Confused about a GUY!

kk0223
kk0223 Posts: 179
edited October 6 in Chit-Chat
lol Silly subject, huh?

But, I'm curious and want opinions.

I am friends with a guy that I have only known for about 4-5 months. He says he doesn't "like me like that".

BUT, since we met it's been pretty touchy-feely and sweet. We hang out a lot and when we do there is a lot of hugging, kissing, etc. But, he doesn't want more than friendship and doesn't "like me, like me".

I stay all night with him sometimes and he treats me just like a "girlfriend" and I have mentioned to him that I don't understand how he can be so sweet and "boyfriend" like but not like me like that. He said "I'm sorry if I confuse you".

We have went back and forth with stopping the affection and starting it back up. I do like him but finally realized I have to back off some and see how he acts. That was about 2 weeks ago and he did what any man would probably do. He recognized that I was backing away from him and he became "lovey dovey" again. I didn't go to his house or message him or anything for almost 2 weeks and when I did finally go to his house he admitted he missed me.

What does all of this mean? He says he isn't ready to commit to anyone and doesn't want a relationship. I get the feeling he likes me but apparently something is missing. Idk.

He also asked me this past Friday if I have messed around with any other guys since we met in August. I told him no, cause I haven't and asked him the same question about girls. He said no cause he hasn't found anyone he wants to be committed to. But, he is affectionate with me? A "friend" he doesn't "like, like"????

I'm so confused.

-HELP!
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Replies

  • ivykivy
    ivykivy Posts: 2,970 Member

    He says he isn't ready to commit to anyone and doesn't want a relationship.

    Believe what he said. If you are looking for a relationship stop the affection and just be friends only. Some people go to Sams Club to fill up on the treats they really don't intend to by anything. So if you want to be bought don't waste your treats on him . I don't mean it in a mean way, I just saying. Sorry if it comes off that way.

    My cousin put this on facebook. I thought it was interesting.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    Have you read He's Just Not Into You??

    It will answer all your questions.

    This is simple. He's doing what you're letting him do. He doesn't like you "like that". When he says that, believe him. I hate when guys do the whole confusion thing, so I completely understand what you're saying. But bottom line is, if he DID like you and was truly confused, he'd tell you that. But he flat out says that he doesn't.

    So he's going to do what you let him do. He's going to keep treating you that way because you're letting him. It's easy, he gets the benefits without committment!
    And the statement he made about not messing around with other girls because there's nobody he wants to committ to? Well guess what? There will be somebody that comes along sooner or later, he's going to end up dropping you and you're going to be hurt. He's waiting (because he can, because you're letting him) on something "better".

    Stop before you get hurt! Read the book if you haven't too.

    You want to be the exception but you're most likely not. I know this sounds mean (haha) but this is the story we women go through all the time and about 95% of the time, the results are the same- we get hurt.

    Save yourself some pain, stop and move on!!
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
    I'm not necessarily "looking" for a relationship. I like the affection and his friendship and if he stays friends, that's fine. It's more happens, that's fine.

    I just don't understand his actions. He acts like a bf but says he doesn't like me like that? How can someone act that way all of the time but not like the person?

    I don't take what you're saying mean or anything. I wouldn't ask if didn't want honest opinions. :) Thanks! I'll look at link!
  • TriumphNow
    TriumphNow Posts: 526 Member

    He says he isn't ready to commit to anyone and doesn't want a relationship.

    Believe what he said. If you are looking for a relationship stop the affection and just be friends only.

    I agree. He's answering you but you don't like the answer. Believe him and if you want more than he is willing to give, you have to let it go. It may sound harsh but it's true.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
    Hmm, I'm glad I posted this question. Newaustinite, that helps a lot. I guess I should "believe him".

    You all know how how we want what we can't have and chase after it until we get it then drop it. :) lol I guess I'm doing the "chase" in a way.

    I'm not sure I'd commit to him if I had the chance. I just enjoy the attention while I'm not ready for a relationship.

    I will back off and just be friends. Men can be so harsh. UGH.

    Thanks. :)
  • KenziesMomma11
    KenziesMomma11 Posts: 258 Member
    I'm not necessarily "looking" for a relationship. I like the affection and his friendship and if he stays friends, that's fine. It's more happens, that's fine.

    I just don't understand his actions. He acts like a bf but says he doesn't like me like that? How can someone act that way all of the time but not like the person?

    I don't take what you're saying mean or anything. I wouldn't ask if didn't want honest opinions. :) Thanks! I'll look at link!

    are you only hugging/kissing/cuddling?
    if you are doing more, its because of that. he is getting what he wants without commitment. men are pigs. LOL
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    He's looking for something else, but he's stringing you along until she shows up.

    You shouldn't be okay with that. I doubt you can back off and "just be friends". I would suggest severing the friendship. When he meets a girl, he will. She'll ask him to.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
    No sex. Just hugging, kissing, cuddling and a little fooling around here and there. But, no sex.

    I have the mind set of..

    If I back off, he might realize he likes me but if he doesn't realize then it's his loss. I am just friends with him and I can stop the affection and just be friends.

    Guess I should go ahead and do that while it's still early in the friendship before it becomes awkward and I lose the friendship as well as the affection.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    I'm not necessarily "looking" for a relationship. I like the affection and his friendship and if he stays friends, that's fine. It's more happens, that's fine.

    I just don't understand his actions. He acts like a bf but says he doesn't like me like that? How can someone act that way all of the time but not like the person?

    I don't take what you're saying mean or anything. I wouldn't ask if didn't want honest opinions. :) Thanks! I'll look at link!

    are you only hugging/kissing/cuddling?
    if you are doing more, its because of that. he is getting what he wants without commitment. men are pigs. LOL

    Men are Pigs??
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
    I'm not necessarily "looking" for a relationship. I like the affection and his friendship and if he stays friends, that's fine. It's more happens, that's fine.

    I just don't understand his actions. He acts like a bf but says he doesn't like me like that? How can someone act that way all of the time but not like the person?

    I don't take what you're saying mean or anything. I wouldn't ask if didn't want honest opinions. :) Thanks! I'll look at link!

    But you're wondering... looking for answers you aren't getting and getting all insightful into things that you'll probably never understand, which means maybe you do want more. When he says he doesn't want to commit to anyone - that means you.

    I stopped trying to figure men out ages ago. I don't even understand my husband at times and that's partly what's kept me crazy in love with him - the unexpected (not in a bad way). If you really don't want more from this man just be happy being friends - but draw some lines so it isn't confusing to you anymore and free yourself to find what you want somewhere else.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
    He's looking for something else, but he's stringing you along until she shows up.

    You shouldn't be okay with that. I doubt you can back off and "just be friends". I would suggest severing the friendship. When he meets a girl, he will. She'll ask him to.

    The first thing you said about looking for something else but stringing me along until he does makes so much sense.

    Blah, screw him. :) Thanks.
  • KenziesMomma11
    KenziesMomma11 Posts: 258 Member
    No sex. Just hugging, kissing, cuddling and a little fooling around here and there. But, no sex.

    I have the mind set of..

    If I back off, he might realize he likes me but if he doesn't realize then it's his loss. I am just friends with him and I can stop the affection and just be friends.

    Guess I should go ahead and do that while it's still early in the friendship before it becomes awkward and I lose the friendship as well as the affection.

    are you touching nono spots? if he is getting gratification from you, he will keep you around until he finds someone who he likes & gives him gratification.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Honey, get rid of this *kitten*. When a guy says "I just want to be friends" while feeling you up, it's because he thinks/hopes you're an idiot.

    P.S. Men are not pigs. Men do not behave the way this guy is behaving.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
    I'm not necessarily "looking" for a relationship. I like the affection and his friendship and if he stays friends, that's fine. It's more happens, that's fine.

    I just don't understand his actions. He acts like a bf but says he doesn't like me like that? How can someone act that way all of the time but not like the person?

    I don't take what you're saying mean or anything. I wouldn't ask if didn't want honest opinions. :) Thanks! I'll look at link!

    But you're wondering... looking for answers you aren't getting and getting all insightful into things that you'll probably never understand, which means maybe you do want more. When he says he doesn't want to commit to anyone - that means you.

    I stopped trying to figure men out ages ago. I don't even understand my husband at times and that's partly what's kept me crazy in love with him - the unexpected (not in a bad way). If you really don't want more from this man just be happy being friends - but draw some lines so it isn't confusing to you anymore and free yourself to find what you want somewhere else.

    Great advice! Hmm, the "he doesn't want to commit to anyone-that means you" comment made my eyes pop out. lol Makes SO MUCH SENSE.
  • KenziesMomma11
    KenziesMomma11 Posts: 258 Member
    I'm not necessarily "looking" for a relationship. I like the affection and his friendship and if he stays friends, that's fine. It's more happens, that's fine.

    I just don't understand his actions. He acts like a bf but says he doesn't like me like that? How can someone act that way all of the time but not like the person?

    I don't take what you're saying mean or anything. I wouldn't ask if didn't want honest opinions. :) Thanks! I'll look at link!

    are you only hugging/kissing/cuddling?
    if you are doing more, its because of that. he is getting what he wants without commitment. men are pigs. LOL

    Men are Pigs??

    you forgot about the LOL afterward :) i am married to a man. he is not a pig. i dont truly believe this. was just a LOL
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    He sounds like he is more trouble then he is worth.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
    Yeah, you all are a lot of help and have made me realize that fast. He is using me and its kind of unnecessary.

    I will stay friends with him but back off of everything else.

    Thanks, ladies :)

    I love this website.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
    He sounds like he is more trouble then he is worth.

    He is..you're right. I guess if I have to question something so much-it may not be worth it.
  • KyleB65
    KyleB65 Posts: 1,196 Member
    If you are not moving forwards you are moving backwards.
    Stay "friends" with him if you want but start moving on with your life.
    By hanging out with this guy and having it lead no where you are also sending out the message to anyone who might want to come up and say hello that you are in a relationship.
    Figure out what you want/need and look for that. Let this guy figure out his life on his own.
    Best of luck!
  • KenziesMomma11
    KenziesMomma11 Posts: 258 Member
    He sounds like he is more trouble then he is worth.

    He is..you're right. I guess if I have to question something so much-it may not be worth it.

    I'm glad you have realized this. Forget him. You are worth so much more than him.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
    If you are not moving forwards you are moving backwards.
    Stay "friends" with him if you want but start moving on with your life.
    By hanging out with this guy and having it lead no where you are also sending out the message to anyone who might want to come up and say hello that you are in a relationship.
    Figure out what you want/need and look for that. Let this guy figure out his life on his own.
    Best of luck!

    Thank you! I will do that.

    I think I'm not ready for a relationship at the moment cause I want to lose weight before I try to make someone else happy. But, he fulfills what I'm not getting in the mean time. Dang, I sound awful now. lol

    After all of this talk with you all, I'm not really confused anymore and think I've realized I don't "LIKE HIM, LIKE HIM". lol
  • kygem
    kygem Posts: 4 Member
    WOW girl, Your story is identical in every way that mine is. After 2 years, he literally smashed my heart, by starting to screw around with other grls. I felt like he was just trying to get rid of the feelings he had for me.. Cuz he didnt wanna be committed. Hes screwed up a lot of other grls as well just the same way he did me. Please hear me when i tell you, break all contact with him. I tried to jus be friends an it doesnt work. Guys like him never want to commit Just in case someone better comes along. Thats the way they think. I feel so sorry for you. Because i cant begin to tell you how this guys has damaged my heart. I don't even want to have anything to do with guys since then. Sad Story but true. Be careful with your heart. <3
  • Johnnyswife
    Johnnyswife Posts: 1,447 Member
    Have you read He's Just Not Into You??

    It will answer all your questions.

    This is simple. He's doing what you're letting him do. He doesn't like you "like that". When he says that, believe him. I hate when guys do the whole confusion thing, so I completely understand what you're saying. But bottom line is, if he DID like you and was truly confused, he'd tell you that. But he flat out says that he doesn't.

    So he's going to do what you let him do. He's going to keep treating you that way because you're letting him. It's easy, he gets the benefits without committment!
    And the statement he made about not messing around with other girls because there's nobody he wants to committ to? Well guess what? There will be somebody that comes along sooner or later, he's going to end up dropping you and you're going to be hurt. He's waiting (because he can, because you're letting him) on something "better".

    Stop before you get hurt! Read the book if you haven't too.

    You want to be the exception but you're most likely not. I know this sounds mean (haha) but this is the story we women go through all the time and about 95% of the time, the results are the same- we get hurt.

    Save yourself some pain, stop and move on!!
    Yes!! This!! Love that book.
  • gumigal82
    gumigal82 Posts: 350
    He basically said it-he doesn't want a commitment right now. So be careful with the touching, kissing--if you actually have "more than friendship" feelings for this guy. (Actually, if you have deeper feelings for him, stop them altogether to keep your heart&sanity intact:) If you are actually just friends with this guy, well it is up to you the boundaries. Some people feel totally comfortable in a friendship touching, kissing, and having sex. (Because, it is temporary, and can be nice)

    Just to add this, he is trying to get the best of both worlds--an amazing friendship, with some physical ...so his thought is" why be in a committed relationship?"
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Men are really not all that complicated. Sounds like a friends with benefits type situation. If that's your pleasure, by all means...but don't generally expect men to say one thing and mean another. I don't think they're wired for that.
  • what923
    what923 Posts: 100 Member
    Ditto all the advice...glad you are getting it...now pay it forward and help another lady when you see her doing the same thing!
    BTW the book- He's just not that into you....I gave it to a friend...saved her lots of trouble and it is hilarious also- a great fun & worthwhile read!
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
    Men are really not all that complicated.
    I've learned from past threads, that excessive vinegar consumption can often lead to confusion about the opposite sex.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
    I'll definitely have to read that book! And, the comment about guys not being "wired" for stuff like that. Too funny cause so true. I guess they usually just say what they are thinking.

    My ex-different story! lol He plays every trick in the book and I have fallen for all of them. Yeah, I'm just going to stay single for a couple years and work on me!!!!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Men are really not all that complicated.
    I've learned from past threads, that excessive vinegar consumption can often lead to confusion about the opposite sex.

    Well played.
  • CoraGregoryCPA
    CoraGregoryCPA Posts: 1,087 Member
    Yeah watch that movie...hes just not that into you. I thought the book was horrible, well i had the book on CD..that was horrible.

    Honestly, i think you are getting used and you are going to get hurt. Do you think he is questioning the relationship? Nope, he is getting what he wants. But you are second guessing it which tells me that you want more than a friendship. Why should you have to give in to his wants? What about yours?

    You may not follow this advice, but you should keep your eye open for someone else or stop seeing him all together.
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