Dr. Phil - Open Marriage
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Part of what I hold precious in my marriage is the intimacy of only being with my wife, and knowing that she has only been with me. Inviting others into that would, in my opinion, weaken the bond that we have.
I think an open marriage is a sign of something missing in the marriage. I hope they find what they think they are looking for.0 -
If it works for other people, fantastic, but it's not for me.
Being in love, I don't WANT to sleep with anyone else. I don't see how you could love someone and NOT want them to be your only sexual partner.
I'm aware I might be way off track, though. I'm always shocked when people get back with a cheater. I know the argument is "they probably realised the error of their ways and won't do it again". To me, it shows they never really loved the person they're with in the first place.
I also know of a woman who married once, had an affair that everyone knew about, but would have her husband and the person she was having an affair with in the same house at the same time as friends. Eventually, she broke off the marriage and made the affair into a relationship, selling her house and buying a new one with her new partner. THEN, she was openly flirting with a huge number of people before she started ANOTHER affair which carried on for months. When this became public and she broke off the second relationship for the third person, everyone was shocked, I don't understand how other didn't see that it's just who she is - how could anyone get into a relationship with her thinking it was going to last? Now, she's sold the house she had with partner two and is in the process of buying one with partner three. Again, everyone thinks it's going to last...0 -
I think I would be fine with an open marriage until the first time he is out with someone else and I am home bored.... then all hell would break loose and I would go back on my "good for the goose, good for the gander" promise LOL
If I was sitting home on a Sunday night, family night, watching TV while he was out somewhere else, it would drive me batty... unless of course I had someone else to talk or text with....
See because I am so wishy washy on it, it's better if we just keep our pants on around others and stay in a normal marriage,
I would be fine with the rules until it was my turn to sit home.....
haha0 -
I wish people would not attach religious beliefs to marriage, it existed a long time before any religious connotations existed, often this involved group marriage.0
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Open marriage to me is just an auto-antonym = it's pretty much the opposite of marriage by my definition. You are letting other people into the relationship and a marriage is between two people, not 4,6,8,10 +
Marriage is the commitment between two people - to love, honor, and respect each other forsaking all others and this includes sexual intimacy. Sex is intimate. I'm not going to share my body with anyone outside my marriage. If I want to "spice things up" sexually - I will spice it up with my husband. My husband is of the exact same mindset - otherwise we wouldn't be married. We share with each other things we share with no one else and that includes our bodies. I'm not interested in a cheap thrill.
If I never found someone I was willing to be with for the rest of my life - and ONLY be with them, I wouldn't get married.
If a man told me they wanted to sleep with other women to be happy I wouldn't marry them.
If I myself couldn't be sexually satisfied by one man, I wouldn't marry.
It is my opinion that open marriage is simply a term for complete selfish fleeting self gratification. To consent doing it without protection is premeditated disgusting behavior. I find it all just an excuse to give in to every self gratifying sexual urge that comes your way.
I also don't get the "not in our marriage bed" thing. Sort of hypocritical if your idea of marriage isn't fidelity when it comes to bedding people. Really - someone else can ravage your naked body and it's AOK so long as it's in a different bed? What's the difference? The location being more important than the act is just ridiculous.
Some people just shouldn't get married. Some just aren't the type,0 -
Humans by nature are not monogamous. So, I can completely see how this would work, with strict rules and such. For me though, it would never work. I am much too jealous.0
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To each their own, I am not one to judge. However, having said that it is not for me. I couldn't love someone and not only want to be with them no matter what.0
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what ever gets them off..but what i didnt agree with is the fact that they didnt keep it in the bedroom...the mother in law knew all about it and the 11 and 13 yr old kid knew all about it...the mom watched porn with her 11 yr old daughter!!!! can you say 16 and pregnant?!?!?!?!?!?0
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I don't watch Dr. Phil, though I suspect if they got on the show they have far deeper issues than an open marriage.
As others have said, open marriages are far more common than you may think. Most couples are very discreet about it, both because well, it's none of your business, but also to avoid some of the snap judgements I've seen here. Every couple has boundaries. Some boundaries just encompass more than others. It has NOTHING to do with a lack of love, commitment, or perceived morals.
Well said
Thanks
I think this needs to be said again, also in many cultures group marriage still exists even if the it has become illegal in the country it's self. Take India for instance it is illegal for the wife to have more than one husband and the husband to have more than one wife, but it still happens. In the middle east where it is allowed to have up to 4 wives at time, and being raised there I had friends who lived like this in their homes a very happy, healthy and fulfilling life.
Personally I am a very selfish and jealous lover, he is mine and mine alone I will not share, but to cast such judgment on people for creating a healthy environment to which they may find happiness is wrong even if we may not understand it or accept it for ourselves. :flowerforyou:0 -
what ever gets them off..but what i didnt agree with is the fact that they didnt keep it in the bedroom...the mother in law knew all about it and the 11 and 13 yr old kid knew all about it...the mom watched porn with her 11 yr old daughter!!!! can you say 16 and pregnant?!?!?!?!?!?
I didn't watch the show but I imagine Dr. Phil gave her an earful for the porn thing. :sick:0 -
Me an my husband do not really have an open marrige,i have no desire to be with another man,but I can be with any girl i want lol0
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I have several polyamorous friends. Seems like it works for them very well. In fact, it makes more sense in a way, because they have an "extended family" who all look after one another... far less risky than the traditional "put all your eggs in one basket" approach in many respects.0
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Each to their own. If it works for them, that is good. It isn't for everyone, and it isn't for me.
But honestly, who am I to judge?0 -
I have a couple of friends in open marriages. Works for them just fine.
Most of the time when they tell me stories my face is like: :noway:0 -
Tax reasons.Why bother to get married then?
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Lol, many married people out there now have sexual relationships other than they partner in secret. Anyone ever hear of a massage parlor?
If it is working for them, who cares? Morality for others will never equal what how some view morality should be.
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
bump0
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Why bother to get married then?
Thank you!! Marriage means you will love honor and sleep with that one person the rest of your life.. If you dont get the commitement than dont get married! Ugh this world we live in these days I dont get it.. The idea of my husband touching and being inside another woman makes my skin crawl no i dont want you porking other woman than coming home to me no thanks..
The people that I know that have open marriages - it doesn't work quite the way you said it. For each of the couples I know that do this, it is a very intimate part of their lives and it is done together, not as an affair where they leave the house, pick up some random person and then come home to their spouse. In fact, each couple I know has this as a rule that cannot be done, it is considered cheating and infidelity. I couldn't do it personally, quite honestly, I couldn't ever trust anyone enough to try.0 -
Monogamy doesn't work for me. I have a lot of needs, wants, and desires. I like meeting new people and having different experiences, learning from those I meet. Anyone who gets with me will also have a large personality (otherwise we won't "click") with their own needs. The communication is also a lot better, with lack of jealousy, fill of acceptance and no judgement. It makes the sex with the main partner SO much better.
From the beginning I am very clear about the fact that I am an open type. If they can't handle that, it goes no further.0 -
I didn't watch either but to each their own.
My husband asks if he can have a second wife all the time. I say if she cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids and him.... I am all for it!
^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^0 -
I was SICKENED by the notion that their kids were a part of it!!! They were involved in the lives of their sex partners. Fully aware of what lifestyle they lead. Life is confusing enough for kids as it is. Do your thing...whatever...but leave the kids out of it. SO...yeah...she sat down with her 11 year-old daughter to watch porn...so that she could explain it to her!??! Puh-lease. I have an 11 year-old daughter...we've had and will continue to have healthy conversations about sex...NO VIDEO required! Yeesh...0
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Why bother to get married then?
Thank you!! Marriage means you will love honor and sleep with that one person the rest of your life.. If you dont get the commitement than dont get married! Ugh this world we live in these days I dont get it.. The idea of my husband touching and being inside another woman makes my skin crawl no i dont want you porking other woman than coming home to me no thanks..
There's nothing in the vow of marriage about sleeping with only one person. It's only part of the vow of marriage if that's the commitment you make to one another. Marriage is about commitment to each other that runs much greater than sex. Not to mention a legal commitment. So there's plenty of reason to marry someone even if both parties agree that they want to be intimate with other people.
And lets not pretend like polygamy is something new. Back in biblical times, it was common for men to have multiple wives. So it's not exactly new or shocking.
Like I said in my other post, it's certainly something that's not for most people (myself included), but as long as all people involved are consenting, I don't think their lifestyle is any less valid than mine.
From what I understand the "Vow" is simply the part you say "In front of God and these witnesses". Quick Google on Traditional vows finds these:
"Forsaking all others, till death do us part."
or
"faithfully keep to her/him alone, so long as you both shall live?"
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"and to that I pledge you my faithfulness. "
or
"and I promise to love you, and to be faithful to you as long as we both shall live."
Obviously you don't have to have these specific statements in your vows. But not sleeping with others is exactly what these say. Personally I've never been to a wedding, including one in a judges chamber, where some type of "Forsaking all others" was not in the vow. Yeah, you don't sign a paper with these words on it, but the word "swear" indicates a promise.0 -
We all make our way through life as best we can. If everyone is on board, I fail to see the problem.
What's right for some may not be for others, but that doesn't make it wrong.
I so agree with this post!!!0 -
Whatever works for them. But, often times these kind of arrangements end when someone falls in love with someone other than their spouse. As long as they are aware of the pitfalls and consequence WTH?0
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Why bother to get married then?
Thank you!! Marriage means you will love honor and sleep with that one person the rest of your life.. If you dont get the commitement than dont get married! Ugh this world we live in these days I dont get it.. The idea of my husband touching and being inside another woman makes my skin crawl no i dont want you porking other woman than coming home to me no thanks..
Where does it say this??? I didn't realize there were rules when it comes to a couples sex life. If they are a happy couple and their success is based on an open sex life, who are you to judge?0 -
The fact that she watches porn with her 11 year old daughter is what bothered me the most. I hope she's ready to be a grandma soon.0
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The one thing that flusters me about open marriage is where do they find the time for 2 relationships?0
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No marriage is the same. We don't have an open marriage...just a ...uh...fun marriage. Whatever the label is, it works for us.0
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Why bother to get married then?
Exactly!0 -
I didn't watch either but to each their own.
My husband asks if he can have a second wife all the time. I say if she cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids and him.... I am all for it!
I say this to my bf too. She can cook, clean, but no sexy stuff. So basically a maid we don't pay. lol0
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