I think my husband is trying to keep me fat.....
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Agreed.Wow this topic took a crazy turn....leave him for buying junk food??? WTF is wrong with you people.
Should he be more supportive/understanding? Of course.
Is it impossible for her to get healthy when her spouse is not making healthy choices? No.
I am living proof of that.0 -
Have some self control maybe? I don't think its fair to make your husband feel bad for buying food he likes just because you cannot control your eating. My husband is naturally fit & can eat what he wants. He eats tons of thing I would love to eat but I don't want to gain weight there for I don't eat it. Simple as that.0
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Mine was just as happy with me being fat - I'm glad he is/ was accepting of me. Part of it was him feeling more secure that way, to be perfectly honest, but once my doctor let me know that my health was being affected, he was totally on board and supportive about exercising et al.0
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I could have written a similar post about a year ago! I started my weight loss journey on Jan 1 2011 WITH my husband. Within a month, he was not counting calories, eating healthy, giving up eating out etc as I was trying to do. I still counted my calories, exercised, bought my healthier snacks, chose the healthy options out, gave up soda, drank my green smoothies and such. Yes, we ate pizza a couple times a week bc he loves pizza and always wanted to get it so I got myself a small portion and added a vegetable side instead of pigging out. Just because he fell off track doesn't mean I did, he just wasn't ready to take all the necessary steps to a lifestyle change although I was.
I fell off the wagon a couple times too. I had a couple minor injuries, didnt work out for awhile, and ate poorly at times, but I maintained my initial 25lb weight loss for a year by working at making as many healthier choices as I could. A few times throughout the year my husband decided to join me in exercise, and eating healthy and yes he did fall off the wagon those times too. While I maintained, I didn't eat as healthy as when I was steadily losing and while I could blame him for "bringing in junk" it was my doing. I didn't have the willpower to say no and yes I brought in junk food too. I hadn't yet learned the moderation is key part of this lifestyle change.
In December 2011 my husband decided he really wanted to work towards losing weight and becoming healthier. We converted our spare bedroom to a workout room, adding equipment we would both use~treadmill, recumbent bike, weights, heavy bag....setting aside time each night to work out, getting bikes for the spring to go on bike rides and walks, buying healthier foods and preparing/planning meals together. It has been two months and we are both feeling much healthier and happier. We buy "junk" in moderation, eat out once a week at most and plan our meals w/ healthier ingredients and calorie count together.
Your husband may not be ready to live the healthier lifestyle that you are but that shouldn't stop you, anger you or feel like he is trying to keep you fat. I know it can feel frustrating but you need to look inside yourself for the strength and willpower to say NO to the junk, or to eat a small amount and still be within your calorie goals. I don't want to say no to chocolate so I buy a bag of dark chocolate dove promises and have 2 each day when I am craving chocolate. They satisfy my sweets cravings. I also keep low calorie popsicles or fruit bars in the freezer for sweets cravings. it does help, imo. Don't cheat yourself out of all the "junk" foods because you will end up wanting more, but learn to eat in moderating so that you can indulge occasionally with your hubby. If/when he is ready to eat healthier, he will. Don't push it on him, punish him for eating the way he wants to....he is an adult and doesn't need that. The best way to go about it is to share information on the benefits of a healthier diet and exercise, talk about how great you feel as you lose weight, prepare healthy meals you can eat together to show him healthy food can taste good...and don't let his indulgances suck you in. it is much easier to lose weight when your spouse is on board but you can't force it so work on you first! good luck!0 -
It's always possible he wants you fat because he likes you that way. I know several thin, good looking, successful men who married 300 lb+ women. They aren't sabotaging their wives' weight loss attempts, fortunately, because they understand the health risks. But some men find rotund women attractive. (Certainly, with all the discrimination against obese women, those who are successful often have very attractive personalities.)
If the problem is having his junk food visible, clean out a cabinet and a crisper drawer and dedicate it to his junk. When he brings stuff home that's a temptation, put it away for him. Give his cabinet some manly name that will make him feel ownership, and once stuff goes in there, it's his, not yours.
One thing that has been helpful for me is using a food scale and measuring cups in front of the people who want to feed me. They tend not to like to watch me calculate how many calories are in things, so they start thinking twice about doing it. You can even leave yourself 100 calories a day for his offerings, then carefully measure out 100 calories of whatever he has brought you. After he sees what a tiny bit of cake you can have vs. how many fresh strawberries you can have, he may unconsciously want to bring you the food you can eat "more" of.0 -
I'm sure he probably is trying to keep you fat. I've had a couple of boyfriends who did this, with one being particularly bad about it. It's a self esteem and security issue on his end. He's afraid if you lose weight guys will start flirting with you more and will give him competition, or that you may leave him for someone else once you're thin. You're going to have to address what the real issue is with him; just be ready for him to deny everything. He likely won't want to admit that it's based on his own insecurity. Be strong and don't give in to the temptations. Put your foot down and tell him how it's going to be!
^^^^THIS^^^^ My ex-husband use to do that all the time! Many years ago I lost over 100 pounds (since put most of it back on) and he told me that I had about as much sex appeal as the telephone pole across the street. He did seem to only look at women who were significantly overweight. After we divorced his next two girlfriends, and his next wife were all far larger than me.
I really think that he had a very low self esteem issue and needed to feel that no one else would want to look at me. Do whatever you have to do to keep on track...you are doing this for you and your health...he will either get on board or not. Try dumping some of that crap he is bringing home in the garbage so that he gets the message.
↑↑↑ Agree with this!!
My husband has consistently said that he doesn't know how he'll feel with me 'not being squishy' and that he is afraid that I would feel like leaving him once I'm fit. I know he'll be fine, however, because he has seen me much thinner (when we got together), but I know how that goes.
Also, my husband is NOT on a diet and proclaims that he will never go on a diet. So there are constantly pies, and chips, and ice cream etc. in the house. I have somehow gotten to the point that my losing weight is FAR greater than the temporary satisfaction of eating a pint of ice cream. I think somehow you need to figure out how to get yourself into that mindset. I seriously haven't given into any of the 'treats' he has in the house in 2 months and I don't see that changing in the near future.
good luck with everything!0 -
He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.
Just a thought.
That sounds just like my husband. He has heart problems and is about 100 lbs. overweight, but refuses to try and lose weight. I am only 50 lbs. overweight, had a huge cancer scare and am determined to lose weight. Since I work two jobs, I tend to only cook on the weekends and he fends for himself three nights a week. I let him cook fried foods, etc. on those nights. If I am cooking, he either eats what I fix (healthy) or is free to take care of himself. Lately, he's chosen the healthy foods. I refuse to give into him. I will survive, he may not.0 -
lol I'm not actually serious...Just making a little joke calm yourselves0
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The problem is that fat girls do not know how to handle attention. This is especially true for long-term fat girls, a.k.a 10+ years of L.A syndrome. This category of girls do not know how to handle the attention guys will show them when they are no longer revolting to look at. A fat friend of mine was happily married to a fat guy. He was a good guy and treated her good. She was faithful, cheerful, and loving wife to her husband. The only thing she was unhappy with was her weight. One day, she decided to get skinny and achieved her goal. She went from 220lbs to 120lbs and looked smoking hot. Her husband did not lose weight and stayed a massive 270lbs on a 5'10'' frame. Within one year of reaching her goal, she had already had several affairs with guys that never would have shown her the time of day when she was fat. Now she is divorced, has to pay child support to her ex-husband, is on drugs, and is now the town "stress reliever". The reason? She could not handle the new-found attention she received as a skinny girl because she never dealt with it before.
For all the people talking down about your husband, you might want to look at it a different way. Maybe he is just trying to keep you from screwing up your life. He might not think you can handle the pressures of being a skinny girl in fat America.
This statement is completely ridiculous. I am a "L.A. Syndrome" fat girl. 219lbs (and going down) and I've been a big girl since the age of 13. I'm 26, married to a FIT and attractive guy and I have NEVER had the mentality you are portraying about fat girls. At 219 and 252lbs (my highest weight) I've had plenty of men hitting on me. The reason? Because I'm a pretty girl with confidence, period. I know how to dress and I walk like I know what I want and how to get it. Men are attracted to confidence and as a female who dresses nice and knows how to carry herself doesn't have to be 120 to get or keep a man or be a size 4 to get attention. We're women, were designed for males to be attracted to us, fat or skinny. Trust me.
The issue with the girl you knew wasn't her new found body. The issue was her. That's something that was there before the fat cells shrunk. Now, I will agree that some people go a little crazy when certain people treat them differently but this is just an example of someone who didn't have any self control. Her food demon just bounced to sex, she never dealt with what's really wrong with her. It's unfair for you to blame the OP and excuse her husbands actions based on an insecurity. Losing weight and getting healthy isn't screwing up anyone's life, it's making it better and if their significant other can't accept that, they need to move on. Someone needs to remove the veil from your eyes. Being skinny in America doesn't mean you'll get cat calls and all the attention from men. And being fat doesn't mean you're invisible and men never hit on you. Fat women get hit on just like the skinnies do, and the attention isn't always a good thing. Some of us fatties prefer to hide ourselves than to boast and wear revealing clothing. Every person deals with themselves differently in every situation. The girl you knew is one example, it doesn't mean that all of us will do it. If anything, when I get healthy I'm going to be more self conscious because I know the attention will only get worse.0 -
Wow I was being totally sarcastic... I was just commiserating with the poster that its hard to be around that kind of food all the time... I am well aware my bf is not trying to spite me by eating his high fat high carb diet, I was merely saying its hard to have it in front of you all the time... And I am obviously not really trying to burn my bf by punishing him for eating what he wants... congrats on your brilliant post... really ingenious.Omg I totally sympathize my bf is a body builder and bulking right now ... its non stop pasta, pizza, bread, meat, ice cream, you name it ... hes eating it across from me while I much my little plate of turkey and veggies or my salad... I just keep reminding myself of the sweet revenge coming his way... AKA other guys checking out his skinny gf! BURN
OMG what heck is wrong with you? He is bulking so he can grow more lean muscle mass because he is a body builder and he is going to undoubtedly even gain some extra bf fat and that part sucks. It doesnt sound like he is purposely eating all that food to spite you and your diet in some way. Then you are going to take it as such and take it out on him and try and "BURN" him? Dayymmm your are real piece of work. :thumbs down:
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(((HUGS)))0
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Make him put his stuff in a certain area of the kitchen... in a cupboard that you NEVER open. Put his stuff in the fridge in an area away from your food. That way you can at least see it less to be tempted less. Good luck.0
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I understand the house full of tempting treats! My DH is underweight and has a hard time eating enough to maintain, let alone gain weight! :noway: He is also the cook around here and has a bit sweet tooth. Here's what I had to resort to: 1) told him after Xmas that I wanted him not to cook for me until my birthday (march 13) and I would take care of my own food. He skeptically agreed.
2. Ignore the eye rolls when I weigh & measure portions and read labels for serving size.
3. Accept that those are "his" 4 canisters of M&M's on the counter (I kid you not, 4 CANISTERS of all varieties of M&M's in my house ALL THE TIME! they sit next to the jelly beans but behind the 2 tins of gourmet Blegian chocolate cookies.) He needs to eat as much as he can, almost like medicine. I wouldn't take his medicine, would I? So I won't eat his food.
4. Pull up my Big Girl Panties and do what I know I need to do for myself, and quit whining about it.
5. Taped my mantra on the mirror: "I am my only obstacle, the rest is just excuses."
Other people have done this, you have empathy and help here--you can do it! Maybe your DH is worried you'll look so hot that you don't want him anymore. Maybe he feels guilty for not taking care of himself and embarrassed next to your level of commitment to heath. Maybe he missed the shared pleasures you shared over meals. Maybe you could ask him?0 -
I feel your pain. My husband always brings junk food in. Right now, he just sat down next to me with a huge bowl of ice cream and asked me if I wanted some. HELLOOOO, NO!! And I told him that. Stay strong. It is hard when they don't support you.0
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One of the things that I haven't seen on here, although I might have missed it. I did skip a few pages.
Anyway, it might be a lack of knowledge. My husband was always bringing home foods that weren't healthy for me. I started asking him to read the labels on the food before he bought it. He is still surprised even now at just how bad some of the food he loves is. He is fairly fit and bikes everywhere, so he can eat a lot more that I can. He never worried about how many calories or how much fat/carbs were in his food.
He has also admitted to some insecurities about me being too thin, but i have assured him that my goal weight is not so thin that I lose all my curves. I like having curves. But I did want to move out of the obese range. I want to be healthier and able to move around more. I also emphasized all the things that I can do better with less weight on my body.
I agree with a lot of people on here that you need to have a heart to heart with him. My family is still less than supportive, but they have learned to be less obstructive, And I still have to deal with pizza, cookies and chips in my house.
You can add me if you want. I am on here all the time.0 -
OMG I just posted about this same thing. My husband works at pizza place so he gets it for either half off or free. Plus they brownies and ice-cream there. I've begged my husband not to bring it home, not to go to the store late at night and get a bunch of crap food and beer. He always says, " I know babe. I really wanna be healthy" ....... what the frick? It's is so frustrating. I asked my husband if he was trying to keep me big, and he said" Yea I like my women big".... I feel ya girl!!! I'm good if it s not in the house but if it's in the house I'm most likely going to eat it.
I don't really have any advice to give to you because were in the same sinking ship but, what someone commented on mine was that as long as you stay healthy and strive to be he will most likely follow along. It might take awhile though. Good luck hun. Don't let it be a set back! I know it gets discouraging.0 -
Just keep doing what you have been doing. Dont eat it!! You cant make him change or control what he does, you can only control what you do. Hang in there, exercize, be awesome and it will all work out!!0
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I have a different perspetive on this topic. My husband does the same things but at the same time I am the one trying to lose weight not him. Yes it is hard having that stuff in the house but I have to have my own self control and not be tempted by it. I can not force my husband to give up on food items he enjoys just because I want to loose weight. I am not saying that at times my husband hasnt tried to persuade me into eating unhealthy options but I tell him thank you but no. Go easy on the guy and if it is that big of a deal have a conversation with him and ask him if he could try to be more understanding. Do not have an argument over it but a conversation I know for my husband if I even raise my voice he tunes me out. Good luck.0
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I know a lot of women who have lost a ton of weight (via surgery) and then left their husbands/boyfriends. They start feeling good about themselves then they totally ditch their partner, so I understand the fear, kinda. Sounds like deep down, he doesn't want you to feel good about yourself, and that's a problem. Love means wanting your partner to be happy no matter what the cost is to you. Talk to him about it, it sounds like he has some real issues that he may need to get help for. Good luck and hang tough. I am impressed that you are able to avoid eating what he brings home, I don't think I could be that strong.
Perhaps these women are leaving their boyfriends/husbands because they change as a person themselves -- they're changing into insecure, negative and unsupportive boyfriends and I know if that was me I wouldn't want to stick around either. I'd much prefer the man I originally fell in love with who was confident, positive and supportive! If they know the reasons you're doing it for and you have a strong and loving bond, weight shouldn't be an issue.
I am very lucky to have my boyfriend who is fun, fit, healthy, supportive and positive! Yes it annoys him a little that everything in our apartment is low calorie or has a Weight Watchers logo on it, but he is really happy with my successes and is always encouraging me and giving me praise for my efforts! We have a lot of fun exercising together and training together too! I hope your partner comes around - have a chat to him about why you want to lose weight, let him know how much you love him and how that won't change and maybe encourage him to make some better choices too. There are soooo many plus sides to eating better quality food!0 -
I found this post, as I too, thought my husband was trying to keep me fat. After reading many, many, many responses to this original post I realized the only one who can keep me fat is me. I don't HAVE to eat any of that cherry pie or cinnamon rolls he brought home declaring I brought you a special treat. I also realized that I don't need to be mad at him either, and I figured out that if I don't eat any of it and it just sits and goes bad because I don't eat it he has not been buying it anymore. I didn't have to say a word LOL0
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Sometimes you have to encourage yourself and find you're own will power, because people let people down all the time. You are doing good keep it up. I'll be adding you as a friend.0
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When significant others arent supportive, it becomes so much harder. What would happen if you printed out that post and had your husband read it? would he start to understand?
this and also please tell us that hubby is overweight- because if he is as thin as a rail and still eating all of that I will be so depressed... :-)0 -
Is he unhealthy? From what you have posted...his diet seems very unhealthy! It could be that you reached your limit and obtained this desire to change your lifestyle when he hasn't. Perhaps he feels it will be lonely to do the things you used to do together...all alone, even if it was sharing a meal together. I think he sounds lonely and he is trying to pull you back in. Talk to him and tell him that just because you are changing your lifestyle it doesnt mean you are leaving him...just that you are leaving the junk behind!0
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DO YOU!!! Know your mission and stick to it! You have alot of great advise here...read it...use it... but stay on track!! I know what you're going through....BELIEVE in you...YOU can do it!!! My hubby finally commented after losing 50 lbs....did he really not notice.....he commented because so many others were.....Live for YOU!!!!!0
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As hard as it is, this is sometimes an INDIVIDUAL journey without the support we need. I'm going to be optimistic and say that your husband does not wnt to keep you overweight but rather he's focused on what he enjoys eating and not taking into consideration what's good for you. That being said, it takes a made up mind lady and inspite of the fact he brings in the bad, you must make sure that with all that bad stuff he's bringing, make sure your fridge/cabs are stocked with good foods for your journey. Best wishes to you--you can do it
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My suggestion: know what YOU eat.
He is not responsible for your food choices - you are.
Have your food - your salads, your soups, your lean meats, in the house.
If he brings home McDonalds, eat your soup or salad, and see if you can fit half a burger, or a McNugget or two, into your food plan.
If he brings home ice cream or sorbet, see if you can fit 1/2 cup into your food plan.
If you go out to dinner, eat something before you go, so that you're "too full" to finish, and bring the rest home, to have for lunch.
think of it as sabotaging a saboteur. And make it fun!0 -
I completely understand. Same situation here.
What really helps is surrounding yourself with positive things such as success stories, active MFP friends (has helped me A LOT), follow fitness people on instagram, or watch "The Biggest Loser" or "Losing it with Jillian". When no one else is there to support you then you have to find other stuff that will even if unfortunately it isn't our significant other. BUILD your motivation and will. 0 -
I know this is hard on you but.....you cannot control what he chooses to eat anymore than he can control what you choose to eat. Taking ownership for yourself is something that you are always going to have to deal with even after you have reached your goal. Do have a heart to heart talk with him---he may not be intentionally inconsiderate. He may just miss his "partner in food crime" and may also resent you for "leaving him" alone in that. He may not need or be ready to change his eating habits and may be a little insecure about your reasons for wanting to lose. Reassure him that you are not preparing to enter the market and leave him--you just want and deserve to be healthy. Invite him to join you--but don't be surprised if you have to continue alone in this journey. Only YOU are responsible for YOU. Good luck, be strong and you'll succeed for sure!0
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He is not on a diet. You are. Just because you are ready, doesn't mean he is.
Just a thought.
So, it might be that he's trying to sabotage you...or it might just be this.
My husband is very lean and athletic naturally (so annoying). It's not really fair to him to demand that we keep a treat-less house and I feel terrible when he's gone to the trouble to prepare something that doesn't fit in with my calorie goals. My method is eat a small portion of whatever it is he's made, or have a single serving of a snack, then eat a salad or drink a big glass of water. I still get to eat tasty things, just in smaller portions. It's also good practice for life outside the house, where no one knows or cares that you're trying to lose weight.0 -
My husband often brings home chips and chocolate and soda, he often brings home cupcakes, muffins, danish, etc. And he's known to eat them right in front of me, and even offer them to me.
Guess what?
My husband isn't trying to keep me fat or sabotage me.
He's incredibly supportive of my efforts. He searches out calorie counts for me, weighs and measures things when he cooks, makes a point to give me details on anything new that comes in to the house.
There is absolutely no reason why he can't have in the house the things he wants. Whether I choose to indulge in the treats he brings into the house is my business. And only my business.
Sometimes it's hellish hard to not indulge, sometimes I fail miserably at self control, but again, it's nothing to do with him. It's me.
Even if my husband were actively attempting to sabotage my efforts (and he knows if he tried to stuff something in my mouth he'd get bitten) it just comes down to this one thing.
I am an adult. I make the choice what to put in my mouth.0
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