I think my husband is trying to keep me fat.....
Replies
-
I log on everyday, today is my 365 day!
Take care:flowerforyou:
well done!0 -
He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.
Just a thought.
It is give and take in any relationship or marriage, he is doing all the taking and not giving. The least he could do is be a bit supportive and if he knows the OP has a bit of a weak spot for junk food, at least keeping it out of her way would help, not bloody buying it in front of her for crying out loud and what the hell was that about him buy breadsticks FOR HER???
He may not be ready, but he needs to grow up a bit.0 -
As hard as it's going to be with that food around....no one can make you eat it if you don't want to.
Double your resolve, it's good training for out in the real world.
JUST SAY NO!0 -
He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.
Just a thought.
It is give and take in any relationship or marriage, he is doing all the taking and not giving. The least he could do is be a bit supportive and if he knows the OP has a bit of a weak spot for junk food, at least keeping it out of her way would help, not bloody buying it in front of her for crying out loud and what the hell was that about him buy breadsticks FOR HER???
He may not be ready, but he needs to grow up a bit.
^^^ this
yes, he isn't on a diet, but man, the OP just started and he knows it. What is one of the reasons for so many people falling off the wagon with healthy lifestyle changes? Temptation. He knows she is trying to change her food habits and while she isn't asking him to forgo his snacks, junk food, etc - just be a BIT more sensitive about it.0 -
I've been thru this with my husband, and I believe it's not that he's trying to "keep you fat" I think it's a comfort zone for guys. I believe some men may have a deep seated feeling that you may not want him if you are hot and he is not or perhaps he is not at the same level of commitment to fitness and healthy eating as you are. Stick with it, stay strong and when he sees the changes in you, a more positive mood, you happier and healthier, I think you may find him moving over to your side of the camp.
I've been with my husband for 13 years and he has loved me thru thick and thin, and I him, and finally we are both on track together, exercising together and making healthier eating choices together. Be a leader and I believe he will come to his senses.0 -
I can so relate to this. My ex boyfriend told me that he would break up with me if i lost too much weight, because he likes big women. he was really upset when i wanted to change. i don't think he was insecure, he was big himself, didn't plan on changing liked the way he was and wanted someone the same. We ended breaking up.
My current relationship also a big guy, seems a lot similar to your husband. I don't think my boyfriend intentionally wants me fat. but he is not ready to lose his weight and though he does praise me for my weight loss he does nothing to help me with it. He still eats fast food at least once a day. Ask me if i want things or to go with him. When its his turn to cook, he doesn't try to make healthy versions for me. it does make it harder especially the wheel power to turn down certain foods. Especially when he orders pizza.
If he is over weight himself and not ready to lose weight, he is probably not supportive because the fear of you losing weight and leaving him or something. If you haven't already, certainly talk to him and tell him how you feel. But like with mine, it may not work Its our journey and not theirs.0 -
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but, in the end it will definitely make you stronger. I agree with the other poster, have it out with him if need be, and maybe you can get to the bottom of what's really going on with him. The other thing you HAVE TO do is turn your blinders on, pretend like you don't see it. I don't have that exact situation, but as of right now, when I make groceries, I do pick up some of the kids favorite snacks that are an absolute no-no for me. What I did was separate our things though. All of their foods go into the pantry with our main staples, but all of my specialty things have started going into a cabinet I cleared out in the kitchen, especially for me.
Oh and you can add me if you like, I do log on everyday
) 0 -
He may have bought all the wrong foods to keep in the house..but he isn't actually feeding you, is he?? I suggest going out and buying your OWN healthy products. That way..nobody is blaming anybody from not losing/gaining weight but yourself.
I understand your frustration as I in the same situation. My husband could stand to lose some weight (but only about 15 lbs). But your doing this for you. He shops for his food and I shop for mine and I eat only mine. He makes yucky faces sometimes at my food choices and the hard part is that we had two young children and I try to feed them healthy and his food has to be hidden because they will whine for it. Occasionally i let him give them a treat but they actually caught onto my trend. What is my payback is that when we go out all his friend tells him he better get on my bandwagon because he is not a fit as he used to be and I am going to find another man (not really but his friends said I didn't). But sit down and talk to him and tell him to hide the food or keep it out of reach. When you go out discuss a restaurant that you can both enjoy. Stick to your guns and be persistent, he will eventually give up tempting you. Like the post above states.
Take care and good luck. :flowerforyou:0 -
wow, this breaks my heart! i'm so sorry you don't have the support you need at home, but don't let it stop you! i am lucky enough to have some of my really good friends on MFP with me, as well as my mom. i'm sure with your post you will find some great friends here to offer support and motivation! you are doing the right thing by reaching out to all of us
i can't imagine having all that junk in the house!! i'm not sure if this is possible, but can you two store food in separate places? in my house, there's a separate laundry room storage/pantry area, and my roommates keep all the junk food in there. i keep all the good stuff, including healthy snacks, in the main pantry, and that way i don't even see the junky stuff as options when browsing.
i agree with others that you will need to confront your husband at some point. can you invite him to join you in your journey? sorry if you mentioned this in a reply already... there were a lot to go thru haha
good luck!! let us all know when you need support... i'm sure you know this is a great community. It's worked well for me so far! 0 -
I run into this all the time and especially with husbands who think that their wife may have a thing for their trainers.............couldn't be further from the truth.I just don't know what to do at this point. I swear that my husband is trying to keep me from losing weight. I have asked him repeatedly not to bring junk into the house. Here's a recap of what I have come home and dealt with the in the last few days:
Tuesday- we went to the store and I had to fight him out of the store without buying cookies or cake mixes.
Wednesday- 2 bags of Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream Chips (my favorite) and cheesecake.
Friday- cake on the counter (NOT the cheesecake from Wednesday) and then he ordered pizza and bread sticks for dinner. (without my knowledge) When i say bread sticks I mean one order for him and one just for me. (I didn't eat it!)
Today- He went to the store for toilet paper and came home with chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and raspberry sherbert and three 2 liters of soda. I have already been informed that he will be bring home what is called a Bacon Cheddar bomb from the restaurant he works at.
I have been working out everyday, some times twice a day. I eat so well when he is not around but by the time I get home and see all of this its hard to avoid. I have lost 7 this last month so I am doing okay at avoiding but it is so frustrating when there is no one to support your efforts at home.
On Thursday night I wasn't feeling good and skipped my evening workout. The same day I had taken 30 minutes of my lunch hour and walked 1.5 miles with my coworker. He had the nerve to ask me if I was giving up! I wanted to smack him so bad. Really? Your going to ask me if I'm giving up because I didn't workout twice in one day?
I have a lot of weight to lose. Another 86lbs to be exact. How am I going to do this if he will not show me an ounce of support?
Thanks for reading my vent. Also looking for new MFP friends who actually log on to help keep me motivated. Almost everyone on my current list has not logged on in 5-6 months.
Here's my advice. Knowing and being in this business for over 29 years now, if foods you like are going to something that you have to deal with................then you deal with them straight up. You like Sour Cream and Cheddar Ruffles (I know I do) then you learn how to portion out a few and account for them in your daily calories intake. Why? Because EVERY client I've ever dealt with that gained back the weight got off the diet I made for them and ate the foods they liked again. With me changing over to them letting eat what they want (with the consideration of making sure they get in their daily essentials of macro/micro nutrients) and setting a daily calorie limit, I can honestly say that it's now maybe 1 out of 25 that may gain the majority of their weight back.
You just can't think about the journey, you have to think about the lifestyle. If you're willing FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE to delete foods you enjoy, that's one thing, but if you're not, then you need to create a way to learn how to eat them in moderation.
A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I can't say why or why not your hubby isn't being supportive BUT if it does seem to be that he's doing it out of insecurity or because he feels threatened, etc don't be angry with him, that won't help the situation ... love him
... show him you love him so that slowly he'll come to the realization that, even though you are losing weight, looking great and feeling better about yourself, you aren't going anywhere. He probably just needs some reassurance that you will love him no matter where you are in your own journey.
Men may be tough & gruff on the outside but they can still be afraid & insecure on the inside, whether they show it or admit to it.0 -
I grocery shop twice per week to make sure I always have plenty of healthy fresh foods available. Luckily, my husband actually likes healthy foods. By going together, we get all of the healthy foods we both enjoy and it ensures we have things we can agree on for dinners, etc. That being said, he is not trying to lose weight. So a pumpkin pie and a bag of chips will go in the cart. Or a tube of cookie dough and some soda. He says that he wants to cut out soda. I cut it out for weight loss and have been successful and he has a hard time with it. I am supportive but not chastising. The foods he places in the cart I know I won't eat don't bother me because he is buying them for himself. He knows I probably won't eat them. He will bake the cookies or pie himself. If I have A cookie, he eats all the rest and I am fine with that. You need to try to find a middle ground. You don't want him to judge whether you are exercising, he doesn't want you to judge what he eats. His comments seem that much more hurtful because you are probably struggling, at least a bit, to avoid indulging. It will make you more sensitive. Be strong and do this for yourself. He will accept it. Things will get better. Hang in there.0
-
It really sounds more like your husband is jealous. Maybe you are doing something that he doesnt think he can do... or doeasn't want to do himself. If he is happy at his weight and with his unhealthy habits maybe he wants you to be too.
Keep your chin up and keep your eye on the prize. Sometimes your biggest hurdle can be your biggest motivator.!! Don't let him put you down, you can do this!0 -
wow, this breaks my heart! i'm so sorry you don't have the support you need at home, but don't let it stop you! i am lucky enough to have some of my really good friends on MFP with me, as well as my mom. i'm sure with your post you will find some great friends here to offer support and motivation! you are doing the right thing by reaching out to all of us
i can't imagine having all that junk in the house!! i'm not sure if this is possible, but can you two store food in separate places? in my house, there's a separate laundry room storage/pantry area, and my roommates keep all the junk food in there. i keep all the good stuff, including healthy snacks, in the main pantry, and that way i don't even see the junky stuff as options when browsing.
i agree with others that you will need to confront your husband at some point. can you invite him to join you in your journey? sorry if you mentioned this in a reply already... there were a lot to go thru haha
good luck!! let us all know when you need support... i'm sure you know this is a great community. It's worked well for me so far!
I couldn't agree with you more, what an awesome response! Kudos!!! Feel free to add me too! We are here to support each other afterall!0 -
Friend me - I'll support ya.. My husband is a stck and can eat, eat, eat and not gain a pound - take him to a buffet and he is sure to eat his money worth. I just walk in and gain 10 lbs before eating anything. It sucks but I keep going... I have junk in my house too.. I choose not to eat it.. Keep doing what your doing.. When he says anything about wasting money on food that your not eating just tell him you didn't ask him to buy it.0
-
He sounds most unhelpful...is he encouraging towards anything else in your life? I eat with my brother when I do I no its very tempting . Keep your chin up x 0
-
This! He probably just isn't ready to deal with it for himself, yet. You have made your decision to change your lifestyle, eat well and be healthy. Be strong and do what you have to so you don't eat the junk he brings home. I personally would just say, sorry, I'm not eating that stuff but you can have it. Then go about eating healthy to live, not living to eat.He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.
Just a thought.
I started out just by walking for charity. 1,000 miles for St. Jude. I assumed I'd lose some weight but I had no intention of changing my diet! At that point he was already asking me if I was still going to eat this or that.. I replied with ' just because I'm walking it doesn't mean I'm not eating'. As I slowly started to see results, I made subtle changes to my diet and now I know I'm doing great. 12 lbs so far. I don't talk about it much but he does see me measuring stuff and if we eat out he is now making an effort to order something healthier. Surprise! We can't make them change just like no one could make us change until we were ready ourselves. If he ever does compliment you, ever so slightly, on your weight loss, lifestyle changes.. thank him for supporting you and that you love him. I've told my hubby that even when I didn't mean it and he has looked at me stunned, like what are you talking about but he got the point. He may come around and join you and he may not but you are STRONG and you can do this. It's not a 'diet', it's a lifestyle change, and for life, hopefully adding years to our lives!
Good luck and if you need extra support from someone going through the same thing, add me!0 -
I did make him walk with me last night as "punishment" for the junk i found when i came home. He wasn't happy about it and complained the whole time but he walked the 1.5mile with me..lol
Have you read that back? That doesn't sound like you are talking about your husband who you love, that sounds like you're a bit of a control freak, the man can't even eats what he wants were he wants without being punished. You need to put a bit of perspective on things.0 -
It's really hard to have will power when the food is literally staring youin the face. He really needs to get on board with you though. He can ultimately be the success or the failure to ur weight loss. He needs to be ur rock, not ur hard place. You need to explain to him that the more he brings bad food in, the more likely you will be tempted to stray. I'm curious if he has any weight to lose. Regardless if he also has weight to lose, I'm sure his numbers (ie cholesterol, triglycerides) cannot look too great if he is eating such bad foods every day of the week. Give him that as a motivator. If he does not have to lose weight, then have him make an appointment for some blood work so he can see what all the pizza and cheesecake is doing to his blood counts.
I consistently have to tell my parents to not bring crap into the house. There is ALWAYS ice cream and donuts and cookies and other crap in my house that is NOT CONDUCIVE to a 2,000 Cal/day diet. I don't buy it but they do. My mom just had her blood analyzed and she got a big wake up call. She is super unhealthy considering she's only 138 lbs. So yes you can be an unhealthy skinny person.0 -
i had a friend whos hubby was like that with her and it was due to him being insecure and scared that if she lost weight, looked good and got confidence that she wouldnt depend on him as much and would want to go out more. finally she sat him down and told him he supports her or leaves and since she lost over 4 stone and became a fitness instructer and her hubby realised that he was being silly, she now is so much happier within herself and he realises that it is now that he see's the real her and not the empty shell she was before.
have u sat him down and spoke to him and told him exactly how u feel. we are all here to support u, do it for u xxxx0 -
That sounds just flat out mean. Stay strong. You can do it whether he is willing to help or not. When he brings home a cake enjoy a bowl of fresh fruit instead. When he offers you chips, take a nice long walk. Don't show any resistance to what he is doing, just simply avoid him and his temptations until he realizes that what he is doing is pushing you away. Soon he will realize that he would rather join you and support you rather than lose you. Keep up the good work! 0
-
Is he overweight? I say screw him and do it for yourself. I know it is hard but you still seem to be doing a great job. I would outright call his a** out and ask him what his problem is. Obviously, he has one!!! Keep up the great work and determination. If you need freinds feel free to add me. Good luck0
-
I didn't read all the posts.....but here's my take on it....GUYS DON"T GET IT...there I said it....guys just don't understand. Especially if you are guilty of being a yo-yo dieter, they are still stuck in that habit of buying junk constantly and you jsut eating it with them. My dad is the same way, but at least he'll buy "light" icecream or "sugarfree" popcicles since im on a diet. Just because you are on a diet doesn't mean everyone is too, you have to teach yourself self control, and it's really really hard when those wonderful treats are taunting you in your own house. And he ordered two bread sticks, because he might have been afraid if he ate one and you said someonthing along the lines of "Hey i wanted a piece" or whatnot. Just put yourself in his shoes every now and then and realize you might have been guilty in the past of being hot and cold towards a healthy lifestyle and all he can do is come to terms after a while that you are really really serious this time.0
-
I understand. My parents use to do this to me. Luckily, my fiancee and i agree on a lot of food choices. Though sometimes when i tell him i just want to eat healthy during that day he will end up getting chips. Its frustrating and i don't think he does it on purpose but maybe your hubby is worried that your going to lose too much weight? Or maybe he doesn't want to give up eating those foods with you because its something he enjoys doing with you. You should try sitting down with him and ask him why he keeps buying all this stuff.
Good luck
~ A0 -
I did make him walk with me last night as "punishment" for the junk i found when i came home. He wasn't happy about it and complained the whole time but he walked the 1.5mile with me..lol
Have you read that back? That doesn't sound like you are talking about your husband who you love, that sounds like you're a bit of a control freak, the man can't even eats what he wants were he wants without being punished. You need to put a bit of perspective on things.
amen....just because the mom decides to be on a diet doesn't mean the whole family has to...I try to encourage my dad to work out with my or do the wii fit, and all we got was he made a character on the wii lol. But if you are the main cook, then you can say what's for dinner, if he wants to order out, that's on him, he shouldn't be "punished" for the life he wants to live. He might see how much happer you are when you lose your weight and he will follow your example, but you can't force a grown man to do something he doesn't want to do....maybe he's rebelling against you?0 -
Is he bringing these foods home JUST for you, or is he partaking in them himself? If it's the latter, he's not trying to keep you fat, he just isn't concerned about losing weight himself (does he need to?) and you're just going to have to have the willpower not to eat them. If he IS buying them just for you, then sit him down and gently tell him why you're trying to make healthier choices and that while you appreciate the thought, it's detrimental to what you are trying to do. It could be that food is his way of showing affection and if this is the case, ask him to bring in things like fruit, hummus and veggies or nuts if he wants to treat you.
Try including him in your new, healthier lifestyle. You could try cooking a healthy meal together so he realises you don't need to eat junk to have a good time. Invite him to come on long walks with you. Don't automatically assume he's trying to keep you fat just because he's bringing junk home. It could well be that he just doesn't get it, or doesn't fully understand how important this is to you.0 -
I did make him walk with me last night as "punishment" for the junk i found when i came home. He wasn't happy about it and complained the whole time but he walked the 1.5mile with me..lol
Have you read that back? That doesn't sound like you are talking about your husband who you love, that sounds like you're a bit of a control freak, the man can't even eats what he wants were he wants without being punished. You need to put a bit of perspective on things.
Oh and this. It's one thing to be like 'Hey, I'm going on a walk, want to come?', but to punish HIM for food HE is putting in HIS mouth seems way controlling. Just because you're trying not to eat crap, doesn't mean he has to.0 -
You need to realize he has not changed , you have.
If you want to be healthy and lose weight , you have to do it on your own.
If he want to eat junk let him , is his body. I'm pretty sure if he did not bring you anything , you would complain because he is eating junk behind your back and you are not allow to do it.0 -
OMG.....do I know the feeling.....I don't mean to cause a problem BUT you are in control of yourself!! Be strong and don't eat the ****!
After a while he will know that you mean buisness and you are not going to eat it.0 -
I'm sure someone else has said this, but I'm not going to read through 6 pages of people telling you that you need to be supported and to throw out your husbands food.
Since I'm going to assume that you are an adult, I'm just going to say TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN EATING HABITS! Just because your husband brings food that he likes to eat in the house doesn't mean you HAVE to eat it. I seriously doubt you two would be married if he was holding a gun to your head telling you to pick up the food and chew! Seriously make your own decisions and stop blaming others! This is about YOU, not him!0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 427 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions