen to tell you that they're trying to lose/gain weight). If you merely suspect that they are doing this (like, you've seen them using an app like MFP, exercising, or if they appear visibly larger or smaller than last time you saw them) but they've never directly told you, specifically, about it, assume this is not something they want to share with you, for any number of reasons. Unless they tell you, you can't know if it's something they would appreciate commentary on, either in general or from you, specifically. And maybe you'll feel some type of way about that, if it's a person that you think "should" like/trust you enough to share this kind of thing with you, but those feelings are yours to manage.

    This sums up my position pretty well.

    I am a pretty private person, so it's jarring to me when people out of the blue offer input into my personal life, even when it's complimentary. I do try to take things in stride and I believe most people mean well even if things are put awkwardly, but generally, I'm only going to share personal information with people I'm very close to (or places like here where I go to learn and for support.) The fact that this change is a visible one and other changes are less obvious doesn't make it an opportunity for anybody to comment. I don't live my life *at* other people for their approval or disapproval.

    It is kind of amazing the specific level of detail people ask about personal lives, though. The subjects aren't limited to weight loss. I've had very kind, thoughtful people ask me all sorts of very intrusive questions that come from nowhere. Is it just that we've all put everything out on social media and so are used to oversharing and overknowing about our neighbors?