ever been told you werent good looking?
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I was once at a bar with a very attractive friend of mine. We were having a conversation with a middle aged man there who decided to tell us his first impressions. He told her that the first thing he thought when he saw her was that she had beautiful eyes. He told me the first thing he thought about me was that I looked like I give good h**d. And he thought this was a perfectly acceptable thing to say and that I wouldn't be offended. The conversation was over at that point.0
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Some of these stories on here are horrific. Why do people think it's ok to be so mean to others? I don't care how thin or conventionally attractive someone is, if they're ugly on the inside I don't want to know them.0
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When I was 10 (yes, 10) My mom and stepfather told me "only fat people get creases on thier forearms". I was not overweight at the time. The creases they are talking about Iv'e had my whole life, they aren't rolls. My mother also told me at my wedding "well you would have been much prettier if you would have lost 10 pounds for this". I was (at that time) within a healthy BMI.
So not by a friend, but my own mother. It has made me a better mother to my children, but I suffered from an eating disorder for years and still lack self esteem. Luckily, I have a great husband who loves me whether I'm fat or thin.0 -
I look more like my dad than my mother, who is gorgeous. So indirectly yes! As soon as they see me they say I look like my dad. My sisters take after my mother. Pretty hard to hear when I was growing up.0
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All the time when I was a young girl & even my mom told me things like "_____ is way prettier than you are". Which is why up to now I still have low self-esteem & don't consider myself pretty.
It is incredible what people, and even family, can say to hurt others !
Society sometimes puts too much weight towards "pretty" or "handsome".
We have to realize perceptions change over time, and we should not be basing our self-esteem on what others say about us.
Your self-esteem gives you confidence when interacting with others, and confidence radiates out.
And since we all will lose whatever looks we have to age, we should not be basing our self-esteem on how we look !
I have seen many examples of women and men, that could be considered "ugly" when looking at a photo, but that have high such high self esteem that when people meet them, they don't see them as ugly.
Other times, just taking care of one dresses and conducts, will give you extra confidence. Don't go by "I am not good looking, so why should I care about how I dress?"0 -
I heard it a lot as a kid and only a little less as a teenager. We'll say my self-esteem wasn't fantastic or even near stable until I hit 19.
same for me0 -
Never0
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I once told a guy with a mondo ego that I wasn't interested in him because he wasn't attractive to me or rather not my type as I don't date a-holes. Dude went psycho and made my life a living hell for a year, all because I wasn't attracted to him. He even confessed it in a group of people begging for my approval. I am cute, but nothing special. Yet someone went totally nuts because I, an overweight girl, said no thank you. Now, conventionally, he was probably good looking but I am more of a personality girl. This girl sounds a lot like psycho guy. Be careful. I was attacked and the only reason he didn't beat me up was because I dared him to do it so I could have his butt thrown in jail for a long long time. He also tried to date rape drug me but since I don't drink beer or accept drinks from people I don't like, he got my best friend instead. She is still in therapy for that. I still feel horrible but ..... (I wish I would have known that he had planned that so I could have saved her)
These people get unhinged and she has set her sights on you. I finally got rid of dude by disappearing. I moved away and when he came in to my workplace my bosses were alerted to watch him. He finally disappeared. And I got to move on with my life but I block him and everyone he knows on facebook and etc just to be safe. Just thinking about it creeps me out.
Please, please please be careful!
OMG what a horrific story, glad you are OK !0 -
This is kind of off topic but my bf cracks me up, about girls who wear shirts that say spoiled or the girls who wear pants that say sexy on the butt and lettering is peeling off! Lol, anyways........0
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I have seen many examples of women and men, that could be considered "ugly" when looking at a photo, but that have high such high self esteem that when people meet them, they don't see them as ugly.
Other times, just taking care of one dresses and conducts, will give you extra confidence. Don't go by "I am not good looking, so why should I care about how I dress?"
Very true.
Met an online friend who had told me before meeting me that he didn't find me attractive at all (the feeling was mutual, though he is the typical tall, blond, muscled, square jaw, handsome guy). Then after we met he told me I was much more attractive in person. "Well, gee.. thanks. Still not interested in you :P"
Pictures flatten a person. Being clean, well dressed, and smiling goes a long way to change people's perception. Research has shown that
just cant remember what the term is for it. 0 -
Yep mum tells me I've lost all my looks coz of my weight gain and I used to be so pretty. When I was bridesmaid for my twin she told us several times that she shouldn't have had me as a bridesmaid, she should have had a slim friend as I'd ruin the photos. Defo got an acidic tongue... Had things said to me by partners too, its had a massive effect on me and still does x0
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Oh yes. All the time when I was a child/teenager.0
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A good friend of mine in high school told me that when we first met, he thought I was pregnant.
I was only about 140 pounds then, too. Hurtful and pretty unnecessary.
Needless to say, we aren't close any more.
One time when I was running I mentioned to a classmate that I needed to get in shape, to which she responded "you are in shape! Round IS a shape".
Also, my mom likes to bring up how I take after her heavy-set relatives whenever she has been drinking. She has grabbed my belly before to demonstrate the point.
I guess these are more people calling me fat than ugly, but they meant that "fat" means "ugly," which is awful in and of itself.0 -
I was told by a guy back when i was in high school that I didn't need to worry about him liking me because "to be honest your no where near a model" and then about 2 years ago I was told by another guy (friend of mine) that I needed to not gain anymore weight because as of right then i was "the biggest he would go". Just for reference I was in size 8/10 pants and about 140lbs...0
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Yes. I think I was called ugly from middle school all the way through high school. And I absolutely believed it, I had no one to tell me otherwise. My parents didn't exactly instill me with a lot of confidence about myself. It wasn't until I got into my 20's that I realized that I wasn't bad looking girl after all.
One of the worst things I remember about high school is that I have a cousin that also went to same high school as me. She was the pretty one everyone wanted to be around. She was popular, on the cheerleader squad, hung with the other popular kids and so on. We also had a class or two together. I will never forget it, there was this boy in our class and him and my cousin were talking and some how it came up that the two of us were cousins and he said, LOUDLY so that I could hear, " how can you two be cousins? She is so UGLY!!" I could have died! And worst of all my dear cousin thought it was so funny!
But I have to say, that back then I was a painfully shy and introverted person and was easily bullied by others. But those days are gone and I no longer allow anyone to bully me or make me feel bad about myself.(unless it's me:))
I don't think that this is the factor that made me want to go on my lifestyle change because that was many years ago and I believed that back then that I was ugly, but I don't now. But after I started putting on all my weight I did start to fell ugly about my body and that motivated me to make a change.
And by the way, I have not seen one ugly person in this thread! You are all beautiful!0 -
I had "ugly" drilled in my head so hard when I was in high school that it became a part of who I am. I've been called a dog, a pig, a cow, gross and out-and-out laughed at more times than I can count. Despite it, I managed to keep myself convinced that it was only the fat that was ugly and that I wouldn't be if I ever got thin. I think I still believe that, though not as much as I did when I was in my teens and 20s.
It is definitely a driving factor in my weight loss. I've never lost that "I'll show them" mentality. It's faded some over the years, especially when I see how amazing some of the women I went to high school with still look and how great their lives have turned out. I still plan on "showing them" ... I'm just not sure it will be as big of a show as I once thought it would be.
Aha. That was cathartic. Thanks.0 -
I am thankful she was honest.
How unloving was it of me to let myself go, knowing that when we married, I was a guy in peak condition?
Love is neither blind nor unconditional.
We've been married 28 years and she's in peak condition and expects to be equally yoked.
If I had not lost the fat, she would have divorced me for sure.
And I would have had ONLY myself to blame.
Further, not that it would ever be, but if she was the fat one, same deal.
I could never be married to that.
In the dark, all cats are not grey.
:noway:
Thank GOD my husband doesn't think this way!0 -
okay so let me ask you this....
all the bad bully like comments...
are they any part of why you all are working so hard to get in shape or stay in shape ?
if you say its purely for your self.. well.. sure.. but i know that if people constantly told me i was fat or something... yeah id have that much more on me to get in shape.
i guess where im going is, sometimes these awful comments that are usually just so wrong and far from the truth, might have made you get on the bandwagon of a fit lifestyle.0 -
I have been told that plenty of times but I have also been called cute, pretty, beautiful, hot and all of that other stuff(especially when I am thinner). I have learned to not give a *kitten* about what others have to say about MY beauty, why should I care what they say about my body, my face, or whatever.0
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Oops! Trying to quote and reply, I did something wrong. I have never felt good about how I looked, even when I was thin and reasonably attractive. Then I had a boyfriend (who became a husband) who told me that he "had dated lots of better looking women, but liked my personality." No idea now why I married the moron. Anyway, the question was whether these things were why we're now on a fitness track. For me, absolutely. I spent 15 years trying to accept myself as I was, no makeup, okay with the weight, and couldn't stand myself. So I've lost weight, started wearing makeup, and now, guess what, I like myself. Sometimes I think that means I'm shallow, but what the hell. I'm happy with who I am, and that's what counts. It only took me 50 years!0
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are they any part of why you all are working so hard to get in shape or stay in shape ?
For me, yes. I hadn't spoken to my father for several years. I connected with him and sent him pictures of me and the kids. He said that I had really gained some weight. I both loathed him for that comment and it motivated me to lose weight. I have other reasons, but I actually am not proud that it is so important for me to get my dad's approval. Weird, huh?0 -
Yes, up until about the age of 17 when I was fat and cared what people thought.
Then I lost weight and decided not to give a flying one what other people thought. Ever since that time I've been told fairly regularly that I am attractive (this may sound arrogant but it is not meant to be.)
There's a lesson there. Damned if I know what it is though...0 -
Yeah, as some of the others said, I had the dad who said "If you don't lose weight, you will never have a man." Which, I have proven wrong.
But of all the comments {and believe me, there are many}, there is one that still sticks out in my mind. I had lost about 15 lbs. I was still around 230 lbs, but I had lost about 15. My friend convinced me to go out dancing with her. I was feeling a bit more confident than normal, so I decided to go. Then... when we were standing in line to get into the club, a couple guys walked by and one of them said "Whooo yeah, dance fatty dance!" I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
I wouldn't say it's a big factor in my weigh loss, but I definitely do wish some of the rude people could see me when I'm done!0 -
I am thankful she was honest.
How unloving was it of me to let myself go, knowing that when we married, I was a guy in peak condition?
Love is neither blind nor unconditional.
We've been married 28 years and she's in peak condition and expects to be equally yoked.
If I had not lost the fat, she would have divorced me for sure.
And I would have had ONLY myself to blame.
Further, not that it would ever be, but if she was the fat one, same deal.
I could never be married to that.
In the dark, all cats are not grey.
:noway:
Thank GOD my husband doesn't think this way!
Seriously!!!0 -
Yes. My sister. Especially bout my hair and if I were skinnier.0
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I am thankful she was honest.
How unloving was it of me to let myself go, knowing that when we married, I was a guy in peak condition?
Love is neither blind nor unconditional.
We've been married 28 years and she's in peak condition and expects to be equally yoked.
If I had not lost the fat, she would have divorced me for sure.
And I would have had ONLY myself to blame.
Further, not that it would ever be, but if she was the fat one, same deal.
I could never be married to that.
In the dark, all cats are not grey.
:noway:
Thank GOD my husband doesn't think this way!
seriously!!!!!!!!!!! my husband loves me for me and THANK GOD for my husband not thinking that way!! luckily some people out there know beauty isnt just whats on the outside0 -
Yes. Often. In middle school, I was bullied relentlessly and told that I looked like a boy. In high school, I had few friends and didn't even get a "hello" from boys until I came back for senior year straight out of basic training and buff. I've heard guys I've dated laughing with their friends about me and get "eww...why?" looks from other women.0
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Yes more than once especially when at school, but also after I left school. To be fair I am. It doesn't bother me I've a very thick skin. I think if you are told by your mum not in anger "I wish i had a miscarriage" and "you're a waste of a life "just because she wasted her life having kids and not doing the things she wanted, being told you are ugly is easy to deal with.0
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I am thankful she was honest.
How unloving was it of me to let myself go, knowing that when we married, I was a guy in peak condition?
Love is neither blind nor unconditional.
We've been married 28 years and she's in peak condition and expects to be equally yoked.
If I had not lost the fat, she would have divorced me for sure.
And I would have had ONLY myself to blame.
Further, not that it would ever be, but if she was the fat one, same deal.
I could never be married to that.
In the dark, all cats are not grey.
:noway:
Thank GOD my husband doesn't think this way!
seriously!!!!!!!!!!! my husband loves me for me and THANK GOD for my husband not thinking that way!! luckily some people out there know beauty isnt just whats on the outside
The only thing I could think of is how shallow is this marriage? What happened to "for better or for worse"? This is one of the reasons why divorce has risen - people just don't understand that love is deeper than the looks of your mate.0 -
in class I was giving valentine day cards to a few girls I liked. 1 tore it up and threw the pieces at me and told me I was ugly. ahhh to be 12 again. :laugh:0
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