WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JUNE 2022

suebdew · June 2022

The thread must have been really busy yesterday because I tried several times and no luck. ‘
Happy Anniversary Pip.
Welcome Leslie. Glad you joined us.
The pictures with long sleeves and jackets make me jealous. We have had over 100 for days and no rain at all. Some of my hardiest flowers are burning up.
Katie sorry for your loss.
KJ - I have really missed you all. It was just a fluke that I looked at MFP and saw a message from Barbara (thank you Barbara). My eyes are not good but I recently had a procedure that allowed more light to hit the retina. Seems like I was playing card games on the computer and I could/should have been posting. 😍
The discussion of taking care of elderly parents made me realize, I am elderly as I will be 83 in a few days. We are doing well and hope to stay on our d2 acres on the river as long as possible.I think I need to take notes because I had several comments I wanted to make but had an interruption and can’t remember. Comes with age.
Heather- your cruise looks amazing. We have booked one to the Greek Isles next year. Always the optimist I am.
Stay well and sty cool of you are in TX
SueBDew in TX

Anniesquats100 · June 2022

Machka good luck with your Covid exposure. Hopefully it comes to nothing. You already have so much on your plate!

Annie in Delaware

dlfk202000 · June 2022

spent the night over there again- didn't get much sleep the first half the night- she got up to use the bathroom twice(I have to help her) and up a few other times, acting like she was going to get up. After that, I was so tired I fell asleep and didn't hear her get up until after she was done using her commode chair(woke up to see her shuffling back to her recliner and another time woke up hearing her washing something in the kitchen, water was running a long time another time she said something about feeding the dog- didn't get up, stayed awake just long enough for her to get back in her chair.
Came home to grab a shower and before I even had half a cup of tea, dh called. She had decided to get up and look to make sure her pocket book was in her purse and fell, he couldn't get her up. Rushed back over(thankfully it is just about 10 min at most to get there)got her up and told him I would sit and make sure she didn't get up so he could grab a nap for a few hours. Him, having his pity party said no, he would just sit at the kitchen table, mumbling about not knowing what he is going to do tonight- he has a 4 hr shift. Was hoping to leave her alone just for those hours-1AM-5AM or something like that. I told him, I will come back at 11 tonight and stay with her BUT he HAS to call and set up help and that I already asked the daycare grandma for some referrals- I know he doesn't want to do it but we have to. He sat quiet for a few minutes and told me to just go home. I have to be back there in a few hours to help with her dr appointment to get her regular cast and now, back again tonight and maybe the next night-
If we can get someone even three 8hr shifts at night each week, we can work around it but I can't do 5 nights a week with her. I am not much help if I am so exhausted that I either loose my patience with her or sleep through her calling for help and then I still have my daycare girl 4 days a week.
He needs to let go of some control and let people help him and stop trying to do it all on his own so he can say, oh poor me, doing this all on my own... I don't want to hear it because there are options.
Tomorrow morning marks 2 weeks since her first fall and a week since we took her after her second fall.

sorry for the vent= if I knew how to put things in a spoiler I would(but too tired right now to even try and figure it out.

Debbie
Napa Valley,CA

kevrit · June 2022

Tracey I go to a functional medicine doctor. They do tests and treat differently than conventional medical professionals. They primarily deal with the root cause of an issue rather than just treating the symptoms. I really like this method. It has gotten rid of my diabetes and liver issues.

RvRita

kevrit · June 2022

KJLaMore wrote: »

Flea- forgot to mention how sorry I am to hear about your mom. My mom passed in March of 1993 from non-hodgkins lymphoma. My father passed away in November of 1993 from a heart dissection (when the aorta tears from the heart wall). Those six months without her were so hard on him. Losing our life partners is hard no matter who goes first. On the other hand, when my paternal grandfather died (in his 80s), after an initial grieving period, my grandmother actually seemed at peace and was much more social and adventurous.

My mom is the same way. When my dad died they were 72, she remarried and when he died 5 years after her marriage, she went back to my father’s last name and got an apartment for the elderly. She is 86 had a stroke in her 70’s but still drives, lives alone, and now has flown to Ky from Ct alone twice! Something she never would have done before. Just shows that people are different and react differently to grief and being alone.

RvRita

dlfk202000 · June 2022

LeslieAWagner wrote: »

Debbie- - In 2017 I invited my MIL to move in with us. We were in Tennessee at the time. I was still working and hubby was retired. It worked out for us. My husband has always been the ‘stay at home’ Dad / cook / cleaner while my kids were young and I have been the corporate bread winner. We agreed she could no longer live alone at 82. She and I got along ‘ok’ but I wasn’t home and didn’t have to really put up with her. Fast forward to a year and a half ago and things changed. We live in Arkansas, hubby is remodeling homes and I was her caretaker as I had retired. Caretaking is certainly not for everyone. I did my level best but as her non tremor Parkinson’s started getting worse it became even more of a challenge. She would sometimes ‘freeze’ and not be able to move. This would mean she would end up on the ground. I have a weak core and had a Devil of a time getting her back up. She finally agreed to start using a walker and on weaker days a wheelchair. I called a service in to have her evaluated (paid through Humana) and they came in weekly to give her exercises. It got to be too much and my hubby (nice big strong guy!) had to stay home more and more because only he could lift her. We were going to hire in to have more of a caretaker to get John back to work and me to being able to leave the house. They told us if she sits or falls on the ground they are not allowed to pick her up due to a risk of injury and they would have to call 911. We made the decision to place her in an assisted living facility close to us and even procured a room but we all caught Covid. Covid with her Parkinson’s idid her in. We’d gone two years without it ever getting her. We were all so careful. It was sad. This was only this year February. She was used to living alone, always having her own way and would only eat certain things. She wasn’t happy because of her lack of mobility and looking back on it all, I wish we would have sought assisted living sooner so that more of her needs would have been met. I did it all, some bathroom cleanup, sick, shower assists, cook (She was a little thing 99 pounds 4’ 10 but she constantly ate and snacked! Never gained a pound!) She had insurance for long term care but she had always vehemently dismissed the idea. I wish my hubby had taken a firmer stance back then.

I know that’s a lot to read but my hope is that you can work to get her care outside of you and your home because it wears a great deal on the caretaker and you lose your ability to live your own life. I did it for a year and a half and for the last year she should have been in professional care.

thanks for posting- a little back story- MIL doesn't like my husband(her only surviving son-her favorite died 10 yrs ago in a car accident-the next day, looked dh straight in the face and said "Wrong son died, huhh) and she really doesn't like me, even after 33 yrs. She is a very mean/bitter/angry/self centered person that I did my best to stay totally away from as much as possible over the years. Our son doesn't go over to see her much because of how she is and even more so now beings she said his girlfriend, who is nothing but sweet and polite, is not allowed in her house. I was told the same thing when he and I were dating- she has made things really rough- she even took him out of her will because he did marry me when she didn't want him to.
She has no friends because of how she is.
She is 87
She fell two weeks ago and fractured bones in her wrist and hand, a couple days later fell again- hit her head and also her ribs-broke three ribs. Took her in and also found a bad UTI. The UTI is causing a lot of hallucinations/bad dreams/etc.
My dh is still working, as am I plus being with her. There is no way in **** she will ever live with us. I would leave first. I am ready to put her in a home now.
She has some money so it can be used for her care. Not a lot but enough. I put my foot down when dh said he would pay for the care out of our account and get the money back when she dies- NOPE

Well, wasn't really short explanation but that is the shorter version.

Debbie

pipcd34 · June 2022

Made him a cake, ordered Chinese food (I could only eat about a third). Got leftovers!

barbiecat · June 2022

Debbie

PipHappy Anniversary

bwcetc · June 2022

Kay ... I am so very saddened to hear of your loss. Praying for you and your family as you remember and celebrate a life well lived. Hugs my friend.

Beth

1948CWB · June 2022

Pip ~ That cake looks delicious!

bwcetc · June 2022

Ok, I was 12 pages behind and there's no way I can comment (or remember everything I wanted to comment on).

Karen in VA ... There sure isn't a one size fits all answer to dealing with depression, is there? I do not have clinical depression and I've never taken medication for down times. I deal with the circumstances in my life by talking/screaming/pleading/crying/laughing/and every other means of expression you can think of ... with God. We don't talk about religion here, so I'll leave it at that ... you know where I'm going with it. I don't know all the circumstances of your life, nor the answer for your "fog" ... but I do believe that, in part, you're grieving. Everything you mentioned had a component of loss to it. Loss of home, memories, plans, dreams...and you're Swedish Death Cleaning ... which just makes you focus on your own passing. I know a lot about loss. Each day I have to make a conscious decision to LIVE with the grief ... with hope, with joy, with peace. You've been given great advice ... some of which I needed to hear again as well. I'm praying for you as you find the answers that are best for you.

Flea ... so much going on in your world. My parents just gave me durable POA for their health care. The advanced health care directives ... living will... written by their attorney was pretty stark and we spent time clarifying. We have very specific guidelines as to what DNR means to them, but ultimately, I have been given their permission to make the final decision. I hope I never have to use it. I hope you don't either.

Debbie ... your MIL has definitely made her own life difficult. Hoping you and your husband can find help soon!

Lanette ... I am so impressed with your strength and good humor and your ability to "carry on." I also think you must be an old hippie! Mushrooms!!

Lisa ... sorry your daughter has Covid and all the problems that may come as a result. Honestly, our government in every form seems to have its collective head in an unmentionable place. My husband and I spent time in the Social Security Office today ... oh my

Barbara ... you asked about vistas. The heavens and all their glory ... whether it be clouds gathering before a storm or blue skies ... sunrises and sunsets ... all of it centers me.

Karen in VA ... I just thought of something that my son's therapist used to suggest ... "grounding." You can look it up, but it's basically the idea of putting our bare feet to the earth. Interesting results.

It's been busy in my corner of the world. We're ok.

Beth near Buffalo

Katla49 · June 2022

Pip — HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! I hope you and Kirby enjoy every minute. ❤️

exermom · June 2022

Worked today. Work tomorrow and then the soup kitchen. We’ll go to the movies tonight. Now that I think of it, Vince did mention something about wanting to see the hockey game. Bet that’s the real reason we didn’t go last night. Oh well...no biggie

Went in the pool (what else is new) while Vince powerwashed part of the driveway. He doesn’t like the heat (unlike me) but this he doesn’t have a problem with since you get wet.

Lisa – I’m so sorry about your daughter. The right thing was to tell them, but still…. As far as I am concerned, you can keep the coffee. But don’t throw out the tea. I think the last time I had any coffee was about 6 years ago at a Marriott hotel so you know it wasn’t a cheapo brand. But to me, it was so bitter I didn’t even drink it. Probably some of that is because I hadn’t had any in about 2 or 3 years. But don’t take my tea!!!!!!

Leslie – welcome!

Yesterday after my walk around the block, I walked up the walkway to the house and looked at the new plants. I almost fell over, there were places where the landscape fabric was totally exposed. I bet any amount of money the deer (or whatever creature) was hunting for the moisture from when I watered the plants the night before and that’s what did it. So I just covered up the landscape fabric with mulch. I know that the landscape fabric we have will disintegrate if you leave it in the sunlight.

Pip – Now you have me craving chocolate cake. Thanks <hmmmf> Love ya.

Well, off to the movies

Michele NC

TerriRichardson112 · June 2022

Pip: — Happy 20th Anniversary for you and Kirby. ❤️

Lisa .Sorry to hear about DD, Hoping it works out better in the long run. Glad you are feeling better

☘️ Terri

pipcd34 · June 2022

Stat for the day-

Walk w/family- 1hr 52min 35sec, 43elev, 88ahr, 114mhr, 2.84ap, 5.53mi= 494c
Strava app = 631

auntiebk · June 2022

Done:

6/22: Move: 1 set pt, 1.25 hrs line dancing, 45 mins march in place watching Westminster, steps: 6543
Fuel: protein=49 g sugar=86 g fruit=3 vegs=4
Live: Joe, readings, called Curry Health about invoice, reconciled Visa and checking accounts, Farmers’ Market. wt 138.5

Heather glad your slippy shoes help with the turns. Really glad DH is starting to feel a little better.
Debbie what Vicki and Michele said.
Allie what Debbie said. glad your nephrologist is taking your condition seriously. Fingers X’d for clear answers and good path forward Monday.
Annie “…peppy talking…”?
Barbie alas, I would not find waiting on hold for customer service a peaceful way to spend the afternoon. I’d try breading, distractions, but ultimately would succumb to annoyance.
Tracey would you explain Michaela’s cheering method? Heart breaks for your daughter, but thankful she can hold her friend’s baby with a big smile.
Flea ((hugs))
Pip Happy 20th anniversary. Kirby is a lucky guy!
Lisa SMH. Not to wish anyone ill, but hope some more symptoms and positive results show up so the class can reconvene via Zoom with your DD reinstated as leader. 12 lbs? NOT fair! And MREs are NOT comfort food for the sick. :sick:
Leslie your happy place sounds like our picnic table meadow. Please don’t be offended, many here don’t do the “friend” think but keep contact in this thread.
Kelly Magnifying glass in gratitude journal, now why didn’t I think of that?
Lanette our dandelions are already blooming, hope we can get ‘em whacked before they set seed…
Machka silver linings, you get to work from home

Are you in the new, less chatty job yet?
Suebdew oh boy Greek Isles! Can’t wait to enjoy your cruise vicariously too!
Debbie, imho, the next time she falls and dh can’t get her up, call 911.
Rita is there a functional medicine registry of practitioners? Not that there would be in our rural area but maybe along I5…
Beth “grounding” thanks!
Katla every time a humming bird stops by our feeder, I think of you and your DH. Whooshing comfort, strength, peace and love to you both.

After line dancing 3 days in a row, taking it easy today, just dogs to powerline and a little yard puttering.

Lighter, lovelies!

Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD

2022: Be still and listen.
June: Move more, fuel better, live NOW.

LisaInArkansas · June 2022

Just a quick sharing on the subject of DNRs and living wills. If you have lost a parent, or feel you may soon, this may well be a trigger. Please don't read it if you think it will. This regards my mother's death in 1999, so the echoes are quieter now.

My mother did not have a DNR in place, nor a living will. The three brothers and sister who were there the day she had the stroke all turned to me to decide. The doctor said her only chance was surgery to try to stop the brain bleed, but without instructions from her, we had to make that decision. So I said "Do it," because if there was any chance, she deserved to live.

My only aunt, Mama's sister, called the waiting room in the hospital and asked to talk to me. She said she would never forgive me for letting them do the surgery, as I had sentenced my mother to live like a vegetable for the rest of her life. I just handed the phone to a sibling and walked outside to cry some more.

When they brought Mama back from surgery, the doc came in and said they couldn't stop the bleeding. But he offered us an unexpected option. He said to let her make the choice. He said to stop the support, and if she took one unassisted breath, just one, they would go to whatever lengths it took to save her life. But if she didn't, it would mean that she was tired, and ready to go. I looked at all the siblings, and then nodded to him. "Yes."

Her poor battered heart continued to beat for four more hours. It seemed more grandkids arrived every ten minutes. There was family three deep around her bed, holding each other, holding her hands, praying, sobbing, and, in the end, silent when her heart finally stopped.

I said all that to say this. If there is any possibility of doing so, get the wishes of the people you love before it comes to this. Make sure you have your own wishes known and in a place where your family knows where to get them. Those answers I had to give are branded on my soul, indelible. My aunt still doesn't speak to me--you're welcome to ask me if I care. Don't get me wrong - I don't have any resentment or heartache for having to give those answers. I just know that my entire family would have felt better if the decisions were hers and not mine.

Again, my apologies if this hurt. It's important.

Love y'all,
Lisa in AR

grandmallie · June 2022

Yes ,Lisa very important to have.. my dad only did one a few days before he died because he had Colon cancer,my MIL no one but her could make the decision and she made the decision to go through it and the next 6 weeks were dialysis and a living hell.. all because her 3 boys and My FIL wouldn't help make a decision..
And believe me for 20 yrs i tried to have a talk with my dad to no avail until the last minute.
Myself when my 20 yr old cousin was on life support and the family had to make a decision to turn it off and i was one of the ones to watch and my son was 18 months old. I filled one out right away..
No way was i going to lay that on my family members..
I have a copy in my locked box and a copy with my attorney. And its all set.

Machka9 · June 2022

LisaInArkansas wrote: »

Just a quick sharing on the subject of DNRs and living wills. If you have lost a parent, or feel you may soon, this may well be a trigger. Please don't read it if you think it will. This regards my mother's death in 1999, so the echoes are quieter now.
My mother did not have a DNR in place, nor a living will. The three brothers and sister who were there the day she had the stroke all turned to me to decide. The doctor said her only chance was surgery to try to stop the brain bleed, but without instructions from her, we had to make that decision. So I said "Do it," because if there was any chance, she deserved to live.

Again, my apologies if this hurt. It's important.

Love y'all,
Lisa in AR

I had to make that decision for my husband 4 years ago ... and several subsequent decisions.

M in Oz

WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JUNE 2022

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