Posting Before & After Pics... Husband is NOT supportive

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  • godricshollow
    godricshollow Posts: 274 Member
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    I don't think anyone really has a right to judge her husband and call him controlling or anything, not unless you know him personally. Just saying.

    If he doesn't want you to post pictures of yourself in a bikini on the internet, then I would say try to talk it out and come to a conclusion. Some alternative solutions are:
    - Get him to take the photos of you and put them in a folder on your computer so you can visually see your process.
    - See if he is willing to take photos of you in workout gear and crop your head out of the photo?

    I say pick your battles! It sucks that he isn't keen on something you want, but see if you can work out a compromise. It isn't worth the fight if you go behind his back and he finds out.
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    In any case, and as many have suggested, maybe a photo without including your face (since you'll be showing your body) will be more appropriate, even if you're fully clothed. And just so you know, if his problem is "not wanting to share you" with others (then I might be right about him being insecure), the truth is, people (or guys for the most part) wil check you out no matter what wherever you are, even if he is standing right by your side.

    Glad another man chimed in. I do think it's more about him not wanting to share, yes. Maybe some insecurity going on, though he has no reason to be. He's gorgeous, in great shape, we're happy all around, etc... We're so newly married that I do think he might just need to loosen up a little. We had a talk today and we've worked things out for the most part.

    I think in time, he's going to see no guy is going to come along and whisk me away. I had lots of "suitors" before we dated, and so he's always got that in the back of his mind, I think. LOL.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,248 Member
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    If it makes your husband feel any better, I've posted bikini pictures a number of time, because I think it shows progress in a different way than fully clothed, and never once had anyone send me a creepy message about them. A bunch of "you look great" type messages, and things of that sort, and a couple of my female friends have told me I look hot & sexy and that I have a nice bum, but the guys here have been wonderfully respectful.

    Then again... maybe I should be offended that no one has been creepy to me! :laugh:
  • NoriDupuis
    NoriDupuis Posts: 26 Member
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    I agree he is your husband not your owner and this is something you need to sit down and talk about. I have a feeling this effects more in your life then just pics on the net.
    You do need to repected his feels but he needs to let go and not control you.
    I would not go behind his back because it will cause a fight but I would still post the images .
  • KatieM7
    KatieM7 Posts: 588 Member
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    My husband does NOT want me posting any body pics :( NONE whatsoever.

    I took "before" bikini pics back in the summer. We were dating then, not even married. Even then he complained about the pics and begged me not to post them, so I took them down after a few days. I've since lost a few lbs and inches and was thinking about taking updates, but he absolutely refuses to take them for me... !!??!!

    I told him "everyone's doing it"... LOL. He hates the idea of me "sharing" myself on the internet. I told him it's for a good reason but he won't budge. The only thing I could do is go behind his back :(

    I am a bit upset about this. What would YOU do? Any opinions, advice, suggestions?

    Take photos that are not swimwear, just normal clothes. Normal clothes' photos can still show weightloss, no probs.

    It can't be to do with your face as that is your face in your profile piccie isn't it?

    Yes, that's my face. He's "ok" with face pics, sort of. He's just very private and doesn't want guys looking, I guess?? Normal clothes pics aren't really going to show anything at all. I didn't lose a lot of weight... it's mainly for me to see if I'm leaning out and at what rate... basically, to motivate me to keep going. Cause sometimes it seems like the fat just wants to cling to me. If I post myself in clothes that don't cling skin tight or something I won't be able to see any difference... the whole idea is to see the fat disappear, you know?

    I would say if it is just to see the progress then why not just save them to your computer as a screen saver or have them in a "file" on the computer where you can see them but still keep the peace with the husband?
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    If it makes your husband feel any better, I've posted bikini pictures a number of time, because I think it shows progress in a different way than fully clothed, and never once had anyone send me a creepy message about them. A bunch of "you look great" type messages, and things of that sort, and a couple of my female friends have told me I look hot & sexy and that I have a nice bum, but the guys here have been wonderfully respectful.

    Then again... maybe I should be offended that no one has been creepy to me! :laugh:

    I just saw your pics... LOL, they're great!! Love all your different costumes and stuff. You do look awesome in your swimsuit, congrats!!! You look like some female warrior :-)
  • gunmetalsunrise
    gunmetalsunrise Posts: 131
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    He isn't controlling or anything,

    Of course he is.

    ^ This. He's emotionally manipulating you. Would he directly stop you? Probably not. But he will sit there and emotionally blackmail you and make you feel bad for making this decision until you take it down like you did last time.

    Personally for me, I'd feel very uncomfortable with a partner reacting that way to me.
  • gunmetalsunrise
    gunmetalsunrise Posts: 131
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    Your guy must be super religious (Moslem) or has some sexual problems. And excuse me, he doesn't like you beeing in a bikini in a public swimmplace? You are in the US, right? Not in Iran.

    There is so much wrong with the entire tone of this reply that I won't even start, for risk of combusting.

    ANYWAY, back on topic.

    I think if you love your hubby - which you clearly do or you wouldn't even care about his wishes - it would be a great idea to sit down and talk to him about this if you haven't already. Marriage and indeed, any serious relationship involves comprimise and respect - but he needs to respect your wishes too!

    Why does he feel uncomfortable? Is it the idea of other men ogling you that angers him? Is he worried about your online "security?"
    Is it possible he is worried that you are changing a lot - maybe he's insecure and worried that you will find somebody that he deems better than him?
    Maybe talk to him and explain how it means a lot to you to be able to show your progress - maybe he'll let up once he realises that it's simply you being proud of your achievements, and it's nothing more than that. Alternatively, pose in something less revealing - a cute swimsuit or gym outfit! You can see progress in clothes as well as without - although I don't blame you for wanting to show off your weight loss in a bikini, especially if you've not been able to wear one before / in a long time.

    The important thing is that your hubby recognises and is proud of your accomplishments and isn't controlling or disrespectful of your wishes.

    Good luck!
    Glad I'm not the only one who thought that didn't sound right...

    Why doesn't this sound right? It could be a religious reason, why he doesn't agree with these things. Then it would be totally explainable.

    Because it's Islamophobic. The person used Muslim culture to define religion, as in the western world we have this idea that women are very oppressed because of items of clothing like the burqa or hijabi.

    Extreme modesty is very much not restricted to PoC-dominated cultures/lreigions.
  • 1Timothy4v8
    1Timothy4v8 Posts: 503 Member
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    Well... what a learning experience this thread was! LOL. Thanks to all who contributed. Yes, even to those *kitten* who called my husband names and insinuated I must be a meek, mindless servant to him... LMAO. Nothing could be further from the truth. It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, and I expected not much less than I got by posing my predicament on this forum.

    I really appreciate some of your well thought out responses and sharing of your own experiences. This WAS a personal question to ask on this board, and I was mostly interested in the differing opinions, more than anything... If this was a HUGE problem for me, I don't think I'd be putting it out there like I did.

    So... he and I had a discussion about it today over the phone and once he got home from work. The best thing that came from it was that I finally felt like I was being heard. And I asked him WHY he felt the way he did, and let him explain while I listened... So, I made sure we were both heard. I feel MUCH better now... he assured me that he NEVER underestimated how much MFP as a fitness tool means to me now, and that he does think of it as a positive thing. I was more concerned he was making light of something that I valued.... so that was the big issue for me.

    He also told me that his main concern in not wanting the pics to go up is that I would get attention from strange men, and that he thought it was unnecessary... I agreed that it is unnecessary, and that I might indeed get unwanted attention. He was angry because he thought I was trying to get attention and that if I got attention that it would just progress from there... so, in a sense he was letting his imagination run away with him. There has never been a time in our short marriage (2 months now) where I have ever given him reason to think I'd leave him for another man. He said he would be devastated to lose me, and that this fear was playing into his not wanting me to have body pics up.

    He finally told me to put the pictures up, but... I think I don't really care to as much now. I think I might just take them for myself and not post them. I'd like to be considerate and not give him any extra anxiety. It helps to know he sees my side, and that's really enough for me. And that I can see his too.

    This man is not controlling. He works long hours so that I can enjoy life and write and do things that I want to do. He is not selfish. He does want the best for me, and he certainly does respect me. And above all, I know he loves me. So, that is a man I can love and respect. If anything, he doesn't want to "share" what he loves and values because he doesn't want to lose me... I can understand that. I wouldn't want to lose him either.

    That's wonderful! it sounds like you guy's have a great open line of communication going =)


    knowing you are a newly wed I must share one tid bit of knowledge I have retained form being happily married going on 5 yrs, & working in my moms paralegal office doing paper work for divorces, and coming from a divorced family, statistics show that in most marriages if a divorce will happen it will happen in the first two years of marriage, it takes two years for two people to get past the single life into their own groove with each other, and or just get tired of fighting lol, so hang in there the hardest is the first two years, after that as long as you both are working together on your marriage it switches, it's the weirdest thing but it's true, in my marriage as well the first two years were soo HARD for both of us, I think you just have so much to work though with each other and with your self it takes time, but like right after two year no kidding you everything just falls into place, I know were he is coming from I know what he wants, and vise versa, we have compermised and sacrafised and now we are settled in our groove, not to say its always peaches but its not thorn any more =)
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    That's wonderful! it sounds like you guy's have a great open line of communication going =)


    knowing you are a newly wed I must share one tid bit of knowledge I have retained form being happily married going on 5 yrs, & working in my moms paralegal office doing paper work for divorces, and coming from a divorced family, statistics show that in most marriages if a divorce will happen it will happen in the first two years of marriage, it takes two years for two people to get past the single life into their own groove with each other, and or just get tired of fighting lol, so hang in there the hardest is the first two years, after that as long as you both are working together on your marriage it switches, it's the weirdest thing but it's true, in my marriage as well the first two years were soo HARD for both of us, I think you just have so much to work though with each other and with your self it takes time, but like right after two year no kidding you everything just falls into place, I know were he is coming from I know what he wants, and vise versa, we have compermised and sacrafised and now we are settled in our groove, not to say its always peaches but its not thorn any more =)

    I will keep this in mind! Yeah, seems I read this online somewhere. It does make sense. I mentioned this casually to him tonight, about the two years. I said, hey maybe we should wait a year or two before we get pregnant... LOL. He was like, ummmm, do we really have two years to wait?? We're both 35! So, I kind of laughed and said... let's reevaluate in six months! :-)
  • mandiemma
    mandiemma Posts: 128 Member
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    How about just taking personal pictures and put them in a folder for yourself on your computer? you can view them whenever you want and still see the results without posting them online? that way you both get what you want?
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    I'm really glad that you worked things out with your husband. I was really worried that you would go behind his back. You really don't want to cause those kind of hurt feelings for someone you really care about for something as silly and frivolous as pictures on the internet. I wish you guys a long life of happiness and wedded bliss.
  • Helenatrandom
    Helenatrandom Posts: 1,166 Member
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    Does your husband compliment you on the progress you have made? Can YOU see the progress you have made? If the answer to these questions is yes, why isn't that enough? You could post that you lost __ inches around your waist ( hips, chest, whatever), and we would all say "GREAT job!". So why is it so important that WE see the pictures?
    If you want pictures for your own comparative purposes, take them in the mirror as others have done and keep a private scrapbook.

    It is enough. I was encouraged to post progress pics by a couple friends and so I thought it would feel good to see actual results, but I definitely don't feel I have to. It was just that I wanted to. I can have him take them and decide later about posting or not... he's ok with it now, so he says. Though I know he's probably mostly wanting to make me happy. So, since he's being so selfless in giving me the go-ahead, I'm going to hold off on it for now.

    I'm sorry for being harsh. I guess deep down, I see your husband's point and came out too snippy.
    I am glad you both talked it out. For the record, if my husband "tells" me not to do something (or vice verse), I seethe and get all "I'm not a child" on him, but if he asks me not to do something (or vice verse), I'd bend over backward to please him. I don't consider getting angry and rebellious if he doesn't word something right one of my better qualities. Luckily my husband has learned that if he states his preference and reasons for it, and listens to my preference and reasons for it, I'm far more willing to compromise. It seems you and I have that in common. :flowerforyou:
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    I'm really glad that you worked things out with your husband. I was really worried that you would go behind his back. You really don't want to cause those kind of hurt feelings for someone you really care about for something as silly and frivolous as pictures on the internet. I wish you guys a long life of happiness and wedded bliss.

    Oh, I would never have done that. I guess I was just frustrated. I can't keep a secret if I tried and I'm a terrible liar :)
  • juliet1178
    juliet1178 Posts: 18 Member
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    If it makes him that uncomfortable, I wouldn't do it. I can understand where he is coming from, I don't want people looking at pics of my husband. Your marriage is more important than posting pics. You can probably still do really good before & after pics with modest clothing on:smile:

    ETA: Looks like you've already resolved the issue, happy for you two!
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    Does your husband compliment you on the progress you have made? Can YOU see the progress you have made? If the answer to these questions is yes, why isn't that enough? You could post that you lost __ inches around your waist ( hips, chest, whatever), and we would all say "GREAT job!". So why is it so important that WE see the pictures?
    If you want pictures for your own comparative purposes, take them in the mirror as others have done and keep a private scrapbook.

    It is enough. I was encouraged to post progress pics by a couple friends and so I thought it would feel good to see actual results, but I definitely don't feel I have to. It was just that I wanted to. I can have him take them and decide later about posting or not... he's ok with it now, so he says. Though I know he's probably mostly wanting to make me happy. So, since he's being so selfless in giving me the go-ahead, I'm going to hold off on it for now.

    I'm sorry for being harsh. I guess deep down, I see your husband's point and came out too snippy.
    I am glad you both talked it out. For the record, if my husband "tells" me not to do something (or vice verse), I seethe and get all "I'm not a child" on him, but if he asks me not to do something (or vice verse), I'd bend over backward to please him. I don't consider getting angry and rebellious if he doesn't word something right one of my better qualities. Luckily my husband has learned that if he states his preference and reasons for it, and listens to my preference and reasons for it, I'm far more willing to compromise. It seems you and I have that in common. :flowerforyou:

    It's ok, no worries.

    I guess my husband and I both can be stubborn, and we're learning to feel each other out better. I guess we both think we state our cases so succintly, but sometimes we really need to slow down and consider one another... he and I are both quick to come to a conclusion and that can just anger the other, you know? We're having to take more care to weigh options...
  • coxybum
    coxybum Posts: 9
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    Well... what a learning experience this thread was! LOL. Thanks to all who contributed. Yes, even to those *kitten* who called my husband names and insinuated I must be a meek, mindless servant to him... LMAO. Nothing could be further from the truth. It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, and I expected not much less than I got by posing my predicament on this forum.

    I really appreciate some of your well thought out responses and sharing of your own experiences. This WAS a personal question to ask on this board, and I was mostly interested in the differing opinions, more than anything... If this was a HUGE problem for me, I don't think I'd be putting it out there like I did.

    So... he and I had a discussion about it today over the phone and once he got home from work. The best thing that came from it was that I finally felt like I was being heard. And I asked him WHY he felt the way he did, and let him explain while I listened... So, I made sure we were both heard. I feel MUCH better now... he assured me that he NEVER underestimated how much MFP as a fitness tool means to me now, and that he does think of it as a positive thing. I was more concerned he was making light of something that I valued.... so that was the big issue for me.

    He also told me that his main concern in not wanting the pics to go up is that I would get attention from strange men, and that he thought it was unnecessary... I agreed that it is unnecessary, and that I might indeed get unwanted attention. He was angry because he thought I was trying to get attention and that if I got attention that it would just progress from there... so, in a sense he was letting his imagination run away with him. There has never been a time in our short marriage (2 months now) where I have ever given him reason to think I'd leave him for another man. He said he would be devastated to lose me, and that this fear was playing into his not wanting me to have body pics up.

    He finally told me to put the pictures up, but... I think I don't really care to as much now. I think I might just take them for myself and not post them. I'd like to be considerate and not give him any extra anxiety. It helps to know he sees my side, and that's really enough for me. And that I can see his too.

    This man is not controlling. He works long hours so that I can enjoy life and write and do things that I want to do. He is not selfish. He does want the best for me, and he certainly does respect me. And above all, I know he loves me. So, that is a man I can love and respect. If anything, he doesn't want to "share" what he loves and values because he doesn't want to lose me... I can understand that. I wouldn't want to lose him either.

    it sounds like you did the right thing and i'm really happy to hear that you both dealt with the situation so well. it's so refreshing to see a couple dealing with things in such a mature way, thank you for sharing your story :smile:

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