I find myself becoming very judgemental

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  • jedi9393
    jedi9393 Posts: 121
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    It doesn't really matter what you think about other people. For whatever reason, you're going to run into people from time to time and completely disapprove of something about their appearance, behavior, etc.

    What matters is how you act toward them. If you're treating people with warm courtesy, regardless of your private impressions, you're not being judgemental.

    Your thoughts are your own business, and you're no less a good person for having them.

    those are sagelike words of wisdom there!!!! I have those thoughts too, but yeah for me to lose takes a lot of mental and physical energy that most people arent comfortable with. I have had a horrible time since novermber with deaths, losing my job, and a whole bunch of little sorrows.Its like i'm living some sorta greek tragedy! Most people would have broken, but I have kept on and havent been derailed.
  • holly1283
    holly1283 Posts: 741 Member
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    I'm coming at this from a different angle. I was one of those people. I lost my job, my husband was an alcoholic and I pretty much had to provide for my kids alone. He was then killed in an automobile accident and my parents relied on me very heavily to help them. All this to say at this point one of the very few pleasures I had in life was the taste of food. I knew it was wrong but I was trying to survive emotionally and financially. As for paying for food, there was always junk to eat at work. I am now more judgmental the other direction with the person who weighs 125 and wants to go to 105. Really!!! I only weighed that much on the way up. I think MFP is great and ti is helping put my priorities in order.
  • elysecea
    elysecea Posts: 161 Member
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    I think it's just hard to watch people "hurt" their bodies when you're trying so hard to take care of yours, something you didn't think of so much before you decided to change how you live.
    Yes this ^^^^^^^
  • brenteesha
    brenteesha Posts: 49
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    I feel the same sometimes. I also feel terrible that I feel like that too. :( Makes me feel like a complete b. I just want them to try and do it because they can!! It's just frustrating. Especially when one of them is my roommate. I watch him eat fast food EVERY night and drink 1 liter of soda every two days. It's hard to watch and I've tried telling him, but he won't do it unless he WANTS to!! Everyone surrounding him, our other roommate, my boyfriend are fit and I'm working toward it. So it's just frustrating. D:
    I agree so much! I'm worried about my mom because she has gained a fair amount of weight, more than I did before I started counting in January. She mentioned something about her doctor talking to her about diabetes... but said she wasn't borderline or anything. Regardless, if her doctor even brought it up, it worries me. I work in the medical field and I'm not sure everyone realizes just how serious diabetes can be and how many serious problems it causes for your body... but I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing or too much to her because I don't want to offend. I'm not perfectly healthy by any means, but I've cut the junk food out to one or two days a week and it's already making a difference... I just wish it was easier to convince others of the same! But you are right, it totally has to come from that person, and they have to WANT to do it.
  • HerBravado
    HerBravado Posts: 392 Member
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    I don't think that I judge...
    but rather I look at them as I saw myself about 40 pounds ago.
    Maybe they have no intention to change.
    Maybe they're struggling with it like I did too (only recently did results show).
    I guess it makes me realize how lucky I am to have gotten this far,
    while reminding me that I've still got a ways to go.
    So...one never really knows a person's back story.
  • princesspolamalu
    princesspolamalu Posts: 1
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    I just started my weight loss journey so I am in no position to judge anybody. I have about 65 lbs to lose and I know I have a tough road ahead. It took having to squeeze into a size 18 jeans @ 5'2 to send me over the edge. I finally said enough is enough. Unfortunately that has to happen for people at different times. While I was ready to lose weight the next guy may not be ready. Beyond that people may not be a position financially or emotionally to begin losing weight. Planet Fitness has been a god send for me. Close to home and very reasonably priced. Many other gyms are very expensive and for some people thats just not a financial responsibility that they can take on. Sad as it is it is cheaper to eat like crap. I went to the grocery store yesterday as a matter of fact. My first big shopping trip since I began losing weight and groceries cost me nearly 400 for a family of 3. Fresh veggies and fruits and lean organic meats are very expensive. I guess my point is the only person that you can control is you. Just hope that at some point people will find the motivation that you found and until then don't judge them.
  • mnishi
    mnishi Posts: 422 Member
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    The guy I share an office with chain smokes, literally eats McDonald's EVERY DAY for breakfast and lunch (probably dinner too, I'm just not there to see it), thinks drinking bottled water gives him cavaties so instead he just drinks pop (soda), when he eats he breathes heavily like it's a struggle, then has the audacity to make fun of MY lunch, calling it rabbit food.
    I'm judgemental as hell when it comes to him.
    Also, parents that think a diet that consists of only chicken nuggets (or anything else equally as bad) is a perfectly acceptable diet for their children.

    Besides that, I TRY not to be judgemental.
  • faiga
    faiga Posts: 47
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    I know i used to do it when i was losing weight and over the last year ive had many medical problems now they are almost all gone but during all of it i gained 28 pounds because of it and most of it was while i was seeing a nutritionist. ive stopped looking and judging and realize i have to just work on myself before i can help others. i am back at square one with weight loss have to start all over again
  • nerdyandilikeit
    nerdyandilikeit Posts: 2,185 Member
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    Thought I'm still 'fat' I find myself doing this at times. Thnkfully, just a quickly as the thought enters my head... it leaves.

    The only time I feel judgemental or angry is when I see people in public who park in handicap and use wheelchairs because of their weight. Yes, some people may have other issues but for some of them, it is pretty obviousy their issue is self-inflicted. Walking through the store with the support of a cart or walking the few extra feet to the door may actually improve their life.

    I'd be careful about that if it's not apparent, though. My mom is obese, but she is also disabled. She can't walk more than the few feet back and forth from the door to her car or from the car to the store or whatnot. NOT because she's obese, but because her back is seriously messed up. I'm not saying you're right or wrong on this, just pointing that out.
  • NikkieLite
    NikkieLite Posts: 126 Member
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    It's also important to realize that, just because you see an overweight person eating something that's bad for them, doesn't necessarily mean they eat like that all the time, or that they aren't trying. I went out the other day and had a rack of ribs, as I'll allow myself a bad day once or twice a month. People might have been looking at me like "why is this fat chick eating that?" But unbeknownst to them, I'm in the process of losing weight and already lost nearly 40 lbs. You never know what someones situation is. Everybody is judgmental about something, everyone has judgmental thoughts, and it's big that you can admit that. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just how you feel. Just always try to think about it from their side, try and give people the benefit of the doubt.

    Absolutely this. I just went out for a birthday dinner at Olive Garden and stuffed my face with yummy things but I planned it all out ahead of time and have made up for it since, didn't gain a single ounce and have lost a total of 31 pounds. And there are people out there who do find it difficult to lose weight. It's not easy for everyone. For some people they just haven't had that moment where something clicked or they got poor advice or they have eating disorders. You never know what another person is really going through. I sometimes glance at grocery carts and have that moment of "You're really going to feed your kid that?" but I just have to remind myself that I'm not perfect, I have made bad choices, and I don't know that person's situation at all and I should just mind my own health.
  • HerBravado
    HerBravado Posts: 392 Member
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    It's also important to realize that, just because you see an overweight person eating something that's bad for them, doesn't necessarily mean they eat like that all the time, or that they aren't trying. I went out the other day and had a rack of ribs, as I'll allow myself a bad day once or twice a month. People might have been looking at me like "why is this fat chick eating that?" But unbeknownst to them, I'm in the process of losing weight and already lost nearly 40 lbs. You never know what someones situation is. Everybody is judgmental about something, everyone has judgmental thoughts, and it's big that you can admit that. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just how you feel. Just always try to think about it from their side, try and give people the benefit of the doubt.

    This !
    I've lost about that much too, & I treat myself to some fast food every weekend. People who don't know you just automatically assume you're just a fat chick trying to get a meal.
    Not the used-to-be-really-fat chick that's treating herself for a week well done !
  • DataBased
    DataBased Posts: 513 Member
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    I am not so much judgmental about what people are eating themselves, but when they feed their kids crap all of the time, that's what I get upset. I figure, if you're an adult and choose to be unhealthy, that's on you. But when you push those unhealthy behaviors onto your children, that's wrong.
    We all survived our parents' mistakes and it's up to us to learn to do better than the generation before. Besides, if a parent didn't screw their kids up some way, what would they have to talk about with their shrink?

    Joking aside (because it really isn't funny) - we can't raise other people's children. We can work to change people's opinions in non-judgmental ways, though. Start a play group and when you see kids whose parents are making poor dietary choices, invite those kids to the play group. Teach the kids how to make good choices, and they can influence their parents to learn how, also.
  • elysecea
    elysecea Posts: 161 Member
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    I would have to say I have become the same way. It really bothers me that I see people rather large people who cant eve walk and drive the electric buggy at walmart, and their basket is full of nothing but crap!!! It seems people would rather be immobile instead of trying to become mobile.....or caring about themselves and their children. Its frustrations and now that our proverbial cloud has been lifted we want that for others. We just need to push forward and help those that want to be helped, and turn all of our new energy for sharing the love!!! Or at least trying too :)
  • Rachelito
    Rachelito Posts: 119 Member
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    I try to remember that sometimes what you see isnt the whole story. We dont know whats going on behind closed doors or the circumstances that lead to what you see.

    I went to the grocery store the other day because my husband requested specific foods that I didnt get on my grocery run. He was on vacation and wanted foods I dont normally buy. I was so embarrased pushing around a cart full of cokes, cheetos, cookies, hamburger helper and macaroni and cheese. Im sure if someone looked in my basket they were judging me left and right even though I didnt touch any of those things.
  • Peppychristian
    Peppychristian Posts: 157 Member
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    After those thoughts pass, I think "How can you not know how you look?! How are you okay with that?"

    ^^That is the judgemental part
    [/quote]

    I some how didn't see the slippery slope I was on. I gained 50 pounds over 6 years (yes I had three babies in that time but that is not the reason for my weight gain). It is like I woke up one day and said how did I get here? I too struggle with thinking poorly when I see people eating in excess or just plain unhealthy but I was there and I still indulge in dessert and fast food (I just work it off now).
  • fieldsy4life
    fieldsy4life Posts: 155
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    Don't get down on yourself for judging others -- it's human. Just remember to keep the judgments to yourself. :flowerforyou:

    Couldn't have said it better myself!
  • marasw
    marasw Posts: 75 Member
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    Thought I'm still 'fat' I find myself doing this at times. Thnkfully, just a quickly as the thought enters my head... it leaves.

    The only time I feel judgemental or angry is when I see people in public who park in handicap and use wheelchairs because of their weight. Yes, some people may have other issues but for some of them, it is pretty obviousy their issue is self-inflicted. Walking through the store with the support of a cart or walking the few extra feet to the door may actually improve their life.

    I'd be careful about that if it's not apparent, though. My mom is obese, but she is also disabled. She can't walk more than the few feet back and forth from the door to her car or from the car to the store or whatnot. NOT because she's obese, but because her back is seriously messed up. I'm not saying you're right or wrong on this, just pointing that out.

    My mom was in a similar situation. She was obese BECAUSE she was disabled. Please do not judge someone for using a wheelchair, ever. You never know.
  • lax75
    lax75 Posts: 118 Member
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    Ditto. It's the same feeling I get when I pass the group of smokers outside my building - especially the one who's pregnant.
  • heathersmilez
    heathersmilez Posts: 2,579 Member
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    It's a combination of many things;

    - You are hungry and consequently cranky from your 'diet'
    - You feel subconsciously or consciously angry you have to give up some of the foods you love or at the portion you used to love them
    - You are more educated and you know the strain on the healthcare system as a result of weight-related diseases. We've all pretty much agreed that smokers should be left in their own pit of suffering for doing it to themselves but for weight issues due to genetic and/or addiction research we've heard, it's not necessarily ‘ok’ to make fun of these people.

    Do you really feel bad about this or are looking for others who do the same just so you are not alone? Of course I don’t expect you to answer that but when you’ve been successful and look good it can be easy to put others down because you really are better, it’s not just a perception and you should be proud of that. Keep focusing on yourself and provide nutrition tips only to those who ask and whatever thoughts go on in your head, think twice about saying them aloud because there is a time and a place for everything – MFP is here for you always but disagreement and arguments do happen ;)
  • ninakir88
    ninakir88 Posts: 292 Member
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    Yes.. I'm judgmental sometimes, but in reality, these people probably have no knowledge of how much their eating and how bad it is for them. When someone starts counting calories or book at food labels, its like a whole new world.

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