Posting Before & After Pics... Husband is NOT supportive

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Replies

  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    L4D makes the world go round. With brains.
  • hollyinPR
    hollyinPR Posts: 22 Member
    I didn't read all the responses, so what I have to say may have already been said, but...

    I've been married for 6 years now, still learning more every day. Marriage is about mutual respect and give and take. Sometimes there are things that bother my husband that don't bother me. Sometimes there are things that bother me that don't bother my husband. If you want a marriage built on mutual respect and love, that means that sometimes you sacrifice what YOU want to do in the interest of respecting and honoring your spouse. A healthy marriage would have your spouse doing the same thing for you.

    My personal opinion is that you have to let this one go. If the motivation is truly just for you, then post your before and after pics on your fridge or in your bathroom...then you and your husband can BOTH enjoy the pics! ;)

    There are much bigger 'fish to fry' so to speak when it comes to disagreements in marriage. Let this one go.
  • MichelleFirestone
    MichelleFirestone Posts: 212 Member
    My husband would feel the exact same way. He isn't controlling. He just doesn't want anyone looking at private pictures. women or man. Take a picture with clothing on. you can see the change.

    You should respect your Husband. That's what marriage is about. Give and Take, respecting each other's feelings.
  • tangie82
    tangie82 Posts: 285 Member
    I didn't have time to read all the comments, so I hope i'm not repeating anything. You are coming on here for opinions, so here is mine. Listen to me don't listen to me, whatever.

    I don't know your whole relationship so I'm just going off of what you wrote. You stated that he had issues with it before you were married and you took them down. So why would you think he would be ok with it now? One of the biggest mistake a person can make is thinking they can change someone after they marry them. You knew what you were getting into. I don't think it's that big of a deal. If that is the biggest complaint of your marriage that he doesn't want strangers online gawking at his half naked wife, I would let him win this one. If he is controling in other aspects of your marriage, wanting to pick your friends, dress you or physically abusive. Then I would definately seek counseling. This doesn't happen over night though, I think you knew what you were getting into when you got married.

    For me personally, I could not be with a man who wanted to control me. I am very upfront from get go about how independent I am. It's kind of a take it or leave it with me. I don't take marriage lightly, so when I do get married I want to have been with that person for long enough that we are on the same page with most things.

    Again if that is y'all biggest issue, I would let him win this one. Try putting the shoe on the other foot and see how you like it if he openly did something that he knew would upset you. I don't think it is a horrible request for him to ask you not to post half naked pics on the internet. Just my opinion.
  • ADobs
    ADobs Posts: 160 Member
    I would sit down and talk to him about it and find out why specifically he does not want you posting this pictures and then maybe you can come to a compromise. Like some posters have said, it might be that he's not comfortable you posting a picture that includes your face, in which case, just crop your head. I also agree with some other posters that say he is not your owner and it's not like this is a dating website, it's a weight-loss type of site and the majority of people on here are females (I would guess).
  • KarenLue
    KarenLue Posts: 94 Member
    Peach I think if this guy did all that it would be because he has issues, not because of any advice given here. lol I thing we're dealing with a guy getting insecure because of his partners weight loss. My husband was the same way when I lost 56 lbs but he got better when he saw I wasn't going to leave him. Don't buy trouble.
  • coxybum
    coxybum Posts: 9
    It is YOUR body not his, he obviously had insecurities about this and should talk to you about that instead of just saying you shouldn't do it. There is nothing wrong with posting pictures of yourself in order to show the weight you have lost. Explain to him that it is about confidence and having people comment on the weight you've lost and how much better you look than previously will boost your confidence and my him not allowing you to do this is stopping that boost from happening. He should be proud of your body and want to show you off to everybody himself.
    It's your body not his and this is a fitness website not a lewd porn site or something, people don't come on here to perve, they come to look at how other people have become healthier and made themselves feel better about their bodies so they can do that too. Personally I'd tell him to shove it and do it anyway but it sounds like he has insecurities so just try to reassure him maybe and explain your reasons for wanting to post them. I hope this helps
  • kebab69
    kebab69 Posts: 6
    I hadn't time to read through all this but pics need only be for you its for your visual to show you how much you've lost (because we can never see it ourselves given we are always with our bodies, they dont seem to change) two pics side by side will show you your loses. on a site we will be just as supportive to see you have lost lbs and inches we dont need the visual thats just something some like to share. If your husband is that bothered then dont do it I can see his point everyone will have access to the body he loves which he wants kept between the two of you. He does sound a little over the top but he's your husband.
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
    It is YOUR body not his, he obviously had insecurities about this and should talk to you about that instead of just saying you shouldn't do it. There is nothing wrong with posting pictures of yourself in order to show the weight you have lost. Explain to him that it is about confidence and having people comment on the weight you've lost and how much better you look than previously will boost your confidence and my him not allowing you to do this is stopping that boost from happening. He should be proud of your body and want to show you off to everybody himself.
    It's your body not his and this is a fitness website not a lewd porn site or something, people don't come on here to perve, they come to look at how other people have become healthier and made themselves feel better about their bodies so they can do that too. Personally I'd tell him to shove it and do it anyway but it sounds like he has insecurities so just try to reassure him maybe and explain your reasons for wanting to post them. I hope this helps

    And again I say...

    OP, just ask yourself is marriage > or < some dumb web site? :flowerforyou:
  • jedi9393
    jedi9393 Posts: 121
    some good advice on here and let me say I am married, 35, with a son. Your husband cannot prevent every man looking at you. Once you get thinner and more confident its gonna attract people period. If your husband is very modest or have a problem with it then its up to the OP to decide, but she did post this on MFP asking for advice so if she doesnt like some of the opinions on here then I say just delete your thread and move on.

    With that said, I picked a husband that shared my same values and is truly my partner in everything. If there is an issue between us I go to him first. We have been knowiing each other for years and have been together for 8 years. Think my hubby is some older mature man? He's not. He's 25. He has his moments of getting on my nerves but thats marriage!! I'm just amazed that so many people are married to unhelpful, uncooperative, unkind spouses and just put up with it. Never settle folks, never. I'd rather be alone and a single mom then stuck with a husband that truly didnt appreaciate and love me.
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
    Also, you can still do it with clothes on. :smile:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/445073-never-posted-my-own-success-story?hl=never+posted+success&page=1#posts-6149001
  • Goofy076
    Goofy076 Posts: 287 Member
    umm... shouldnt he be the one that is the most proud of you?? He should be the first to be shouting from the roof tops how proud he is and how you did such a amazing job and not to mention what a hottie you are... I am so sorry, i had a ex that was like that which is why hes a ex.. I couldnt have done this with out my hubby being so supportive , loving and always always telling me how proud he is of me. My hubby even has changed his eating habits and never complains about the change in food in the house cause he knows that I need to cook and eat a certain way .. I truly hope you are able to talk to him and explain to him how important it is that he is 100000% behind you and willing to do what ever you need to do to help your motivation :)
  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
    My husband does NOT want me posting any body pics :( NONE whatsoever.

    I took "before" bikini pics back in the summer. We were dating then, not even married. Even then he complained about the pics and begged me not to post them, so I took them down after a few days. I've since lost a few lbs and inches and was thinking about taking updates, but he absolutely refuses to take them for me... !!??!!

    I told him "everyone's doing it"... LOL. He hates the idea of me "sharing" myself on the internet. I told him it's for a good reason but he won't budge. The only thing I could do is go behind his back :(

    I am a bit upset about this. What would YOU do? Any opinions, advice, suggestions?

    My husband would feel the same about bikini or underwear pics.... Personally I would respect his choice and not do it. But to each their own.
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    Jeez, it's simple, he's a little insecure and afraid of losing you to one of us "online hunks" *note sarcasm*. But seriously, if it's that big a deal with him, don't do it - talk about it and see if he'll share his issue. It's really not that important to post a bikini picture on here. It's the internet and who knows where it could end up and what it could be used for.

    and by the way, I've been married to the same woman since 1984.
  • maryjay51
    maryjay51 Posts: 742
    that would be the day someone told me what i could or couldnt do.. if your husband said you cant you are letting him say that. its not like they are nude pics for god sake.. once i turned 18 i became an adult who is legally allowed to make my own decisions. sounds like a control freak to me
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
    that would be the day someone told me what i could or couldnt do.. if your husband said you cant you are letting him say that. its not like they are nude pics for god sake.. once i turned 18 i became an adult who is legally allowed to make my own decisions. sounds like a control freak to me

    Just curious; are you married?
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    You know, this might sound old-fashioned, but I say respect his wishes. You don't really gain anything from posting those pics. Your marriage is more important than what some strangers on the internet think.
  • ADobs
    ADobs Posts: 160 Member
    Also, could you not show your progress with full clothing pictures? Progress can be seen with or without clothes, especially with a before and after. And think about this, would you want him posting his picture of him half-naked? I know my husband would not be 100% supportive of me posting bikini pictures on a random website. He is your husband so you should take what he says and respect that as it's not coming from an unreasonable place, unless of course he's a controlling-psycho jerk.
  • sms1986
    sms1986 Posts: 113 Member
    I would suggest taking pictures without your face, wearing normal clothes that still show your weight loss and show them to him before doing anything with them, so he can see that they are just for showing your progress. Maybe that would help?
  • therighttrack
    therighttrack Posts: 96 Member
    As controlling as it may seem, don't go against his wishes. That just opens a whole new can of worms. If he wont go for the no face idea, then just take pics and hang them somewhere that you will see them all the time ...on the fridge or a mirror for example. Each time you notice a difference in weight or inches be proud and post the loss online! Its a goal you have set for yourself - no one else.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    It honestly never would have crossed my mind to ask my husband's permission to post my photos online, and his reaction is "Hell yeah! Look at how hot my wife looks!"

    To be fair, if he was totally against me posting photos in a bathing suit, I wouldn't. There's lines I won't cross, but they're my own lines, not his. But I also can't imagine him ever forbidding me to do anything, or marrying someone who'd forbid me from doing anything. That's just how we are with each other... we trust each other's judgements because we know we share the same values.
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
    You know, this might sound old-fashioned, but I say respect his wishes. You don't really gain anything from posting those pics. Your marriage is more important than what some strangers on the internet think.

    Stop the presses! We agreed on something?
  • slayerdan
    slayerdan Posts: 193
    Glad to see the Puritanical view of marriage is still fresh and alive in the minds of some people. You sound like a great slave. It should be a long, glorious marriage.
  • closedacct
    closedacct Posts: 5
    Hmmm. I wonder if he would like you discussing marital business with strangers on the internet.
  • Fit4_Life
    Fit4_Life Posts: 828 Member
    If husband is not supporting the "pictures". Then don't. You're the one that has to live with him or hear it from him; no one else does. Sure it's nice to show your progress, but it's not worth the argument. Not a good idea to be doing things behind husband's back without approval. Just sayin'..
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    I'm not sure why doing that is "sharing" yourself. They're photos of you in a bikini, it's not like you're engaging in strange sex acts for strangers to watch on a cam. Have you talked to him about why he is so bothered by this, or how this is different from you say, wearing that same bikini to the beach or the pool?
  • nygiantschick
    nygiantschick Posts: 289 Member
    I think you should respect his request there are a lot of creepy people on the internet- even this site. Just post in some exercise clothes like yoga pants and a tank top or something. Your marriage is more important than this website.
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
    Hmmm. I wonder if he would like you discussing marital business with strangers on the internet.

    :drinker:
  • meparker56
    meparker56 Posts: 36
    Hi there! A word of advise, do not go behind his back. One of the worst things in the world for a relationship is lying or having secrets. Things like that have a way of biting you in the butt!. Be honest with him. The decision is ultimately yours, but why not post pics with nice fitting clothes instead of a bikini? Personally, I like to leave a little to the imagination! Good luck to you, whatever you decide.
  • HotBodUnderConstruction
    HotBodUnderConstruction Posts: 420
    I think it's just because he knows what men do with half-naked pictures of pretty women on the internet...:wink:
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