I think my husband is trying to keep me fat.....

I have the same husband! He can bring whatever he likes into the house but I ALWAYS ask him how many calories it is first...he says he doesnt care so I read the label and tell him as he is eating it how many calories are in it...or he brings it in gives it to me and I promptly throw it in the trash with a smile on my face. He will eventually give up....I also have 80 pounds to lose

He is always talking about us all going to an all you can eat place for dinner on the weekend.

I'm confused why that would bother you. Just because it's an all you can eat does not mean you have the eat everything on the buffet. You eat what is right for you. They don't have a rule at the restaurant stating you can't leave till you had everything on the buffet. I guess that's confusing to me since all you can eat are generally cheaper and my husband would choose it solely because it's cheaper to eat a buffet than to order off the menu. I only get whet is right for me even if it's all you can eat.

If I leave him, it won't be because I look and feel good, it's because of his insecureness and his assholeness.

If you feel that he is an insecure *kitten*, then why not leave him now while you are still fat? Weight is one thing. Someone can lose weight. Being an *kitten* is ingrained in someone. You can change, but very unlikely. It's like telling someone who is sunny and pleasant all the time to become more pessimistic. It could happen, but probably not.

I only say he is insecure and he's an *kitten* because this all started with me trying to loose weight. He is a big guy, 6'3" and 350lbs. He has always been insecure about his weight but I will not have him loose any weight until he is ready. I love him the way he is, I think his problem is that I will leave him once I loose weight and realize that I can do better. It's not about whether or not I can do better, I'm with him because I love him and I won't divorce him either way.

I don't know if you need another response, but here's my two cents...

First, for the people rolling their eyes that your husband wants to "keep you fat," there's actually something to this. My husband (as do others, judging by the posts on here) has a slight fear that if I get "hot," I'll leave him for someone else. It's has nothing to do with me and is all about his own insecurities. Fortunately, we've worked through this, and he is completely supportive of my healthy living efforts.

What you need to determine (and the only way to do this is by talking to him), is why he is bringing home this food. If he happens to enjoy the same junk food as you, then it's really not your place to tell him he can't. There's nothing worse than living with a food nazi. However, if he's bringing home your sour cream chip AND his favorite BBQ lays, then you are absolutely within your right to tell him not to bring home the sour cream chips.

From the pizza/breadsticks story, I think you have larger issues. He can bring home pizza and breadsticks for himself, but the great thing about pizza is that he can get his meat eater special, and ask for the other half to be a veggie pizza for you. It's a simple change that doesn't change his eating habits at all. But he didn't ask you first. You need to ask why. Is it habit? Was he just not thinking? Did he think you deserved a "treat?" Is he actually rather guilty about his own eating habits and didn't feel as bad as long as you were eating with him? It probably is a little bit of all, but I think you need a serious "come to Jesus" meeting with him. Make sure he knows you're not forcing him on a diet, but you'd like a little consideration if he's going to bring dinner home without asking you. Don't accuse, you'll only put him on the defensive. Just ask him what he thinks about your new lifestyle, say that you've interpreted some of his actions that he's not being supportive, and talk it through. And for all the other junk food he brings home...WILLPOWER! Good luck!

Wow this topic took a crazy turn....leave him for buying junk food??? WTF is wrong with you people.

Have some self control maybe? I don't think its fair to make your husband feel bad for buying food he likes just because you cannot control your eating. My husband is naturally fit & can eat what he wants. He eats tons of thing I would love to eat but I don't want to gain weight there for I don't eat it. Simple as that.

I could have written a similar post about a year ago! I started my weight loss journey on Jan 1 2011 WITH my husband. Within a month, he was not counting calories, eating healthy, giving up eating out etc as I was trying to do. I still counted my calories, exercised, bought my healthier snacks, chose the healthy options out, gave up soda, drank my green smoothies and such. Yes, we ate pizza a couple times a week bc he loves pizza and always wanted to get it so I got myself a small portion and added a vegetable side instead of pigging out. Just because he fell off track doesn't mean I did, he just wasn't ready to take all the necessary steps to a lifestyle change although I was.
I fell off the wagon a couple times too. I had a couple minor injuries, didnt work out for awhile, and ate poorly at times, but I maintained my initial 25lb weight loss for a year by working at making as many healthier choices as I could. A few times throughout the year my husband decided to join me in exercise, and eating healthy and yes he did fall off the wagon those times too. While I maintained, I didn't eat as healthy as when I was steadily losing and while I could blame him for "bringing in junk" it was my doing. I didn't have the willpower to say no and yes I brought in junk food too. I hadn't yet learned the moderation is key part of this lifestyle change.
In December 2011 my husband decided he really wanted to work towards losing weight and becoming healthier. We converted our spare bedroom to a workout room, adding equipment we would both use~treadmill, recumbent bike, weights, heavy bag....setting aside time each night to work out, getting bikes for the spring to go on bike rides and walks, buying healthier foods and preparing/planning meals together. It has been two months and we are both feeling much healthier and happier. We buy "junk" in moderation, eat out once a week at most and plan our meals w/ healthier ingredients and calorie count together.
Your husband may not be ready to live the healthier lifestyle that you are but that shouldn't stop you, anger you or feel like he is trying to keep you fat. I know it can feel frustrating but you need to look inside yourself for the strength and willpower to say NO to the junk, or to eat a small amount and still be within your calorie goals. I don't want to say no to chocolate so I buy a bag of dark chocolate dove promises and have 2 each day when I am craving chocolate. They satisfy my sweets cravings. I also keep low calorie popsicles or fruit bars in the freezer for sweets cravings. it does help, imo. Don't cheat yourself out of all the "junk" foods because you will end up wanting more, but learn to eat in moderating so that you can indulge occasionally with your hubby. If/when he is ready to eat healthier, he will. Don't push it on him, punish him for eating the way he wants to....he is an adult and doesn't need that. The best way to go about it is to share information on the benefits of a healthier diet and exercise, talk about how great you feel as you lose weight, prepare healthy meals you can eat together to show him healthy food can taste good...and don't let his indulgances suck you in. it is much easier to lose weight when your spouse is on board but you can't force it so work on you first! good luck!

I'm sure he probably is trying to keep you fat. I've had a couple of boyfriends who did this, with one being particularly bad about it. It's a self esteem and security issue on his end. He's afraid if you lose weight guys will start flirting with you more and will give him competition, or that you may leave him for someone else once you're thin. You're going to have to address what the real issue is with him; just be ready for him to deny everything. He likely won't want to admit that it's based on his own insecurity. Be strong and don't give in to the temptations. Put your foot down and tell him how it's going to be!

^^^^THIS^^^^ My ex-husband use to do that all the time! Many years ago I lost over 100 pounds (since put most of it back on) and he told me that I had about as much sex appeal as the telephone pole across the street. He did seem to only look at women who were significantly overweight. After we divorced his next two girlfriends, and his next wife were all far larger than me.

I really think that he had a very low self esteem issue and needed to feel that no one else would want to look at me. Do whatever you have to do to keep on track...you are doing this for you and your health...he will either get on board or not. Try dumping some of that crap he is bringing home in the garbage so that he gets the message.

↑↑↑ Agree with this!!
My husband has consistently said that he doesn't know how he'll feel with me 'not being squishy' and that he is afraid that I would feel like leaving him once I'm fit. I know he'll be fine, however, because he has seen me much thinner (when we got together), but I know how that goes.
Also, my husband is NOT on a diet and proclaims that he will never go on a diet. So there are constantly pies, and chips, and ice cream etc. in the house. I have somehow gotten to the point that my losing weight is FAR greater than the temporary satisfaction of eating a pint of ice cream. I think somehow you need to figure out how to get yourself into that mindset. I seriously haven't given into any of the 'treats' he has in the house in 2 months and I don't see that changing in the near future.
good luck with everything!

lol I'm not actually serious...Just making a little joke calm yourselves

Wow I was being totally sarcastic... I was just commiserating with the poster that its hard to be around that kind of food all the time... I am well aware my bf is not trying to spite me by eating his high fat high carb diet, I was merely saying its hard to have it in front of you all the time... And I am obviously not really trying to burn my bf by punishing him for eating what he wants... congrats on your brilliant post... really ingenious.

Omg I totally sympathize my bf is a body builder and bulking right now ... its non stop pasta, pizza, bread, meat, ice cream, you name it ... hes eating it across from me while I much my little plate of turkey and veggies or my salad... I just keep reminding myself of the sweet revenge coming his way... AKA other guys checking out his skinny gf! BURN

OMG what heck is wrong with you? He is bulking so he can grow more lean muscle mass because he is a body builder and he is going to undoubtedly even gain some extra bf fat and that part sucks. It doesnt sound like he is purposely eating all that food to spite you and your diet in some way. Then you are going to take it as such and take it out on him and try and "BURN" him? Dayymmm your are real piece of work. :thumbs down: