Would you cheat?

Options
1…1517192021

Replies

  • Darkskinned88
    Darkskinned88 Posts: 1,177 Member
    Options
    No, why ruin something emotional for something physical. You don't spend $100 for a chance to win $50
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
    Options
    Believe it or not, there are still people in the world who believe so strongly in keeping their word that they CAN definitively say they would never cheat. If you have taken a vow to be faithful to someone for the rest of your life, and you don't know for sure if you would cheat until faced with the choice, you are basically admitting that your word doesn't mean a whole lot. Facing temptation (and everyone will at some point) doesn't mean giving in to it. Yes, we have animal instincts. We also have cognitive abilities to control our behavior, which animals do not. The DESIRE to have sex is instinctive in all animals, including humans; the ACT of sex itself is not instinctive in humans. If it were, we'd all be banging every random, attractive person we saw.

    The ACT of sex is not instinctive in humans? What?

    50% of married couples can't keep their word and end up divorced. I have no reason to believe that people on MFP are any different than the people elsewhere. Seems like there are a lot of naive people here. Not to say everyone *would* cheat (I'm sure most wouldn't), but most people who are currently in a healthy relationship seem to be incapable of even understanding what its like being in an unhealthy relationship with their spouse.

    If it were instinctive, you literally wouldn't be able to control yourself. That's what instinctive means. I'm guessing that if you went into your bedroom right now and saw a really attractive person of the opposite sex lying on your bed naked, you could stop yourself from having sex with that person.

    As I said, your DESIRE to have sex is instinctive; there's nothing you can do about it. You CAN control whether or not you act on it.

    And nobody is saying that it isn't difficult to be in an unhealthy relationship, especially a marriage. There are few, if any, people in the world who can honestly say they've never even thought about what it would be like to be with someone else, even if their relationship IS healthy. But this notion that we can't stop ourselves from having sex with someone because of chemicals in our brain is just not true. It is, in fact, our ability to stop ourselves (i.e. control our behavior) that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom.

    Well I disagree with your use of the word 'instinctive'. Maybe you are thinking 'impulsive'? You're going on a tangent that I really am not interested in discussing because its irrelevant to anything I'm saying.

    Anyways I think most of the people who say "why cheat, just break up" are completely clueless. They can't fathom the idea of being in an un-fulfilling relationship and feeling stuck for a number of reasons. Probably because they are young and haven't had children, bought a house, worried about retirement and other finances, etc. Some people are literally tied to their spouse and separation will destroy them financially and even emotionally when the children get involved. Not to mention, they probably haven't had to deal with temptations from co-workers, etc. all while they are going through this. Now I'm sure people are thinking I'm in a bad marriage, but the truth is I'm not. However I know people who are and I am able to empathize with what they must be going through.

    Bottom line, the Tiger Woods variety of cheating is not the only one out there.
  • perfect_storm
    perfect_storm Posts: 326 Member
    Options
    No, why ruin something emotional for something physical. You don't spend $100 for a chance to win $50

    Very simply stated and right on target. Nice. :smile:
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
    Options
    Believe it or not, there are still people in the world who believe so strongly in keeping their word that they CAN definitively say they would never cheat. If you have taken a vow to be faithful to someone for the rest of your life, and you don't know for sure if you would cheat until faced with the choice, you are basically admitting that your word doesn't mean a whole lot. Facing temptation (and everyone will at some point) doesn't mean giving in to it. Yes, we have animal instincts. We also have cognitive abilities to control our behavior, which animals do not. The DESIRE to have sex is instinctive in all animals, including humans; the ACT of sex itself is not instinctive in humans. If it were, we'd all be banging every random, attractive person we saw.

    The ACT of sex is not instinctive in humans? What?

    50% of married couples can't keep their word and end up divorced. I have no reason to believe that people on MFP are any different than the people elsewhere. Seems like there are a lot of naive people here. Not to say everyone *would* cheat (I'm sure most wouldn't), but most people who are currently in a healthy relationship seem to be incapable of even understanding what its like being in an unhealthy relationship with their spouse.

    If it were instinctive, you literally wouldn't be able to control yourself. That's what instinctive means. I'm guessing that if you went into your bedroom right now and saw a really attractive person of the opposite sex lying on your bed naked, you could stop yourself from having sex with that person.

    As I said, your DESIRE to have sex is instinctive; there's nothing you can do about it. You CAN control whether or not you act on it.

    And nobody is saying that it isn't difficult to be in an unhealthy relationship, especially a marriage. There are few, if any, people in the world who can honestly say they've never even thought about what it would be like to be with someone else, even if their relationship IS healthy. But this notion that we can't stop ourselves from having sex with someone because of chemicals in our brain is just not true. It is, in fact, our ability to stop ourselves (i.e. control our behavior) that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom.

    Well I disagree with your use of the word 'instinctive'. Maybe you are thinking 'impulsive'? You're going on a tangent that I really am not interested in discussing because its irrelevant to anything I'm saying.

    Anyways I think most of the people who say "why cheat, just break up" are completely clueless. They can't fathom the idea of being in an un-fulfilling relationship and feeling stuck for a number of reasons. Probably because they are young and haven't had children, bought a house, worried about retirement and other finances, etc. Some people are literally tied to their spouse and separation will destroy them financially and even emotionally when the children get involved. Not to mention, they probably haven't had to deal with temptations from co-workers, etc. all while they are going through this. Now I'm sure people are thinking I'm in a bad marriage, but the truth is I'm not. However I know people who are and I am able to empathize with what they must be going through.

    Bottom line, the Tiger Woods variety of cheating is not the only one out there.

    I get this. I'm recently married for the first time and I'm 35. I can certainly see how marriage, house, kids really complicate things. I still maintain the "why cheat, break up" at this point... but I have no children, the house was mine before he arrived, etc. And I don't have the temptation of co-workers, as I work from home.

    Someone who's been in the game for 15 yrs with kids... that can get sticky.
  • tdismydog
    tdismydog Posts: 42 Member
    Options
    wow just found this post and it hits home. i was with my ex wife for 6 years before we were married in 2009. I found out she had been cheating for over 6 months on me, could have been longer, she was very good at manipulating me. It was the final straw of our marriage. she had been in trouble with the law numerous times i had stood by her. I had suspected for about 2 months something was going on didnt know what for sure, but i finally found some things she could not lie her way out of. i confronted her and it was over according to her. I told her i could accept all the other things but cheating was not tolerable.

    I think people forget how they make the other person feel when they do cheat espectially in a marriage. It makes the other person feel inferior, lost, and makes them question so much why they are such a terrible person, even though they are told not to do that. How a person that you told you loved everyday could knowingly cheat on you? When i took my vows of marriage i meant it. i was presented with situations and i resisted because i loved my ex wife. she obviously did not. They say cheating has nothing to do with love i disagree. I think if you dont love a person you can still care for them. I asked her the night of all this coming out if she cared for me, she said yes, i said why then did you not just tell me you didnt love me anymore before you went and found a new man? I did not get a response.

    Ugh such a horrible thing to do to a person besides murder i cant imagine any other crime worse than adultry. You cant imagine the stupid things i felt through all of it, A person you loved completely and unconditionally 100% betrayed everything you felt. They take away your dreams of what matters in life a family, kids, grandkids, growing old with eachother and being there for the last breath your spouse takes.


    Well since i have moved on gotten a divorce and am ready to start over with someone new lucky girl ;) and start all over(actually kinda excited)

    Best advice to a person is, dont cheat, leave tell someone you dont love them anything but cheat. if you truly care anything for you bf/gf/wife/or husband dont ever ever do this no matter what they look like or how you feel.


    thats my story and i'm sticking to it :)
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
    Options
    If you're willing to cheat on your partner for any reason, you need to reevaluate your relationship.

    Easier said that done. You can re-eval all you want.. but sometimes there is more at stake then just the marriage.


    Obviously there is something wrong in your relationship if you can say "yes, I would cheat on my partner." That's what I'm getting at here.
  • AlbionLass
    AlbionLass Posts: 136
    Options
    In all honesty it would depend who was offering...
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
    Options
    If you're willing to cheat on your partner for any reason, you need to reevaluate your relationship.

    Easier said that done. You can re-eval all you want.. but sometimes there is more at stake then just the marriage.


    Obviously there is something wrong in your relationship if you can say "yes, I would cheat on my partner." That's what I'm getting at here.

    I don't think its obvious that that is the case. But without knowing anything about this poster, I'd say he may be someone who understands that he's human and humans make mistakes in difficult situations. And relationships can be very difficult.
  • tdismydog
    tdismydog Posts: 42 Member
    Options
    wow just found this post and it hits home. i was with my ex wife for 6 years before we were married in 2009. I found out she had been cheating for over 6 months on me, could have been longer, she was very good at manipulating me. It was the final straw of our marriage. she had been in trouble with the law numerous times i had stood by her. I had suspected for about 2 months something was going on didnt know what for sure, but i finally found some things she could not lie her way out of. i confronted her and it was over according to her. I told her i could accept all the other things but cheating was not tolerable.

    I think people forget how they make the other person feel when they do cheat espectially in a marriage. It makes the other person feel inferior, lost, and makes them question so much why they are such a terrible person, even though they are told not to do that. How a person that you told you loved everyday could knowingly cheat on you? When i took my vows of marriage i meant it. i was presented with situations and i resisted because i loved my ex wife. she obviously did not. They say cheating has nothing to do with love i disagree. I think if you dont love a person you can still care for them. I asked her the night of all this coming out if she cared for me, she said yes, i said why then did you not just tell me you didnt love me anymore before you went and found a new man? I did not get a response.

    Ugh such a horrible thing to do to a person besides murder i cant imagine any other crime worse than adultry. You cant imagine the stupid things i felt through all of it, A person you loved completely and unconditionally 100% betrayed everything you felt. They take away your dreams of what matters in life a family, kids, grandkids, growing old with eachother and being there for the last breath your spouse takes.


    Well since i have moved on gotten a divorce and am ready to start over with someone new lucky girl ;) and start all over(actually kinda excited)

    Best advice to a person is, dont cheat, leave tell someone you dont love them anything but cheat. if you truly care anything for you bf/gf/wife/or husband dont ever ever do this no matter what they look like or how you feel.


    thats my story and i'm sticking to it :)

    You have a different perspective than most. You are THROUGH it already. And you were the one trying to understand the WHY. Not how to avoid getting caught. You cant just tell someone not to. Like i said in an earlier post.. normally there is no logic or at least not much sound logic for some. Its not as simple as .. 'dont cheat' or 'I am Mr or Mrs perfect and wont ever cheat' I call bs. Until your faced with a situation that matches those who are speaking here who have been through it or did it.. well .. sorry but the opinion holds little weight.

    I do love you guys and value each and everyone of you. ;)

    I dont know.. maybe I have a different perspective. Maybe I am the odd one.

    I respect your opinion but truly disagree. you dont cheat period. i cant say the same for everyone here but it never ever enterd my mind while i was married. yes i did have opportunity several times i said no, but at the time, my marriage meant everything to me. i agree i wasnt always the best husband but when you take the vows of marriage you stick together through good times in bad thick and thin when times got tough and i was not there 24-7 i was cheated on.several times...and told the night before my grandma's funeral. you do not get married until the better a better person comes along its a life long commitment, if there are problems you work on them and if you cant then the marriage may end. you dont sleep with another 1st and admit it to them after the fact. there is not justification in cheating ever.
  • _Christine_
    _Christine_ Posts: 1,388 Member
    Options
    I had pudding. <sigh>
  • NessasMommy081311
    NessasMommy081311 Posts: 122 Member
    Options
    I personally have had the opportunity to cheat many times, but my marriage is based on love, not sex, therefore I prefer the love over the sex. If that makes any sense. I can control physical feelings towards someone else, as my love for my husband is so strong. Not everyone can, though, and I get that. I know that sometimes people cheat without intending to actually cheat. But we are all weak in one way or another. It's been nice seeing everyone's opinions on this....
  • ednabnana
    ednabnana Posts: 304
    Options
    I would NOT even consider it. I love my family very much. My family > Brad Pitt or even hotter than Brad Pitt. I won't be able to stomach making my blue-eyed hard working man cry nor live with my daughter's hate.
  • HorrorChix89
    HorrorChix89 Posts: 1,229 Member
    Options
    Would I cheat? Not for looks. Honestly I set my standards for guys very low. My current boyfriend is considered obese by his BMI and although he doesn't look it clothed it's a train wreck when he takes off anything. (Sadly this man hates pants and expects me to be completely naked at all times, HA!)

    I get the wondering eye a lot and messed up and actually called a guy on television cute right in front of him. But at the same time he talks about other girls and even goes to cam sites to watch them.

    But to the question, probably if I could get away with it. But I know there's no way I could. This guy has dreams that I'm talking to other men when I could be having a conversation with a male friend. Lord knows what dreams he'll have if I actually sleep with another guy.
  • Givemewings
    Givemewings Posts: 864 Member
    Options
    Absolutely no way.
  • AlbionLass
    AlbionLass Posts: 136
    Options
    I've made mistakes in this and previous relationships but I do believe people can change.
    Love my man, have hurt him a great deal in the past but he's a better and more forgiving person that I am and better than ANYONE deserves.
  • Phoenix1401
    Phoenix1401 Posts: 711 Member
    Options
    Honestly,uh hell yeah I would cheat! Screw emotional relationships there's no such thing as "Love"!
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
    Options
    Honestly,uh hell yeah I would cheat! Screw emotional relationships there's no such thing as "Love"!
    Bitter much?

    Just because you haven't found love yet - the sort were you put each other above momentary physical pleasure wit someone else - doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I've been married almost 19 years, together 22 years. I have never cheated on him. I've had plently of opportunities too. But I love my husband and respect him and our marriage and family far too much to throw it all away over some random guy I barely know. Plus, in this day and age of diseases everywhere why in the world would I ever risk that?? Why would anyone?

    Yes, we have the house and cars and kids and joint mutual funds but none of those are why I don't cheat. My husband makes me glow on the inside with a simple look. When I'm lying in bed with him and shift and brush some skin I can't help but give a contented sigh. It's so much more than just sex. And it's worth so much more than sex with someone else. Cheating on my husband would be like selling my kids for a chocolate bar. Yes, the chocolate may be good in the moment but the tradeoff isn't even close to worth it.
  • hennyben
    hennyben Posts: 317
    Options
    If you're willing to cheat on your partner for any reason, you need to reevaluate your relationship.

    Easier said that done. You can re-eval all you want.. but sometimes there is more at stake then just the marriage.

    This I agree with. When there's children, financial issues etc its not just the marriage or the relationship between 2 people that's going to end, there's way more....
    Everyone enters a marriage with the intention of not cheating, but circumstances, emotions, and day to day life affects us in many ways. Its too easy to just say no I never would because put in certain situations who knows what you would do.
  • AlbionLass
    AlbionLass Posts: 136
    Options
    Its too easy to just say no I never would because put in certain situations who knows what you would do.


    Exactly.


    Meet someone who makes you physically tremble just to stand near them, then you'd better be sure you can be strong.
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
    Options
    Its too easy to just say no I never would because put in certain situations who knows what you would do.

    I always thought this was a pretty insipid argument. I can absolutely say I would never cheat on my husband. I can say with equal certainty that I will never try meth, rob a bank, murder someone who didn't pose an immediate threat, or burn my house down.

    I cannot imagine what sort of situation I could ever be put in where I would do any of those things. Oh yea, I know what's coming "What if someone offered you a million dollars to have sex with them?" 1. No one is ever going to do tht and 2. Hubby and I have already joked about that. Provided it was totally protected we would and would have the other one's blessing (therefore not cheatin) and then we'd take that million $$ and go on a really nice vacation together, and invest the rest for college for the kids and our retirement. For the other silly analogy of "What if someone threatened to kill your kids if you didn't have sex with them?" That's called rape and isn't cheating either.

Categories