I think my husband is trying to keep me fat.....

i do really well planning my sack lunches for work. my husband will "surprise" me with lunch on occasion. although he thinks he's being nice, he brings all the wrong foods... and he knows this. he won't go for healthy choices either. he brings really bad, sinfully delicious things. i've been eating healthier for over a year now and he still doesn't get it. it's frustrating. he knows i won't waste food and that i'll most likely eat whatever he brings. problem is, i resent him for the way i feel the rest of the day which is fat and weak. i don't think your man will change. he probably wants the old you. good luck...

Mine doesnt try to saboage me, but wasnt super supportive at first. Meaning, he wanted all his snacks and bad foods still and kept saying he wasnt the one on a diet.

Now Ive inspired him to work out, count cals and get healthy. I started to refuse to buy a lot of packaged meals or snacks, cooking only healthy meals and got workouts for PS3 we could do together and have fun.. It is so much more fun to do it together.

Can you start walking together after dinner and cooking together? Make it more of something you can do together so he feels part of the process?

He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.

Just a thought.

This could be part of the problem, too.

I talk to a lot of women who are on pretty extreme diets (not allowing any type of processed snacks, sugary snacks in the house) and I don't think it's fair to the spouse (if they enjoy those things and are not also on a diet).

That being said, I'm not saying we should all keep crappy food and snacks available - but there are some snacks my husband just LOVES and although I won't eat them (because of will power, not because of lack of desire, LOL!) I can't forbid him to purchase them! He needs to enjoy food too, and unlike me, he doesn't have a weight problem.

I just think some people go waaay overboard in not allowing foods that perhaps their spouses enjoy too - and it's not fair to say if they loved you, they'd stop - because if you loved them, you should let them enjoy some naughty treats too

Not saying that this is exactly the case with you, but it sounds to me like it might be part of it.

i can really sympathise but at least he is not going and preparing unhealthy stuff for you then bringing it to you which is what my partner did for 3 years. i didn't want to be ungrateful and not eat what he brought me.

you are doing so well, keep it up. i think he may be a bit scared incase you look elsewhere once you are 'hot'. my partner has asked who i am losing weight for - obv for me.

either have it out with him or try to ignore all the stuff that hes bringing home - he will eventually get the picture and it will get better.

Don't eat the junk he brings home. Remember how hard you are working and don't give in. It's probably an insecurity of some sort. He may not admit it even if confronted. Just stay strong and know you have plenty of support here. I believe in you!

I have kids and husband AND they all eat different things. I feed the kiddos mostly unprocessed so I make cookies creackers etc. They are not overweight and since they need snacks and treats I rather know whats in it. I have calculated the calories of the whole wheat chocolate chip cookies and choose not to waste my calories. My husband loves spaghetti again I make it with lean beef and sometimes use some beef but I choose not to eat the pasta as I can find other things I would rather eat. I can not expect everyone to be on track and yes sometimes it is hard but that is life and I want to loose weight NO ONE said it would be easy. Although my hubby is not unsupportive I get way more from MFP than at home.

I had issues similar to this at the beginning of me trying to lose weight (part of the reason was that he was raised on crap food all the time). I had issues with him bringing stuff into the house that I like to eat. He's pretty skinny and his metabolism is super high so he can pretty much eat all the crap he wants and not gain. Instead I have now convinced him to bring home crap that he likes but that I won't eat (chips I don't like or hamburgers or black licorice). That way he gets what he wants and I am not tempted to eat it. If he brings something home like fries or anything and I want some I have a few but since he eats so fast I really don't get all that many anyways. Just a thought if you can get him to bring home stuff you don't like then you won't have the temptation there (or if my husband brings something home he thinks I might eat he tends to hide it and not eat it when I'm around).

I can totally relate. Except it's my mom who brings home all the junk. Yesterday I was mid-workout and she came up to me with a box of my favorite cookies and said she bought them for me with a smirk on her face! can you imagine! My plan is to not eat any junk she buys. Eventually she will get the hint. I suggest you do the same with with your husband, and that way he'll eventually stop buying stuff for you if he knows you won't have it. The first couple times saying "no" are the hardest but after that I promise it's easier. Who knows, maybe you can inspire him to stop eating all that junk.

One possibility that occured to me, is maybe food and gifts are his love language. Maybe he actually thinks he's being thoughtful and loving by bringing you things he thinks will make you happy because they are the things that make him happy.

Definitly talk to him, and wait until you are in a mood that is ready to listen and not just attack him for his lack of compassion & support. He may surprise you with what he has to say.

I also agree that you may just have to develop stronger self control This is something I am working on too. Due to the special dietary needs of my children there are a LOT of high fat/high calorie foods in our home. Especially cheese & sausage. I allow myself small portions that don't surpass my calories for the day (though I am often over in in fat grams). I am streadily losing weight, and learning how to make better choices overall, no matter what food I am surrounded by. It's not easy, but I don't expect it to be.

I don't think throwing it out is a good solution. If you both discussed your desire to lose weight and eat healthy and he didn't say "I need my junk food", maybe you just need to let him know you need to talk to him about supporting your choice. If he is being passive aggresive because he is insecure or scared, discuss that aspect. My husband loves to sabotage everything major I do in my life. When we sit down and discuss it, he denies it, but I can tell from his body language. It's rougher to lose weight this way, but I have to fight the temptation. The reason I don't believe throwing out the food works...it's also an aggresive behavior, likely to cause more trouble between you. Good luck to you! You can do it! with or without the temptations...

Just stay strong and he'll give up with trying to tempt you eventually; he can't possibly do this forever

While a lot of people have had a lot of unhelpful things to say to your post, I will tell you my story which is very similar in some regard.

I am trying to loose at least 80lbs total and still have quite a bit to go. I started on my journey shortly after being in the hospital for a life threatening ailment. I was told that I had to do some drastic things to change my life and one was to loose weight.


Shortly after I started, my husband was horrible to me. Always buying candy bars and bringing them to bed to eat in front of me. He was rude and would get upset if he had to watch our son while I went to workout classes because he didn't want to get out of bed. He was not nice, nor was he understanding or sympathetic. He has NEVER had a weight problem, so he didn't get it.

When I finally had enough and blew up at him, he broke down and told me he was insecure simply because he felt as if I was growing personally while he was staying stagnant and that he was being left behind.

That may or may not be the problem with your husband, but don't assume that he wants to keep you fat until you have a serious discussion with him.

When my husband and I talked, we talked about why I needed to do this, the benefits to me as a person, and us as a couple/family, and the fact that I am not leaving him behind if he supports my journey and walks by my side.

We talked about the fact that if we were going to succeed on this journey, the whole family had to make changes. We have been doing great since that talk.

I urge you to talk to him, but don't be accusing. Do not go on the offensive as that will cause him to go on the defensive and you will accomplish nothing. Try doing it when you are in a good mood as that will make you more open.

PS-my husband is the head KM in a restaurant so I totally get the bringing "mess ups" home from work.

You are more than welcome to add me as your friend if you want, and if you want to vent, I can listen and offer advice.
I wish you happy loosing, and an open resolving discussion.

You have made up your mind to watch what you eat and exercise. Sometimes people get scared. Sometimes people don't care. And sometimes, if you have done this before, he's seen how it tears you up inside and he doesn't want to see you unhappy.

I am a very lucky girl. All of the men in my family (1 husband, 2 sons-19 years old) are overly supportive. Since I've been at this for 190 days, it's second nature to them and they are very proud of what I've accomplished. My husband is watching what he eats now too, and counting calories, learning from me how to stick with a serving size (i.e. if it says 16 crackers,, put it in a bowl).

Cheetos and cheesecake, well it's easy to walk away from now...in the beginning not so much. But I knew then that opening a bag of chips was a bad idea, so we didn't keep the "little bags" in the house...big temptation. We can now, I just don't care to eat it.

Whatever you decide to do, think it through. If you are anything like I was in the beginning,, arbitrary discussions would lead me right straight to the kitchen. Good luck to you...and really, no matter how many breadsticks or McD's bags come through the door--YOU CAN DO THIS! I have every faith in you!

He may have bought all the wrong foods to keep in the house..but he isn't actually feeding you, is he?? I suggest going out and buying your OWN healthy products. That way..nobody is blaming anybody from not losing/gaining weight but yourself.

This!

Seriously, I had to do this. I used the excuse about my husband bringing junk food home or wanting to go out to eat all the time. Finally, I realized I don't have to eat the crap he brings home or get the worse thing on the menu just because we go out to eat. I started buying my own groceries and telling him not to eat my stuff and getting the grilled chicken and veggies or a salad when we eat out. He finally told me on Valentine's Day that he wanted to start counting calories with me so he can loose weight too. (I've lost 64 pounds so far with 31 to go.)

Good luch, I know how hard this is.

Perhaps it's his way of saying that he loves you the way you are.. or that he's insecure about the thought of you losing weight and potentially moving on from him?

Could you try to get him on the healthy-eating bandwagon too?

Willpower!!!! Just because he buys it doesn't mean you have to eat it. And I completely understand I have 3 kids and a junk food junkie husband, Right now in my house there are doritos and like 5 boxes of cake mix. Plus God knows what else, I figure if I can resist em at home I can resist em anywhere!