Posting Before & After Pics... Husband is NOT supportive
Replies
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I am not married, but from my experience of seeing my parents marriage, and others around me, listen to him. Marriage is a commitment to be bound together, that bond should not be broken for something like this, or anything. you should have respected his wishes. posting pictures is great b/c everyone loves to share their success, but truth be told, I feel the pictures were less about your success and more vain.0
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Think of it like this: on one hand: you want to do it, it's part of the "weight-loss journey"...but on the other hand: your husband doesn't want you to do it.
2 questions: why is it important to you that you do it? You (and close friends/family) can have those pics and see your own progress... who, besides strangers, can only see your progress on internet??
2. Why is it important to him that you NOT do it?
COMMUNICATE, & give and take...that and our faith in GOD has made our 32 years work...
praying for you!!
granvee
Awww, thanks :-)0 -
My husband does NOT want me posting any body pics
NONE whatsoever.
I took "before" bikini pics back in the summer. We were dating then, not even married. Even then he complained about the pics and begged me not to post them, so I took them down after a few days. I've since lost a few lbs and inches and was thinking about taking updates, but he absolutely refuses to take them for me... !!??!!
I told him "everyone's doing it"... LOL. He hates the idea of me "sharing" myself on the internet. I told him it's for a good reason but he won't budge. The only thing I could do is go behind his back
I am a bit upset about this. What would YOU do? Any opinions, advice, suggestions?
Take photos that are not swimwear, just normal clothes. Normal clothes' photos can still show weightloss, no probs.
It can't be to do with your face as that is your face in your profile piccie isn't it?
I agree. I would respect my husband's wishes and post with clothing instead. Even when I was smaller, I didn't wear a bikini because I felt that some of those things should be left only for my husband. I think it makes him feel special that you are for his eyes only. I don't think you should waste your time trying to "make him see it your way" or anything else. It's not like it's a huge compromise. There could be a lot worse things he asks you to do/ not to do. You should pick your battles.0 -
Just read your post to my husband. His exact words: "What a douche."0
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I don't blame him. I never post pictures of myself or family members on the internet period. Once you do - they are out there for anyone else to do what they want with. But I'm older - 49 - and realize that younger people don't care. Only you can decide what his reason is, and whether or not he's controlling. Don't let anyone here make your decision for you - it's your marriage. Work with your husband and decide what's best for the both of you.
And you don't need to post pictures of yourself to get support...surely people in your real life notice the changes and comment! If you feel strongly that you want to post them for whatever reason you should probably ask yourself why.0 -
posting pictures is great b/c everyone loves to share their success, but truth be told, I feel the pictures were less about your success and more vain.
Wow! And you know me so well?? LOL. So vain people can't revel in their successes too? JK...0 -
I don't blame him. I never post pictures of myself or family members on the internet period. Once you do - they are out there for anyone else to do what they want with. But I'm older - 49 - and realize that younger people don't care. Only you can decide what his reason is, and whether or not he's controlling. Don't let anyone here make your decision for you - it's your marriage. Work with your husband and decide what's best for the both of you.
And you don't need to post pictures of yourself to get support...surely people in your real life notice the changes and comment! If you feel strongly that you want to post them for whatever reason you should probably ask yourself why.
I wanted to share them with my friends on MFP. I see theirs, I wanted them to see mine... that's all.0 -
I say, just don't do it. Keep yourself a photo album of your progress - you don't really need to show the world your pictures just to motivate yourself. If you want the public recognition, do like the previous poster said and find a more creative way to share it.
Really. If it's that important to him, respect him. No, he definitely doesn't "own" you, but marriage is about mutual respect, love, partnership... if he's asked you not to do something, especially something as unimportant as this, and you go do it behind his back knowing it will hurt him when he finds out, how will that help you in your weight loss journey OR your marriage?
May I suggest instead that you find a way you can work together to support your journey and give you motivation? Maybe you could do your progress photos together for a private album, for example... wink, wink...
)
I agree with ^^0 -
Your husband is not your owner. You have every right to be proud of your before and afters enough to want to share them. If its that big of a deal, crop or blur your face out of the picture. Post it girl, we all will celebrate with you!
With advice like this you will be celebrating her divorce with her as well eventually. Fun stuff huh?0 -
you can post pics with out it being in a bikini. you can do pics in cute cloths with out showing skin. you should be way proud of your acomplishment and want to show the world how good you look. but i think you should also respect your husbands opinion. my husband is the same way, you are his and he dosent want to share. have your friend take some pics of you that are very tasteful and then let him choose witch ones get posted, but no matter what you decide never, never, never stop being proud of your self. its hard looseing weight and men that have never had a weight problem have no clue how hard it is and how big of an acomplishment it is to meet your goals. remember when you go out you will turn heads and that is somthing he cant stop. respect his wishes but dont let him bring you down.0
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Posting pictures on a MFP forum isn't worth relationship drama to me, but that's just my two cents. :drinker:0
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I say, just don't do it. Keep yourself a photo album of your progress - you don't really need to show the world your pictures just to motivate yourself. If you want the public recognition, do like the previous poster said and find a more creative way to share it.
Really. If it's that important to him, respect him. No, he definitely doesn't "own" you, but marriage is about mutual respect, love, partnership... if he's asked you not to do something, especially something as unimportant as this, and you go do it behind his back knowing it will hurt him when he finds out, how will that help you in your weight loss journey?
May I suggest instead that you find a way you can work together to support your journey and give you motivation? Maybe you could do your progress photos together for a private album, for example... wink, wink...)
I like your response. I wouldn't want to hurt him. It's not worth it.
It's just odd for me... I am very independent and have always done whatever I please... resenting others telling me what to do. But being married is just something I'm having to get used to. There's ALWAYS someone else there to consider... LOL. I was an only child and waited until I was 35 to get married.... LOL!!! See where I'm coming from? And he's got some weird modesty hangup :P
I think this was a great response, my thoughts are along the same lines.
It might seem just fine to you but it it bothers him then I think you need ro respect that. Or, if you REALLY want to, then you need to talk more about why it bothers him and see if there is some kind of compromise (maybe post them in your profile so they are friends only for example).
Relationships/marriage are all about compromise, communication and respect and there are times when you won't agree but you need to find a way forward.
Good on you for thinking this through and not just being childish and saying "you can't tell me what to do!".0 -
I say, just don't do it. Keep yourself a photo album of your progress - you don't really need to show the world your pictures just to motivate yourself. If you want the public recognition, do like the previous poster said and find a more creative way to share it.
Really. If it's that important to him, respect him. No, he definitely doesn't "own" you, but marriage is about mutual respect, love, partnership... if he's asked you not to do something, especially something as unimportant as this, and you go do it behind his back knowing it will hurt him when he finds out, how will that help you in your weight loss journey?
May I suggest instead that you find a way you can work together to support your journey and give you motivation? Maybe you could do your progress photos together for a private album, for example... wink, wink...)
I like your response. I wouldn't want to hurt him. It's not worth it.
It's just odd for me... I am very independent and have always done whatever I please... resenting others telling me what to do. But being married is just something I'm having to get used to. There's ALWAYS someone else there to consider... LOL. I was an only child and waited until I was 35 to get married.... LOL!!! See where I'm coming from? And he's got some weird modesty hangup :P
I think this was a great response, my thoughts are along the same lines.
It might seem just fine to you but it it bothers him then I think you need ro respect that. Or, if you REALLY want to, then you need to talk more about why it bothers him and see if there is some kind of compromise (maybe post them in your profile so they are friends only for example).
Relationships/marriage are all about compromise, communication and respect and there are times when you won't agree but you need to find a way forward.
Good on you for thinking this through and not just being childish and saying "you can't tell me what to do!".
Yes, that's exactly what I was leaning towards... if he and I came to a compromise about this I'd make the settings so that only my friends on here could see and not the entire forum, or public.
And this is definitely more than just about me posting my pics and getting my way... sure it is. It's such a mindbender that I'm now married and have to actually stop to consider things like this... really is throwing me for a loop! Guess that might be a good thing, it's not always about getting my way anymore!0 -
I say, just don't do it. Keep yourself a photo album of your progress - you don't really need to show the world your pictures just to motivate yourself. If you want the public recognition, do like the previous poster said and find a more creative way to share it.
Really. If it's that important to him, respect him. No, he definitely doesn't "own" you, but marriage is about mutual respect, love, partnership... if he's asked you not to do something, especially something as unimportant as this, and you go do it behind his back knowing it will hurt him when he finds out, how will that help you in your weight loss journey?
May I suggest instead that you find a way you can work together to support your journey and give you motivation? Maybe you could do your progress photos together for a private album, for example... wink, wink...)
I like your response. I wouldn't want to hurt him. It's not worth it.
It's just odd for me... I am very independent and have always done whatever I please... resenting others telling me what to do. But being married is just something I'm having to get used to. There's ALWAYS someone else there to consider... LOL. I was an only child and waited until I was 35 to get married.... LOL!!! See where I'm coming from? And he's got some weird modesty hangup :P
I think this was a great response, my thoughts are along the same lines.
It might seem just fine to you but it it bothers him then I think you need ro respect that. Or, if you REALLY want to, then you need to talk more about why it bothers him and see if there is some kind of compromise (maybe post them in your profile so they are friends only for example).
Relationships/marriage are all about compromise, communication and respect and there are times when you won't agree but you need to find a way forward.
Good on you for thinking this through and not just being childish and saying "you can't tell me what to do!".
Yes, that's exactly what I was leaning towards... if he and I came to a compromise about this I'd make the settings so that only my friends on here could see and not the entire forum, or public.
And this is definitely more than just about me posting my pics and getting my way... sure it is. It's such a mindbender that I'm now married and have to actually stop to consider things like this... really is throwing me for a loop! Guess that might be a good thing, it's not always about getting my way anymore!
I TOTALLY understand that! I used to just make plans with friends and stuff and now I find myself saying things like "I'd like to go, let me talk to my husband first and i'll get back to ya." (He works odd hours and I don't like to go out when he is home because I want to spend time with him.) It's SO weird. I actually had one friend ask my husband "Are you sure she's the same girl she was before you got married?" :laugh:0 -
Well my knee-jerk reaction is that I couldn't be with someone that possessive or controlling, but here's my nice answer...
Compromise, take some pics in form fitting clothes like yoga pants and a tank top that don't show your face. Or take pics that are for your eyes only.0 -
I TOTALLY understand that! I used to just make plans with friends and stuff and now I find myself saying things like "I'd like to go, let me talk to my husband first and i'll get back to ya." (He works odd hours and I don't like to go out when he is home because I want to spend time with him.) It's SO weird. I actually had one friend ask my husband "Are you sure she's the same girl she was before you got married?" :laugh:
It is weird
Believe me, there's a really big part of me that wants to scream: WHAT??? I'll do what I want. Period. Who are you to tell me I can't?? And then there's another part of me that laughs and snickers as I hear myself say: My HUSBAND doesn't want me to... LOL. I can't believe I'm THAT girl. But... it's not so bad. He's a great person and he's really bringing out the best in me. I think I got away with WAY too much nonsense as a single person... 0 -
I TOTALLY understand that! I used to just make plans with friends and stuff and now I find myself saying things like "I'd like to go, let me talk to my husband first and i'll get back to ya." (He works odd hours and I don't like to go out when he is home because I want to spend time with him.) It's SO weird. I actually had one friend ask my husband "Are you sure she's the same girl she was before you got married?" :laugh:
It is weird Believe me, there's a really big part of me that wants to scream: WHAT??? I'll do what I want. Period. Who are you to tell me I can't?? And then there's another part of me that laughs and snickers as I hear myself say: My HUSBAND doesn't want me to... LOL. I can't believe I'm THAT girl. But... it's not so bad. He's a great person and he's really bringing out the best in me. I think I got away with WAY too much nonsense as a single person...
I was the same way! lol!! My husband really grounds me. We were together for 3 years before we got married and he put up with SO much stuff. I'm so lucky to have him. I've made a great effort to treat him with much more respect since we got married. He really deserves it. We're lucky to have great guys!0 -
I TOTALLY understand that! I used to just make plans with friends and stuff and now I find myself saying things like "I'd like to go, let me talk to my husband first and i'll get back to ya." (He works odd hours and I don't like to go out when he is home because I want to spend time with him.) It's SO weird. I actually had one friend ask my husband "Are you sure she's the same girl she was before you got married?" :laugh:
It is weird Believe me, there's a really big part of me that wants to scream: WHAT??? I'll do what I want. Period. Who are you to tell me I can't?? And then there's another part of me that laughs and snickers as I hear myself say: My HUSBAND doesn't want me to... LOL. I can't believe I'm THAT girl. But... it's not so bad. He's a great person and he's really bringing out the best in me. I think I got away with WAY too much nonsense as a single person...
I was the same way! lol!! My husband really grounds me. We were together for 3 years before we got married and he put up with SO much stuff. I'm so lucky to have him. I've made a great effort to treat him with much more respect since we got married. He really deserves it. We're lucky to have great guys!
Agreed! :-)0 -
I say, just don't do it. Keep yourself a photo album of your progress - you don't really need to show the world your pictures just to motivate yourself. If you want the public recognition, do like the previous poster said and find a more creative way to share it.
Really. If it's that important to him, respect him. No, he definitely doesn't "own" you, but marriage is about mutual respect, love, partnership... if he's asked you not to do something, especially something as unimportant as this, and you go do it behind his back knowing it will hurt him when he finds out, how will that help you in your weight loss journey OR your marriage?
May I suggest instead that you find a way you can work together to support your journey and give you motivation? Maybe you could do your progress photos together for a private album, for example... wink, wink...)
this.. i took some before pics with my fiance with the intention of us comparing them down the line.. but until i explained that they were for the two of us alone he was NOT comfortable (hes a tech guru and the word facebook puts him into a panic lol).. while its tempting to want to show off your progress to others the only opinions about your body that matter are yours and his.. thats who should see the pics and celebrate your progress with you.. so (for me at least) ill post measurements or NSVs on here.. if he was 100% cool with it id post yoga pants/top type pics (not that ive brought it up or feel inclined to).. but thats about it because its still the internet.. and nothing you post on it goes away.. and i mean EVER!0 -
If he is that uncomfortable than I would respect that and not do it.
Keep them for yourself to compare then. That is who you are doing it for :flowerforyou:0 -
As far as I'm concerned, it's your body, your results, and his disapproval is his problem.
It's not like you won't be wearing a bikini at the beach, same difference, really.
There's just as many people who will see you're results via "real" sight, as internet.
I hope he becomes more supportive.0 -
He is your husband not your owner! Do what YOU need to do, if posting pics will help your journey then post it. (Cut your head out if you want)
^^This!
Amen sister!
Girl, if it's going to help you on your journey, do it. It's your journey, not his.0 -
Oooiiii!,, all these different 'solutions'
Have an adult conversation with your husband. Point out what your intentions and reasons and ACTUALLY HEAR his.
He isn't controlling. He isn't selfish.
Maybe he just doesnt understand why you are so free willing to do such a thing. It's Internet.0 -
Well you have to give him some credit for caring? I've been married 12 years- not a record but I have gathered some wisdom......It's not worth the argument take some pics that are less revealing and ask his opinion on which to post. Or you could suggest a trade...promise to never ask his opinion on your shoes for the next year in exchange for temporarily posting the pictures 0
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you should repect each others wishes. So why don't you make your own personal album to see your accomplishments?0
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Agree!!0
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My fiance is also not ok with me posting those types of pics on the internet or anywhere for that matter, but then again neither am I. If it is something that he is not comfortable with I try not to do it and it is the same for him especially if it is something like posting online. I want his approval and support above anyone else's. To each their own, but if I defied him to post pictures to get "wtg" comments from people that I don't even know it would show that I personally cared more about what strangers thought than the man that I am spending the rest of my life with. I am not saying that this is what you are doing OP, just my two cents.0
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I would respect his wishes when it comes to this.0
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If it were me and my husband was that serious about it, I'd skip posting them and be happy with keeping an album for myself. Whatever his motives are, he seems pretty set on it. If it were me, I'd just let that part go. Compromise. It's not worth a fight with the person you love.0
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Well you have to give him some credit for caring? I've been married 12 years- not a record but I have gathered some wisdom......It's not worth the argument take some pics that are less revealing and ask his opinion on which to post. Or you could suggest a trade...promise to never ask his opinion on your shoes for the next year in exchange for temporarily posting the pictures
Yes, he does care and I'm happy about that. I might take some yoga pants/sports bra tops and get his opinion. Although I'm pretty sure he'd be happy if I announced I'd never post another pic online... ever.
Oh, and he actually likes giving his opinion on my shoes :-) We go shoe shopping together, believe it or not. He DOES however think I have too many shoes and would love it if I didn't go nuts over shoes.0
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