The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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The main motivation for quitting is losing this darn weight...obviously since I'm on myfitnesspal...but one of the things that has been an added motivation is health. I wear a fitbit and have for years. In 4 days of abstinence, my Resting Heart Rate has dropped from ~80 to ~75 and my Heart Rate Variability has increased into the normal range for my age from 16 milliseconds to 36 milliseconds. That is crazy!9
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Somehow the topic of alcohol came up at dinner last night with my kids, six and ten. My six-year-old said he didn’t want to be an alcoholic. I told him, without shame or embarrassment, that neither did I, but I am and that’s why I don’t drink anymore.
It’s taken a long time to get to the point where I can admit that so non-negatively, but it feels good and I hope the impression is good for my kids’ futures and they don’t have to repeat my mistakes.9 -
I think being an alcoholic is similar in some ways to grieving for a lost loved one:
It’s like a rough stone tumbling down a creek. At first if you grab it, it gashes you and causes much distress and bloodletting. But as time goes on and the edges get smoothed out, eventually you can handle it and pull it in closer to your heart without causing so much pain.
It’s always there though and will never go away.7 -
Welcome @chicbuc ! You will find understanding, empathetic, and supportive people here. If you have read through some of the older comments, you will see many of us use other resources to get/stay sober. I highly recommend you sign up for the free 30 days sober challenge on thealcoholexperiment.com . It is tremendously helpful and there is also a forum where people share their experiences there. Many, if not most of us have done that. I would say that the most important thing you can do for yourself, even if you don't get sober the first (or 5th) time you try, is never give up trying. We are happy to have you here!6
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Welcome @chicbuc ! It is not easy to stay sober, but it sure outweighs the consequences of drinking.
Today I was thinking to myself... besides my children, I love alcohol sooo much. I found that thought so absurd. But it's true.
So, even today, 7 months sober, I still miss it. I have not gotten to the stage of it being the best thing I've done; however, I do know that I would be fooling myself if I thought anything would change, if I would go back to drinking. I would slip right back to those bad habits, drunken texts, racing night heartbeats, hangovers and self loathing.
So, here I am- along with all of you wonderful people, staying the course one day at a time and even one minute at a time.
Great job Beka! I am happy you put it back. WE always seems to regret drinking, but never regret not drinking.
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Somehow the topic of alcohol came up at dinner last night with my kids, six and ten. My six-year-old said he didn’t want to be an alcoholic. I told him, without shame or embarrassment, that neither did I, but I am and that’s why I don’t drink anymore.
It’s taken a long time to get to the point where I can admit that so non-negatively, but it feels good and I hope the impression is good for my kids’ futures and they don’t have to repeat my mistakes.
I think it's great you have open dialogue with your kids. It's so important for kids to know they can tell you anything on their mind.
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I went to dinner with a friend; she's an amazing friend. We didn't speak about alcohol even though she knows I quit. When the waitress came up to us, my friend ordered an iced tea. I know she did that on my behalf. That was such a sweet gesture.
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@RubyRed427 That's a great friend. I have a good friend I go to dinner with a few times a month, and the only time she drinks is with me. Won't she be happy when I order a hot tea. LOL.4
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Joe Walsh is great! I have watched a few interviews with him; he says he can't remember all the touring - he was always drunk, so after they broke up as a band.... they said to him "You have to be sober if we tour again." He said "no problem" He said he needed something to live for- to make him sober.
I think that's probably right for all of us. When the cost or pain of being drunk becomes too much to bear, we will stay sober.
Have a great day!5 -
I get those every once in a while and also find them difficult to deal with. Strong work staying the path!5
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I too enjoy that strategy!5
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Jumping in because I need to. I'm married to an overweight alcoholic who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day, maybe he'll stretch it out to two days but usually every 45-60 minutes he's outside puffing. The cigarettes and alcohol are great companions to each other and he's a nasty, hateful, controlling drunk to me. It's unbelievably hard. I would not wish what I go through, how I am treated, on anyone. It's horrible...9
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@Elcee2020 I am glad you felt the courage to post here. Admitting there is a problem is the first step. Asking for help is the second. We are here for you. If you have followed this thread for a while, you know we are an empathetic and non judgemental group of friends.
You probably do feel sick as alcohol is a toxic substance. There is no getting around it. You will continue to feel better both physically and mentally as it leaves your system. If you are worried about your liver or other organs, perhaps seeing a dr will put your mind at ease. I myself drink liver detox tea nearly every night. I don't know if it is doing any good but it makes me feel better emotionally to think I may be undoing some of the damage. Plus I take milk thistle daily as a supplement. If you can't get to the gym try to get a vigorous walk in daily. It will do you a world of good.
Please let us know how you are doing and check in often. Every post here is a valuable piece of our community.5 -
@Elcee2020 Welcome back! I remember you fondly. We are here for you. Drinking heavily or binging can make us feel ashamed. But you are not entirely at fault. The brain chemistry has changed and you. need more alcohol for the same dopamine kick. Anyway, you are brave and I hope you come around often.
@LoveyChar I'm so sorry. That sounds like a nightmare; you never know whether it will be good day or not. Walking on eggshells. I cannot give you advice but I do know that when I decided to change my life (marriage), I said to myself, "can I live like this for the rest of my life?" And my answer was no. I want happiness. I want peace. My home should be a sanctuary.
Since I don't know your situation, I don't know what to say, except, I hope you find some peace and happiness soon. You deserve it.
p.s. Can you reach out to a therapist or even Al-Anon for some help so you own't feel isolated? There are many people out there who know what you are going through.6 -
Jumping in because I need to. I'm married to an overweight alcoholic who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day, maybe he'll stretch it out to two days but usually every 45-60 minutes he's outside puffing. The cigarettes and alcohol are great companions to each other and he's a nasty, hateful, controlling drunk to me. It's unbelievably hard. I would not wish what I go through, how I am treated, on anyone. It's horrible...
My aunt lived something similar to what you're living with. IT Never got better; but it got progressively worse. And sadly, because she stayed, her sons saw this example and modeled it (in their father).
Does he ever say that he should cut back? Does he feel remorse or regret?3 -
@Elcee2020 The liver can regenerate - so try to cut back little by little. Find support in your friends if you can. I know you love to exercise; jump back into that.5
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@RubyRed427 That's a great friend. I have a good friend I go to dinner with a few times a month, and the only time she drinks is with me. Won't she be happy when I order a hot tea. LOL.
I'm sure she will follow your lead4
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