How do you tell someone they're not quite there yet....

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  • redpat74
    redpat74 Posts: 33
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    Coming from someone who's been around a few years, this is a young woman's issue. You know you've reached adulthood when situations like this only give you pause for thought and then make you laugh.
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
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    It's easier to tell someone to get off their high horse when your horse isn't taller than theirs. :wink:
  • IronmanPanda
    IronmanPanda Posts: 2,083 Member
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    If she's happy with herself, who cares?

    x2 or x3 or whatever it is at this point but seeing as how many people suggested you not say anything and really only responded to the people that seem to agree with you... I don't see why you even asked the question here since you already have your mind made up.
  • katemiddletonisawesome
    katemiddletonisawesome Posts: 152 Member
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    How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)
    See?
    This is where I run into so much trouble.
    People post pics of themselves which denote great improvement, yet, they still look bad.
    And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!

    I always fall into the camp of truth - objective reality.
    Here is the disconnect.
    Are they consulting you? If so, be honest, but if not, hold your peace.

    Or invite her to MFP, and have her post her bikini pics - :noway:

    THANK YOU!!! This made my night :-) She consults me on a daily basis.... I've nearly bitten my tongue off from trying not to say anything. And at 5'6" and 200+ pounds, trying to fit into a size 8 - I'm honestly worried about her more than anything else. I don't want her to see pictures afterwards and feel embarrassed. I'm not saying cover up, but at least stop thinking you're smaller than you are because you're not serious about it and you're not there yet!
  • shanolap
    shanolap Posts: 1,204 Member
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    And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!

    Or invite her to MFP, and have her post her bikini pics - :noway:

    You are just too much! :angry:
  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
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    Mmm. I'm thinking you should probably lead by example and mind your own business.
  • madameduffay
    madameduffay Posts: 166 Member
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    Do what I did, take her on Space Mountain at Disneyland. This happened w/a friend of mine who swore we were the same size even though I am a good 100 lbs smaller than she is. They have individual lap bars on this attraction. So I pulled mine way down to my lap, about 7 inches lower than she got her's. She looked at me and said, "Wow, you really are way smaller than me." She still kids about it.

    Good luck w/your co-worker.

    Seriously? How does someone not see that they are 100lbs heavier?
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    I love how you responded to the one who gave you permission to make yourself feel better and ignored the rest.

    Her weight and her performance are not your business. I do think it's interesting that you feel so compelled to put her in her place.
  • crikey1987
    crikey1987 Posts: 16
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    And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!

    Or invite her to MFP, and have her post her bikini pics - :noway:

    You are just too much! :angry:

    Seconding this. Waaaay too much.
  • DisneyMommy
    DisneyMommy Posts: 281
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    Do what I did, take her on Space Mountain at Disneyland. This happened w/a friend of mine who swore we were the same size even though I am a good 100 lbs smaller than she is. They have individual lap bars on this attraction. So I pulled mine way down to my lap, about 7 inches lower than she got her's. She looked at me and said, "Wow, you really are way smaller than me." She still kids about it.

    Good luck w/your co-worker.

    Seriously? How does someone not see that they are 100lbs heavier?
    For real! You should have seen my face. I was polite but boy that comment threw me.
  • katemiddletonisawesome
    katemiddletonisawesome Posts: 152 Member
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    I love how you responded to the one who gave you permission to make yourself feel better and ignored the rest.

    Her weight and her performance are not your business. I do think it's interesting that you feel so compelled to put her in her place.

    The post was called "How do you tell someone they're not quite there yet..." not "Should I or shouldn't I tell someone they're not there yet..."

    She's going to be performing and public venue and she asks for my opinion daily, so I was looking for a nice way to put it.
  • kyrstensmom
    kyrstensmom Posts: 297 Member
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    I love how you responded to the one who gave you permission to make yourself feel better and ignored the rest.

    Her weight and her performance are not your business. I do think it's interesting that you feel so compelled to put her in her place.

    This. Why come here looking for validation and permission to be cruel?
  • kadoodle76
    kadoodle76 Posts: 234
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    shrug. just leave it alone?

    This. If she asks for your advice, give what you can, otherwise it's nuya bidness.
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
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    Who are you to decide if she's serious or not? You don't know what she eats at home. Why don't you (both of you) stop picking everyone else apart and work on yourselves. Beauty is an internal and external thing. And really, personality wise, you two aren't there yet.
    How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)
    See?
    This is where I run into so much trouble.
    People post pics of themselves which denote great improvement, yet, they still look bad.
    And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!

    I always fall into the camp of truth - objective reality.
    Here is the disconnect.
    Are they consulting you? If so, be honest, but if not, hold your peace.

    Or invite her to MFP, and have her post her bikini pics - :noway:

    THANK YOU!!! This made my night :-) She consults me on a daily basis.... I've nearly bitten my tongue off from trying not to say anything. And at 5'6" and 200+ pounds, trying to fit into a size 8 - I'm honestly worried about her more than anything else. I don't want her to see pictures afterwards and feel embarrassed. I'm not saying cover up, but at least stop thinking you're smaller than you are because you're not serious about it and you're not there yet!
  • wrevhn
    wrevhn Posts: 864 Member
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    If she's happy with herself, who cares?


    i agree.
  • katemiddletonisawesome
    katemiddletonisawesome Posts: 152 Member
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    If someone came on here and complained that after working really hard and losing 6-7 pounds, one of her co-workers (who is close to her size) started lecturing her about "how she is doing everything right, while I am doing everything wrong", what would you say?

    Because in her eyes, this would be the situation.

    Just don't say anything.

    You won't open her eyes, you will only make her mad at you, and possibly feel bad about herself.

    No win.

    Thank you - I didn't think about it this way. If she's already convinced she and I are the same, there's really no way to convince her otherwise.
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
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    I love how you responded to the one who gave you permission to make yourself feel better and ignored the rest.

    Her weight and her performance are not your business. I do think it's interesting that you feel so compelled to put her in her place.

    The post was called "How do you tell someone they're not quite there yet..." not "Should I or shouldn't I tell someone they're not there yet..."

    She's going to be performing and public venue and she asks for my opinion daily, so I was looking for a nice way to put it.

    There is NO nice way to put it. Someone joked that you should punch her in the gut and call her fatty. Metaphorically speaking, that's what you're going to be doing. My BFF back in college was much larger than me. We used to go shopping all the time. ONE TIME I told her a skirt "wasn't flattering." You'd have thought I insulted her mother. And we were like sisters. There is NO nice way to put it.
  • IronmanPanda
    IronmanPanda Posts: 2,083 Member
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    Apparently you're just a much better person inside and out than the rest of us. So go put her in her place and you'll feel much better about yourself.
  • sirabe
    sirabe Posts: 294 Member
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    Leave her be. She will figure it out sooner or later
  • madameduffay
    madameduffay Posts: 166 Member
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    How do I tell this chick to get off her high-horse and get serious without making her cry? (she's bipolar and tends to be quick with her emotions)
    See?
    This is where I run into so much trouble.
    People post pics of themselves which denote great improvement, yet, they still look bad.
    And the estrogen echo chamber is busy with "you go girl" and "you look sexy" when they do NOT!

    I always fall into the camp of truth - objective reality.
    Here is the disconnect.
    Are they consulting you? If so, be honest, but if not, hold your peace.

    Or invite her to MFP, and have her post her bikini pics - :noway:

    THANK YOU!!! This made my night :-) She consults me on a daily basis.... I've nearly bitten my tongue off from trying not to say anything. And at 5'6" and 200+ pounds, trying to fit into a size 8 - I'm honestly worried about her more than anything else. I don't want her to see pictures afterwards and feel embarrassed. I'm not saying cover up, but at least stop thinking you're smaller than you are because you're not serious about it and you're not there yet!

    If she asks for your opinion, give it. In your first post, you presented it as that you were annoyed with her for thinking she looked good and was the same size as you when she isn't. But if she consults you and you are worried about her as a friend then talk to her. But, if you're not friends and she is not asking you for your opinon, then you're probably better off keeping it to yourself.

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