Confused about a GUY!

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  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
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    If you are not moving forwards you are moving backwards.
    Stay "friends" with him if you want but start moving on with your life.
    By hanging out with this guy and having it lead no where you are also sending out the message to anyone who might want to come up and say hello that you are in a relationship.
    Figure out what you want/need and look for that. Let this guy figure out his life on his own.
    Best of luck!

    Thank you! I will do that.

    I think I'm not ready for a relationship at the moment cause I want to lose weight before I try to make someone else happy. But, he fulfills what I'm not getting in the mean time. Dang, I sound awful now. lol

    After all of this talk with you all, I'm not really confused anymore and think I've realized I don't "LIKE HIM, LIKE HIM". lol
  • kygem
    kygem Posts: 4 Member
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    WOW girl, Your story is identical in every way that mine is. After 2 years, he literally smashed my heart, by starting to screw around with other grls. I felt like he was just trying to get rid of the feelings he had for me.. Cuz he didnt wanna be committed. Hes screwed up a lot of other grls as well just the same way he did me. Please hear me when i tell you, break all contact with him. I tried to jus be friends an it doesnt work. Guys like him never want to commit Just in case someone better comes along. Thats the way they think. I feel so sorry for you. Because i cant begin to tell you how this guys has damaged my heart. I don't even want to have anything to do with guys since then. Sad Story but true. Be careful with your heart. <3
  • Johnnyswife
    Johnnyswife Posts: 1,447 Member
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    Have you read He's Just Not Into You??

    It will answer all your questions.

    This is simple. He's doing what you're letting him do. He doesn't like you "like that". When he says that, believe him. I hate when guys do the whole confusion thing, so I completely understand what you're saying. But bottom line is, if he DID like you and was truly confused, he'd tell you that. But he flat out says that he doesn't.

    So he's going to do what you let him do. He's going to keep treating you that way because you're letting him. It's easy, he gets the benefits without committment!
    And the statement he made about not messing around with other girls because there's nobody he wants to committ to? Well guess what? There will be somebody that comes along sooner or later, he's going to end up dropping you and you're going to be hurt. He's waiting (because he can, because you're letting him) on something "better".

    Stop before you get hurt! Read the book if you haven't too.

    You want to be the exception but you're most likely not. I know this sounds mean (haha) but this is the story we women go through all the time and about 95% of the time, the results are the same- we get hurt.

    Save yourself some pain, stop and move on!!
    Yes!! This!! Love that book.
  • gumigal82
    gumigal82 Posts: 350
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    He basically said it-he doesn't want a commitment right now. So be careful with the touching, kissing--if you actually have "more than friendship" feelings for this guy. (Actually, if you have deeper feelings for him, stop them altogether to keep your heart&sanity intact:) If you are actually just friends with this guy, well it is up to you the boundaries. Some people feel totally comfortable in a friendship touching, kissing, and having sex. (Because, it is temporary, and can be nice)

    Just to add this, he is trying to get the best of both worlds--an amazing friendship, with some physical ...so his thought is" why be in a committed relationship?"
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    Men are really not all that complicated. Sounds like a friends with benefits type situation. If that's your pleasure, by all means...but don't generally expect men to say one thing and mean another. I don't think they're wired for that.
  • what923
    what923 Posts: 100 Member
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    Ditto all the advice...glad you are getting it...now pay it forward and help another lady when you see her doing the same thing!
    BTW the book- He's just not that into you....I gave it to a friend...saved her lots of trouble and it is hilarious also- a great fun & worthwhile read!
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    Men are really not all that complicated.
    I've learned from past threads, that excessive vinegar consumption can often lead to confusion about the opposite sex.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
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    I'll definitely have to read that book! And, the comment about guys not being "wired" for stuff like that. Too funny cause so true. I guess they usually just say what they are thinking.

    My ex-different story! lol He plays every trick in the book and I have fallen for all of them. Yeah, I'm just going to stay single for a couple years and work on me!!!!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Men are really not all that complicated.
    I've learned from past threads, that excessive vinegar consumption can often lead to confusion about the opposite sex.

    Well played.
  • CoraGregoryCPA
    CoraGregoryCPA Posts: 1,087 Member
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    Yeah watch that movie...hes just not that into you. I thought the book was horrible, well i had the book on CD..that was horrible.

    Honestly, i think you are getting used and you are going to get hurt. Do you think he is questioning the relationship? Nope, he is getting what he wants. But you are second guessing it which tells me that you want more than a friendship. Why should you have to give in to his wants? What about yours?

    You may not follow this advice, but you should keep your eye open for someone else or stop seeing him all together.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
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    Yeah watch that movie...hes just not that into you. I thought the book was horrible, well i had the book on CD..that was horrible.

    Honestly, i think you are getting used and you are going to get hurt. Do you think he is questioning the relationship? Nope, he is getting what he wants. But you are second guessing it which tells me that you want more than a friendship. Why should you have to give in to his wants? What about yours?

    You may not follow this advice, but you should keep your eye open for someone else or stop seeing him all together.

    I will definitely follow the advice. I have seen the movie and think I'm going to rewatch it for different reasons. lol I think I'm being used, too. I do care for him but I don't want the moment to come where he finds a gf and drops me. OUCH. No, thank you.
  • TDGee
    TDGee Posts: 2,209 Member
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    Men are really not all that complicated. Sounds like a friends with benefits type situation. If that's your pleasure, by all means...but don't generally expect men to say one thing and mean another. I don't think they're wired for that.
    True. A man gots to be a man.
    imager.php?id=3203805&t=o
  • EmpressOfJudgment
    EmpressOfJudgment Posts: 1,162 Member
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    Sadly, I've been through this exact same thing. He's needy. He wants affection and of course misses it when it's not there, but that doesn't mean he's into you. You are what I call "back-burner girl." You're the girl in the back pining for him (whether you admit it or not) that he can go to for attention and affection, but he doesn't think you are good enough for girlfriend material. I bet he's a mama's boy who has been coddled all of his life. I say run away while it's still easy.
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
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    Tell him that since you don't want to confuse each other, and you want a boyfriend to be affectionate with, does he have any friends he could set you up with?
    Eventually situations like this go down the crap chute. Best to cut him off before it gets really complicated. If you're always with him, it means you're not making yourself available to someone who actually wants to commit to you.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    In my humble opinion, continuing with anything will only end up hurting you. As someone once told me...

    Don't make someone a priority that is only willing to make you an option.
  • evil_rider
    evil_rider Posts: 81
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    He wants to get laid w/ no commitment.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
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    In my humble opinion, continuing with anything will only end up hurting you. As someone once told me...

    Don't make someone a priority that is only willing to make you an option.

    Awesome advice. :) Thanks. That is so true cause I do make this boy a priority. :( I like him that much and it sucks.

    Marcie36 he is kind of a Momma's boy. Him and his Mom actually live together cause she is ill and can't work and he helps take care of her but I hang out over there a lot and they way he talks to her and does everything for her-scary. I love his Mom. Don't get me wrong, but she babies this man. Cooks, cleans, etc. He doesn't do much around the house. Hmm, red flag.

    Talking this whole situation out kind of turns me off with him.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
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    He wants to get laid w/ no commitment.

    Well, he's not getting "laid". Just little things. No sex. But, I see what you're saying. He's an *kitten*. Thanks. :)
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    Men are really not all that complicated.
    +
    He wants to get laid w/ no commitment.
    =

    The answer.

    I guess you could say that... the ball's in your court. :smile:
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
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    Men are really not all that complicated.

    +
    He wants to get laid w/ no commitment.

    =

    The answer. :smile:

    Yeah, after reading every post/reply I've gotten. I think I've figured that out. I love talking to "strangers" cause they have no reason to lie to me to try to make me feel better about the situation.

    Friends with him is all that he's getting from here on out. No more than that.

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