Posting Before & After Pics... Husband is NOT supportive
Replies
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Just dont post them....pick your battles :-)0
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I guess I would first find out what his objections are.....is he insecure or is he concerned for your safety? If it's safety----you can compromise by only shooting pics from neck down.....If it is because he is insecure....well that is HIS issue and not yours.... (IMO). I guess if he is being "possessive"....well I wouldn't be able to stand for that....but if it is out of true concern....well---we could work on a compromise ;-).0
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My husband does NOT want me posting any body pics
NONE whatsoever.
I took "before" bikini pics back in the summer. We were dating then, not even married. Even then he complained about the pics and begged me not to post them, so I took them down after a few days. I've since lost a few lbs and inches and was thinking about taking updates, but he absolutely refuses to take them for me... !!??!!
I told him "everyone's doing it"... LOL. He hates the idea of me "sharing" myself on the internet. I told him it's for a good reason but he won't budge. The only thing I could do is go behind his back
I am a bit upset about this. What would YOU do? Any opinions, advice, suggestions?
Take photos that are not swimwear, just normal clothes. Normal clothes' photos can still show weightloss, no probs.
It can't be to do with your face as that is your face in your profile piccie isn't it?
This - post photos with clothes on - it will show your progress.
While some of thes posters are correct, he doesn't own you, you need to decide whose opinion matters most - the man you love, or a bunch of strangers on the internet.0 -
You should obey your husband's wishes. I suggest you make him a sammich and think about what you've done.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I say, just don't do it. Keep yourself a photo album of your progress - you don't really need to show the world your pictures just to motivate yourself. If you want the public recognition, do like the previous poster said and find a more creative way to share it.
Really. If it's that important to him, respect him. No, he definitely doesn't "own" you, but marriage is about mutual respect, love, partnership... if he's asked you not to do something, especially something as unimportant as this, and you go do it behind his back knowing it will hurt him when he finds out, how will that help you in your weight loss journey OR your marriage?
May I suggest instead that you find a way you can work together to support your journey and give you motivation? Maybe you could do your progress photos together for a private album, for example... wink, wink...
Totally agree, great response
)0 -
My two cents is this is obviously important to you, and not silly or ridiculous. You worked for it and want to show your loss proudly. It seems a little over-paranoid of him to not want you "sharing" yourself, it's YOUR body.
i like that reply.
it isn't about showing off so people can hit on you, this is a support site not a dating site. You should be able to post your before and afters freely and be proud to do so.0 -
He is your husband not your owner! Do what YOU need to do, if posting pics will help your journey then post it. (Cut your head out if you want)
^^This!
Amen sister!
Girl, if it's going to help you on your journey, do it. It's your journey, not his.
Women who post stuff like this are most likely either:
A) Single
Divorced
C) Going to be divorced eventually.
I was one of those 'do what you want who cares about what your husband says' type girls for too long. Guess what? I didn't get married until I was over 30...and I saw all those like minded gals I hung out with go through nasty divorces because they were "empowered" women. (Including my mother, after 25 years of marriage my father just couldn't take her "single minded" mentality anymore.) OP never said her husband stated she absolutely COULDN'T post pics, she said he DOESN'T WANT her to. There is a difference between being a "slave", or a "doormat", and just having the common courtesy to compromise with your spouse. The most empowered woman is the one who is considerate to her mate instead of being so busy deciding "he doesn't own her" that she won't even take the time to work things out on issues that they don't see eye to eye on. Compromise also makes for a long, happy marriage. I really dislike the almost constant disrespect for men I see on these message boards. Way too many posts by women bashing their spouses and talking poorly about them. It's pretty awful. When a wife becomes their husband's biggest fan, I can almost guarantee that even a not so great relationship will become a much better one.
ETA: This post isn't directed to you, OP, but to the posters who replied to you that you shouldn't care what your husband thinks, and to do what you wish.0 -
My boyfriend is the same. He got so angry when I wanted to send my online trainer progress pictures... I would say just chop your head off as has been mentioned or wear more clothing, such as shorts and a tank top, or something similar.0
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He is your husband not your owner! Do what YOU need to do, if posting pics will help your journey then post it. (Cut your head out if you want)
^^This!
Amen sister!
Girl, if it's going to help you on your journey, do it. It's your journey, not his.
Women who post stuff like this are most likely either:
A) Single Divorced
C) Going to be divorced eventually.
I was one of those 'do what you want who cares about what your husband says' type girls for too long. Guess what? I didn't get married until I was over 30...and I saw all those like minded gals I hung out with go through nasty divorces because they were "empowered" women. (Including my mother, after 25 years of marriage my father just couldn't take her "single minded" mentality anymore.) OP never said her husband stated she absolutely COULDN'T post pics, she said he DOESN'T WANT her to. There is a difference between being a "slave", or a "doormat", and just having the common courtesy to compromise with your spouse. The most empowered woman is the one who is considerate to her mate instead of being so busy deciding "he doesn't own her" that she won't even take the time to work things out on issues that they don't see eye to eye on. Compromise also makes for a long, happy marriage. I really dislike the almost constant disrespect for men I see on these message boards. Way too many posts by women bashing their spouses and talking poorly about them. It's pretty awful. When a wife becomes their husband's biggest fan, I can almost guarantee that even a not so great relationship will become a much better one.
Bingo! 0 -
Marriage/partnerships are funny things. Yes, you should be free...its your body...yada yada. But pick your battles sweetie! Maybe he's being irrational/unreasonable. But one of these days (if you haven't already) you're going to want him to yield on something irrational. And if its not a huge deal to him...you'll feel better that he did it, right?
If its mainly to, as you say, chart your progress, take a picture and share it with yourself. Heck, you can print it out and share it with friends offline.
Now. If this *were* a huge deal (it doesn't seem like this is, but one day, something else will come up that is), then you owe it to your marriage to talk it over with him. See his concerns. Talk it through. Come up with something that you think is fair but that he is less uncomfortable with--or just get him to be okay with being uncomfortable. Because its important to you. Folks saying 'just do it. screw him. its your right.' Okay...but you don't settle relationship disagreements by saying 'your concerns are stupid, so I ignored them.'0 -
Women who post stuff like this are most likely either:
A) Single Divorced
C) Going to be divorced eventually.
I was one of those 'do what you want who cares about what your husband says' type girls for too long. Guess what? I didn't get married until I was over 30...and I saw all those like minded gals I hung out with go through nasty divorces because they were "empowered" women. (Including my mother, after 25 years of marriage my father just couldn't take her "single minded" mentality anymore.) OP never said her husband stated she absolutely COULDN'T post pics, she said he DOESN'T WANT her to. There is a difference between being a "slave", or a "doormat", and just having the common courtesy to compromise with your spouse. The most empowered woman is the one who is considerate to her mate instead of being so busy deciding "he doesn't own her" that she won't even take the time to work things out on issues that they don't see eye to eye on. Compromise also makes for a long, happy marriage. I really dislike the almost constant disrespect for men I see on these message boards. Way too many posts by women bashing their spouses and talking poorly about them. It's pretty awful. When a wife becomes their husband's biggest fan, I can almost guarantee that even a not so great relationship will become a much better one.
Bingo!
Couldn't agree more!0 -
To be honest my husband would be most put out if I did that . We have been married 30 years . Perhaps it is a bit old fashioned to take this stance but there is no need to post yourself really. Of course you are more sexy when you have done good diet and fitness. You can also measure thighs and waist lost cms . These are objective things people can cheer you on about and compete with.0
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Marriage/partnerships are funny things. Yes, you should be free...its your body...yada yada. But pick your battles sweetie! Maybe he's being irrational/unreasonable. But one of these days (if you haven't already) you're going to want him to yield on something irrational. And if its not a huge deal to him...you'll feel better that he did it, right?
If its mainly to, as you say, chart your progress, take a picture and share it with yourself. Heck, you can print it out and share it with friends offline.
Now. If this *were* a huge deal (it doesn't seem like this is, but one day, something else will come up that is), then you owe it to your marriage to talk it over with him. See his concerns. Talk it through. Come up with something that you think is fair but that he is less uncomfortable with--or just get him to be okay with being uncomfortable. Because its important to you. Folks saying 'just do it. screw him. its your right.' Okay...but you don't settle relationship disagreements by saying 'your concerns are stupid, so I ignored them.'
Sage wisdom here...0 -
Is your face in the pics? He may just be concerned about you and people taking your pics for their own strange reasons (weirdos out there). On my pics I took my face off and my boyfriend seemed ok with it. I have heard of people not liking their significant other doing that though, although I completely agree with you that posting them is a great way to get motivation and support!
I agree...leave your face out of the pictures. Although your face is in other pics that you've posted here. Or as someone else has posted...take pictures in regurlar clothes. But in my opinion, regular clothes can show the change, but prob not as significantly as a swimsuit. Maybe try some more form fitting work out clothes??? I really don't see a problem with the before and after pictures. If nothing else, see if he will take the pics for you just to keep for yourself...they can be a great source of motovation. Where you were, where you are...you can physically see the changes in yourself, and that (for me anyway) would be a great motovational tool to keep me going.0 -
He is your husband not your owner! Do what YOU need to do, if posting pics will help your journey then post it. (Cut your head out if you want)
^^This!
Amen sister!
Girl, if it's going to help you on your journey, do it. It's your journey, not his.
Women who post stuff like this are most likely either:
A) Single Divorced
C) Going to be divorced eventually.
I was one of those 'do what you want who cares about what your husband says' type girls for too long. Guess what? I didn't get married until I was over 30...and I saw all those like minded gals I hung out with go through nasty divorces because they were "empowered" women. (Including my mother, after 25 years of marriage my father just couldn't take her "single minded" mentality anymore.) OP never said her husband stated she absolutely COULDN'T post pics, she said he DOESN'T WANT her to. There is a difference between being a "slave", or a "doormat", and just having the common courtesy to compromise with your spouse. The most empowered woman is the one who is considerate to her mate instead of being so busy deciding "he doesn't own her" that she won't even take the time to work things out on issues that they don't see eye to eye on. Compromise also makes for a long, happy marriage. I really dislike the almost constant disrespect for men I see on these message boards. Way too many posts by women bashing their spouses and talking poorly about them. It's pretty awful. When a wife becomes their husband's biggest fan, I can almost guarantee that even a not so great relationship will become a much better one.
ETA: This post isn't directed to you, OP, but to the posters who replied to you that you shouldn't care what your husband thinks, and to do what you wish.
^THIS0 -
You should obey your husband's wishes. I suggest you make him a sammich and think about what you've done.
:flowerforyou:
This.0 -
i dont know what to say other than, your an adult, and you shouldnt need permission to post your pic. my husband doesnt care what i do, because hes not my father, hes my husband, and he trusts that im smart enough not to do anything dumb, stupid, or dangerous. maybe he should lighten up a bit. ID POST THEM!0
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Your husband should mean more to you than a bunch of ppl in the interweb....women when did it become so cool to treat our husbands like a puddle of mud? I am my husbands biggest fan and he is mine! You should feel proud that he loves you so much he wants to protect you from all the crazies...0
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It's not like he's saying you can't have them at all, he just asked you not to post them. If they are just for you, then compromise and say you'll keep them private.0
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Why dont you ask him if he would take before and afters just for the two of you to see .. you could keep yourself a kind of journey album ... i can understand his reservations once pictures are posted they are on the net there is no going back .... also is this worth losing his trust? your relationship is way more important than pictures posted on this website. (IMO)0
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EXACTLY!!! tell him to get over it, sounds like he's jealous to me. my hubby is nothing but supportive and encouraging and the fact that he's refusing to allow u to put pics up is down right controlling. thats my 2 cents.He is your husband not your owner! Do what YOU need to do, if posting pics will help your journey then post it. (Cut your head out if you want) 0 -
i dont know what to say other than, your an adult, and you shouldnt need permission to post your pic. my husband doesnt care what i do, because hes not my father, hes my husband, and he trusts that im smart enough not to do anything dumb, stupid, or dangerous. maybe he should lighten up a bit. ID POST THEM!
Adults take into consideration their spouse's genuine wishes.0 -
thats such crap!He is your husband not your owner! Do what YOU need to do, if posting pics will help your journey then post it. (Cut your head out if you want)
^^This!
Amen sister!
Girl, if it's going to help you on your journey, do it. It's your journey, not his.
Women who post stuff like this are most likely either:
A) Single Divorced
C) Going to be divorced eventually.
I was one of those 'do what you want who cares about what your husband says' type girls for too long. Guess what? I didn't get married until I was over 30...and I saw all those like minded gals I hung out with go through nasty divorces because they were "empowered" women. (Including my mother, after 25 years of marriage my father just couldn't take her "single minded" mentality anymore.) OP never said her husband stated she absolutely COULDN'T post pics, she said he DOESN'T WANT her to. There is a difference between being a "slave", or a "doormat", and just having the common courtesy to compromise with your spouse. The most empowered woman is the one who is considerate to her mate instead of being so busy deciding "he doesn't own her" that she won't even take the time to work things out on issues that they don't see eye to eye on. Compromise also makes for a long, happy marriage. I really dislike the almost constant disrespect for men I see on these message boards. Way too many posts by women bashing their spouses and talking poorly about them. It's pretty awful. When a wife becomes their husband's biggest fan, I can almost guarantee that even a not so great relationship will become a much better one.
ETA: This post isn't directed to you, OP, but to the posters who replied to you that you shouldn't care what your husband thinks, and to do what you wish.
^THIS0 -
In all honesty, respecting his wishes is something that's good to do. However, you need to take those pictures for your own satisfaction. If posting them on the internet is what bothers him, ask him to help take the pictures so you can put them up on the bathroom mirror or in a file so you can see for yourself the great work you've done! I've always been extremely self conscious with posting pictures on the internet and I keep picture of myself when I was biggest and when I was the skinniest in my life for motivation!0
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EXACTLY!!! tell him to get over it, sounds like he's jealous to me. my hubby is nothing but supportive and encouraging and the fact that he's refusing to allow u to put pics up is down right controlling. thats my 2 cents.He is your husband not your owner! Do what YOU need to do, if posting pics will help your journey then post it. (Cut your head out if you want)
Yeah!! Who cares if your husband is jealous!! That doesn't matter! Showing people on the internet is way more important than jealousy in your marriage. Husbands, pffftttt whop cares what they think anyway.
Wait what? xD0 -
Really I don't know where to start with this. First of all as a muslim I find this a bit of a cheap shot. The burka is not something that SOME muslim wear to please their husbands, they do it for God and for their wanting to please Him.
What an insecure little troll....My husband does NOT want me posting any body pics NONE whatsoever.
I took "before" bikini pics back in the summer. We were dating then, not even married. Even then he complained about the pics and begged me not to post them, so I took them down after a few days. I've since lost a few lbs and inches and was thinking about taking updates, but he absolutely refuses to take them for me... !!??!!
I told him "everyone's doing it"... LOL. He hates the idea of me "sharing" myself on the internet. I told him it's for a good reason but he won't budge. The only thing I could do is go behind his back
I am a bit upset about this. What would YOU do? Any opinions, advice, suggestions?
Oh well, you married him, so maybe you should just take all your pics wearing a burka.
In regards to the original question,
I think you should respect your husbands wishes. He is your husband and has a right to tell you not to put pictures online that he feels uncomfortable with. If you want to see them maybe print them out for yourself and put them side by side so you can see the difference or show them to your close friends for feedback but posting these kinds of pictures online can sometimes have consequences that we can't foresee. It is not a major part of your weight loss and not necessary. Sometimes we have to compromise in marriage and ask the question... "is it worth it". Is it worth upsetting your husband if you go behind his back? Is it really even worth fighting for? We have battles in our marriage and sometimes we have wars! Settle on the battles sometimes and your more likely to win the wars! Good luck in you journey.
BTW I have seen some people that have only head shots to show their progress and you can still see a remarkable difference!0 -
My husband does NOT want me posting any body pics NONE whatsoever.
I took "before" bikini pics back in the summer. We were dating then, not even married. Even then he complained about the pics and begged me not to post them, so I took them down after a few days. I've since lost a few lbs and inches and was thinking about taking updates, but he absolutely refuses to take them for me... !!??!!
I told him "everyone's doing it"... LOL. He hates the idea of me "sharing" myself on the internet. I told him it's for a good reason but he won't budge. The only thing I could do is go behind his back
I am a bit upset about this. What would YOU do? Any opinions, advice, suggestions?
I would use the timer setting on your cam and take them yourself or get a friend to take them for you(female friend or he might be even more mad) and just post them. Yes I know this could cause probelms but just cut your face out or whatever. He should be proud to show you off and to let you share your story of how you got to where you are at. It can help others to see how you have done what you have done. I just started and took pics of myself because I dont even like my husband to look at me....bet your booty when I am smokin hot (LOL) I will let him tak ethe after pics and they will be posted....stay tunded for pics...lol...may be awhile.0 -
He is your husband not your owner! Do what YOU need to do, if posting pics will help your journey then post it. (Cut your head out if you want)
^^This!
Amen sister!
Girl, if it's going to help you on your journey, do it. It's your journey, not his.
Women who post stuff like this are most likely either:
A) Single Divorced
C) Going to be divorced eventually.
I was one of those 'do what you want who cares about what your husband says' type girls for too long. Guess what? I didn't get married until I was over 30...and I saw all those like minded gals I hung out with go through nasty divorces because they were "empowered" women. (Including my mother, after 25 years of marriage my father just couldn't take her "single minded" mentality anymore.) OP never said her husband stated she absolutely COULDN'T post pics, she said he DOESN'T WANT her to. There is a difference between being a "slave", or a "doormat", and just having the common courtesy to compromise with your spouse. The most empowered woman is the one who is considerate to her mate instead of being so busy deciding "he doesn't own her" that she won't even take the time to work things out on issues that they don't see eye to eye on. Compromise also makes for a long, happy marriage. I really dislike the almost constant disrespect for men I see on these message boards. Way too many posts by women bashing their spouses and talking poorly about them. It's pretty awful. When a wife becomes their husband's biggest fan, I can almost guarantee that even a not so great relationship will become a much better one.
ETA: This post isn't directed to you, OP, but to the posters who replied to you that you shouldn't care what your husband thinks, and to do what you wish.
AMEN SISTER!!!!! I'm so happy when I hear women standing up for their right to love, RESPECT and OBEY their husbands!!! As a muslim (an aussie convert of 8 years) when I speak up about this people just assume its cause i'm from some backward country that worships their husbands and put up with daily beatings in the name of religion!!!
Yay for all the women who want to please their husbands!0 -
He is your husband not your owner! Do what YOU need to do, if posting pics will help your journey then post it. (Cut your head out if you want)
^^This!
Amen sister!
Girl, if it's going to help you on your journey, do it. It's your journey, not his.
Women who post stuff like this are most likely either:
A) Single Divorced
C) Going to be divorced eventually.
I was one of those 'do what you want who cares about what your husband says' type girls for too long. Guess what? I didn't get married until I was over 30...and I saw all those like minded gals I hung out with go through nasty divorces because they were "empowered" women. (Including my mother, after 25 years of marriage my father just couldn't take her "single minded" mentality anymore.) OP never said her husband stated she absolutely COULDN'T post pics, she said he DOESN'T WANT her to. There is a difference between being a "slave", or a "doormat", and just having the common courtesy to compromise with your spouse. The most empowered woman is the one who is considerate to her mate instead of being so busy deciding "he doesn't own her" that she won't even take the time to work things out on issues that they don't see eye to eye on. Compromise also makes for a long, happy marriage. I really dislike the almost constant disrespect for men I see on these message boards. Way too many posts by women bashing their spouses and talking poorly about them. It's pretty awful. When a wife becomes their husband's biggest fan, I can almost guarantee that even a not so great relationship will become a much better one.
ETA: This post isn't directed to you, OP, but to the posters who replied to you that you shouldn't care what your husband thinks, and to do what you wish.
AMEN SISTER!!!!! I'm so happy when I hear women standing up for their right to love, RESPECT and OBEY their husbands!!! As a muslim (an aussie convert of 8 years) when I speak up about this people just assume its cause i'm from some backward country that worships their husbands and put up with daily beatings in the name of religion!!!
Yay for all the women who want to please their husbands!
As you said, it is not for just certain countries, or a certain religion, as a lot of people think. :happy: I'm Christian and I try my best to love, respect and obey my husband as well. There seem to be a lot more Christian women that are going back to what our Bible says we should do as wives: be respectful of our husbands. We even have conferences about it here in the U.S. (The Love and Respect authors do some of them) and they draw a lot of couples. I think no matter what religion or country we are from, our marriages and families will last longer and be happier if we start treating our spouses better and stop buying into all this disrespect for men that the media and society preach. It's so nice to meet a like minded lady! Your husband must be a very happy guy! :flowerforyou:0 -
Respecting your husband should be a lot more important than showing off your bikini body to strangers on the internet. Priorities, dear.0
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