Biting my tongue at seeing overweight children

kaleas · December 2011

I am a very blunt, forward person. Get a few drinks in me and I'm like a truth machine. It's both a curse and a good thing.

So the other night, a few of us went to our local cafe after hours where they were showing christmas movies. We had a few drinks, enjoyed some cafe treats, and cozied in for the politically incorrect Rudolph.

Looking to my left though, I noticed two extremely, and I mean extremely overweight girls dressed in tight multicolored dresses, the buttons on the blouses gapped and barely holding. They couldn't have been any older then 8 or 9. Mom had gotten them the cafe's baked mac and cheese, both their own, with the chowder to dip it into, and chocolate brownies for desert. The cafe also served free popcorn in which I was behind one of the girls in line, as she scooped up and filled her bowl, stopped, realizing she could fit more in, and piled it higher. I swear she snorted at me as she turned to walk back to her seat.

I felt sick. Nauseous. I couldn't even get my handful of popcorn. I wanted to eject the dinner I had and the cookies I had eaten. I wanted to say something to the mother. I was sitting next to them the whole time. Listening to them eat. Watching. It was like a horrible movie montage. As the one girl finished her mac and cheese, her smaller brother had half of his left, and so she finished his for him.

I saw the beginning of a long journey of self-esteem issues and hurt as they get older and realize how much their size is going to effect them.

I also hated myself for thinking the thoughts I had. What right do I have to judge them?

CrisN99 · December 2011

What right do I have to judge them?

Absolutely none. Also, if seeing other people eat makes you want to toss up your cookies, you may want to enlist the help of a counselor. Hope you have a Merry Christmas!

Lunalucina · December 2011

I'm with Cris--you may want to see a counselor. I can understand concern, and maybe a fleeting thought about the well-being of the person(s) in question, but it's not healthy for you to dwell on it long enough to have an actual reaction to it.

"I also hated myself for thinking the thoughts I had. What right do I have to judge them?"
Can't help what we think. It's a knee-jerk reaction to have a judgement pop into our head instantly. It's how much energy you invest in the thought and how much you actually go out of your way to make your judgement known that matters.

Hopefully, someone will offer help if those children express a need for it. Hopefully, the same to the parents--but it's not in your court, it's not your game to play.

Best to let it go and focus on your own health.

Speedtrap · December 2011

You have to be careful.
You do not know their situation and you are judging them on their appearances.

I once had a parent let go on me for letting my daughter eat Mcdonalds cheese burger and french fries. Her words were "If you keep feeding your kid this crap she will be a fat kid and everyone will tease her. Why don't you feed her something with less salt and fat?"

Well the beating that almost followed would have been epic. I instead chose to keep my mouth shut and just ask her to leave with her unsolicited information. My Daughter has cystic fibrosis and needs to eat an extremely high fat and salt diet.

Unless you know what the situation is, just move along and focus on you.

Sidesteal · December 2011

You have to be careful.
You do not know their situation and you are judging them on their appearances.

I once had a parent let go on me for letting my daughter eat Mcdonalds cheese burger and french fries. Her words were "If you keep feeding your kid this crap she will be a fat kid and everyone will tease her. Why don't you feed her something with less salt and fat?"

Well the beating that almost followed would have been epic. I instead chose to keep my mouth shut and just ask her to leave with her unsolicited information. My Daughter has cystic fibrosis and needs to eat an extremely high fat and salt diet.

Unless you know what the situation is, just move along and focus on you.

^ Great post.

lilRicki · December 2011

I have a chunky kid, and if you ever approached me and told me he was fat, I'd kick you right in the pee flaps. He isn't chunky because I feed him terribly, he's chunky because he's going to be huge! His dad is 6'6 with a 52" shoulder spance. My son will grow into his body, hopefully you'll grow out of your prejudice. My son plays football, is in the running club, does karate, and is outside more than he's in the house...I feed him nothing but clean meals and the occasional treat. Unless you know the background of the child, how dare you sit in judgement!

MinnesotaManimal · December 2011

You have to be careful.
You do not know their situation and you are judging them on their appearances.

I once had a parent let go on me for letting my daughter eat Mcdonalds cheese burger and french fries. Her words were "If you keep feeding your kid this crap she will be a fat kid and everyone will tease her. Why don't you feed her something with less salt and fat?"

Well the beating that almost followed would have been epic. I instead chose to keep my mouth shut and just ask her to leave with her unsolicited information. My Daughter has cystic fibrosis and needs to eat an extremely high fat and salt diet.

Unless you know what the situation is, just move along and focus on you.

:drinker: brilliant, from one dad to another. keep it up, and good job not beating the lady up.

MaraDiaz · December 2011

Well the beating that almost followed would have been epic.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Look, letting your kids go crazy at the buffet is a bad idea if they're already overweight, OP. No one is seriously going to argue that. Not when the kids are that age. They still need guidance. But there is such a thing as taking it too far, as my dear mother, who kept the sweets literally under lock and key, found out. We were skinny little kids, all right, but every single one of us to some extent or another struggles with our weight now.

You never know, those kids might hit their teenage years, realize that it's no fun to be fat, and find healthy ways to lose weight and keep it off on their own. Me, I discovered diet pills and the crash diet when I was a teenager and used that to repair the damage I did to myself when I finally had the ability to eat what I wanted, as much as I wanted. And the diets and pills caused at least as much damage as the binge eating that ensued once I was off the leash.

CaptainGordo · December 2011

What right do I have to judge them?

None.

Saying something will change nothing, and only make you and the other person upset. Lose-lose proposition.

Move on, and deal with those things that you can control in your life.

ElizabethRoad · December 2011

You have to be careful.
You do not know their situation and you are judging them on their appearances.

I once had a parent let go on me for letting my daughter eat Mcdonalds cheese burger and french fries. Her words were "If you keep feeding your kid this crap she will be a fat kid and everyone will tease her. Why don't you feed her something with less salt and fat?"

Well the beating that almost followed would have been epic. I instead chose to keep my mouth shut and just ask her to leave with her unsolicited information. My Daughter has cystic fibrosis and needs to eat an extremely high fat and salt diet.

Unless you know what the situation is, just move along and focus on you.

But really, even if she didn't have cystic fibrosis, it was none of that person's business. Feeding a kid a cheeseburger and fries now and then is not going to hurt them.

katcod1522 · December 2011

Coming from someone who doesnt have kids Im guessing. Try telling my 6 and 12 yr old that they can only eat tofu and fish when their friends are having pizza and popcorn. riiiiggght.

MLeigh18 · December 2011

I am a very blunt, forward person. Get a few drinks in me and I'm like a truth machine. It's both a curse and a good thing.

So the other night, a few of us went to our local cafe after hours where they were showing christmas movies. We had a few drinks, enjoyed some cafe treats, and cozied in for the politically incorrect Rudolph.

Looking to my left though, I noticed two extremely, and I mean extremely overweight girls dressed in tight multicolored dresses, the buttons on the blouses gapped and barely holding. They couldn't have been any older then 8 or 9. Mom had gotten them the cafe's baked mac and cheese, both their own, with the chowder to dip it into, and chocolate brownies for desert. The cafe also served free popcorn in which I was behind one of the girls in line, as she scooped up and filled her bowl, stopped, realizing she could fit more in, and piled it higher. I swear she snorted at me as she turned to walk back to her seat.

I felt sick. Nauseous. I couldn't even get my handful of popcorn. I wanted to eject the dinner I had and the cookies I had eaten. I wanted to say something to the mother. I was sitting next to them the whole time. Listening to them eat. Watching. It was like a horrible movie montage. As the one girl finished her mac and cheese, her smaller brother had half of his left, and so she finished his for him.

I saw the beginning of a long journey of self-esteem issues and hurt as they get older and realize how much their size is going to effect them.

I also hated myself for thinking the thoughts I had. What right do I have to judge them?

Yes. I believe you are right to judge. You didn't say anything to anyone so you didn't offend anyone that would cause a scene. People who allow their kids to eat like **** and be fat deserve to be harshly judged. Parents are making their kids fat! Might as well give your 8 year old a loaded gun to play with while they devour their mcnuggets, frosty, fries and brownies.

bcattoes · December 2011

I saw the beginning of a long journey of self-esteem issues and hurt as they get older and realize how much their size is going to effect them.

I also hated myself for thinking the thoughts I had. What right do I have to judge them?

So sad!! While your reaction seems a little extreeme, If you are in the US then your tax $ will likely be paying for the diseases they contract from such an unhealthy diet and lifestyle so you have some right to complain. Being obese is as dangerous as smoking. If you saw smoking parents giving their children cigarettes everyone would say you have the right to complain.

CaptainGordo · December 2011

Yes. I believe you are right to judge. You didn't say anything to anyone so you didn't offend anyone that would cause a scene. People who allow their kids to eat like **** and be fat deserve to be harshly judged. Parents are making their kids fat!

True. Everyone has the right to judge, and even express themselves. What do you imagine would be gained by criticizing the kids' mother?

Might as well give your 8 year old a loaded gun to play with while they devour their mcnuggets, frosty, fries and brownies.

Really? A loaded gun? Did you never eat any of those things as a kid?

killagb · December 2011

I am a very blunt, forward person. Get a few drinks in me and I'm like a truth machine. It's both a curse and a good thing.

So the other night, a few of us went to our local cafe after hours where they were showing christmas movies. We had a few drinks, enjoyed some cafe treats, and cozied in for the politically incorrect Rudolph.

Looking to my left though, I noticed two extremely, and I mean extremely overweight girls dressed in tight multicolored dresses, the buttons on the blouses gapped and barely holding. They couldn't have been any older then 8 or 9. Mom had gotten them the cafe's baked mac and cheese, both their own, with the chowder to dip it into, and chocolate brownies for desert. The cafe also served free popcorn in which I was behind one of the girls in line, as she scooped up and filled her bowl, stopped, realizing she could fit more in, and piled it higher. I swear she snorted at me as she turned to walk back to her seat.

I felt sick. Nauseous. I couldn't even get my handful of popcorn. I wanted to eject the dinner I had and the cookies I had eaten. I wanted to say something to the mother. I was sitting next to them the whole time. Listening to them eat. Watching. It was like a horrible movie montage. As the one girl finished her mac and cheese, her smaller brother had half of his left, and so she finished his for him.

I saw the beginning of a long journey of self-esteem issues and hurt as they get older and realize how much their size is going to effect them.

I also hated myself for thinking the thoughts I had. What right do I have to judge them?

Yes. I believe you are right to judge. You didn't say anything to anyone so you didn't offend anyone that would cause a scene. People who allow their kids to eat like **** and be fat deserve to be harshly judged. Parents are making their kids fat! Might as well give your 8 year old a loaded gun to play with while they devour their mcnuggets, frosty, fries and brownies.

Let me guess, you have no kids, right?

madameduffay · December 2011

I think we tend to sometimes see children who are overweight and have intense reactions because we (generalization) know what it's like to be an overweight kid. Childhoood obesity is a real problem in our society and it seems that the description of these children is different from the the situation described of the child with cs and the son who is just chunky. But, the reactions to these children probably has more to do with you then them. Yes, it's sad that they could develop self-esteem issues, but maybe they won't.

I was an overweight kid and frankly, it sucked. One of the reasons it sucked was because I was constantly overhearing concerned aunts "discussing" my weight with my mother (who, unfortunetly, is not the type to kick anyone in the "pee flaps"). There was nothing constructive in these discussions, just their observations that I was fat, nor did my mother ask for their opinions.

So, to the OP. I don't agree that you need counselling. Your reaction was just that, your reaction. I think that you were reacting to something that is still a personal issue for you and it sounds like you had concern over their potentially long road ahead. I would say that sometimes these reactions are part of the problem that causes children to have self-esteem issues and cycle the behaviour.

I've always had weight issues, but hearing the things my aunts said, their reactions to my clothing size, and their monitoring of my food gave me self-esteem issues and I resented them for that.

Armchair pshchology rant over.

M

CaptainGordo · December 2011

So sad!! While your reaction seems a little extreeme, If you are in the US then your tax $ will likely be paying for the diseases they contract from such an unhealthy diet and lifestyle so you have some right to complain.

The complaint should be with the gov't taking the money and using it to pay for folks' poor decisions, not the individual.

bcattoes · December 2011

Coming from someone who doesnt have kids Im guessing. Try telling my 6 and 12 yr old that they can only eat tofu and fish when their friends are having pizza and popcorn. riiiiggght.

Not really on point it does illustrate the other extreme.

ajanmillie · December 2011

I was a fat kid. I kind of wish my parent taught me apples over junk food. I would never say anything to anyone's face about their kids, but I sure as hell will never let mine ever feel like I did growing up. kids are super mean to fat kids, at least was my experience...

galegetsthin · December 2011

I have issue with this too. There are some kids that are just round and dirty. Especially down here in the south. When I see them, I DO get angry with the parent. I feel like it is a form of neglect to let a child get grossly overweight. Yes, sometimes there are physical reasons that they are bigger. And yes, some of it is genetic. But not all or even most of them. I also have to bite my tongue when I see some kid that looks stroke ready at 7 shoving a bag of chips in their face while holding a soda. I would never say anything to them as its not my business, but, yes, it angers me greatly.

ajanmillie · December 2011

I don't blame my parents though. Some parents only know how to fix booboos with food.

MercenaryNoetic26 · December 2011

Let me tell ya something... LOL! I'd have had the same thoughts! Don't feel bad. Everybody judges everybody. I'm sure big people judge fit people all the time.... "...look at her, she thinks she's all that because she can wear a size 0, pshhhhhhh, she ain't got nothing on my lovely lady LUMPS!"

It is a SHAME that parents teach their kids to NOT have self control. That kid probably sensed your "disapproval" and made that face because she's been taught, "Eat up, honey! The more the better! Nevermind if you develop juvenile diabetes or are teased by kids, because you can squash them!"

**IF anybody is offended by what I say, that's too bad. I would think most of us MFP's are ALL for children's health.

seehawkmomma · December 2011

You have to be careful.
You do not know their situation and you are judging them on their appearances.

I once had a parent let go on me for letting my daughter eat Mcdonalds cheese burger and french fries. Her words were "If you keep feeding your kid this crap she will be a fat kid and everyone will tease her. Why don't you feed her something with less salt and fat?"

Well the beating that almost followed would have been epic. I instead chose to keep my mouth shut and just ask her to leave with her unsolicited information. My Daughter has cystic fibrosis and needs to eat an extremely high fat and salt diet.

Unless you know what the situation is, just move along and focus on you.

^ Great post.

Agree

bcattoes · December 2011

So sad!! While your reaction seems a little extreeme, If you are in the US then your tax $ will likely be paying for the diseases they contract from such an unhealthy diet and lifestyle so you have some right to complain.

The complaint should be with the gov't taking the money and using it to pay for folks' poor decisions, not the individual.

Even if they have private insurance it would still affect all of us by driving up ins rates in general. And then there is the fact that the children are simply being mistreated. Childhood obesity is everyone's problem.

ElizabethRoad · December 2011

Really? A loaded gun? Did you never eat any of those things as a kid?

I ate them. But then, I also got to shoot loaded guns when I was a kid.

westcoastSW · December 2011

Let me tell ya something... LOL! I'd have had the same thoughts! Don't feel bad. Everybody judges everybody. I'm sure big people judge fit people all the time.... "...look at her, she thinks she's all that because she can wear a size 0, pshhhhhhh, she ain't got nothing on my lovely lady LUMPS!"

It is a SHAME that parents teach their kids to NOT have self control. That kid probably sensed your "disapproval" and made that face because she's been taught, "Eat up, honey! The more the better! Nevermind if you develop juvenile diabetes or are teased by kids, because you can squash them!"

**IF anybody is offended by what I say, that's too bad. I would think most of us MFP's are ALL for children's health.

I second this.

honeysprinkles · December 2011

I think it's very sad to see overweight children who are inheriting their parents unhealthy habits. These kids never even have a chance. I don't think you were wrong for feeling the way that you did. I work as a cashier at a grocery store, and I see huge moms with way to large KIDS buy nothing but junk food and I feel terrible for those children. I am a believer in blaming the parent, not the child in cases like this.

CaptainGordo · December 2011

So sad!! While your reaction seems a little extreeme, If you are in the US then your tax $ will likely be paying for the diseases they contract from such an unhealthy diet and lifestyle so you have some right to complain.

The complaint should be with the gov't taking the money and using it to pay for folks' poor decisions, not the individual.

Even if they have private insurance it would still affect all of us by driving up ins rates in general. And then there is the fact that the children are simply being mistreated. Childhood obesity is everyone's problem.

Can we agree, though, that calling someone out about it at a fast food place will not solve the problem?

jlnk · December 2011

"...politically incorrect Rudolf?" Really? Good grief...relax

nurseygirl66 · December 2011

If you really think that the government pays for anyone's diseases, you probably eat that babble that our current president is trying to feed you. Of course, that's another issue all together. It's all about accountability in this country- we have NONE. We're all so worried about the politically correct way to handle things that it's no wonder we can't get anything done. Should we all bust each other in the chops when we don't agree with choices? Probably not, that really doesn't solve much most of the time. Should we hold each other accountable for what we do/don't do? Yep. What happened to the times when parents were horrified about their kids behavior and appearance? If we accept our kids walking around with their pants off their butts, then let them eat as they wish. We will reap what we sow.

bcattoes · December 2011

I have a chunky kid, and if you ever approached me and told me he was fat, I'd kick you right in the pee flaps. He isn't chunky because I feed him terribly, he's chunky because he's going to be huge! His dad is 6'6 with a 52" shoulder spance. My son will grow into his body, hopefully you'll grow out of your prejudice. My son plays football, is in the running club, does karate, and is outside more than he's in the house...I feed him nothing but clean meals and the occasional treat. Unless you know the background of the child, how dare you sit in judgement!

??? Kids that grow to be big (tall and large framed) don't need to be chunky as children. Fat is fat whether it's on a 5' bodyor a 7' body.

Biting my tongue at seeing overweight children

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