Things people say when you lose weight
Replies
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I don't like it when people ask me how much I've lost (which seems to be really common!?)
Like if I put a number on it it will somehow validate the achievement?
Why do they need to know?
When I'm cagey about it they will push it and go "oh go on, you MUST know... is it around *insert number here*?"
It's pretty personal in my opinion and I don't get why it matters? If they think I'm looking good then they can just say that and move on?
(Yup - it's a real bug bear of mine!)
I like to believe it’s just a curiosity about what real weight loss looks like, relative to someone they actually know... what does 20lbs, 40lbs or 100lbs look like? Unless you’ve worked at losing it, it’s hard to visualise it... Heck, there are many threads of ‘before and after’ images here to remind ourselveswhat it looks like, and celebrate the journey!18 -
A few days ago, a close friend that I love and admire — who was also one of my fitness accountability partners since the start of my 2021 health & fitness journey — told me not to update her on my fitness progress anymore because "the numbers are making her feel bad / insecure about herself". 😢 IMO she is someone who is extremely fit and regularly does triathlons and such.
Even though my husband was even trying to help by explaining that 1) MFP was super quick and easy to use, 2) the calories I ate was above my RMR and 3) I was fully satiated daily while watching my macros, she held on to the belief that I was "spending an unhealthy amount of time thinking about food and logging food" when I love cooking my meals and I've never eaten better.
I ended the conversation by having to say something I didn't believe in to make her feel better in the moment...and this exchange made me sad.27 -
I don't like it when people ask me how much I've lost (which seems to be really common!?)
Like if I put a number on it it will somehow validate the achievement?
Why do they need to know?
When I'm cagey about it they will push it and go "oh go on, you MUST know... is it around *insert number here*?"
It's pretty personal in my opinion and I don't get why it matters? If they think I'm looking good then they can just say that and move on?
(Yup - it's a real bug bear of mine!)
I can totally understand this. No matter the motivation of the person asking, weight is INCREDIBLY personal and it's nobody else's business if you don't want to share it. It's crazy that this is something you get commonly.9 -
Went to the dentist today. The Dental Hygienist is absolutely wonderful and a very sensitive, caring person. I know how touchy weight loss can be for people to talk about, and it did have bearing on my health, so I figured I'd broach the subject. I was on my healthy journey at my last six month check up so I said "So yeah, still doing that weight loss thing..." during the pre cleaning small talk. Then my Hygienist said, very cheerfully, "yeah, the ladies at the front said I wasn't going to recognize you when you came in because you'd lost SO MUCH weight!" That kind of tickled me. I love surprising people who haven't seen me in a while.
I personally don't mind talking about my losses so I try to give folks a clue that it's okay, since I appreciate when people are cautious of potentially sensitive subjects.19 -
nitalieben wrote: »CameronWhittaker wrote: »I hear most of the comments you guys have said, one in particular that confuses me.
When they ask what I have done I explain "stopped eating junk food, exercise more, and log every meal on an app.:
Like its a bad thing.. iv had some pretty significant results since I started logging, It's not the only thing iv been doing and I don't count super accurate, more like just to keep track...
But I don't get why people think counting calories is a bad thing.
I've had people ask what I do.
I reply "I count and track my food"
And usually I'm met with a long, confused look, then a laugh, sometimes a "nah, it can't be that simple" or a "you almost had me there".
It's not QUITE that simple. I could count and track while eating too much and gain weight. In fact it happened from October through February! It's the third part that is NOT easy; keeping within a calorie budget. I guess that's assumed, but counting and tracking alone misses that one most important step. So that dialogue should be closer to:
"How do you do it?"
"I measure my food, track the calories, and strive to eat no more calories than I burn."
Or something like that.
The good thing is WE know that it works, and we can just keep doing it.
Oh, sure. I mean, the concept is simple enough. There just never seems to be sufficient opportunity for those discussions to progress. People seem to lose interest real fast if you're not naming some "get slim quick" pill or some popular fad diet, or some hectic exercise routine, which is what they seem to expect.
Even just getting started tracking, I found that seeing how much I consume vs how much I was supposed to consume was a real eye opener. But maybe next time I'll start with the "eat less than I burn" bit and see if I get any further with that conversation
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A friend, knowing I was on a diet, and who hadn't seen me for a while, looked at me skeptically (or so it seemed to me) and asked me how the diet was going. My answer "not that well, I guess, if you can't see any difference." Made me feel like crap.
Another friend, who was also trying to lose weight, using WW: I'd been losing 2 pounds/week for several weeks, regular as clockwork, and then one week I lost 1.5 pounds and she said "oh well, better luck next week" as if losing only 1.5 pounds was no different from gaining weight (she never lost 2 pounds per week and I suspect that she was jealous).
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I recently went to choose some tiles for a renovation project and we went to the wife of a colleague of my BF, since we get a great discount in her shop.
I hadn't seen her for years (and even then only 2 or 3 times), so the last time she saw me I was still obese. She didn't say anything while we were there, but she commented to her husband, who then told my BF, who then told me: that I looked great!
I was quite (pleasantly) surprised, since I was wearing a face mask AND wearing a winter coat, so I didn't think it would be that noticeable!
People commenting on my weight loss have been few and far between (not many social contacts because of Covid, and those I have seen mostly didn't dare comment) so it's nice to get some validation.15 -
A friend, knowing I was on a diet, and who hadn't seen me for a while, looked at me skeptically (or so it seemed to me) and asked me how the diet was going. My answer "not that well, I guess, if you can't see any difference." Made me feel like crap.
Another friend, who was also trying to lose weight, using WW: I'd been losing 2 pounds/week for several weeks, regular as clockwork, and then one week I lost 1.5 pounds and she said "oh well, better luck next week" as if losing only 1.5 pounds was no different from gaining weight (she never lost 2 pounds per week and I suspect that she was jealous).
Wow! I wonder how many people get funny ideas of how much weight you are supposed to lose because of all the magazines and ads and what not out there? You know, the ones that say "lose 30 pounds in 30 days with this magic snake oil" and whatnot?
1.5 pounds in a week is a GREAT rate and I haven't seen losses like that since the very beginning of my journey. So fantastic job!12 -
I had someone ask me if I still planned on losing more weight when I was really nowhere near my goal and with a clearly disapproving look ... but I couldn't tell if it was because she expected me to be farther along; or because she thought I'd lost too much. Or because she thought I was sleeping with her son. I didn't really ask.11
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I'm doing this for me. So when people comment, I say "thanks" and move on. And if they ask how much weight I've lost, I tell them. And if they provide advice on how to lose weight or what to eat or how I need to stop obsessing over losing weight or I look good enough, I smile and say "thanks, I'll consider that."
Very few people are purposely hurtful. Most just have zero idea of what their words mean and how those words can hurt people. I choose to let the ignorance fly by, and continue on what I'm doing.
What I won't abide are people who attempt to use shame or guilt or their authority to "make" me behave the way that they want, including listening to their hurtful nonsense about diet or exercise or dealing with trauma or taunts of predicted failure. I'm under the care of a certified medical doctor and nutritionist, so their words are purely uninformed. And those people I cut off immediately, and if possible drop out of my life completely. If I can't do that (family or work), then I tell them, every time, that their words are designed to hurt me and they need to stop. And if they continue I leave the room. I don't make a fuss. I just won't be around them as long as I can help it.
There are 7 billion people in the world. I have lots to choose from who will be better than the yahoos.39 -
I have a friend who is very overweight and has been as long as I've known her (around 25 years!). Her choices and her health are completely separate to mine, however, she seems to have this mindset that because I'm smaller than her, I've no reason at all to want to lose weight. She says things like: "I'd kill to look like you!" "You've got nothing on you as it is!" "you're not overweight in the slightest" (I am) etc. and completely negating my efforts. I mean, I'm 5'2 and 150lb so I am overweight. I want to be fitter and healthier rather than "skinny" so I try and focus on that in conversation. She still does it though, for example I have bad knees and want to lose some weight to take the pressure off them (docs advice) but she'll say "try being my weight, then you'll know what bad knees are!" like as if my problems aren't real because they're not as bad as hers. I sometimes feel like I'm being treated like a whiny child. She's lovely, don't get me wrong. It's just frustrating as I tend to avoid all conversations about weight and fitness around her.21
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I'm doing this for me. So when people comment, I say "thanks" and move on. And if they ask how much weight I've lost, I tell them. And if they provide advice on how to lose weight or what to eat or how I need to stop obsessing over losing weight or I look good enough, I smile and say "thanks, I'll consider that."
Very few people are purposely hurtful. Most just have zero idea of what their words mean and how those words can hurt people. I choose to let the ignorance fly by, and continue on what I'm doing.
What I won't abide are people who attempt to use shame or guilt or their authority to "make" me behave the way that they want, including listening to their hurtful nonsense about diet or exercise or dealing with trauma or taunts of predicted failure. I'm under the care of a certified medical doctor and nutritionist, so their words are purely uninformed. And those people I cut off immediately, and if possible drop out of my life completely. If I can't do that (family or work), then I tell them, every time, that their words are designed to hurt me and they need to stop. And if they continue I leave the room. I don't make a fuss. I just won't be around them as long as I can help it.
There are 7 billion people in the world. I have lots to choose from who will be better than the yahoos.
I too try to thank people when they comment, even if it's awkward or not quite a compliment. I think a lot of times people want to say something positive and encouraging but their view on their own weight muddles it up. And for those that are just being mean or hurtful, you're right, there are alot if other people in this world.8 -
Calling someone “skinny minnie” is not a complement. I want to be fit not skinny.9
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nanainlaca wrote: »Calling someone “skinny minnie” is not a complement. I want to be fit not skinny.
Oh goodness yes! "Skinny Minnie" was never a compliment when I was growing up. My mother thought it was fine to make fun of quite a few people who were height weight proportionate. She's said she's proud of my weight loss and I'm glad about that, because boy did she give slimmer people the business when I was young. I wonder what she'll think when I'm truly height weight proportionate?
Also, @Mtsidad, I really like what you said. If more people behaved as you do, this world would be a kinder place and a better one.6 -
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Your too skinny is what I get most of the time.5
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The, don't get too skinny, is what irritates me the most. Too many people have used that to hurt in the past but now I'm more forget that, you have no idea where I was and where I am going. I've got a plan and this time I'm going to achieve my goals.8
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elcourtney11 wrote: »A few days ago, a close friend that I love and admire — who was also one of my fitness accountability partners since the start of my 2021 health & fitness journey — told me not to update her on my fitness progress anymore because "the numbers are making her feel bad / insecure about herself". 😢 IMO she is someone who is extremely fit and regularly does triathlons and such.
Even though my husband was even trying to help by explaining that 1) MFP was super quick and easy to use, 2) the calories I ate was above my RMR and 3) I was fully satiated daily while watching my macros, she held on to the belief that I was "spending an unhealthy amount of time thinking about food and logging food" when I love cooking my meals and I've never eaten better.
I ended the conversation by having to say something I didn't believe in to make her feel better in the moment...and this exchange made me sad.
I have been reading this post over and over for several days, and I am still getting ANGRY about how you were treated by someone who should understand the challenges anyone trying to lose weight has to encounter. I feel you should not be ashamed in what you have to do to stay focused on your healthy lifestyle goals. You should not be made to apologize when you are not sorry, especially if she is into fitness as you stated. It appears to me that she is jealous of your success. Sometimes you have to let go of pseudo-friends, who are only kind to you when they feel they are above you. Continue on your journey of well-being and healthy choices for yourself. Leave the haters and doubters behind.12 -
NicolaCross2 wrote: »I have a friend who is very overweight and has been as long as I've known her (around 25 years!). Her choices and her health are completely separate to mine, however, she seems to have this mindset that because I'm smaller than her, I've no reason at all to want to lose weight. She says things like: "I'd kill to look like you!" "You've got nothing on you as it is!" "you're not overweight in the slightest" (I am) etc. and completely negating my efforts. I mean, I'm 5'2 and 150lb so I am overweight. I want to be fitter and healthier rather than "skinny" so I try and focus on that in conversation. She still does it though, for example I have bad knees and want to lose some weight to take the pressure off them (docs advice) but she'll say "try being my weight, then you'll know what bad knees are!" like as if my problems aren't real because they're not as bad as hers. I sometimes feel like I'm being treated like a whiny child. She's lovely, don't get me wrong. It's just frustrating as I tend to avoid all conversations about weight and fitness around her.
At least in my circle, I don’t think many realise they are overweight. They see themselves as healthy and normal weight. It's like some sort of normalisation of a body size in the obese range.7 -
AKTipsyCat wrote: »I had someone ask me if I still planned on losing more weight when I was really nowhere near my goal and with a clearly disapproving look ... but I couldn't tell if it was because she expected me to be farther along; or because she thought I'd lost too much. Or because she thought I was sleeping with her son. I didn't really ask.
I finally stopped laughing!! Thank you, as honestly it has been a long and crazy week. I seriously found this post hilarious!!🤣🤣6 -
Good: Keep up the good work or girl what are you doing because you are losing a lot of weight and looking good.
Bad: (When eating smaller portions at mom's) Why are you not eating? You're not impressing anyone.11 -
jonipecson, it is usually your family who can be more brutal than friends/acquaintances. I gave my family members a choice. I told them that if my new eating habits bothered them so much they never have to share a meal with me again or just not say anything to me about it. They have learned to keep their comments to themselves (most of them are overweight, just as I was).11
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Honestly, this is what I am least looking forward to as things open up. Especially visiting the in laws this summer, they are constantly commenting on everybody's body, but it seems I am the only obese person they have ever seen in their lives? FIL in particular finds it personally offensive.12
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Slowfaster wrote: »"You've lost weight! Good. The last time I saw you, you were this wide;" [holds hands about five feet apart.]
I always get something similar when people who usually see me in my glasses, run into me while I'm wearing my contacts." Oh you look great. Those glasses were awful, they were so thick!"
I'm always going to have to wear my glasses part of the time and I'll always probably yo-yo my weight so be careful what you say folks!
I'm horrible. Horrible because if a guy said that to me my reply would be "And that ladies and gentleman is why men overestimate their size".
I'm going to hell...lol
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nitalieben wrote: »"Oh, you should stop, you're starting to look sickly"
"Which diet are you following?"
"Can you eat that?"
"I can tell you work out"
"You look like a whole new person" (This one actually hit me right in the feels, it was an old school mate, who hadn't seen me in years, and knew that I was overweight/obese nearly all my life. He said he barely recognised me)
"Women shouldn't have too much muscle"
"Are you developing an eating disorder?"
"All that water can't be healthy"
"You're getting so skinny, you should maintain that"
"You can't have anything more to lose"
"Want candy?"
"How do you do it?"
just wow.....3 -
I don't like it when people ask me how much I've lost (which seems to be really common!?)
Like if I put a number on it it will somehow validate the achievement?
Why do they need to know?
When I'm cagey about it they will push it and go "oh go on, you MUST know... is it around *insert number here*?"
It's pretty personal in my opinion and I don't get why it matters? If they think I'm looking good then they can just say that and move on?
(Yup - it's a real bug bear of mine!)
just amazing, how nosy some people are.3 -
WannaBeAnon wrote: »One thing I've gotten WAY more often than expected is: "Can... Can I see your stomach?"
After losing 110lbs, and getting pretty lean overall they always expect a lot of loose skin. Fortunately I don't have that much.
That is terrible. Hope I don't get asked that, too. I have been told (like I wanted that person's opinion) that they knew where I lost my weight from as they could see it. Yep you guessed it. My stomach.5 -
Just this week, a friend said, " you are tiny. " That was okay until she was saying something that I knew I didn't want to hear., right after One of those usual comments, it started as. I immediately somehow blocked myself from hearing her words. Maybe I mumbled something about the surroundings outside at the same time. Then I started talking about how the last time I was at the Doc's what she said about me losing a little bit more. Saying what a good and kind Dr. says helps me.
A bad Dr. once said that if I lost weight, that it would help my back injury. That was about 50 lbs ago. I asked for advice and he walked away, pretty much rolled his eyes and abruptly said, "how about the mediterranean diet....!" That one really stung.
I am here to say it has not been calories in, and calories out. It is not that easy for others, too. If is has been for you, I am glad it worked.7 -
Have you lost weight? "Noooo, I don't think so" and then I tell them they look great, love their hair, etc. Some won't let it go. Yes, I prefer to puzzle them. I downright lie cause it aint none of their business. I've lost 15 so far and intend to keep on going. I'll continue to lie cause they aren't on the path. If they are I'll share my journey. IT'S NONE OF THEIR NOSEY BUSINESS!!!9
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