parent versus school

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  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
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    and I would NEVER let them out the door without their coat on. I feel this is just as much my responsibility as it is theirs. Their coat hangs on a double hook with their bookbag, right over their shoes, so that its all together and ready to go each day. Sure my 9 year old will say "Mom, I don't need a coat today", but I just say "You're wearing one, end of story."

    i understand what you are saying, but that is not my parenting style at all. :) i have taught the boys 'wear it or carry it' and most of the time they carry it (in their backpack). i probably should have noticed before we got to the school that his backpack wasn't full enough to have his coat in it, but i didn't.
  • CRMrunner
    CRMrunner Posts: 88 Member
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    I would also feel better if we thought of this as Parents and School instead of Parents vs School. I know that both want the student to be healthy AND learn to be responsible. I am a little surprised that they didn't agree to have the student stay inside with a teacher.

    (I have outstanding office workers in my school who answer phones. I am sure that not all schools have outstanding people in that position. You may not have actually talked to a teacher or principal, but rather were given the opinion of one person at the front desk.) IDK
  • whiskey9890
    whiskey9890 Posts: 652 Member
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    i wouldn't have taken the coat, i'm also hoping the school did attempt to teach him a lesson and put him in a very unfashionable coat (or even better a girls) that didn't fit properly,that way he'd make sure the coat was never forgotten again (lost property at my school never had anything nice in it)
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    We're in Houston, Texas, so if it ever got as cold as it is there, our kids wouldn't be going outside to play anyway. However, if my 3rd grader forgot her coat, she'd have to do without it all day. There's no way I would leave work, drive 52 miles roundtrip to take her something she forgot. Just as I wouldn't take them their home work, lunch, or anything else they forgot at that age. They can deal with the consequences. I'm with you.
  • LauraSmyth28
    LauraSmyth28 Posts: 399 Member
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    I don't think you're a bad mother. I think you sound like a great mother :smile:

    BUT, my eldest is 7, and I would've brought the coat. I have guilt issues.....constantly feel guilty.....and so guilt would've made me drive the 20 mins to the school.

    Also the thought of what the school would 'think' of me.

    But you stood your ground on what you believed to be right, and for that I applaud you, well done.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    I'd do the same thing. Children need to learn that there are consequences to what they do and Mommy and Daddy can't coddle them forever.
    Ok, if it was a very young child, I'd take the coat, but my 10 year old will either stay in from recess or tough it out. Life is hard, and only we have the power to get ourselves out of situations. Can't be mollycoddled forever.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
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    I can't help but wonder though: if this coat is from the LOST and found, what happens when the kid who lost it sees him wearing it on the playground? That should be interesting. :laugh:
  • tiffanylacourse
    tiffanylacourse Posts: 2,985 Member
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    and I would NEVER let them out the door without their coat on. I feel this is just as much my responsibility as it is theirs. Their coat hangs on a double hook with their bookbag, right over their shoes, so that its all together and ready to go each day. Sure my 9 year old will say "Mom, I don't need a coat today", but I just say "You're wearing one, end of story."

    i understand what you are saying, but that is not my parenting style at all. :) i have taught the boys 'wear it or carry it' and most of the time they carry it (in their backpack). i probably should have noticed before we got to the school that his backpack wasn't full enough to have his coat in it, but i didn't.

    If its is cold enough to see your breath, I'm assuming its what, 30 degrees or so? Why would your child be carrying their coat in their bookbag when it is that cold out? Maybe I'm just so used to living where it gets very cold, that I'm used to being accountable for my entire household's well-being, by making sure my kids are appropriately dressed for the weather before they walk out the door. I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. :wink:
  • crzyone
    crzyone Posts: 872 Member
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    As a teacher, I find it the other way around. Parents of "precious children" can do no wrong and teachers are always at fault. Parents provide the million ways out while I try to teach responsibility and perseverence.

    I guess it just depends upon what view you are looking at things from.

    If you could provide it in writing that your child can go outside in the cold without a coat, I would let him do it. If not, I have to watch out for myself and make sure he is protected. If it's not in writing and the call isn't recorded, you can blame me tomorrrow when your kid catches pneumonia. It's my word against yours that you said it, and everyone is sue happy these days.

    I"m actually surpised the school called and didn't just deal with it and move on......

    Keep him in? Maybe......but that may be the time I have to go to the restroom, or do lesson plans, or make the millions of phone calls that I have to make, or do the twenty other tasks that I'm required to do (like fundraisers and sponsoring classes and doing reports and planning class trips and packing backpacks with food for the hungry children or counting pennies that we collected for the charity, or talking to sobbing students (no I'm not the counselor), or helping a parent with a letter or form or homework paper (because they think teachers are there to help them with all of their things, too), or sending photos and articles to the newspaper so the kids can be in the newspaper, or...(all of which have nothing to do with teaching a child and I'm giving no extra time to do but I do it anyway)............... so there may be no one to supervise a child. Why should I be punished for a lesson that YOU are trying to teach him?

    There are many circumstances........there are many viewpoints......probably the school and the mom are trying to do the best they can with what they have.
  • crzyone
    crzyone Posts: 872 Member
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    Also, we have tons of coats/clothes in lost and found that NO one ever claims. We can take them around to EVERY class and ask and no one has ever seen them before, so chances are that the person it really belonged to never recognized it!!! LOL
  • Goldenbast
    Goldenbast Posts: 227 Member
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    I fully agree as well with your very logical and responsible decision. How will children ever learn responsibility if they are not held accountable for their actions? It would not have been a burden for the school to have the child sit in during recess and work on school work, they do this for discipline ALL THE TIME...if the child misbehaves at school..BAM! they miss recess....I would be seething were I in your shoes.

    I have head butted with public schools very badly even so far as being persecuted by them including a BS report to CPS because the school didn't like my responses to a few things nor our religion, so because a school was being unreasonable I had to go through the indignity of a home visit that resulted in nothing but a VERY angry mom ranting at the school.

    I now homeschool and don't look back one bit.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    I would have taken him in the coat. My older son is 6 and there's no way I would expect him to remember everything he has to in the mornings. I forget half the time.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    I would have taken him in the coat. My older son is 6 and there's no way I would expect him to remember everything he has to in the mornings. I forget half the time.
    6 is a little young to remember everything, agreed, but if you don't expect him to remember everything soon, he never will. Children live up to our expectations of them.
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
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    As an educator, the reason they told you no is because we live in a litigation happy society. Can you imagine this headline?

    SCHOOL SUED FOR GIVING CHILD RECESS DETENTION FOR LEAVING JACKET AT HOME

    While you may have had a wonderful reason and lesson (I agree with you) to teach your child, it was not the school's place to punish him for it. It' s yours, because it happened at home, and not at school. Also, you could have been a nutjob who flipped out on them when they gave him detention, even though you asked. You won't believe some of the crazy stuff we see.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    I would have taken him in the coat. My older son is 6 and there's no way I would expect him to remember everything he has to in the mornings. I forget half the time.
    6 is a little young to remember everything, agreed, but if you don't expect him to remember everything soon, he never will. Children live up to our expectations of them.

    I don't agree. I'll expect him to do what he can when he is ready to. Or when my younger one starts school and I don't have time to concentrate on him.
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
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    I don't agree. I'll expect him to do what he can when he is ready to. Or when my younger one starts school and I don't have time to concentrate on him.

    Yikes.

    I hope the day never comes when I don't have time to concentrate on my children.
  • Wolfena
    Wolfena Posts: 1,570 Member
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    How old? Age 8 and up, I TOTALLY agree with you. That's old enough to know it's cold and that you need a coat. Under 8, I would probably bring him the coat.

    I agree with this.... and if he's younger than 8 and you didn't notice he was not wearing a coat then shame on you! LOL

    I see no reason the school can't keep him inside during recess - just as they would for disciplinary action if he did something wrong AT school. Would they give him sneakers from the lost and found if he forgot them for gym?? No - he'd sit out and get a zero for non-participation that day due to being unprepared. What's the difference?
    I find it rude and surprising that they flat out told you "no" they would not keep him inside. I'd not want my kid wearing someone else's clothing - yuck!
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
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    How old? Age 8 and up, I TOTALLY agree with you. That's old enough to know it's cold and that you need a coat. Under 8, I would probably bring him the coat.

    I agree with this.... and if he's younger than 8 and you didn't notice he was not wearing a coat then shame on you! LOL

    I see no reason the school can't keep him inside during recess - just as they would for disciplinary action if he did something wrong AT school. Would they give him sneakers from the lost and found if he forgot them for gym?? No - he'd sit out and get a zero for non-participation that day due to being unprepared. What's the difference?

    He didn't do it at school.
  • Wolfena
    Wolfena Posts: 1,570 Member
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    How old? Age 8 and up, I TOTALLY agree with you. That's old enough to know it's cold and that you need a coat. Under 8, I would probably bring him the coat.

    I agree with this.... and if he's younger than 8 and you didn't notice he was not wearing a coat then shame on you! LOL

    I see no reason the school can't keep him inside during recess - just as they would for disciplinary action if he did something wrong AT school. Would they give him sneakers from the lost and found if he forgot them for gym?? No - he'd sit out and get a zero for non-participation that day due to being unprepared. What's the difference?

    He didn't do it at school.

    He's "unprepared" for recess - due to his own fault which was confirmed by a call to his parent. No recess for him, period.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    I don't agree. I'll expect him to do what he can when he is ready to. Or when my younger one starts school and I don't have time to concentrate on him.
    What if he is "not ready" when you "don't have time to concentrate on him"? And how do you know the OP doesn't have other children she's concentrating on?

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