I think my husband is trying to keep me fat.....

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  • ahealthy4u
    ahealthy4u Posts: 442 Member
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    I live in a house hold where they think that junk food is okay to eat especially sense they think they need to gain the weight. They are meat and potato eaters threw and threw. What they fail to realize is that the healthy food is better for them just because it says sugar free doesn’t mean you won’t gain weight you just have to do it the right why.
    We go around and around with this I have just come to a conclusion that they are going to eat what they want no matter what. So I have dealt with it by controlling myself and only eating one cookie or making; them take it to work with them so it isn’t in the house.
    If it is in the house I treat it like living with roommates it is there food and I can’t eat it. Is the best way to explain it! Is it hard YES! But I have been doing really well. Good Luck to you. It sucks.
  • donnantx
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    I have the same husband! He can bring whatever he likes into the house but I ALWAYS ask him how many calories it is first...he says he doesnt care so I read the label and tell him as he is eating it how many calories are in it...or he brings it in gives it to me and I promptly throw it in the trash with a smile on my face. He will eventually give up....I also have 80 pounds to lose
  • michellef216
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    dont let him sabotage you. Even if he brings it in your house, don't eat it. You can do it. There are times i eat pizza for dinner yes, but i try and make up for it by exercising more or eating better the rest of the day. You are stronger then he is giving you credit for. I always have junk food in my house and it was very hard but occasionally i do eat one serving of it. But you are a veyr strong person and ou are asking for help which makes you even stronger than you think. You got this!!!!
  • KathieSwenson
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    He is always talking about us all going to an all you can eat place for dinner on the weekend.


    I'm confused why that would bother you. Just because it's an all you can eat does not mean you have the eat everything on the buffet. You eat what is right for you. They don't have a rule at the restaurant stating you can't leave till you had everything on the buffet. I guess that's confusing to me since all you can eat are generally cheaper and my husband would choose it solely because it's cheaper to eat a buffet than to order off the menu. I only get whet is right for me even if it's all you can eat.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    <---- did not have a supportive spouse. Got fit anyway. You can do it, too. Just say no to the crap or indulge sensibly within your nutritional goals.
  • MrsInmon
    MrsInmon Posts: 49 Member
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    If I leave him, it won't be because I look and feel good, it's because of his insecureness and his assholeness.

    If you feel that he is an insecure *kitten*, then why not leave him now while you are still fat? Weight is one thing. Someone can lose weight. Being an *kitten* is ingrained in someone. You can change, but very unlikely. It's like telling someone who is sunny and pleasant all the time to become more pessimistic. It could happen, but probably not.

    I only say he is insecure and he's an *kitten* because this all started with me trying to loose weight. He is a big guy, 6'3" and 350lbs. He has always been insecure about his weight but I will not have him loose any weight until he is ready. I love him the way he is, I think his problem is that I will leave him once I loose weight and realize that I can do better. It's not about whether or not I can do better, I'm with him because I love him and I won't divorce him either way.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    The problem is that fat girls do not know how to handle attention. This is especially true for long-term fat girls, a.k.a 10+ years of L.A syndrome. This category of girls do not know how to handle the attention guys will show them when they are no longer revolting to look at. A fat friend of mine was happily married to a fat guy. He was a good guy and treated her good. She was faithful, cheerful, and loving wife to her husband. The only thing she was unhappy with was her weight. One day, she decided to get skinny and achieved her goal. She went from 220lbs to 120lbs and looked smoking hot. Her husband did not lose weight and stayed a massive 270lbs on a 5'10'' frame. Within one year of reaching her goal, she had already had several affairs with guys that never would have shown her the time of day when she was fat. Now she is divorced, has to pay child support to her ex-husband, is on drugs, and is now the town "stress reliever". The reason? She could not handle the new-found attention she received as a skinny girl because she never dealt with it before.

    For all the people talking down about your husband, you might want to look at it a different way. Maybe he is just trying to keep you from screwing up your life. He might not think you can handle the pressures of being a skinny girl in fat America.

    Seriously, are you for real???

    Maybe he is just insecure, hello??? Whatever the case, he needs to stop buying her junk that she has a weak spot for before he damn well DOES screw up her life!!!
  • shortymordy
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    I don't know if you need another response, but here's my two cents...

    First, for the people rolling their eyes that your husband wants to "keep you fat," there's actually something to this. My husband (as do others, judging by the posts on here) has a slight fear that if I get "hot," I'll leave him for someone else. It's has nothing to do with me and is all about his own insecurities. Fortunately, we've worked through this, and he is completely supportive of my healthy living efforts.

    What you need to determine (and the only way to do this is by talking to him), is why he is bringing home this food. If he happens to enjoy the same junk food as you, then it's really not your place to tell him he can't. There's nothing worse than living with a food nazi. However, if he's bringing home your sour cream chip AND his favorite BBQ lays, then you are absolutely within your right to tell him not to bring home the sour cream chips.

    From the pizza/breadsticks story, I think you have larger issues. He can bring home pizza and breadsticks for himself, but the great thing about pizza is that he can get his meat eater special, and ask for the other half to be a veggie pizza for you. It's a simple change that doesn't change his eating habits at all. But he didn't ask you first. You need to ask why. Is it habit? Was he just not thinking? Did he think you deserved a "treat?" Is he actually rather guilty about his own eating habits and didn't feel as bad as long as you were eating with him? It probably is a little bit of all, but I think you need a serious "come to Jesus" meeting with him. Make sure he knows you're not forcing him on a diet, but you'd like a little consideration if he's going to bring dinner home without asking you. Don't accuse, you'll only put him on the defensive. Just ask him what he thinks about your new lifestyle, say that you've interpreted some of his actions that he's not being supportive, and talk it through. And for all the other junk food he brings home...WILLPOWER! Good luck!
  • Darrknys
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    wow... my husband is in full support even though he is happy with the way I am now. But since I've told him that I am not happy with my weight and how I look he is doing his best. He reminds me to work out, reminds me of foods that aren't that great for me and has let me fill the kitchen with pretty much only healthy types of food.

    Just the other day he complained that there was no "bad" food for him to eat and went to the store to get himself something. Funny thing, he came home with healthy food. LOL When I asked him was that the so called "bad" food he wanted he replied with 'Noooo... but I saw the food and wanted it'. Bread, cheese and pepperoni.

    We cook dinner together, which we both love to do. We just make an extra portion for him and his black hole of a stomach.

    He gets soda and I get sparkling flavored water. He gets ice cream and I get frozen fruit bars, etc.

    It's worked out pretty well so far. I say if he gets something just grab the healthy alternative for yourself. Maybe have separate cupboards for your food? That way you don't open yours to find unhealthy options.
  • joehempel
    joehempel Posts: 1,761 Member
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    Wow this topic took a crazy turn....leave him for buying junk food??? WTF is wrong with you people.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    Wow this topic took a crazy turn....leave him for buying junk food??? WTF is wrong with you people.
    Agreed.

    Should he be more supportive/understanding? Of course.
    Is it impossible for her to get healthy when her spouse is not making healthy choices? No.

    I am living proof of that.
  • hollyeverhart
    hollyeverhart Posts: 397 Member
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    Have some self control maybe? I don't think its fair to make your husband feel bad for buying food he likes just because you cannot control your eating. My husband is naturally fit & can eat what he wants. He eats tons of thing I would love to eat but I don't want to gain weight there for I don't eat it. Simple as that.
  • onewhodiets
    onewhodiets Posts: 67 Member
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    Mine was just as happy with me being fat - I'm glad he is/ was accepting of me. Part of it was him feeling more secure that way, to be perfectly honest, but once my doctor let me know that my health was being affected, he was totally on board and supportive about exercising et al.
  • danniwhit
    danniwhit Posts: 63 Member
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    I could have written a similar post about a year ago! I started my weight loss journey on Jan 1 2011 WITH my husband. Within a month, he was not counting calories, eating healthy, giving up eating out etc as I was trying to do. I still counted my calories, exercised, bought my healthier snacks, chose the healthy options out, gave up soda, drank my green smoothies and such. Yes, we ate pizza a couple times a week bc he loves pizza and always wanted to get it so I got myself a small portion and added a vegetable side instead of pigging out. Just because he fell off track doesn't mean I did, he just wasn't ready to take all the necessary steps to a lifestyle change although I was.
    I fell off the wagon a couple times too. I had a couple minor injuries, didnt work out for awhile, and ate poorly at times, but I maintained my initial 25lb weight loss for a year by working at making as many healthier choices as I could. A few times throughout the year my husband decided to join me in exercise, and eating healthy and yes he did fall off the wagon those times too. While I maintained, I didn't eat as healthy as when I was steadily losing and while I could blame him for "bringing in junk" it was my doing. I didn't have the willpower to say no and yes I brought in junk food too. I hadn't yet learned the moderation is key part of this lifestyle change.
    In December 2011 my husband decided he really wanted to work towards losing weight and becoming healthier. We converted our spare bedroom to a workout room, adding equipment we would both use~treadmill, recumbent bike, weights, heavy bag....setting aside time each night to work out, getting bikes for the spring to go on bike rides and walks, buying healthier foods and preparing/planning meals together. It has been two months and we are both feeling much healthier and happier. We buy "junk" in moderation, eat out once a week at most and plan our meals w/ healthier ingredients and calorie count together.
    Your husband may not be ready to live the healthier lifestyle that you are but that shouldn't stop you, anger you or feel like he is trying to keep you fat. I know it can feel frustrating but you need to look inside yourself for the strength and willpower to say NO to the junk, or to eat a small amount and still be within your calorie goals. I don't want to say no to chocolate so I buy a bag of dark chocolate dove promises and have 2 each day when I am craving chocolate. They satisfy my sweets cravings. I also keep low calorie popsicles or fruit bars in the freezer for sweets cravings. it does help, imo. Don't cheat yourself out of all the "junk" foods because you will end up wanting more, but learn to eat in moderating so that you can indulge occasionally with your hubby. If/when he is ready to eat healthier, he will. Don't push it on him, punish him for eating the way he wants to....he is an adult and doesn't need that. The best way to go about it is to share information on the benefits of a healthier diet and exercise, talk about how great you feel as you lose weight, prepare healthy meals you can eat together to show him healthy food can taste good...and don't let his indulgances suck you in. it is much easier to lose weight when your spouse is on board but you can't force it so work on you first! good luck!
  • IvoryParchment
    IvoryParchment Posts: 651 Member
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    It's always possible he wants you fat because he likes you that way. I know several thin, good looking, successful men who married 300 lb+ women. They aren't sabotaging their wives' weight loss attempts, fortunately, because they understand the health risks. But some men find rotund women attractive. (Certainly, with all the discrimination against obese women, those who are successful often have very attractive personalities.)

    If the problem is having his junk food visible, clean out a cabinet and a crisper drawer and dedicate it to his junk. When he brings stuff home that's a temptation, put it away for him. Give his cabinet some manly name that will make him feel ownership, and once stuff goes in there, it's his, not yours.

    One thing that has been helpful for me is using a food scale and measuring cups in front of the people who want to feed me. They tend not to like to watch me calculate how many calories are in things, so they start thinking twice about doing it. You can even leave yourself 100 calories a day for his offerings, then carefully measure out 100 calories of whatever he has brought you. After he sees what a tiny bit of cake you can have vs. how many fresh strawberries you can have, he may unconsciously want to bring you the food you can eat "more" of.
  • skeetpea
    skeetpea Posts: 241 Member
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    I'm sure he probably is trying to keep you fat. I've had a couple of boyfriends who did this, with one being particularly bad about it. It's a self esteem and security issue on his end. He's afraid if you lose weight guys will start flirting with you more and will give him competition, or that you may leave him for someone else once you're thin. You're going to have to address what the real issue is with him; just be ready for him to deny everything. He likely won't want to admit that it's based on his own insecurity. Be strong and don't give in to the temptations. Put your foot down and tell him how it's going to be!

    ^^^^THIS^^^^ My ex-husband use to do that all the time! Many years ago I lost over 100 pounds (since put most of it back on) and he told me that I had about as much sex appeal as the telephone pole across the street. He did seem to only look at women who were significantly overweight. After we divorced his next two girlfriends, and his next wife were all far larger than me.

    I really think that he had a very low self esteem issue and needed to feel that no one else would want to look at me. Do whatever you have to do to keep on track...you are doing this for you and your health...he will either get on board or not. Try dumping some of that crap he is bringing home in the garbage so that he gets the message.

    ↑↑↑ Agree with this!!
    My husband has consistently said that he doesn't know how he'll feel with me 'not being squishy' and that he is afraid that I would feel like leaving him once I'm fit. I know he'll be fine, however, because he has seen me much thinner (when we got together), but I know how that goes.
    Also, my husband is NOT on a diet and proclaims that he will never go on a diet. So there are constantly pies, and chips, and ice cream etc. in the house. I have somehow gotten to the point that my losing weight is FAR greater than the temporary satisfaction of eating a pint of ice cream. I think somehow you need to figure out how to get yourself into that mindset. I seriously haven't given into any of the 'treats' he has in the house in 2 months and I don't see that changing in the near future.
    good luck with everything!
  • justplainoleanne
    justplainoleanne Posts: 38 Member
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    He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.

    Just a thought.

    That sounds just like my husband. He has heart problems and is about 100 lbs. overweight, but refuses to try and lose weight. I am only 50 lbs. overweight, had a huge cancer scare and am determined to lose weight. Since I work two jobs, I tend to only cook on the weekends and he fends for himself three nights a week. I let him cook fried foods, etc. on those nights. If I am cooking, he either eats what I fix (healthy) or is free to take care of himself. Lately, he's chosen the healthy foods. I refuse to give into him. I will survive, he may not.
  • aniwani
    aniwani Posts: 110
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    lol I'm not actually serious...Just making a little joke calm yourselves
  • rachellosesitall85
    rachellosesitall85 Posts: 497 Member
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    The problem is that fat girls do not know how to handle attention. This is especially true for long-term fat girls, a.k.a 10+ years of L.A syndrome. This category of girls do not know how to handle the attention guys will show them when they are no longer revolting to look at. A fat friend of mine was happily married to a fat guy. He was a good guy and treated her good. She was faithful, cheerful, and loving wife to her husband. The only thing she was unhappy with was her weight. One day, she decided to get skinny and achieved her goal. She went from 220lbs to 120lbs and looked smoking hot. Her husband did not lose weight and stayed a massive 270lbs on a 5'10'' frame. Within one year of reaching her goal, she had already had several affairs with guys that never would have shown her the time of day when she was fat. Now she is divorced, has to pay child support to her ex-husband, is on drugs, and is now the town "stress reliever". The reason? She could not handle the new-found attention she received as a skinny girl because she never dealt with it before.

    For all the people talking down about your husband, you might want to look at it a different way. Maybe he is just trying to keep you from screwing up your life. He might not think you can handle the pressures of being a skinny girl in fat America.

    This statement is completely ridiculous. I am a "L.A. Syndrome" fat girl. 219lbs (and going down) and I've been a big girl since the age of 13. I'm 26, married to a FIT and attractive guy and I have NEVER had the mentality you are portraying about fat girls. At 219 and 252lbs (my highest weight) I've had plenty of men hitting on me. The reason? Because I'm a pretty girl with confidence, period. I know how to dress and I walk like I know what I want and how to get it. Men are attracted to confidence and as a female who dresses nice and knows how to carry herself doesn't have to be 120 to get or keep a man or be a size 4 to get attention. We're women, were designed for males to be attracted to us, fat or skinny. Trust me.

    The issue with the girl you knew wasn't her new found body. The issue was her. That's something that was there before the fat cells shrunk. Now, I will agree that some people go a little crazy when certain people treat them differently but this is just an example of someone who didn't have any self control. Her food demon just bounced to sex, she never dealt with what's really wrong with her. It's unfair for you to blame the OP and excuse her husbands actions based on an insecurity. Losing weight and getting healthy isn't screwing up anyone's life, it's making it better and if their significant other can't accept that, they need to move on. Someone needs to remove the veil from your eyes. Being skinny in America doesn't mean you'll get cat calls and all the attention from men. And being fat doesn't mean you're invisible and men never hit on you. Fat women get hit on just like the skinnies do, and the attention isn't always a good thing. Some of us fatties prefer to hide ourselves than to boast and wear revealing clothing. Every person deals with themselves differently in every situation. The girl you knew is one example, it doesn't mean that all of us will do it. If anything, when I get healthy I'm going to be more self conscious because I know the attention will only get worse.
  • aniwani
    aniwani Posts: 110
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    Wow I was being totally sarcastic... I was just commiserating with the poster that its hard to be around that kind of food all the time... I am well aware my bf is not trying to spite me by eating his high fat high carb diet, I was merely saying its hard to have it in front of you all the time... And I am obviously not really trying to burn my bf by punishing him for eating what he wants... congrats on your brilliant post... really ingenious.






    Omg I totally sympathize my bf is a body builder and bulking right now ... its non stop pasta, pizza, bread, meat, ice cream, you name it ... hes eating it across from me while I much my little plate of turkey and veggies or my salad... I just keep reminding myself of the sweet revenge coming his way... AKA other guys checking out his skinny gf! BURN =)

    OMG what heck is wrong with you? He is bulking so he can grow more lean muscle mass because he is a body builder and he is going to undoubtedly even gain some extra bf fat and that part sucks. It doesnt sound like he is purposely eating all that food to spite you and your diet in some way. Then you are going to take it as such and take it out on him and try and "BURN" him? Dayymmm your are real piece of work. :thumbs down:
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