Posting Before & After Pics... Husband is NOT supportive

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Replies

  • krh891
    krh891 Posts: 16
    I know how you feel. My boyfriend would be upset also. I've got before pics that I'd like to post as well as progression pictures. I'm also debating on whether or not to post them...I only accept females on MFP so I don't see the big deal. I understand about them only wanting us to "share" ourselves with them though.

    GOod luck!
  • beatleschic87
    beatleschic87 Posts: 260 Member
    Your husband should not have a say in what you do with your body. You're not cheating on him... Hell you're not even posting pics on a dating website. This is a FITNESS website so we can share your success with you. He needs to stop being so insecure and let you do what you want with YOUR body. No one should tell you what to do with it especially a man who took vows to love and support you until death do you part. Post em girl. You're beautiful.
  • meltygarden
    meltygarden Posts: 111 Member
    I wouldn't go behind his back, that's a bad precedent to set in a marriage.

    However, I also wouldn't allow another person (not even one I am married to) to tell me what I can and cannot do as a grown woman. That's also not a good precedent to be setting! It basically boils down to: "whoever throws the biggest tantrum, wins." and you don't want to get started there.

    How about, as a compromise, you tell him you're going to post pictures, but that you will post in shorts and a shirt instead of a bikini? That lets him know you're doing that in deference to his feelings/insecurities, but that in the end, it's also your choice what you decide to do.

    Being married doesn't give him final vote over what you do with yourself.

    PS: Married for almost 20 years so far, very happily. We are a team, but we are not Borg. ;)
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    What about having him take the pics and keep them on your computer for you to motivate yourself without posting them. Or what about pics in some cute tight workout clothes that would probably show some of your results. Out of respect for my husband I am choosing to not even consider posting revealing pictures on this site or any other.
  • ericabrothers
    ericabrothers Posts: 115
    ever seen the movie "I am number four"? you sure he isn't one of them? you said he NEVER posts pix of himself on the internet :happy:
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
    Regardless of whether hubby is right or wrong in his request, there is only one answer. Respect your marriage. Talk to him about how you feel. See if the two of you can come up with a compromise. But if at the end of the day he is not comfortable with you posting pictures - if your marriage is important to you, then don't post the pictures.
  • cruiseking
    cruiseking Posts: 338 Member
    My wife was interviewed, and is appearing on a "48 Hours Mystery" two hour show. The subject, was the murder of Her ex-boyfriend. Her co-workers asked "and your husband is letting you do it"? Excuse me? I don't forbid, or let me wife do anything. I worry about how they will portray her; but the decision was all hers, and I believe it was therapeutic for her. The word insecure comes to mind, in your situation.
  • fitplease
    fitplease Posts: 647 Member
    Cut your face out of the pics.

    Maybe you can post the before pic with a little Photoshop magic that would make it more tasteful for your hubby? And, take the after pic in something less revealing? (Or touched up all the same.)
  • krist3ng
    krist3ng Posts: 259 Member
    Don't do anything behind his back, but don't ask his permission in the first place. You should be able to make these decisions on your own. Also mention that if guys want pictures of a woman in a bikini, UMM, they can get those ANYWHERE. they probably wouldn't be looking for them at a weight loss web site. This isn't that kind of an environment. You don't want people to be leering at your picture, you just want everyone to know and celebrate your progress.
    It might help to mention that the vast majority of users here are women? There *are* guys of course, but you can downplay that if he's feeling insecure.

    I'd be really upset if my bf were against it, but I don't think it's his business. When the time comes (when I've lost enough that my pics will be impressive) I would ask his opinion but not let him dictate my actions. After all, it's my body.
  • noiva
    noiva Posts: 94
    I would compromise. Tell him that taking these pictures are important to you (if they are). Ask him to take the pictures for you, and then he can choose 2-3 that he is okay with you showing. I think that's a fair agreement.
  • skaboom163
    skaboom163 Posts: 93 Member
    I know you feel great and want to show everyone you look great, but what's the point? are you trying to prove something to everyone? You know you look good...apparently your husband knows you look good (hes afraid other guys will think so too) so really that's all that matters. Post a picture of you (maybe even him?) In a classy looking, tasteful outfit and everyone will win. You will come across as a confident, beautiful woman who doesn't need to flaunt her half naked body all over the internet for creeps to view.
  • zsaoosh
    zsaoosh Posts: 402 Member
    My husband does NOT want me posting any body pics :( NONE whatsoever.

    I took "before" bikini pics back in the summer. We were dating then, not even married. Even then he complained about the pics and begged me not to post them, so I took them down after a few days. I've since lost a few lbs and inches and was thinking about taking updates, but he absolutely refuses to take them for me... !!??!!

    I told him "everyone's doing it"... LOL. He hates the idea of me "sharing" myself on the internet. I told him it's for a good reason but he won't budge. The only thing I could do is go behind his back :(

    I am a bit upset about this. What would YOU do? Any opinions, advice, suggestions?

    Your married. Dont lie and respect him. What is the "good" reason? You knew he didnt like it before you got married...its not worth hurting him is it? Why dont you post pics up for him in unexpected places...now he would LOVE that.
  • Tammysueless
    Tammysueless Posts: 166
    Thats a good point! Im not a fan of going behind your hubbys back (thats just inviting trouble) but he does owe you a valid reason of why he dosent want you to do this. And im sorry but 'because i dont want to share you' is, to me, not a valid reason, it smacks of being insucure. Have a heart to heart with him and let him know that you feel strongly about this and why. Let him know that though you love and respect him that this is personal and YOUR journey, you wouldnt do anything tastless and that you could really use his input and support in helping you celebrate this victory. I would, as gently as possible, let him know that this will happen and you would rather it be with his love and support. Best of luck to you! :wink:
  • Biggipooh
    Biggipooh Posts: 350
    Your guy must be super religious (Moslem) or has some sexual problems. And excuse me, he doesn't like you beeing in a bikini in a public swimmplace? You are in the US, right? Not in Iran.
  • BanjoKd
    BanjoKd Posts: 150
    I would compromise. Tell him that taking these pictures are important to you (if they are). Ask him to take the pictures for you, and then he can choose 2-3 that he is okay with you showing. I think that's a fair agreement.

    I agree with the compromise if it could cause tension in your marriage.

    Personally in my relationship...my gf would never tell me NOT to do something because she knows that i would do the opposite. I can't stand her to boss me.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    After reading some of the responses on this thread, I am really not surprised at the divorce rate in this country. Why don't people understand that for him it is not about controlling her, or trusting her, or judging her? He has asked her to respect his wishes. If she fails to do so, then she might as well put a good attorney on retainer because it is only a matter of time.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    I would respect my husband's wants, but reach a compromise - no bikini pictures, but maybe more covered-up photos.
    You don't necessarily need to show lots of skin to see progress.
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
    Does he allow you to go swimming or to the beach?
    Even though it makes me a little nauseous to say "allow".

    I don't get the difference?
    What about if he takes them and you just do a side by side comparison for yourself?

    Ummm, yeah I go to the beach and I did wear my bikini. He didn't like it but he dealt with it. He isn't controlling or anything, he just doesn't think it's necessary for me to post pics on here. I guess I feel left out and I really wanted to share my progress pics :(

    You say he isn't controlling... however, he didn't like you wearing a bikini at THE BEACH??? Hmmmm... sounds pretty controlling and possessive to me.
  • HeaderAutumn
    HeaderAutumn Posts: 119 Member
    I personally hate when I am told not to do something, especially by my husband. It actually makes me want to do whatever it is more. LOL But when you get married, you have decided to take his feelings into account because you are a team, not JUST an individual. It would bother you if you asked him not to do something and he hid off and did it anyway, right? Why don't you just put up your pics up somewhere in your home? You still get that motivation and a daily veiw of your success but are still respecting your husband's feelings. As long as he is being supporive to you, you should be supportive to him and respect his feelings.
  • noexcuses118
    noexcuses118 Posts: 36
    I totally agree with you. I wouldn't have said this in my 20's or 30's. Back then I would have said, "screw you - I make my own decisions about my body", and then I would have posted them anyway. Two divorces later, I have discovered that interacting with your partner in a relationship requires a different approach to making decisions. It's not just about getting my own way, not being controlled, etc.. A successful relationship requires both partners to be independent while still considering how their actions affect the partnership as a whole. When both partners behave this way, you end up with a give-and-take that motivates, supports, and nurtures both partners, creating a whole that's definitely stronger than the sum of its parts! I've figured out I can still be an intelligent, articulate, and independent woman in a relationship -- I just have to come up with creative ways to be true to myself while still being respectful and considerate of my partner's feelings.
  • ka_bateman
    ka_bateman Posts: 230 Member
    enjoy the fact that he is a gentlemen and doesnt want every nut job looking at your body!

    Couldn't have said it better! Simple respect.....
  • dmanning0819
    dmanning0819 Posts: 93 Member
    Yes, times are changeing, but that's why are divorce rate is higher than ever. While I respect others mind sets, I will just say the older you get the more you realize that what your partner thinks matters. Looking back years from now you will realize that life would have been alot easier if you had just respected each others wishes. You will not always agree with what your spouse thinks, but that's because we come from all walks of life. My input is that if your spouse truely has a BIG issue with this than you should seriously think about not doing it. No matter what his reasons are you should show him what he thinks matters. This isn't a friend or boyfriend, this is your husband.
  • caroldot
    caroldot Posts: 388 Member
    I think as your husband, he is uncomfortable with other men on this site looking at your body in a way thats not appropriate. Lets be honest I've seen topics about being "single" on the message boards and a few men have made jokes saying "no but their wife is out of town". They may be joking but you can just never know.

    Maybe he'll let you post before after pics wearing workout clothes that way its not as revealing as a bathing suit. As his wife, I think its important to honor his wishes. Because really, your new found body & confidence is for yourself and him to enjoy and no one else! :love:
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
    Sounds like he is jealous and semi un supportive dude. I would have no issues letting my S.O. show off their accomplishments as I would hope they would do the same if I was in their shoes!

    Please lame IMO
  • savage22hp
    savage22hp Posts: 278 Member
    Marriage is " we " and no longer " I , me ,mine " etc . Don't strain your relationship by insisting on your way or his way but find a way you both agree on . If he seems to be overbearing , it didn't just come up and you love him in spite of it so find the flow that moves you forward together .
  • fimary
    fimary Posts: 274 Member
    I would not want to upset my new husband, but it worries me for your future, I would want some kind of compromise made, to you are both happy with the outcome not just one party, doing things behind his back is not going to help, what happens the next time their is a disagreement, you cant keep lying, nor can you be a door mat.
  • aprilbollers
    aprilbollers Posts: 7
    Don't go behind his back and post pictures. It would be disrespectful.
    Instead, why not try to find out the real reason behind why he doesn't want you to post pictures. Is it because he feels that you might get hit on by the male members of this site? Is it because he isn't in the best shape himself and doesn't want to be shown up by you? Find out!
  • soniyamas
    soniyamas Posts: 160 Member
    And he's got some weird modesty hangup :P

    So do I... which is why you'll never see a before OR a progress picture of me on here. lol

    THIS. I agree.
    I would always respect my husband's wishes.
  • Fattack
    Fattack Posts: 666 Member
    Your guy must be super religious (Moslem) or has some sexual problems. And excuse me, he doesn't like you beeing in a bikini in a public swimmplace? You are in the US, right? Not in Iran.

    There is so much wrong with the entire tone of this reply that I won't even start, for risk of combusting.

    ANYWAY, back on topic.

    I think if you love your hubby - which you clearly do or you wouldn't even care about his wishes - it would be a great idea to sit down and talk to him about this if you haven't already. Marriage and indeed, any serious relationship involves comprimise and respect - but he needs to respect your wishes too!

    Why does he feel uncomfortable? Is it the idea of other men ogling you that angers him? Is he worried about your online "security?"
    Is it possible he is worried that you are changing a lot - maybe he's insecure and worried that you will find somebody that he deems better than him?
    Maybe talk to him and explain how it means a lot to you to be able to show your progress - maybe he'll let up once he realises that it's simply you being proud of your achievements, and it's nothing more than that. Alternatively, pose in something less revealing - a cute swimsuit or gym outfit! You can see progress in clothes as well as without - although I don't blame you for wanting to show off your weight loss in a bikini, especially if you've not been able to wear one before / in a long time.

    The important thing is that your hubby recognises and is proud of your accomplishments and isn't controlling or disrespectful of your wishes.

    Good luck!
  • mung222
    mung222 Posts: 58 Member
    Does he allow you to go swimming or to the beach?
    Even though it makes me a little nauseous to say "allow".

    I don't get the difference?
    What about if he takes them and you just do a side by side comparison for yourself?

    Ummm, yeah I go to the beach and I did wear my bikini. He didn't like it but he dealt with it. He isn't controlling or anything, he just doesn't think it's necessary for me to post pics on here. I guess I feel left out and I really wanted to share my progress pics :(


    Sounds pretty controlling to me. He doesn't like you wearing bathing suites to the beach?! I don't know. I'm not one to let a man tell me what i can and can't do. If it were me I would post them just to show him he has no control over me. But then again i have a man in my life that lets me make my own decisions. I do agree though with open communication and sitting him down to find out his reasonings might strengthen the relationship and then you wouldn't run into these issues anymore.
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