For the perpetually single

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Replies

  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    NO. And I think it's a lot of Hallmark Mind-**** hooey. There is NO possible way every living person is going to match up with another. This is NOT Noah's ark.
    It's MUCH better to be single than to be miserable with the wrong person. I was very happily single for 12 years between two bad marriages. I will NEVER marry again- NEVER FOR ANY REASON. I will NEVER shack up or commit to one loser *kitten* ever again as long as I live. I'm gonna spread it around to LOTS OF LOSER *kitten*

    There is NOTHING wrong with being single if it suits you and makes you happy. I am a very happy cricket and don't miss misery in my house one tiny bit (or that gross stuff in my bathroom either)

    Have FUN! that's what life is for
  • CharlieBarleyMom
    CharlieBarleyMom Posts: 727 Member
    I have been "single" since my husband and I separated for the first time in 1996. In the past 16 years I have had 4 relationships. The first was an immediate JUMP when my husband and I were first separated. I stayed for 2 years even though I knew after 4 months that it wasn't right. Financial failure on my part was keeping me living with this man/boy. Then it was my husband. We tried again after 3 years separated...and that failed. Then in 2001 I met the man that I have been in love with for 11 years...we were friends first, lovers next, and then back to friends. We have had an up and down relationship but we have stayed friends because we genuinely love each other.

    What this "relationship" has done for me? At first it confused me because if we truly love each other, we challenge each other intellectually, we always have something to talk about, we enjoy each other's company whether we are in a crowd or sitting alone together having dinner or watching TV -- then why are we not "together"? After dating other people (including my now ex-husband again) and neither one of us finding "the one" we remain friends. Friends that need but not friends with benefits.

    I made a poor choice at one point about 6 years ago... a man that I thought would put the pieces together for me. He was the best friend of my best friend's husband. We were physically attracted to each other but past that there was nothing other than our friend connection. This worked for me, being very overweight, being over 40 by this time and feeling unwanted due to the love of my life situation. I felt that this would "fill in the cracks" - create a relationship by sharing my needs... my love would be my friend, my confidant, my support and my sexual partner would be my physical need fulfiller and the "second" to invitations, couples things, etc.

    Of course this didn't work - he was NOT the one for me but I was ready to compromise because I was lonely and wanted to "fit into society" by being a couple. After this blew up (6 months in) I was devastated because I had made myself believe that this was it... but that only lasted for a few weeks because I started to get healthier being alone.

    Long story obviously - but the moral of the story was this: I started to get healthier being alone. I started to realize who I was, what I wanted, saw that my "love of my life" had other issues that caused him to not be able to commit to me, found that even though we are such wonderful friends that there were probably insurmountable differences between us that could be brought to light if we were to live together and change our relationship. In this I have found that I like to live alone. I would love to have a true partner in my life, but I am very comfortable living alone. Once I find the real real real man for me things will have to change a bit in my life - but until then, I come and go as I please, I take care of my home (which I bought after my divorce) and my life as I please.

    Of course, my eyes are open but I do not exist just to find a man. I have time for me. I am not defective - I am not taking part in the socialized "norm" - but that is just different, not defective.
  • emiliewright
    emiliewright Posts: 148 Member
    DEFECTIVE? I don't think so. This infuriates me. We single people NEED to be more EFFECTIVE than our coupled counterparts. I say "I'll know when its right, til then, its all about me and my little girl." Bite me if you think I'm defective for not settling.
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
    Oh boy, this is one of those issues I have a love/hate relationship with. Being single when everything around you tells you not to be can be a very frustrating circumstance to deal with. I've pursued relationships with a number of girls who I found good and bad and even ugly in; and who obviously saw the same in me. For whatever reason, each of them has seen their end since I find myself in the realm of singleness.

    The great thing about being single, is it gives you a chance to look at what you liked in those you've dated, what you didn't, and to continue to seek out that person that is the embodiment of as much of the good as you have found with as little of the bad and ugly. It leaves you free to explore who you are as an individual and hopefully become the ideal person for that person that you will hopefully be able to spend the rest of your life with.

    I know that if I weren't single at this point in my life, it probably would have been harder for me to develop the resolve I have to take care of myself before I seek to take care of others (so many people seem to not know how to do this), I have been able to do a lot of exploring of the mountains around my home that I would not have had as much leisure time to enjoy if I were trying to take care of a family. I have also been dealing with some religious things, which are taken almost extremely seriously by the community in which I live.

    I've always heard that it's better to be single and happy than to be married and unhappy. I focus on that when I am most frustrated with the whole dating and relationship game, but otherwise just enjoy being who I am and trust that, eventually, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and I will find each other.

    And as far as the whole being single for 6+ months or more indicating some sort of defectiveness, to that I say, "I'd rather be labeled as defective than be attached to somebody I am unhappy with or who I make unhappy."
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    No, we must all decide how we want to live life.
    And to rush out and find a SO just to have somebody in your life is absurd.

    If it were me, I'd surely want to share my life with another, and currently, I do.
    But if I were looking, I'd have a WRITTEN bio with a punch list of qualities I need from a SO.

    And only those who make the cut would get any consideration.
    I never settle for anything less than 100% of what I want in ANYTHING - not just a relationship.

    In a way this goal is much like our fitness goals.
    We set a goal, make a plan, take action and work toward achievement.

    Best of luck to you, and whatever you do, HAVE FUN!

    All Is Possible!
  • rammsteinsoldier
    rammsteinsoldier Posts: 1,552 Member
    I think single is a great way to be. I have been married twice and I find that I am happiest when single. I have learned great lessons from my past and now I am very selective and not going to fall for just anyone. I do want someone to share my life and interests with and I don't want to grow old alone but I am happy with myself and enjoy doing things that I want to do. I have so many interests and things I want to pursue that someone would have to be a very precise fit to work into my world.

    As for being defective, no way. I think people who HAVE to have someone all the time are the ones to worry about. They really get themselves into a mess with relationships. (That is spoken from someone who has worked through those messes).

    The main thing is to be true to yourself and find that special someone. I believe there is someone out there for everyone and settling is no longer an option for me.
  • grobbygru
    grobbygru Posts: 292 Member
    I have been single for 9 years also. I wouldn't say I am defective but selective. I truely can't get over the standard of males now - well here anyways - so disresectful - so I certainly wouldn't be giving up all that I have (financial, emotional, peace, physical etc) for the likes of them.
    I caught up with a bloke I went to school with the other day on facebook and we had the catch up chat about where our lives are at and when I said how long I had been single for he went '9 years hahahahahahahahahaha' - that mortified me because I could bet my bottom dollar his relationship would be dysfunctional (just by what sort of person he would be now due to where he lives etc) yet he seemed to think this was something to poke fun at. Admittedly it's the first time I have come up against that attitude - well to my face anyways LOL - maybe people say it behind my back. :laugh:
  • harley0269
    harley0269 Posts: 384 Member
    Gee i never thought as myself as "defective".
    I think there is nothing worse than someone who cant stand to be alone, so they go from relationship to relationship, always keeping the next one in wings. thats some one who is emotionally unstable!

    a relationship is something to take very seriously. to give completely of yourself makes you vunerable. so be choosey. build that trust. with it comes faith, respect, & committment.
    what you put out is what you will attract. so put out confidence, security, love & you shall receive it back 10-fold.
    know what you want, & never settle for less. it may take awhile to find it, but isn't it worth it? aren't YOU worth it?

    i was married for 2 years & divorced for the past 17 years. i knew my marriage was a mistake but i thought it was better to stick it out, he would change & settle down. the only person that changed was me. & for the better.
    after the crash & burn of my marriage what arose out of the ashes like the pheonix, was a new found person of strength, respect, love, & courage for myself. I learned if I dont have it for myself first, how can i expect to get that from anyone else? You have to have it, to share it.

    Take you time, perfect yourself. be happy.
    You & your love is the greatest gift you can give.
    & thats what you deserve to receive back.
  • suztheq
    suztheq Posts: 168 Member
    DEFECTIVE? I don't think so. This infuriates me. We single people NEED to be more EFFECTIVE than our coupled counterparts. I say "I'll know when its right, til then, its all about me and my little girl." Bite me if you think I'm defective for not settling.

    I love this!!
  • boobee32
    boobee32 Posts: 450 Member
    I've been single for over 4 years. I've had a couple of short relationships in that time frame but nothing that excites me. I'm in my 40s so that really limits the choices. When I find someone who sweeps me off my feet, I'll jump in. But, until then I'm happy exploring life on my own, with my kids, or with friends.

    I TOTALLY agree with this post. I have been married twice. The first time, I was 27 - lasted for two years. I was not happy, so I got out. That was in 1999. I stayed basically single until around 2005 when I remarried. Again, 2 years and I got out. I was not happy, but there were many circumstances involved in this , but have basically been single ever since.

    YES, I am capable of having a long term relationship, was involved in one for 7 years before my first marriage....
    I have had several short lived relationships since my last divorce, and had dates here and there, but nothing that just overwhelms me with the wow factor.

    I am in a relationship now, which I am fixing to end, because, even though I do enjoy this persons company, and we have things in common, I am not, nor can I see myself being in love with this person, now or ever.

    I am independent, always have been. I like to be able to make decisions on what I do or what I dont do. I too, am very selective on who I date.

    Maybe I am just too used to being single but personally it does not bother me one bit. I dont see myself defective in any way. People who stay in a relationship because the need to have someone to feel complete irritate me to no end...as well as the ones who jump from one to another...AND the ones who are always poor pitty me...i dont have anyone. I have more today than I ever had when I was married, either time.
  • Sumo813
    Sumo813 Posts: 566 Member
    So some general chit chat on that topic. Do you see someone who hasn't been in any long term relationship for a long time as a defective person?

    ...

    To those that are perpetually single, tell your tale. For others, do you see someone who is mostly alone as someone defective, and if so why?

    For me, it really is a bit of a confidence thing. I have always been able to walk up and get a number from a gorgeous girl in a club or wherever, but then just never had the confidence to follow through. Because of that, I tend to be very picky when it comes to who I will get romantically involved with. I am always thinking of things that might be a turn off to someone. And even then, once I'm in a relationship, at some point I start to wonder if I just enjoyed being single more. I'm not really miserable when I'm single, but there is that bit of loneliness that sets in.

    To the whole 'defective' thing... I don't think people are defective just because they don't have a S.O. I think that's crap and if someone ever said that to me, they might get a foot in the throat. Everyone has reasons. For the past 5 (almost 6) years, I had been single (up until this past August). Why? Because I am defective? No. I worked more than 40 hours per week plus was going to school full time. People always gave me crap about finding a gf. I told them that once I had time to contribute to someone, I would. And now that I am done with school and have time, I have a gf. Will it last forever? Who knows. But if it doesn't, it isn't because I'm defective. And will I be single for a long time if we split? Who knows. But if I am, it's because I choose to be, mostly. lol
  • LHSweeney
    LHSweeney Posts: 87 Member
    Single for 5+ yrs .... dating on and off... happy with or without another person ... good.
    Defective? No. Just happy and secure so it's not a big deal. I am not opposed to being in a relationship, especially on New Years Eve and Valentine's Day but I think the fact that I am not good at making men feel like I need them, makes them uncomfortable. Maybe I should act more needy : ) I do :heart: men especially smart, hot ones between 30 and 45.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
    I'm going to come back and read through the responses more thoroughly, because this really interests me, but for now:
    I am 42 years old, never been married, no children (although I kinda count the dog and cat :). I've been single for the past 8 years, the first few years by choice, the last few years basically for lack of dating prospects/my own social awkwardness.

    I've been dating since I was 14 and have had a lot of fun and interesting experiences along the way, but few "serious" relationships. I had a 2 year relationship in college that I ended (long story short, he had a temper and I saw some things that scared me, even though he never did anything towards me). After college, I had a 6 month relationship with an amazing person who simply wasn't the right person for me. From 2000 to 2004, I had a serious boyfriend that I lived with and became engaged to, although I kind of pushed him into the engagement (BAD IDEA) and in the end, we did not want the same things and I left. Since then...singleton. At first, I just wanted to get my sh$t together...then I found it difficult to find people to date because I was overweight and felt so bad about myself...now that I have lost all that weight and feel healthy and happy about myself, I am in a tricky place--most men my age are married. If they are not, most of them are perpetual bachelors. I don't know that I necessarily want to get married or have children (not sure that would be biologically feasible at this point anyway) at this point in my life...but I really miss the companionship and would like to have someone special to spend time with. I woulOutside of my regular job, I do photography for local and some national bands, and I have met and made some amazing guy friends through that, but no one that is more than a friend. I actually have more guy friends than female friends, I've always had more guy friends, especially when I was a kid--I was very much a tomboy until I was 12 or 13. Unfortunately, that still hasn't given me a lot of insight into how men's minds work! LOL

    I don't know how people "see" me. Most of my friends say that they can't believe I'm single...? I know I'm smart, I don't think I'm ugly, although I'm not conventionally "attractive," I'm funny, I'm fit and healthy and I have worked my *kitten* off to get there....I don't think I'm "defective" but I do think I struggle with my self esteem and wondering what's "wrong" with me that I can't seem to find someone special. Of all my friends, I was the one who wanted to get married and have babies at a young age...and I'm one of the few people in my circle who is still single and childless, and sometimes I feel very alone and wonder if I always will be.

    I have guy friends who tell me how awesome I look now that I've gotten healthy, which is very flattering, but it's typically my married friends so even though it's nice to hear, it would be nice to hear from someone available.

    After such a long dry spell, I recently met someone (actually ran into someone I'd met last year and hadn't seen in a long time) and we've been spending some time together, but I can't tell if it's just another "buddy" situation. Not that that would be a bad thing...just a little frustrating.
  • tialynn1
    tialynn1 Posts: 884 Member
    I can't believe people have said that single people are defective. I also believe that the people that don't know how to be single are the defective ones. I am 45 years old and have been single all of my life. I have dated and been engaged a few times. I also have a 17 year old daughter who lives with her father, that I still support.
    I have people that always ask me why I don't want to be married. Right now, I don't have time to be involved . I am very busy working 2 jobs and working on my bachelor's degree. When I do have time to go out, I want to spend it with friends who I don't get to see very often. They are important. I have also started on working on taking care of myself by joining this site and tracking exercise and food intake.
    I think another disadvantage is my Dad died when I was 12 years old. My parents had a wonderful marriage and I want the same thing. I also lost my Mom when I was 18, so I have some commitment fears. That is another thing that I need to work on, but that will be my next thing to work on after I get this weight loss thing under control Plus, I grew up with very strong independent females in my life. So, I have that in me too. I am to independent and don't need someone in my life to make me happy. I have wonderful friends and family that are important to me.
  • Kaddyshack21
    Kaddyshack21 Posts: 225 Member
    I have been single for about 5 years now. I have had not dated anyone...at all. I have a little girl who just turned 4. My goal is to make her happy. Now I don't believe that means that I have to give up my happiness in order to do that. But I will NOT date men just to feel wanted or needed or to boost my self esteem. i need my daughter to understand that she will always be safe in our house and she never has to worry about " the new boyfriend".

    I will not even consider dating a person unless I truly believe there is a chance that I will marry him. That may seem old fashioned or extreme to some. But before her I did date who ever I chose and had flings and was careless with my body and my heart and I will never do it again. My daughter will never have to worry about creeps lurking around. That is worth it to me.

    Do I get lonely? Of course I do. I am human. But I have learned more about myself in these last 5 years then I thought possible. I have learned that I am strong and capable, I deserved respect and the love and those around me. These things I will never trade for a one night stand. EVER.

    If people think that my choice is wrong, they are the ones that are defective HANDS DOWN.
  • briocktj
    briocktj Posts: 128
    Back in May there was a girl my son had went to school with that was tryiing to hook up with him. She would even call me and tell me she wanted a serious relationship with my son. She had 3 kids (all by the same dad) and was pregnant by someone else at that time (about 3 months along or so) and was still married to her 3 kids dad although they were separated. Since then, on her Facebook page, she has been "in a relationship" and/or engaged to 7, (YES SEVEN) other guys. My son would not have cared about her having kids, but the fact that she called him out of the blue one day, remember me and all that... then after talking for a few days, not having seen him since high school and already talking about being in a serious relationshp with him.... he was like, um.... no.... He found she was calling me trying to help her cause along and he was like... WTH.... I havent seen her in years and we have talked on the phone maybe 3 days and she is planning a future for us...? Dont think so...

    Everytime I see her Facebook status I cringe, especially when I see that she is bringing these guys through her young children's lives like a revolving door.... and having them call the new guy dad..... It is so sad!

    As for me, I have been with hubby 20+ years, but if we ever separated/divorced I would WELCOME the ME time.... would casually date, but would not be looking for anything longterm. I would enjoy that time doing the things I wanted, when I wanted and not having to worry about anyone else....
  • MomsTooBig
    MomsTooBig Posts: 201 Member
    I have been single for about 5 years now. I have had not dated anyone...at all. I have a little girl who just turned 4. My goal is to make her happy. Now I don't believe that means that I have to give up my happiness in order to do that. But I will NOT date men just to feel wanted or needed or to boost my self esteem. i need my daughter to understand that she will always be safe in our house and she never has to worry about " the new boyfriend".

    I will not even consider dating a person unless I truly believe there is a chance that I will marry him. That may seem old fashioned or extreme to some. But before her I did date who ever I chose and had flings and was careless with my body and my heart and I will never do it again. My daughter will never have to worry about creeps lurking around. That is worth it to me.

    Do I get lonely? Of course I do. I am human. But I have learned more about myself in these last 5 years then I thought possible. I have learned that I am strong and capable, I deserved respect and the love and those around me. These things I will never trade for a one night stand. EVER.

    If people think that my choice is wrong, they are the ones that are defective HANDS DOWN.

    Here here! :wink: :happy:
  • gentlebreeze2
    gentlebreeze2 Posts: 450 Member
    In a nutshell... I'd say you're smart.

    If you're comfortable with who you are that's what matters. Being selective only increases your chances of success if you should choose to make a commitment.
  • InvictusPheonix
    InvictusPheonix Posts: 129 Member
    <<< perpetually single.
    I want to run marathons, i want to go to medical school, i want (and actually do) a lot.
    Essentially, I'm selfish.
    I put my dreams first and I KNOW a "boyfriend" couldn't handle that.
    But, doesn't mean i don't have fun ;)!
  • MomsTooBig
    MomsTooBig Posts: 201 Member
    Back in May there was a girl my son had went to school with that was tryiing to hook up with him. She would even call me and tell me she wanted a serious relationship with my son. She had 3 kids (all by the same dad) and was pregnant by someone else at that time (about 3 months along or so) and was still married to her 3 kids dad although they were separated. Since then, on her Facebook page, she has been "in a relationship" and/or engaged to 7, (YES SEVEN) other guys. My son would not have cared about her having kids, but the fact that she called him out of the blue one day, remember me and all that... then after talking for a few days, not having seen him since high school and already talking about being in a serious relationshp with him.... he was like, um.... no.... He found she was calling me trying to help her cause along and he was like... WTH.... I havent seen her in years and we have talked on the phone maybe 3 days and she is planning a future for us...? Dont think so...

    Everytime I see her Facebook status I cringe, especially when I see that she is bringing these guys through her young children's lives like a revolving door.... and having them call the new guy dad..... It is so sad!

    Yay! You taught him well! :0)
    To me, her behaviour is what is defective, and it also makes it harder for those of us that share somewhat similar circumstances. I don't need a father for my kids, and I don't need someone's paycheque, but there are more like her unfortunately and it tips the odds against us in the 'smarter then that category'

    It occurred to me as I just saw the tv guide channel. If being single is defective....then why do we not see THESE people on all the shows like Springer, Maury, Jeremy Kyle etc?!
    Hmmm.......LOL

    :wink:
  • julie82070
    julie82070 Posts: 14 Member
    This is a great topic..thanks for posting. I'm single at 40..never married and no kids. I'm constantly asked why I'm "still single." It gets old. But like others have said, I would rather be alone and happy than miserable with someone I'm not supposed to be with. Lately, I've started to question the idea that we are all supposed to be "couples." Maybe that's not for everyone... and not for me. I don't know. I'm happy with my life - maybe at some point, I'll find someone who makes my life even happier. Until then, I'm okay...and don't really care what other people say.
  • carlie_carl
    carlie_carl Posts: 285
    First off let it be known, do not turn this into a whining "my life is horrible I can't find anyone" thread. That's not what the spirit of this is about.

    I got divorced in 2003 at the age of 26 and have largely been single ever since. I have had two relationships since then; one lasted six months and the other a couple of years. I have had myriad dates in between but really nothing has clicked with anyone.

    This did in the beginning bother me greatly but as I have gotten older, I have found that it genuinely has affected me less and less. I own my own house, support my daughter, and can pretty much do as I please.

    One thing that kind of annoys me though is that people I know will comment that if someone stays single longer than six months that that means they are defective people, something is wrong with them, and they are by and large an untouchable.

    So some general chit chat on that topic. Do you see someone who hasn't been in any long term relationship for a long time as a defective person?

    There are several reasons why I have not been able to find anyone to really mate up with. Some are my own doing, others circumstance.

    First and foremost I am very selective. I do not want to be with someone that I really don't want to be with, if that makes sense. That requires a physical attraction on top of an intellectual connection and a spiritual/emotional attachment. Those are hard to find! To mix it up a bit, up until recently I was obese (+40 lbs overweight) and am not attracted to obese women, so that kind of narrowed my potential selection from a pool of prospects to... well... nothing ;) Now that I am relatively in shape again, that has changed but up until this point that played a big role.

    There are a host of other reasons that make it so my "boyfriend material" score is lowered, most of which has to do with my own personal choices and independence. I am also very much a nerd, and it's hard to explain my shelves of games, models, and other nerdery to most women, who often ask me how old I really am upon seeing them.

    :D

    To those that are perpetually single, tell your tale. For others, do you see someone who is mostly alone as someone defective, and if so why?

    I really enjoyed reading that because I can relate to this, Ive been single 3 years myself, been selective in my opinion is a good thing, it means you know what you want and you wont settle just to be with someone, It does get lonley though, I mean I dont have childeren or anything so most the time its just me and my pillow gf, witch can be a little frustrating when most of your friends are constantly talking about what they are doing with their partners, it almost makes you feel left out or defective as you say, Im a romantic though, I say there is the perfect someone for everyone, youll meet your pal, sometimes it takes questions like the ones you are asking to really identify who the perfect ones are (and befor anyone jumps and shouts, I mean Ideal partner for your preferances)

    peoples im-perfections are their perfections :)
  • Slove009
    Slove009 Posts: 364 Member
    First and foremost I am very selective. I do not want to be with someone that I really don't want to be with, if that makes sense.

    Makes sense to me! I never had a real boyfriend until I met my husband. I am not embarassed by the fact he is the first man I ever kissed! (will make an excellent story for our kid(s?) someday!)

    There is nothing wrong with being single until you find what you are looking for. Settling for something less than what you want will only hurt yourself and the other person. Be single and enjoy it.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    Have been single my entire life and have seen that presumption that there is something "wrong" with me as the reason,easy to sometimes buy into it myself.
    In my case it was due to both parents being physically unable to take of themselves due to age and illness by the time I graduated high school and tried to operate the farm here.

    Add in living in the sticks and you know the rest of the story.
    Has that been fun...well the answer for the most part is no not really but it has given me the chance to look at others and their relationships.
    I would venture that being single has been the better and happier situation then what more then half ended up with,just hard to always realize that.

    It has made me self sufficient,can cook and clean (really could do better on the cleaning part but am a guy so cut me some slack :tongue: ) and also has taught me what I don`t want in a relationship.
    Mom passed away last year after being in a nursing home for 3 years,had to maintain the old house for estate reasons but now am ready to move on to a new place and life.
    Hopefully will keep the lessons I have learned real and not make mistakes that I probably would have 25 years ago if things had been different.
  • Enigmatica
    Enigmatica Posts: 879 Member
    After 13 years of a bad marriage that got worse and worse over time, I've now been single for 17 years and absolutely LOVE it. Not everyone wants a "mate" and certainly not everyone needs one. I very much enjoy not having to accommodate anyone else in my house (other than my dogs, who aren't very demanding!) I get plenty of "people time" without needing to have someone living with me.

    If anyone thinks I'm weird because I enjoy being single, I so don't give a crap. My kids are grown and gone. I'm *over* trying to live my life to meet anyone else's expectations. I take care of my responsibilities, help others as a volunteer, and beyond that I'm enjoying a freedom I never had when I was young and felt obligated to do what others thought I should. Now I get to do what I damned well please. I'm happier than ever. Getting married again is not on the agenda by any stretch of the imagination.
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
    During my pity parties I often think something MUST be wrong with me. Those parties are happening less often as time goes by. It's been 4 years + now and I think it's better this way. My kids are older so why not focus on the little time I have left with them at home and make myself even better. Honestly since joining MFP my outlook has changed alot.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    I don't think that makes me defective. It makes me wise!

    Right on!

    I've been separated for almost 7 years and I've only been in one relationship, in all that time, that lasted 8 months. It was working for me because we'd only go out once or twice a week. That guy was extremely overweight, and I'd never been with a guy larger than me, but he was just so likeable! I figured if guys liked me when I was at my heaviest, why couldn't I be the same way? I've been on several dates, and have a lot of funny stories because of them, but I wonder why I bothered in the first place, because I really don't have time for a relationship. My kids are old enough to be home now (my son turned 16 last year, daughter's almost 14), but at the time I was trying to get out there, I couldn't afford a babysitter and had to rely on grandparents to take them overnight. My ex doesn't have a place for them to sleep, so he doesn't take them on weekends. I love having the time with my kids, and I figure I've got plenty of time for relationships when they're on their own, so I stopped trying to meet "Mr. Relationship". If I happen to meet someone, great, but I've pretty much accepted that I'm better off right now focusing on my kids and ME. I think I'm wise, too! :bigsmile:
  • khoj
    khoj Posts: 19 Member
    Knowing what you want is most important! That takes time! Anyone can be married, it is happily married that is the ultimate quest!
  • smiverz
    smiverz Posts: 40 Member
    This is a great topic..thanks for posting. I'm single at 40..never married and no kids. I'm constantly asked why I'm "still single." It gets old. But like others have said, I would rather be alone and happy than miserable with someone I'm not supposed to be with. Lately, I've started to question the idea that we are all supposed to be "couples." Maybe that's not for everyone... and not for me. I don't know. I'm happy with my life - maybe at some point, I'll find someone who makes my life even happier. Until then, I'm okay...and don't really care what other people say.

    love this!! ive been single for about 6 or so years, think i was 18 or soemthing like that when i had my last relationship, probably been on about 3 dates since!! i couldnt care less about having a gf or not! im constantly gettin asked " when are you going to find yourself a nice girl?"that really does my head in! im sure ill meet someone 1 day, if not so what?
  • missbethea
    missbethea Posts: 280 Member
    I think it depends on your reasons for being single.

    I'm 24 and I've been single for 3 years. It's not because I can't find someone- it's because I choose to remain single. I have very high standards and know what I want out of a relationship. After being in a couple of bad relationships and realizing that what I want is something mature and committed, I've decided not to waste my time on anything less than what I want.

    And right now, I know that I don't have the time or energy to devote to a relationship that it would need.

    Especially now that I'm spending some time focused on me. I want to get healthy- mind and body- so that when the time comes, I know that I'm able to give a person what they deserve.

    It can be a drag sometimes- especially when you're the only single person among friends- but for the most part, I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm young. I have a lot I want to accomplish. And it's nice to be able to do what I want to do without having to answer to anyone other than me (and my famiy, of course!).

    It took me 2 years to realize that I could be happy without a love affair. :) And I'm glad I didn't settle along the way.
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