'You'd be more attractive if you were thinner'

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  • Jyster
    Jyster Posts: 74 Member
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    I've gotten this as well in not so many words. Being told i'm too fat to be photographed with. making the mistake of googling your own name to find blog posts about people discussing your weight and I have a strange face. Being told on a dating website that I would get more contacts if I would lie and say I was "average" weight by some of the ladies.

    Ladies, you are not alone out there. Lotta people talk before they think. I always say "Honesty without compassion is nothing more than cruelty."
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    I dated a guy a couple of years ago who told me I would be prettier if I didn't have a "pooch" I said I'll show you a ****ing pooch, dumped him and then proceeded to lose 20 lbs.
    My wife told me the same thing, but I didn't dump her.
    No, I thanked her.

    I value honesty.
  • IamRoJ
    IamRoJ Posts: 530 Member
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    This probably isn't very helpful, but I've overheard someone saying about me, "--great body but look at her face."

    At least weight you can control, right?

    What??? You're beautiful!
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    Sometimes I wonder if people are here looking for fat acceptance or fat loss.

    The world can be cruel - yes, but let's keep it real.
  • mickipedia
    mickipedia Posts: 889 Member
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    my ex said a really horrible thing that knocked me hugely when I ended things with him.. he said "I thought if I dropped my standards and went for a nice girl rather than a pretty one then I wouldn't get hurt"

    now that's a kick in the teeth.
  • imarlett
    imarlett Posts: 228 Member
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    Those comments sound familiar. "You look great from the neck up" or "you have a great personalit/sweet girl". That kills me everytime too.
    It is always interesting to get the opposite sex's view point. It's healthy (if not a little bit painful). I enlightened one of my guy friends not too long ago. We were talking about dating and the singles scene ( I am married, some of my friends involved the conversation are not). The consensus among the girls was that they would not date an overweight man. Some of the guys were very surprised. I said, "Well you wouldn't date 'fat chicks', what makes you think women are any different?" Obesity, genetically, is a sign of an unhealthy mate. For women, looks are not number one on the list but it is definetly in the top 5.
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
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    You don't see any obese Chippendale entertainers getting the attention of females - lol

    You obviously missed Saturday Night Live's 'vintage years'
    http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=1422

    LOL
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    Why would it be a shock to you if someone said that you would look better if you lost weight? Isn't that why 99.9% of us on here? The words may sting but you got an honest answer. You got the answer to a question that you already knew the answer to. Come on man....
    And it works the same for you ladies as well.
    You don't see any obese Chippendale entertainers getting the attention of females - lol

    No, being fit is attractive; fat is NOT to most people.
    That's reality.

    This. Women don't like fat men. Men don't like fat women. That's why we are on this site and suffering through intense discomfort, pain, and injury to get thin again. Because to play the social game you have to look the part.

    We may hate it. It may sound harsh. It *is* harsh. But it is the society that we live in, and no matter what we may say... most of us want to conform at least a little to society's rules so that we can play society's games.

    It's no fun being the fat person who is never physically touched by anyone because of their weight.

    When people tell me that "i'm a great guy but i don't date big guys" or "you're pretty cool to hang out with but i am attracted to athletic guys" or "you are a fat **** and i'm disgusted you even bothered talking to me", it all means the same thing. Some are nicer than others but it boils down to "fat people are not allowed on this ride".

    Either do something about it, or accept it and move on. It's a nasty world. We all know this. That's why sites like these are so popular. I for one don't want to ride the fat person ride anymore.
  • Elizabeth_M
    Elizabeth_M Posts: 562 Member
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    I was told that in high school when all of my friends were dating. "You have such a pretty face - you'd be so much prettier if you lost weight". Got that a few times. I was always the "pretty face" or the "cute one" or the one with the "beautiful eyes". Blah blah blah. didn't get a boyfriend till I was 19, and then I settled, because he was the first guy to come along and express interest in me! When I did end up losing weight, and got out of a long term relationship when I was 24, I dated like no tomorrow. ;) I was still overweight to a degree, but if you carry yourself confidently, there will always be SOMEone who will find you attractive.

    Anyway, I guess if you ask a person a question, you might not like the answer. Sorry went off on a bit of a tangent.
  • imarlett
    imarlett Posts: 228 Member
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    What a B@$t@rd! Don't worry, what goes around comes around.

    The best revenge is to live well.
  • angelas0304
    angelas0304 Posts: 5 Member
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    Yes, I have been told this before and I felt terrible for a very long time after. I try to keep a smile on, but I have always struggled with my weight and my self esteem suffered for it.. I am now almost 39 years old and it has only been a few years that I realized I am more than just my weight regardless of what it is. Once I owned my body, I began to feel confident and actually did start losing weight because I started going out more and doingthings with friends not caring what others thought about my appearance. You always hear people say that you have to love yourself first, but it took me a very long time to realize that it was true. I am still single, but I have a great job, good friends, and I am still working on me :)
  • tproctor
    tproctor Posts: 90 Member
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    Real women have curves!
  • ckoudsi617
    ckoudsi617 Posts: 64
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    I used to hear that all the time, but for me it's even worse when they say something like, "WOW! You must have been really hot ("good-looking", "pretty", etc.) when you were young!" (or "younger"). NICE! I *HATE* both of those! I also sometimes get the "stroke/slap" compliments (especially from family) that I call "backhanded" compliments, like "You look much better now (because before it was such a shame)! Now, when are you going to update your hairstyle, now that you've lost weight?" (Seriously!)
  • Elizabeth_M
    Elizabeth_M Posts: 562 Member
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    This. Women don't like fat men. Men don't like fat women. That's why we are on this site and suffering through intense discomfort, pain, and injury to get thin again. Because to play the social game you have to look the part.

    We may hate it. It may sound harsh. It *is* harsh. But it is the society that we live in, and no matter what we may say... most of us want to conform at least a little to society's rules so that we can play society's games.

    It's no fun being the fat person who is never physically touched by anyone because of their weight.

    When people tell me that "i'm a great guy but i don't date big guys" or "you're pretty cool to hang out with but i am attracted to athletic guys" or "you are a fat **** and i'm disgusted you even bothered talking to me", it all means the same thing. Some are nicer than others but it boils down to "fat people are not allowed on this ride".

    Either do something about it, or accept it and move on.

    OMigod, have women really said that to you?? Pretty disgusting. I apologize!! not all women are like that, that's for sure!

    We are all dealt with pretty bad blows to our self esteem based on our weight, if that is what we struggle with. And for sure, they are long lasting. Jeez, otherwise, why would I remember being called the "one with the pretty face" in high school (and I would look more hot if I lost weight?) - that was 20+ years ago!
  • ckoudsi617
    ckoudsi617 Posts: 64
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    Real women have curves!


    So TRUE! I LIKE! :love:
  • Phoenix1401
    Phoenix1401 Posts: 711 Member
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    Someone always tells me this everyday "Oh you have such a pretty face" and I think to myself "but I have a disgusting looking body...I know :/"
  • JamieSK
    JamieSK Posts: 266 Member
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    You can let his response motivate you but no guy is worth it if he doesn't like you for the person you are regardless of how thin you are...very shallow. You are MUCH better off without him! Fact is looks change for everyone in 20 years are you going to be more or less attractive and by whose standards? Vanity isn't love or like.
  • ckoudsi617
    ckoudsi617 Posts: 64
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    This probably isn't very helpful, but I've overheard someone saying about me, "--great body but look at her face."

    At least weight you can control, right?

    WHAT?! You are not, repeat, NOT a "Butterface". YOU...ARE...BEAUTIFUL!
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    What a B@$t@rd! Don't worry, what goes around comes around.

    The best revenge is to live well.
    And this is so true.
    And sometimes a good punch in the nose is nice too....
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    Real women have curves!
    For SURE!

    I do not like those muscled, cut up man-looking females.

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