When people comment on your weight loss....
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I'm fine with comments if they aren't rude, and I do my best to read their intent when deciding the rudeness. Honestly, I've accidentally insulted people by trying to compliment them, so I try to cut people slack on that when I can.
Most people don't say anything, other than occasionally a close friend will say something like "Wow your legs look so strong!" or "dude your butt disappeared" (gee thanks lol), but they know me well enough to be comfortable. Extended family, for example, tend to err on the side of caution. My SIL gently brought it up one holiday because she noticed, thought I looked much younger, but we see each other so rarely she wasn't sure what to say or if she should mention it at all.
If I get a "wow you look so different" or "man, you look good!" I just thank them and move on. They aren't trying to comment on my past appearance, and I know damn well I look better now. Why act like I don't?5 -
I rather they not say anything because now I feel like I'm being watched and judged on my appearance .
Which now leads me to add pressure on my weight .
I know they mean well .
But for me it makes me feel worthless .10 -
I find it so weird to hear about people who ask things like 'how much have you lost' etc. That's just such weird behaviour except maybe from close family or very close friends. When I lost 115lbs in 2015, I think my mother was the only one to ask specifically how much I'd lost (in a supportive way).
In terms of compliments, again, I've never had explicit 'you have lost so much weight' compliments (apart from one or two aunts). But I did have lots of 'You're looking great' compliments.
'You're looking well' is a good one, I think. The unspoken bit is 'you've lost weight', but of course there's lots of reasons I might be looking well - better haircut, better clothes, better skin - in addition to lost weight.3 -
I once got from an older relative -
"Wow! How much weight have you lost??!?"
- in shock and amazement when she hadn't seen me for a few months. That was her first reaction and then she went on to say how good I looked etc.
I knew she was trying to be nice and compliment me but it just felt like... how much did you think I had to lose? Lol. I wasn't sure how to reply and I was a bit offended but tried to see it the way she intended it...7 -
I honestly don't mind if anybody asks how much I lost, because I am more than happy to brag a bit if somebody seems honestly interested.
I went to the Doctor recently and he said "you lost quite a bit of weight!" and yeah, true. That was the plan and I am not done yet.
If people say that I look good my only worry is that I know I look like a lumpy potato without clothes. Otherwise, I am pretty convinced myself I look better now than when I started this. So fair of them to notice.7 -
Twelve years ago I lost 37 lbs - and no one noticed or commented. I am 5' 10 so at 175 I wasn't hugely overweight, but when I would mention that I lost over 30 lbs and people seemed surprised it was actually kind of disheartening.
I am heavier now so I would imagine if I get down to 138 again people might notice.6 -
It depends on who is giving the compliment and how it's said. For people who have known me for a longtime and go on and on about how drastically I have changed and how good I look now. I wonder what they were thinking and saying before. But when people just say they are happy for me and proud of how I stuck with it and have come so far, that is to me different. I also feel good about where I am at now so I am not bothered by my weight or as self conscious. Most people are sincere and I really appreciate the compliment. Because I know I have really worked hard and struggled to get where I am now. I also know I am going to have to work hard to maintain the almost 100 pound lost. So either way I just take the compliment and move on.8
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mpkpbk2015 wrote: »It depends on who is giving the compliment and how it's said. For people who have known me for a longtime and go on and on about how drastically I have changed and how good I look now. I wonder what they were thinking and saying before. But when people just say they are happy for me and proud of how I stuck with it and have come so far, that is to me different. I also feel good about where I am at now so I am not bothered by my weight or as self conscious. Most people are sincere and I really appreciate the compliment. Because I know I have really worked hard and struggled to get where I am now. I also know I am going to have to work hard to maintain the almost 100 pound lost. So either way I just take the compliment and move on.
You could also look at the comments about how drastically you've changed as being a sincere compliment. Perhaps, in their way, the person making such a comment is acknowledging that you must have worked really hard to achieve such a drastic change and want to ensure you know that you look really good. They didn't necessarily think anything negative about you previously. Some people need that validation that they have achieved something impressive, some of us are just happy knowing it ourselves. I take any compliments going.5 -
goal06082021 wrote: »Don't comment on someone's body unless you know for an incontrovertible fact that they are purposefully trying to change it in some way (i.e., this person has chosen to tell you that they're trying to lose/gain weight). If you merely suspect that they are doing this (like, you've seen them using an app like MFP, exercising, or if they appear visibly larger or smaller than last time you saw them) but they've never directly told you, specifically, about it, assume this is not something they want to share with you, for any number of reasons. Unless they tell you, you can't know if it's something they would appreciate commentary on, either in general or from you, specifically. And maybe you'll feel some type of way about that, if it's a person that you think "should" like/trust you enough to share this kind of thing with you, but those feelings are yours to manage.
This.
Because commenting without KNOWING is how you compliment someone on losing weight - because they have cancer, or are deep in grief, or something else deeply personal and unwanted.
Weight loss/weight gain can happen/be motivated by a lot of reasons. Some of them are deeply personal, even if deliberate, and have nothing to do with aesthetics.
Compliment their shirt.1 -
I do like when people comment on my weight loss and tell me I look better, because I know it’s true. I didn’t look as good when I was fatter, and I’ll look better than I do now when I lose more weight. Looking better or worse doesn’t change my inherent worth, just my attractiveness to look at. There are other kinds of attractiveness besides that of looks, though and looks don’t determine those. Even while thinner, I’ve never been particularly good looking, and yet I still have lots of people who love me. But I do enjoy being a bit better looking, though I’ll never win any prizes.
In fact, my husband down right said that he didn’t marry for my looks anyway, which is nice because it removed any pressure to look a certain way. He never had a problem when I was at my highest weight, but he is very appreciative of me losing weight. Part of that is because he is happy I am taking care of myself because he wants me to be around for long years to come.9 -
I know some people want people to comment and others don't. I have just made it a point to never comment on people's weight unless they say something like "I've been trying to lose and lost ___lbs!" then I will be like "yeah I noticed you look amazing!". Other than that I won't comment.6
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Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »I know some people want people to comment and others don't. I have just made it a point to never comment on people's weight unless they say something like "I've been trying to lose and lost ___lbs!" then I will be like "yeah I noticed you look amazing!". Other than that I won't comment.
Yeah, but that leaves people like me feel uneasy. Like, now I have to feel like I am possibly an annoying brag and somehow insert a comment about my weight loss when I worry that nobody would want to hear about that.
Literally, apart from a forum like here or very close people, the only way I feel comfortable mentioning my success is if somebody else does first. I may hurt somebody who has problems losing weight, trigger somebody's eating disorder, come over as selfish...
But I like compliments, like my changes to be noticed, even if yeah, that is a bit self-crntered.
Darn, social interactions are hard!
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my male and female friends have different reactions to my weight loss. the ladies comment somewhere along the lines "lookin' good, congrats. been working out?" while my guy friends say something like "you're too thin, eat more"
i find it amusing and i dont mind at all2 -
When someone compliments me on my weight loss and then says "Keep it up" or something similar, what I hear is "You're not even close to where you should be." My sister who weighs 110 soaking wet, can compliment me all she wants and I know her heart is in the right place. I know she just wants me healthy and happy. It's very personal to me and I know I'm ultra-sensitive about comments about my weight.
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No problems for me, after all they are just confirming what I say to myself. I know I didn't look or feel good so they are just reinforcing that it needed to happen. When I look in the mirror I think great start but a ways to go, so them saying keep going doesn't bother me in the slightest. It motivates me. I'd much rather people say looking much better, keep it up than hearing my friends and family tell me I must lose weight for my own good.4
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To be brutally frank, , , in a world where nearly EVERYONE seems to be offended by nearly EVERYTHING that's said or done to them or even around them, it may be best (for a change) to proceed with a little grace no matter what folks say about your weight loss or appearance change. "Thanks", or "I'm glad you noticed" or "I'm eating healthier and being more active, I'm glad it shows!" are succinct replies that I try to use. Only when someone PERSISTS in being hyper-critical of my appearance or methods do I resort to a snappy come back, but those occasions are extremely rare.18
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I’m pretty young so I think people shy away on commenting on my body but I just get a lot of looks. Like if I haven’t seen someone for awhile I can see them STARING at my body because the last time they saw me I was a size 12 and now I’m a 0/2. The other day I went to friends house and her mom went slack jawed lmao6
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I don't mind comments...but I'm short (5'3' - maybe that's not short for a female but..) and I lost ~30lbs. So obviously I look different. I lost a noticeable amount of weight by the spring - and a few employees where I work noticed. Then I continued to lose so by the time we got back to work in August --- EVERYONE noticed. It was kind of nice to get comments but it still made me feel self-conscious a bit. Like many (older-ish women) made comments like, "Don't lose any more weight" and stuff like that, even though they don't know how much I weigh, etc.
I had a woman who I only know by seeing her in the building (like I don't know her name or talk to her on a regular basis) say to me, "Hey, you've lost a lot of weight haven't you?" -- to which I usually sheepishly say, "Oh, yeah I started running again" --- to which SHE said, "Are you sick?" --- and I'm not gonna lie, that really bothered me. Because when I was overweight I struggled with thinking that I felt like I looked OK vs. thinking what OTHER people thought I looked like (normal, chubby, fat...etc.) and now that I've lost weight and am fairly happy with how I look (more importantly I'm happy with how I feel)...it still can make me feel like maybe to other people I don't look good, I look sick. I don't think I look sick and have actually said to a co-worker, "I promise if you saw me in a bathing suit I look normal, not sick" -- which is crazy that I felt like I had to say that.
Comments like "Oh you're the disappearing girl" or some such similar thing - I know are meant well but it can mess with your head a bit. So I wish people would be more aware of what they're saying sometimes.5 -
ginamyrmel wrote: »When someone compliments me on my weight loss and then says "Keep it up" or something similar, what I hear is "You're not even close to where you should be." My sister who weighs 110 soaking wet, can compliment me all she wants and I know her heart is in the right place. I know she just wants me healthy and happy. It's very personal to me and I know I'm ultra-sensitive about comments about my weight.
That wouldn’t have occurred to me about “keep it up.” To me, keep it up comes from a place of knowing how hard it is to maintain lifestyle changes and that to keep the weight off, you need to keep up your new way of eating and living for a lifetime.
Regardless, it’s a good reminder that different people hear things in different ways!5 -
goal06082021 wrote: »Don't comment on someone's body unless you know for an incontrovertible fact that they are purposefully trying to change it in some way (i.e., this person has chosen to tell you that they're trying to lose/gain weight). If you merely suspect that they are doing this (like, you've seen them using an app like MFP, exercising, or if they appear visibly larger or smaller than last time you saw them) but they've never directly told you, specifically, about it, assume this is not something they want to share with you, for any number of reasons. Unless they tell you, you can't know if it's something they would appreciate commentary on, either in general or from you, specifically. And maybe you'll feel some type of way about that, if it's a person that you think "should" like/trust you enough to share this kind of thing with you, but those feelings are yours to manage.
This sums up my position pretty well.
I am a pretty private person, so it's jarring to me when people out of the blue offer input into my personal life, even when it's complimentary. I do try to take things in stride and I believe most people mean well even if things are put awkwardly, but generally, I'm only going to share personal information with people I'm very close to (or places like here where I go to learn and for support.) The fact that this change is a visible one and other changes are less obvious doesn't make it an opportunity for anybody to comment. I don't live my life *at* other people for their approval or disapproval.
It is kind of amazing the specific level of detail people ask about personal lives, though. The subjects aren't limited to weight loss. I've had very kind, thoughtful people ask me all sorts of very intrusive questions that come from nowhere. Is it just that we've all put everything out on social media and so are used to oversharing and overknowing about our neighbors?3
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