Worst Date Ever

Did he pull a Justin Timberlake????

Did he REALLY do what I think he did on your foot?!

I let my sister talk me into going on to a date....ok, she guilted me into it....with some random guy from the internets. She and her friend had decided to set up a profile on a dating site because they decided I'm ready to date. They said they were going to "screen" the guys for me. Apparently they were screening to make sure the guys were nut jobs! The same day she activated my profile this guy said he wanted to go out with me that night! She called me, I asked if she was F-ing crazy! What kind of desperate, pathetic, yucktard would want to go out before even having had a conversation? She told me I'm too picky and blah blah blah blah blah...so I went. He picked me up at her house, he was shorter than me (I'm 5'4") and looked creepy. I, right in front of him, wrote down his license plate number and gave it to my sister and told her "You might need this in case they find my body in a ditch." I get in the car and he asked where I want to go....um, dude, you didn't have that figured out first?! So then he said I told him I like to go bowling. I did? Thanks sis for emailing him all day pretending to be me. So I told him that sounds fine. He asked where the nearest bowling lanes were, when I told him he got huffy and said "UGH! I just drove from over there! *sigh*" (EXCUSE ME?!) We decided to do dinner around the corner first. All the way there, he complained about how awful his ex wife was. Once we arrived to the restaurant he yelled at the waiter....TWICE! I decided it was time to go to the bathroom and fake diarehha (I so spelled that wrong). I took my phone in the bathroom, called my sis, held my breath so my face would turn read and my eyes would water, then came out holding my stomach. Funny how he came out of the mens room whos wall backed right up the the womens room at the exact same time, then went over to yell at the bus boy for cleaning off the table when he hadn't even paid the bill yet. WHO GOES TO THE BATHROOM AND LEAVES THE TABLE COMPLETELY EMPTY WITHOUT PAYING THE BILL FIRST?!!!!!! I told him I needed to go home because my stomach hurt. The next morning, at 5:30 am I got a text from him saying "If I would have known you were pregnant I would have taken you to Kroger for free food. You didn't have to pretend to like me." In my defense, I didn't pretend. It was pretty obvious, but thanks for the fat joke dude.

The next guy I met on that same site I went out with one time. He stared at my stomach the entire time and asked repeatedly how much weight I want to lose....Oh, did I mention when he picked me up and I came around the corner, as soon as he saw me he hung his head and started walking the other direction?

I have several more that I won't include. I have no idea why I just don't give a dang about dating right now. Weird, right?

I once went out with a guy whose opening line was, "I know how to say 'blow me' in 26 languages". That was my cue to leave.

I met a guy at a party back in college. He walked me home and kissed me. It was the worst kiss ever. It was almost violent the way he smashed my mouth. I not only felt no chemistry I just wanted a drink to numb my sore mouth. He then proceeded to stalk me for the next 6 years.

2nd worst was after college I was working for a small company and a co-worker wanted to set me up on a blind date with a friend of his. After saying no a bunch of times I finally said OK. We decided that co worker and I would drive to a restaurant together where we would have dinner with his wife and their frined (my blind date.) As we were leaving work co-worker told me it would really be a blind date because his friend was blind. I was stunned. I wouldn't have minded if that little fact had been disclosed earlier but I didn't like that he waited until I was in the car on the way to the restaurant with no other option before he told me. It made for an extremely awkward evening. His wife called me at work the next day to apologize. What made it even worse was that the guy was really nice, a successful professional, educated, intelligent, and nice looking. If I hadn't been stunned and angry at being blitzed like that I think we might have hit it off.

I had a really nice date with a guy I'd met online, so I invited him over to watch a movie and have lunch one day. My ex was still in the habit of walking into the house whenever he felt like, so that was awkward when he decided to stop in, but then later the guy was kissing me, and I was trying to keep it at just that because I didn't want to rush into anything. He was wearing shorts, I was wearing yoga pants with flip flops. He kept pushing himself against me, and all the sudden I felt something wet plop on top of my foot. I was freaking out, but I didn't want to say anything to embarrass him! I could feel it soaking into the bottom of my pants, totally grossing me out.