Boyfriend Motivation???

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  • Boo_08
    Boo_08 Posts: 102
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    No, My fiancé proposed while I was at my heaviest and never made hurtful or rude comments to me. Now that I've made the choice to lose weight he has been nothing but supportive and complements me every day.
  • flimflamfloz
    flimflamfloz Posts: 1,980 Member
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    I would not call the guy a loser...
    I think he seems do be doing pretty well exercise wise/weight loss wise if I understand properly.

    That being said, if he is a "sport nuts", he might want/expect his gf to be a "sport nuts" too. Which might not be your cup of tea!

    Now you can jump on the bandwagon and "use" him for support/as a resource to lose some weight if you are happy about doing that for yourself. Why not after all? We need all the help we can get!
    If he is forcing you to do it (or rather you DO NOT WANT to do it!) then I would call it a mismatch, have a conversation about it, and split.
  • monroe61
    monroe61 Posts: 620 Member
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    You should not be with someone who puts you down constantly. Your significant other should love you for who you are and encourage you along your journey but do not lose weight for him. You need to do it for yourself and nobody else.
    I couldn't even imagine if my husband was like that instead he is supportive and is in this journey with me and tells me everyday I'm beautiful and sexy :) Tells me I'm looking "skinny" which I am FAR from.
    But he knows it's harder for me then him and is being "helpful"

    I say dump the loser.
    But good luck with whatever you choose to do!
  • inatay7
    inatay7 Posts: 141
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    You must feel like absolute crap around him........ I agree with the above ladies, you deserve to be treated 100% than that, you need to lose weight for YOU and he should be supporting you in an appropriate, non-jerk-like way...... chin up hun
  • mmuzzatti
    mmuzzatti Posts: 706 Member
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    The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

    Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

    Best of luck to you.

    Ummm Hey this^^^^^^and also take a look in the mirror, if that is you in the picture you look great! Get rid of him! Many more out there that are not all a**holes!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I would not call the guy a loser...
    I think he seems do be doing pretty well exercise wise/weight loss wise if I understand properly.

    That being said, if he is a "sport nuts", he might want/expect his gf to be a "sport nuts" too. Which might not be your cup of tea!

    Now you can jump on the bandwagon and "use" him for support/as a resource to lose some weight if you are happy about doing that for yourself. Why not after all? We need all the help we can get!
    If he is forcing you to do it (or rather you DO NOT WANT to do it!) then I would call it a mismatch, have a conversation about it, and split.

    Anyone who is emotionally abusive is a loser.
  • A_New_Horizon
    A_New_Horizon Posts: 1,555 Member
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    It isn't you - it is him. He is being a @$$. It is a form of abuse (emotional and verbally). I put up with it for almost 5 years from my soon to be ex husband. I finally had enough in June and left him - working on the divorce now. I was never small (he married me big), but having 2 babies put more strain on my body. He wasn't that good looking either - he just like to put me down to feel better about himself. I have since lost 56 lbs, and he is jealous of what I have become and not his anymore. I am dating another guy who worships me and is always complimenting me. I now have low self-esteem because his my ex's abuse - don't allow him to treat you this way. Find someone who will worship you - you are worth so much more than anyone's abuse.
  • shedoos
    shedoos Posts: 446 Member
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    The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

    Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

    Best of luck to you.

    ^^This -- twice
  • rotorgrl
    rotorgrl Posts: 11 Member
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    Overweight or not, he shouldn't talk negatively to you. If he wants to comment it should be supportive. Tell a man about a problem and they want to "help" find a solution. Take control of the weight, by first taking control of your thoughts. Start thinking positively, make a plan to eat better and exercise more. Little changes will last longer than drastic changes.
  • razorspells
    razorspells Posts: 162
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    Dump the BF, that's absolutely wrong, no one should be treated that way. Take your time in your diet and exercise. This is for yourself and not anyone else.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
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    Jumping on the bandwagon here to say that you shouldn't be with someone like that. It's one thing if you want to lose weight and you've asked him to help motivate you, but even still, that's the wrong way for him to go about it. If he's so "desperate" for you to lose weight, then he's not actually in love with YOU -- he's in love with some version of you that he thinks he can mold you into. Just like you're in love with the version of him that isn't a superficial jerk.

    You should love people for who they ARE, not for who you think they CAN be. And they should do the same for you.

    Get a new boyfriend who loves you at any size, and if you do want to lose weight, do it for YOURSELF.
  • riyahroyce
    riyahroyce Posts: 21
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    i don't think its fair to not have a perfect body, but have a boyfriend who does, and get mad when he asks you to live up to the standards he sets. my boyfriend is gorgeous (even my mom admits hes more attractive than me) and, though he never says anything to me, just the fact that he is so perfect motivates me to go to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY. i started before i met him, but knowing I want to feel like i deserve him keeps me going even when I'm really tired.

    Live up to him or swap down to someone who won't mind your imperfections/pressure you.
  • havs23
    havs23 Posts: 68 Member
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    he definitely doesn't deserve you if he's putting you down like that.
    but i just want to say that by you constantly putting yourself down in front of him, you're also putting a negative image of you in his mind - he's just perceiving you in the way that you're representing yourself, and when you whine about your weight or how much you eat, he feels like it is his responsibility as your boyfriend to help you get on the right path.
    just saying.
    but you should still at the very least talk to him about it and mention that the way that he's dealing with the issue isn't right - it's making you defiant, and making you focus on all the wrong things. ultimately, the decision to lose weight and be more healthy lies with you, and you alone. that's why it can be so difficult... but also why it is so fulfilling.
    best of luck.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
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    Is this the thread where you'll tell us how much you love him and he means the world to you even though he treats you like crap and doesn't appreciate you?

    just wondering where i should bring my popcorn to watch the e-fireworks.
  • bluegirl10
    bluegirl10 Posts: 695 Member
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    The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

    Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

    Best of luck to you.


    I agree!
  • ineed2bskinny
    ineed2bskinny Posts: 62
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    I'm wondering if that is a current photo. If it is, there's no way in hell you can afford to lose the weight you're trying to lose.

    that was me before i put on weight xx
  • jmruef
    jmruef Posts: 824 Member
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    You mentioned that YOU wanted to lose weight and complain about it to your boyfriend, which could mean he's trying to keep you on track at your request, but...wow. I can't imagine anything he's doing/saying is helping your self-worth at all. Is he at all complimentary when you lose a few pounds, eat healthy, have a kick-*kitten* work out? Is he complimentary when you're in a good mood and are feeling really good about yourself, regardless of your weight? Do you enjoy eachother's company, going out for a good meal, not worrying about what he's going to think of what you're eating?

    If not - really, it doesn't sound healthy to me. I'm sorry to judge based on just one post, but...

    Can you talk to him and say "You know, I really feel X when you say/do Y. It would be a lot more helpful to hear Z." If he's not up for it, maybe you need to rethink what kind of time you spend with him.

    I wish you nothing but the best. Truly.
  • Angel87a
    Angel87a Posts: 113
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    I agree with your problem is choice in boyfriend, if my boyfriend ever made me feel that way, he'd be long gone!
  • Katbaran
    Katbaran Posts: 605 Member
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    My boyfriend is DESPERATE for me to lose weight. He makes comments constantly about my weight gain in a joking/funny way but I know he is being deadly serious. He asks me everyday what I have ate and if I have been to gym and won't allow me to snack in front of him, and if I do he puts me down.

    I do moan to him about my looks and if I feel fat, i winge!

    He has the perfect body and goes to the gym every morning without fail. I wish I had his motivation, but the more he puts me down the more I want to eat to act like I'm not bothered what he says.

    Does anyone else have this problem?

    Dump this guy fast! Once he "convinces" you to lose weight, he'll find something else to put you down for. You need a new boyfriend!
  • amandae79
    amandae79 Posts: 169 Member
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    The problem isn't your lack of motivation. It's your choice of boyfriends.

    Dump that loser and find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and not make you feel guilty for not being someone you're not.

    Best of luck to you.

    DUH!

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