Things people say when you lose weight
Replies
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Good: Keep up the good work or girl what are you doing because you are losing a lot of weight and looking good.
Bad: (When eating smaller portions at mom's) Why are you not eating? You're not impressing anyone.11 -
jonipecson, it is usually your family who can be more brutal than friends/acquaintances. I gave my family members a choice. I told them that if my new eating habits bothered them so much they never have to share a meal with me again or just not say anything to me about it. They have learned to keep their comments to themselves (most of them are overweight, just as I was).11
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Honestly, this is what I am least looking forward to as things open up. Especially visiting the in laws this summer, they are constantly commenting on everybody's body, but it seems I am the only obese person they have ever seen in their lives? FIL in particular finds it personally offensive.12
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Slowfaster wrote: »"You've lost weight! Good. The last time I saw you, you were this wide;" [holds hands about five feet apart.]
I always get something similar when people who usually see me in my glasses, run into me while I'm wearing my contacts." Oh you look great. Those glasses were awful, they were so thick!"
I'm always going to have to wear my glasses part of the time and I'll always probably yo-yo my weight so be careful what you say folks!
I'm horrible. Horrible because if a guy said that to me my reply would be "And that ladies and gentleman is why men overestimate their size".
I'm going to hell...lol
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nitalieben wrote: »"Oh, you should stop, you're starting to look sickly"
"Which diet are you following?"
"Can you eat that?"
"I can tell you work out"
"You look like a whole new person" (This one actually hit me right in the feels, it was an old school mate, who hadn't seen me in years, and knew that I was overweight/obese nearly all my life. He said he barely recognised me)
"Women shouldn't have too much muscle"
"Are you developing an eating disorder?"
"All that water can't be healthy"
"You're getting so skinny, you should maintain that"
"You can't have anything more to lose"
"Want candy?"
"How do you do it?"
just wow.....3 -
I don't like it when people ask me how much I've lost (which seems to be really common!?)
Like if I put a number on it it will somehow validate the achievement?
Why do they need to know?
When I'm cagey about it they will push it and go "oh go on, you MUST know... is it around *insert number here*?"
It's pretty personal in my opinion and I don't get why it matters? If they think I'm looking good then they can just say that and move on?
(Yup - it's a real bug bear of mine!)
just amazing, how nosy some people are.3 -
WannaBeAnon wrote: »One thing I've gotten WAY more often than expected is: "Can... Can I see your stomach?"
After losing 110lbs, and getting pretty lean overall they always expect a lot of loose skin. Fortunately I don't have that much.
That is terrible. Hope I don't get asked that, too. I have been told (like I wanted that person's opinion) that they knew where I lost my weight from as they could see it. Yep you guessed it. My stomach.5 -
Just this week, a friend said, " you are tiny. " That was okay until she was saying something that I knew I didn't want to hear., right after One of those usual comments, it started as. I immediately somehow blocked myself from hearing her words. Maybe I mumbled something about the surroundings outside at the same time. Then I started talking about how the last time I was at the Doc's what she said about me losing a little bit more. Saying what a good and kind Dr. says helps me.
A bad Dr. once said that if I lost weight, that it would help my back injury. That was about 50 lbs ago. I asked for advice and he walked away, pretty much rolled his eyes and abruptly said, "how about the mediterranean diet....!" That one really stung.
I am here to say it has not been calories in, and calories out. It is not that easy for others, too. If is has been for you, I am glad it worked.7 -
Have you lost weight? "Noooo, I don't think so" and then I tell them they look great, love their hair, etc. Some won't let it go. Yes, I prefer to puzzle them. I downright lie cause it aint none of their business. I've lost 15 so far and intend to keep on going. I'll continue to lie cause they aren't on the path. If they are I'll share my journey. IT'S NONE OF THEIR NOSEY BUSINESS!!!9
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concordancia wrote: »Honestly, this is what I am least looking forward to as things open up. Especially visiting the in laws this summer, they are constantly commenting on everybody's body, but it seems I am the only obese person they have ever seen in their lives? FIL in particular finds it personally offensive.
Maybe something can change so you don't have to visit. I can just feel what you are feeling as I have been there. That is terrible!!
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salleewins wrote: »concordancia wrote: »Honestly, this is what I am least looking forward to as things open up. Especially visiting the in laws this summer, they are constantly commenting on everybody's body, but it seems I am the only obese person they have ever seen in their lives? FIL in particular finds it personally offensive.
Maybe something can change so you don't have to visit. I can just feel what you are feeling as I have been there. That is terrible!!
The nieces and nephews and seeing MIL's face when her son comes in the door all make up for it. Even if her son is too scrawny (at least it isn't just me!)4 -
concordancia wrote: »Honestly, this is what I am least looking forward to as things open up. Especially visiting the in laws this summer, they are constantly commenting on everybody's body, but it seems I am the only obese person they have ever seen in their lives? FIL in particular finds it personally offensive.
Oh goodness. I'm so sorry about this and can relate a bit. Eating in front of my mother-in-law is terrifying. She's actually a really wonderful woman, but she has her own issues about food, which have been exacerbated by health problems with my father-in-law, and I feel like she's always watching me when I eat. I think when you're overweight or obese it's easy to feel like people are watching you when they really aren't, but the reality is some people *do* - and she's one of them. If I eat too what she thinks is too little, she comments. If I eat what she thinks is too much, she comments. If I don't eat things in whatever proportion she thinks is correct, she comments. I have no idea what she thinks is actually appropriate. It probably doesn't actually matter - I think she just wants to say something to me about what I'm eating and why it's wrong. It probably won't stop just because I get to a normal weight. She'll probably want to warn me about not going back - all for my own benefit, of course.15 -
Oh goodness. I'm so sorry about this and can relate a bit. Eating in front of my mother-in-law is terrifying. She's actually a really wonderful woman, but she has her own issues about food, which have been exacerbated by health problems with my father-in-law, and I feel like she's always watching me when I eat. I think when you're overweight or obese it's easy to feel like people are watching you when they really aren't, but the reality is some people *do* - and she's one of them. If I eat too what she thinks is too little, she comments. If I eat what she thinks is too much, she comments. If I don't eat things in whatever proportion she thinks is correct, she comments. I have no idea what she thinks is actually appropriate. It probably doesn't actually matter - I think she just wants to say something to me about what I'm eating and why it's wrong. It probably won't stop just because I get to a normal weight. She'll probably want to warn me about not going back - all for my own benefit, of course.[/quote]
This is difficult and yet, you have the right to enforce healthy boundaries. ‘Thank you for your concern and I would appreciate you no longer commenting on what I eat’. Then stop talking and hear her comment or have both of you sit in the silence. You do not need to respond to anything she says. It would be hard to say and yet, has the potential to improve the relationship.3 -
Have you lost weight? "Noooo, I don't think so" and then I tell them they look great, love their hair, etc. Some won't let it go. Yes, I prefer to puzzle them. I downright lie cause it aint none of their business. I've lost 15 so far and intend to keep on going. I'll continue to lie cause they aren't on the path. If they are I'll share my journey. IT'S NONE OF THEIR NOSEY BUSINESS!!!
While I like your style, I am just annoyed by the people who think "Have you lost weight" is in itself a compliment, whether they actually think you have lost weight or not. My MIL once went into great detail about why it seemed like I had lost weight, when in fact I was the fattest she had ever seen me. There was once a guy I think my friends were trying to set me up with - lots of invitations with just the four of us between a couple, him and I -, but one of many turn offs was that he would say this every time we saw each other. Uh, no, I haven't but clearly you think I should...
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MaggieGirl135 wrote: »
This is difficult and yet, you have the right to enforce healthy boundaries. ‘Thank you for your concern and I would appreciate you no longer commenting on what I eat’. Then stop talking and hear her comment or have both of you sit in the silence. You do not need to respond to anything she says. It would be hard to say and yet, has the potential to improve the relationship.
Well, that's what's basically happened - I ignore her to the extent that I can, I don't say more than "I'm fine, thank you." Her comments have the veneer of polite conversation and inquiring after a guest, it's all about tone which is much easier to deflect and pretend if I were to address directly. It's a matter of choosing battles - this is a small annoyance overall (to say "terrifying" was an exaggeration on my part in my initial post - it used to bother me a lot more than it does now, because I don't concern myself with pleasing her anymore). I don't engage with her about it, and the consequence of her repeated nitpicking is that we visit less often, especially at mealtimes, and when we do I spend very little time with her one on one, especially in the kitchen. I used to be very attentive to help with cooking and cleaning up, and I don't do that now because that was a prime opportunity for ambushing, and my attempts at rebuffing were ignored.
I think there are some situations where being blunt and direct would be very helpful, but there are some for whom it isn't and would do more harm than good. I can handle it as is and maintain peace. But for people out there reading the thread who might be tempted to "help" your overweight or obese relative or friend in this way...please don't, because it's not actually helpful and we don't need just a little more shaming to get us on track.8 -
My husband once told me "your butt isn't nearly as saggy as it used to be." Lol. He means well and lucky for him, I'm the type to laugh it off.17
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I haven't seen any of my friends or family since December because of where I live so if I send them photos and they usually say 'wow you lost weight' or 'did you lose weight?' I like to reply with nonsense. One time I told my friend I just looked smaller because my cat (that I was holding in the photo) had gotten bigger. Usually I just say 'it's just this shirt.' I just don't like having discussions about it.10
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The most annoying comment was someone who asked if I was planning on losing more weight and I said no (because I'm maintaining now) and then they said "you don't look that thin to me" like what. Seriously annoyed me. Like don't ask and then insult me.19
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So far its been positive, I've been told I look great and asked what am I doing.
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Holy moly it's been odd lately! Folks in stores have been soooo polite and respectful. It's been "ma'am" this and "ma'am" that, and "can I help you," and all that - now some of the folks may just be new and trying to do a good job but I'm detecting a whole new level of respect. I am used to basically being left to my own devices and I like it that way so this is going to be interesting.
(I think part of it is because of my new confidence in myself too.)14 -
'You used to be sooo scarily fat! Never return to that weight.' Sadly, I regained most of the weight and now feel even more miserable knowing what people must be thinking.
People sometimes get their feelings hurt when their friends and colleagues don't appear to notice their weight loss. I think that most do, just choose not to comment for this very reason. You say you lost lots and gained it back; and people commented on the loss with cautionary phrases. So it would have been better if they had never commented at all - although their word choices weren't great!4 -
You are going to be thinner than me soon. Response... "Ummn, No I cannot ever be as thin as you are. I do not have your bone structure".
Oh, you looked fine before, do you want to be a broomstick? Response... "Thank you, I only want to be healthy".
You are wearing leggings, are you going to the gym? Response... No, I just want to be comfy!
The worst.....
Should you be eating that, aren't you on a diet? Response... "No, I am not on a diet and can eat anything I want to eat in moderation. Thank you for your concern".
Oh, I can help you eat your lunch. Response... "No, thank you, I packed it because I wanted to eat it".16 -
I think best reaction was from my yoga students. They walked in, looked at me and walked right back out thinking they were in the wrong place. I had to run them down and say "hey, I know you haven't seen me in 6 months" - the looks of utter confusion was the BEST. Of course life happened, but now I know how to do it and where I went wrong, I'm no longer confused by my body.13
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From an obese loved one after I lost 70 lbs and went from a size 20 to a size 5:
Oh well you will always be bigger than your brothers and sisters.
😑27 -
I hadn't seen my nephew or his wife in a while. They came into a family gathering. I was sitting with my back to them and was talking to my sister. My nephew's wife said something like "I heard your voice but I couldn't find you!" because I looked so different from the back (after a 60 pound weigh loss).16
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This one, all I could do is grin: "Are you sick?"9
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Someone was taking a group photo on a bike ride this week.
"Breathe in!... Except Helen, she doesn't need to"25 -
Saw a group of ladies I haven’t seen in a couple years… one in particular had no filter and you never know what might come out of her mouth
She saw me and her jaw dropped. She came up to me a couple of times reiterating how great I looked (the first was a bit awkward because I was talking with another lady and she gushed about me, turned to the other lady and said “you look great too! Buuuut…” and turned back to me.) I am normally one who is content to be a wall flower and go wholly unnoticed, but it was kinda fun ☺️10 -
The most annoying comment was someone who asked if I was planning on losing more weight and I said no (because I'm maintaining now) and then they said "you don't look that thin to me" like what. Seriously annoyed me. Like don't ask and then insult me.
That stinks! I am sure you look great!5 -
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