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Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.1 -
MargaretYakoda wrote: »Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.
I’m not much of a hugger myself these days but I am curious if self-proclaimed non-huggers ever get “touch starved.“ Is that even a real thing?
Eta: And of course I agree with you about consent2 -
internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.
I’m not much of a hugger myself these days but I am curious if self-proclaimed non-huggers ever get “touch starved.“ Is that even a real thing?
Eta: And of course I agree with you about consent
No, I don't get it.
No, not sure if it's a thing or not.2 -
internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.
I’m not much of a hugger myself these days but I am curious if self-proclaimed non-huggers ever get “touch starved.“ Is that even a real thing?
Eta: And of course I agree with you about consent
No, I don't get it.
No, not sure if it's a thing or not.
Thank you for answering0 -
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Dear apple. Don't ever tell me what I want/like/need again. You're almost always wrong.2 -
internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.
I’m not much of a hugger myself these days but I am curious if self-proclaimed non-huggers ever get “touch starved.“ Is that even a real thing?
Eta: And of course I agree with you about consent
I can (mostly) only speak for myself about being “touch starved”
Kind of? But only for the touch of loved and extremely close companions.
It takes an extreme level of trust for me to feel comfortable hugging someone.
And I do mean extreme.4 -
MargaretYakoda wrote: »internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.
I’m not much of a hugger myself these days but I am curious if self-proclaimed non-huggers ever get “touch starved.“ Is that even a real thing?
Eta: And of course I agree with you about consent
I can (mostly) only speak for myself about being “touch starved”
Kind of? But only for the touch of loved and extremely close companions.
It takes an extreme level of trust for me to feel comfortable hugging someone.
And I do mean extreme.
Thank you. I was wondering about that. Whether or not people who are not huggers are completely averse to touching or if it’s just a more intimate thing for them. Of course I know everybody is different. Thanks for the input1 -
internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.
I’m not much of a hugger myself these days but I am curious if self-proclaimed non-huggers ever get “touch starved.“ Is that even a real thing?
Eta: And of course I agree with you about consent
I’m a hugger. And I’m touched starved. I accidentally kept hugging my elderly neighbor a few years ago when her husband was dying.
Edit…..maybe that’s not entirely true, my youngest 2 still hug me a lot. 🥰🥰3 -
internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.
I’m not much of a hugger myself these days but I am curious if self-proclaimed non-huggers ever get “touch starved.“ Is that even a real thing?
Eta: And of course I agree with you about consent
I’m a hugger. And I’m touched starved. I accidentally kept hugging my elderly neighbor a few years ago when her husband was dying.
Best I can do is virtual 🤗1 -
internationalplayboy wrote: »internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.
I’m not much of a hugger myself these days but I am curious if self-proclaimed non-huggers ever get “touch starved.“ Is that even a real thing?
Eta: And of course I agree with you about consent
I’m a hugger. And I’m touched starved. I accidentally kept hugging my elderly neighbor a few years ago when her husband was dying.
Best I can do is virtual 🤗
Wanna exchange vids?
2 -
internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.
I’m not much of a hugger myself these days but I am curious if self-proclaimed non-huggers ever get “touch starved.“ Is that even a real thing?
Eta: And of course I agree with you about consent
I can (mostly) only speak for myself about being “touch starved”
Kind of? But only for the touch of loved and extremely close companions.
It takes an extreme level of trust for me to feel comfortable hugging someone.
And I do mean extreme.
Thank you. I was wondering about that. Whether or not people who are not huggers are completely averse to touching or if it’s just a more intimate thing for them. Of course I know everybody is different. Thanks for the input
It's not an aversion to touching (contact)... it's an intimacy thing. Some people can be there, some can't. Unfortunately most don't realize what they are doing. And like so many things, societal norms generally dictate who is "right". As such, I keep getting hugged. But I keep not liking it.
It's also the reason I don't like massages.6 -
internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.
I’m not much of a hugger myself these days but I am curious if self-proclaimed non-huggers ever get “touch starved.“ Is that even a real thing?
Eta: And of course I agree with you about consent
I can (mostly) only speak for myself about being “touch starved”
Kind of? But only for the touch of loved and extremely close companions.
It takes an extreme level of trust for me to feel comfortable hugging someone.
And I do mean extreme.
Thank you. I was wondering about that. Whether or not people who are not huggers are completely averse to touching or if it’s just a more intimate thing for them. Of course I know everybody is different. Thanks for the input
It's not an aversion to touching (contact)... it's an intimacy thing. Some people can be there, some can't. Unfortunately most don't realize what they are doing. And like so many things, societal norms generally dictate who is "right". As such, I keep getting hugged. But I keep not liking it.
It's also the reason I don't like massages.
This makes sense to me. Thank you for explaining0 -
internationalplayboy wrote: »internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.
I’m not much of a hugger myself these days but I am curious if self-proclaimed non-huggers ever get “touch starved.“ Is that even a real thing?
Eta: And of course I agree with you about consent
I’m a hugger. And I’m touched starved. I accidentally kept hugging my elderly neighbor a few years ago when her husband was dying.
Best I can do is virtual 🤗
Wanna exchange vids?
We talked about this1 -
I'm a hugger. Big time. My son is not. Big time. I have learned to ask him before I hug him, or even touch him. Sometimes, when he is hurting, it is painful to not pull him into my arms and try to comfort him. Thing is... It doesn't comfort him.... It comforts me at his expense. So if he is hurting, then I ask if he wants a hug. If he doesn't, then I say ok and hold back. Sometimes, on rare occasions, he does. And sometimes, when I am in pain or hurting he comes to me and offers me one.
He almost always says yes to a foot rub tho, so he gets a LOT of foot hugs. Lol.
Kind of a parallel thought to what you were saying.
Personally, as a single person who needs physical connection, I feel significantly hug and touch starved and sometimes I'm borderline depressed as a result. It's rough.
Eta... I can totally understand those people who stand on the street and offer free hugs. I've debated doing it myself! Lol
5 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »I'm a hugger. Big time. My son is not. Big time. I have learned to ask him before I hug him, or even touch him. Sometimes, when he is hurting, it is painful to not pull him into my arms and try to comfort him. Thing is... It doesn't comfort him.... It comforts me at his expense. So if he is hurting, then I ask if he wants a hug. If he doesn't, then I say ok and hold back. Sometimes, on rare occasions, he does. And sometimes, when I am in pain or hurting he comes to me and offers me one.
He almost always says yes to a foot rub tho, so he gets a LOT of foot hugs. Lol.
Kind of a parallel thought to what you were saying.
Personally, as a person who needs physical connection, I feel significantly hug and touch starved and sometimes I'm borderline depressed as a result. It's rough.
My oldest boy is the same. And he was born that way. Every once in a while when I just can’t help myself I stick out one finger and touch his elbow or his toe for just a second so that some cosmic connection can be made. I don’t really believe in that stuff but he’s my first born, you know?
Eta: I have his permission to do that2 -
What a journey getting caught up on this thread had been
If anyone needs me, I’ll be peeing while standing up6 -
Apple.
Your payment has been declined.
To update your payment information on devices running IOS 12.2 or later...
On earlier devices...
On PCs...
From the app store...
From itues...
Have multiple apple accounts? good luck. hahahhahaha...
Dear apple. Don't ever tell me what I want/like/need again. You're almost always wrong.
Android let's you make your own decisions.4 -
Sophisticatted_Gentlemanz wrote: »What a journey getting caught up on this thread had been
If anyone needs me, I’ll be peeing while standing up
Show off4 -
Apple.
Your payment has been declined.
To update your payment information on devices running IOS 12.2 or later...
On earlier devices...
On PCs...
From the app store...
From itues...
Have multiple apple accounts? good luck. hahahhahaha...
Dear apple. Don't ever tell me what I want/like/need again. You're almost always wrong.
Android let's you make your own decisions.
I know. That's why I'm primarily an android guy, and not as well versed in the apple control mechanisms.0 -
internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »internationalplayboy wrote: »MargaretYakoda wrote: »Ironwoman1111 wrote: »
Yes. It is exactly why some people tense up.
If people don’t like being hugged it is polite not to hug them without consent. And even with consent some people will still tense up when hugged.
There are many reasons for this reaction. And no, most of us don’t “eventually learn to like it” What we learn to do it put up with it until it’s over (this is a type of masking). But it really truly is not wanted by more people than you might expect. And for some of us physical pain is part of the issue.
Anyhow. Consent. It’s a really good idea.
I’m not much of a hugger myself these days but I am curious if self-proclaimed non-huggers ever get “touch starved.“ Is that even a real thing?
Eta: And of course I agree with you about consent
I can (mostly) only speak for myself about being “touch starved”
Kind of? But only for the touch of loved and extremely close companions.
It takes an extreme level of trust for me to feel comfortable hugging someone.
And I do mean extreme.
Thank you. I was wondering about that. Whether or not people who are not huggers are completely averse to touching or if it’s just a more intimate thing for them. Of course I know everybody is different. Thanks for the input
It's not an aversion to touching (contact)... it's an intimacy thing. Some people can be there, some can't. Unfortunately most don't realize what they are doing. And like so many things, societal norms generally dictate who is "right". As such, I keep getting hugged. But I keep not liking it.
It's also the reason I don't like massages.
Hard same.
The thought of a massage from a stranger skeeves me out completely.
0
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