Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

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  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,561 Member
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    ReenieHJ wrote: »

    One thing I didn't see in your to-do list was carving out time for you. I don't know where you'd find it but, dear girl, you need it as much(if not more) than anybody!! I know you have a lot on your plate, physically and emotionally and I seriously wish I could be your next door neighbor so I could help you. Can you do more to help your children do more to help you?? Things don't need to be done perfectly and obviously I don't have a clue what their current responsibilities/abilities include, but can you make a list of stuff that needs doing, then somehow delegate some of it to them?

    I don't have any good answers :( but you definitely need some stress-free time in your schedule. <3 You don't want your well running dry.

    :heart: The well feels so dry, it's unbelieveable.

    That's part of the problem. I get some time for me on the weekend, but it's at the sacrifice of other chores that "should" be done. Since posting this, I have made the decision to commit to at least 2 workouts a week. It's not the 4 I was doing, but I think it's doable with some self discipline. That time helps me. Plus it'll help me stop feeling gross, too.

    I'm really trying to let go of my expectations that my home is supposed to be a certain way. It's tough. I know that many people would be appalled if they saw it, but honestly... they're welcome to try living a week in this life. I could use the break. LOL
    MelG7777 wrote: »

    I don’t have any good answers for you friend. But I empathize. Really I do. And I relate on many levels. I don’t look at you as “making excuses”. You are doing what you need to do to survive right now. You are taking care of yourself, your kids, your cats! You are kicking *kitten* even if it doesn’t feel like it. I really hope things can settle into a different routine so you can care for yourself the way you need to also. So important. But for now, don’t be hard on yourself. Your situation is difficult, for sure. Be gentle on yourself. It’s a rough season but I have hope for you. Hugs.
    You didn’t ask for advice but I would definitely look into “easy” meals. At least some nights. Crockpot, get your own, leftovers, convenience foods, cooking once for 2-3 dinners. It hugely takes the pressure off of me when that’s figured out.

    Thank you :heart:

    As for meals... we do a lot of easy ones, and probably far too much fast food. It's probably why I've packed on another ten pounds in the year. (That and the abundance of snack foods the kids like to have around that I tend to gravitate to when I'm feeling down). The kids are tough in that they aren't a fan of soups or stews, or crockpot cooking. Thank god for perogies, noodles and sauce, and chicken nuggets. :confounded: I make a point of having some kind of roast or good home made meal on the weekend, to try and make up for the simpler fare during the week.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,561 Member
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    robertw486 wrote: »
    I'm going to have to agree with @ReenieHJ on this one. MAKE, not find, time for yourself to decompress some. Give the kids more to do with daily household stuff, or make it a group thing. Find ways to shave off time on something that needs to be done by interacting with them, while they help accomplish something. It's easy for us to spoil our kids while making ourselves crazy.... but to some extent making them understand "adulting" comes into play more regardless, and in your situation it will probably help.

    If you can make time to decompress and relax some it can pay dividends. Don't just tread water, focus on moving forward. It's not easy at times, but sometimes slowing down and looking at the big picture can help you get there.

    And to some extent, remember... kids learn from and usually long term appreciate structure. If it is part of their responsibility to at least help clean the house, learn how to do laundry, etc.... then you are killing two birds with one stone. And showing them the importance of family being a bond that is hard to break if you all look out for each other.

    Will you make it to the gym? Maybe not. But you might find something you enjoy as much as the gym that you can fit in. Or maybe even find some at home exercise stuff to get a workout and involve the kids too, maybe even wear them down a little bit so everyone sleeps better.


    You aren't making excuses, you are being a good parent. And it's hard to do at times. But vent whenever you want or need to.... we get it.

    The kids and the chores is a tough one. Both kids have some pretty deep issues and while they help a little, it often takes a lot of stress / admonishment / battle to get that help. My youngest tends to use his depression and physical ailments as an excuse to be lazy. There's always SOME reason he can't help this time... stomach hurts, feels nausea, cant stop crying, wants to die... etc. My eldest has been struggling as well, but she is more helpful.

    It's kind of that situation where you know you need help, but sometimes the time and effort it takes to train a job even half done (especially if you have a problem employee) just doesn't feel worth it.

    It's also like trying to teach someone how to swim while you are in the process of drowning. A lot of days I feel so buried that I just cant find the energy to try and force the kids to care enough to help dig me out. I *know* they need to help, they *know* they need to help... and yet... here I am, still doing it all on my own.

    Thankfully, my gym is in the basement, so I can go downstairs and do some lifting. It's about making it the priority over other stuff.

    Thank you for your perspective and advice. It is appreciated. :smile:
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,561 Member
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    dawnfire72 wrote: »
    Feeling pretty hopeless right now. Someone I am close to has been accused of abuse and I have no clue how to handle it. The person in question has never displayed abusive behaviour in the past so I am very uncertain what to do. The other problem is that said person has also gone into a depressive episode and is isolating from everyone and won't return calls or texts at the moment. I don't want to believe the accusations but I also know the person making the accusations and have so far not known them to be a liar so very confused right now. This has all come to my knowledge in the last couple of days and I am still processing.

    I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you. To be caught between the two places is so difficult. You want to believe both sides, but they're at odds. :disappointed: I hope that there is a clear path forward that becomes visible to you soon. Sending you much love.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,561 Member
    edited October 2021
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    @slimgirljo15 My heart aches for you and for the immeasurable loss you have suffered. Sending you so much love.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,440 Member
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    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    @slimgirljo15 My heart aches for you and for the immeasurable loss you have suffered. Sending you so much love.

    Thank you ❤
  • dawnfire72
    dawnfire72 Posts: 46 Member
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    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    dawnfire72 wrote: »
    Feeling pretty hopeless right now. Someone I am close to has been accused of abuse and I have no clue how to handle it. The person in question has never displayed abusive behaviour in the past so I am very uncertain what to do. The other problem is that said person has also gone into a depressive episode and is isolating from everyone and won't return calls or texts at the moment. I don't want to believe the accusations but I also know the person making the accusations and have so far not known them to be a liar so very confused right now. This has all come to my knowledge in the last couple of days and I am still processing.

    I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you. To be caught between the two places is so difficult. You want to believe both sides, but they're at odds. :disappointed: I hope that there is a clear path forward that becomes visible to you soon. Sending you much love.

    Thank you. Right now things are being worked on and I am hoping that perhaps the involvement of a social worker will help. I can only sit on the sidelines and offer support when asked. It is still ripping my heart in pieces thinking about it. Guessing the holidays may not be very merry here but we are trying to just get through each day and check-in with those involved on a period basis. Neither is reaching out to me so I send quick texts just to ask how they are.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
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    RAinWA wrote: »
    I am so darn tired. My husband has had a hard time sleeping at night so the hospice team changed up his medications so he actually slept 7 hours last night (which means I slept 5). I really want a nap but I'm trying to keep up with my job, the pets, the house and everything else.

    I am really grateful we've had more time than the doctor predicted and cherish each day, but this is exhausting. I'm not really complaining, it's just the way things are right now.

    You're in an awfully sad and draining place. I hope Hospice sends in as much help as they can, and lots of support for you as well. I think of you often and offer cyber ((HUGS)) and hope for peace in your heart. <3
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
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    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    RAinWA wrote: »
    I am so darn tired. My husband has had a hard time sleeping at night so the hospice team changed up his medications so he actually slept 7 hours last night (which means I slept 5). I really want a nap but I'm trying to keep up with my job, the pets, the house and everything else.

    I am really grateful we've had more time than the doctor predicted and cherish each day, but this is exhausting. I'm not really complaining, it's just the way things are right now.

    You're in an awfully sad and draining place. I hope Hospice sends in as much help as they can, and lots of support for you as well. I think of you often and offer cyber ((HUGS)) and hope for peace in your heart. <3

    Thanks Reenie - you are so sweet!
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,440 Member
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    RAinWA wrote: »
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    RAinWA wrote: »
    I am so darn tired. My husband has had a hard time sleeping at night so the hospice team changed up his medications so he actually slept 7 hours last night (which means I slept 5). I really want a nap but I'm trying to keep up with my job, the pets, the house and everything else.

    I am really grateful we've had more time than the doctor predicted and cherish each day, but this is exhausting. I'm not really complaining, it's just the way things are right now.

    You're in an awfully sad and draining place. I hope Hospice sends in as much help as they can, and lots of support for you as well. I think of you often and offer cyber ((HUGS)) and hope for peace in your heart. <3

    Thanks Reenie - you are so sweet!

    Reenie says it well..
    Im sorry you're going through such a testing time 😔
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,561 Member
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    RAinWA wrote: »
    I am so darn tired. My husband has had a hard time sleeping at night so the hospice team changed up his medications so he actually slept 7 hours last night (which means I slept 5). I really want a nap but I'm trying to keep up with my job, the pets, the house and everything else.

    I am really grateful we've had more time than the doctor predicted and cherish each day, but this is exhausting. I'm not really complaining, it's just the way things are right now.

    Sending you love. it is exhausting caring for the ones we love, especially when they are in pain. Even though we would (and do) do everything to keep our loved ones around as long as possible, it IS still so very draining. It's not complaining to acknowledge that.

    It is so nice that you get this extra time with him and I hope and pray that you will be gifted with some extra-special moments that you can cherish going forward. I hope that you are able to get some rest when you can, and that there are people that will rise up in your life to help support you, as you support him.

    *hugs*
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
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    Love this reply! ^^^^

    IF you do speak with her, under all these terms and thoughts, make sure you don't slip back into previous mode. Nobody wants to go through that twice. ((HUGS)) and best of luck.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,561 Member
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    Frompumpkin2cinderella wrote: »
    sexual abuse trigger warning⚠️⚠️
    ever since I was born till I was 5 years old,my paternal grandfather used to abuse me by sticking fingers down there and calling me a *kitten*. This continued till he fortunately died when I was 5. I am so *kitten* up. My whole life has gone to waste I feel. I told my dad then he called me a liar and threatened to rape me. I don't talk to half of my family as they're all happy and were never abused by him. I feel resentment towards them although they're not at fault but I feel it's better if I stay away from them. I just wanted to get this off my chest coz I'm at a cousin's wedding who is happy and has found love at 43 and has had a VERY HAPPY life. Traveling the world and having a successful career. Thanks

    My heart breaks for you. You never deserved any of that, and deserved so much better. I cannot begin to imagine the trauma you experienced at the hands of those who were supposed to protect you.

    If you need to stay away, then that's what you need to do. You don't owe them anything, nor do you need to spend time with people who reopen your wounds. Family can be created, with friends who love and support you for who you are right now.

    If you can, perhaps a support group / therapy would be a really good idea. It helps so much to have people in your life who truly understand.

    Much love to you.

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