Would you cheat?
Replies
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Sex is in my top 5... does that make me shallow?
Pretty sure it's in my fiancé and my top 3. We must be super shallow.0 -
Sex is in my top 5... does that make me shallow?
Pretty sure it's in my fiancé and my top 3. We must be super shallow.
shallow only if you get people to watch and compliment.. otherwise.. thats normal..0 -
Sex is in my top 5... does that make me shallow?
Pretty sure it's in my fiancé and my top 3. We must be super shallow.
shallow only if you get people to watch and compliment.. otherwise.. thats normal..
Shallow? You mean, like in a tub of jello?0 -
Sex is in my top 5... does that make me shallow?
Pretty sure it's in my fiancé and my top 3. We must be super shallow.
shallow only if you get people to watch and compliment.. otherwise.. thats normal..
Shallow? You mean, like in a tub of jello?
Jello stains. (FYI)0 -
Sex is in my top 5... does that make me shallow?
Pretty sure it's in my fiancé and my top 3. We must be super shallow.
shallow only if you get people to watch and compliment.. otherwise.. thats normal..
ohno0 -
Sex is in my top 5... does that make me shallow?
Pretty sure it's in my fiancé and my top 3. We must be super shallow.
shallow only if you get people to watch and compliment.. otherwise.. thats normal..
Shallow? You mean, like in a tub of jello?
Jello stains. (FYI)
Ahh, the voice of experience??0 -
Not me, but my ex left me due to my being overweight. His self-esteem was very much wrapped up in my appearance (he could not view himself as successful as a man as long as he had an overweight wife). To his defense, he took a LOT of harassment from his co-workers for several years due to my appearance, until he finally moved out. Most of his co-workers had "trophy wives". This attitude did not fully emerge until he entered the white collar world at an executive level.
It bugged me for years that it didn't matter that I was a good mother or, for that matter, a good person. I was always loving and supportive, worked hard, volunteered for several charities, held a full time job in addition to raising three kids and working on a Master's...but at the end of the day none of that mattered. It is still very hard for me to believe that most men don't secretly feel the same way he did (especially after years of hearing him tell me that, which was backed up by all of his co-workers).
I guess it made me older and wiser...I am far less trusting than I was when I was younger. My weight loss now is motivated solely by my health. Do I believe that love can be blind? No, not really. I think people can tolerate a lot of things when faced with the unpleasant alternative of divorce or loneliness, but tolerance is not the same as acceptance.0 -
My five year olds dad cheated on me and told me it was my fault becasue I was fat. My Mom cheated and left my dad because he was over weight. My soon to be ex husband started cheating on me when I was thin and then I was so depressed I gained weight and became fat again. Well I have no proof, but why else do you spend your day texting and calling other women and then go missing on weekend when you are supposed to be with your son.
I have decided the reason for cheating is not the weight, now it may be the final straw, but you already have to have a cheating personality. Even when I was cheated on it still never crossed my mind because I am just not that type of person.
I have decided not to date anymore though because it just doesnt seem to be working for me.0 -
If you would cheat, you're a douche. Regardless of size. If you can't handle your partner's size, as superficial as it is, then get out. THEN go find someone else.
[ugh]
People disgust me.
my husband gained weight. I was less attracted to him physically. Did i love him less? no. Did the chemical physical attraction lessen? It sure did. Do I disgust you?
Did you cheat on him? If not, then no you do not disgust me. It should be edited to CHEATERS disgust me. I don't mind people being supreficial. We all are to an extent. What bothers me is when people don't have the audacity to ADMIT that the chemistry is gone and just ignore it and search for fixes elsewhere.
awesome. i guess i dont mind being superficial, as long as i don't disgust.0 -
but honestly thinking about that ... if i'm less attracted physically, the sex decreases and if he continued to not please me enough for me to want to get down, that part of the marriage is going to suffer. Once that suffers, other things suffer. and the marriage could very well break down.
two options - divorce or find it elsewhere.
if everything else in the marriage was honky dory except no sex, well, that would suck. and it could easily be held together if i just went elsewhere for sex. Not intamcy, sex.
Honestly, I don't think humans were even made to be monogamous, but this idea of marriage is making us stick to a rule that isn't in our nature. I think monogamy == intimacy is right on. But I actually do not see a problem with going elsewhere for sex. It would have to be agreed upon, as sneaking is sneaking, but argh. i think society norms have screwed this all up.
bottom line - if i got physically unappealing, i ~swear to god~ would hope he'd be comfortable going elsewhere for it.
So if you get pregnant you're screwed?
i have three kids. same exact answer.
edited ... er .. during pregnancy? heh. um. i have no witty retort.0 -
How about instead of cheating you just break it off with them then go out with said person, done? :x
Sure that's simple when you are single, but not if you are married possibly with kids.0 -
but honestly thinking about that ... if i'm less attracted physically, the sex decreases and if he continued to not please me enough for me to want to get down, that part of the marriage is going to suffer. Once that suffers, other things suffer. and the marriage could very well break down.
two options - divorce or find it elsewhere.
if everything else in the marriage was honky dory except no sex, well, that would suck. and it could easily be held together if i just went elsewhere for sex. Not intamcy, sex.
Honestly, I don't think humans were even made to be monogamous, but this idea of marriage is making us stick to a rule that isn't in our nature. I think monogamy == intimacy is right on. But I actually do not see a problem with going elsewhere for sex. It would have to be agreed upon, as sneaking is sneaking, but argh. i think society norms have screwed this all up.
bottom line - if i got physically unappealing, i ~swear to god~ would hope he'd be comfortable going elsewhere for it.
So if you get pregnant you're screwed?
i have three kids. same exact answer.
edited ... er .. during pregnancy? heh. um. i have no witty retort.
i just like you being pregnant.. so um.. no retort needed!0 -
Before my wife, family, friends, and God, I vowed to be only with one woman until one of us dies. Nothing on this planet will ever make my cheat.
Nothing.
What about oreo cookies? i seriously might for those..
Hmm...only the double stuff ones, and only if they came with an ice cold glass of milk.....other than that, never.
see i knew it! you had limitations!
We all have a price....
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Sex is in my top 5... does that make me shallow?
Pretty sure it's in my fiancé and my top 3. We must be super shallow.
shallow only if you get people to watch and compliment.. otherwise.. thats normal..
ohno
oh yes! oh yes.. um.. nevermind..0 -
Well here I go again embarking on another double edged sword! lol
I think there are a lot of gorgeous women out there that get cheated on. Look at Sandra Bollock! Sometimes it has nothing to do with your appearance. Some people are cheaters. Some people fall out of love. There's a million reasons why.
On the flip side (and not necessarily because of cheating) I feel it is considerate to keep yourself in decent shape for your partner. Men are visual creatures. There are men who like heavy women and God bless 'em! But we were not meant to be over weight. It is not how the body is suppose to look.
At the same time a thin person who frumps around in baggy clothes with a big scowl on their face is unattractive! A smile is the most attractive thing you can possess!
My husband is a little skinny feller with no muscle mass what so ever. But he brings me coffee in bed almost everyday and is always supportive of what I do. I find this very sexy!0 -
On the flip side (and not necessarily because of cheating) I feel it is considerate to keep yourself in decent shape for your partner. Men are visual creatures. There are men who like heavy women and God bless 'em! But we were not meant to be over weight. It is not how the body is suppose to look.
<puts away candy bar>0 -
On the flip side (and not necessarily because of cheating) I feel it is considerate to keep yourself in decent shape for your partner. Men are visual creatures. There are men who like heavy women and God bless 'em! But we were not meant to be over weight. It is not how the body is suppose to look.
<puts away candy bar>
you dont have to.. just change to a sucker.. then to ... um.. nevermind..0 -
Oh but I do want to add when I start gaining weight the sex goes down because "I" don't feel sexy! So I guess my indulging is very selfish of me and several different ways. When I'm in shape and i feel sexy the sex is AWESOME!
And man or woman........There's nothing wrong with sex being in your top 2! It's very important to a relationship and can deepen the FEELINGS you have for each other.0 -
Oh but I do want to add when I start gaining weight the sex goes down because "I" don't feel sexy! So I guess my indulging is very selfish of me and several different ways. When I'm in shape and i feel sexy the sex is AWESOME!
And man or woman........There's nothing wrong with sex being in your top 2! It's very important to a relationship and can deepen the FEELINGS you have for each other.
Preach it sista gurl!0 -
If someone would leave you over your weight, they were never worth being with in the first place.
If you expect someone to stand by your side, while you selfishly destroy your body and health, even though you know better, and refuse to do what needs to be done to set a good example (if you are a mother or father) and it starts leading down a path that would put more stress on your partner... and even leave them feeling alone while you indulge in unhealthy behavior.... then maybe it is not them that isnt worth staying with. Perhaps it is the more selfish individual.
If someone is letting themselves go to the point it is severely damaging their health, that isn't about weight, that is a mental health issue, which is something else entirely. If someone purely left you because they fancied the younger or thinner model, then yes, they weren't worth being with in the first place. What you are talking about is someone leaving to avoid being sucked into someone else's self destruction which is an entirely different and mostly unrelated thing.0 -
Nessamommy at 22 I would have been devastated if my husband were watching porn instead of having sex with me! What do I mean would have????? I was! Back then I was still trying to find myself. I was still over weight and insecure. And like you I was raised against it. I didn't understand men sexually and I wasn't as comfortable with my husband as I am now.If I continuously told her she needed to lose weight and she did nothing about it? Is she won't change to keep my interest? Yeah...I am going to find someone else. You only live once.
If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything....
Really!?! Wanting someone to be in better shape, to be healthier, to be with you for a longer, healthier more exciting life is wrong?!? Not to me.
I never said it was wrong. I just said if he really loved her he wouldn't want her to change anything. Besides, since when are relationships one-sided? If my husband asked me to lose weight (which he hasn't come out and done, although I know he wants me to) of course I would. But I'd expect him to try to keep the excitement in our marriage as well, and not make me be the one trying to keep it exciting.
You sound a bit naive to me from your feeling like your husband's porn habit is cheating to your thinking if you love someone you wouldn't want them to change anything. The reality is that plenty of men look at porn and its not cheating. And the second reality is that people don't love their spouse unconditionally. It takes effort from both partners. Being married isn't an excuse to stop taking care of one's self just because they are supposed to stick by them for better or worse. And the majority of people are lousy judges of character, and pick a spouse that ultimately isn't right for them anyways, which is why most marriages end in divorce.
That's incredibly judgmental. To each his own. If someone else is fine with their husband watching porn instead of having sex with them, fine. That's you. I personally have low self esteem, and was raised going to Church, so yeah. I think it's wrong for MY husband to watch porn instead of want me. Doesn't mean if you did it I would think it's wrong. And I personally think that if you really do love someone, their physical appearance should just be a bonus. If it's for health reasons, of course I would ask my husband to lose weight. But I wouldn't want him to change a thing about his appearance now.
At 26 I started getting serious about being active and got in shape. I felt better about myself and things like that became less of a threat. It also became less of a threat BECAUSE MY HUSBAND TREATS ME WELL!!!! And has proved to be faithful. I want to stress that a lot of my confidence comes from the way my husband treats me!
He still watches porn sometimes when I'm in bed early. I don't like it but it doesn't upset me. But I am also 41 and have come to a place where I am much more comfortable and more understanding. Don't beat yourself up. you are very young and still finding your place.
But if your husband is solely watching porn and having no sex with you that is a red flag!0 -
Porn is not cheating. It is a release. A lot of men need their release (heck I know I do) almost daily/twice daily and a lot of women can't or don't want to keep up with this. Would you rather your man suffer and got frustrated (and so angry, harder to deal with) or dealt with it. Men don't look at the woman or what they are about in porn - its simply a body to to look at. Hence mens porn is just that - no real story, nothing. Just T&A and bea....0
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Porn is not cheating. It is a release. A lot of men need their release (heck I know I do) almost daily/twice daily and a lot of women can't or don't want to keep up with this. Would you rather your man suffer and got frustrated (and so angry, harder to deal with) or dealt with it. Men don't look at the woman or what they are about in porn - its simply a body to to look at. Hence mens porn is just that - no real story, nothing. Just T&A and bea....
It's not that I can't keep up with him, it's the other way around. When he is solely watching porn and wanting nothing to do with me, that hurts.0 -
Porn is not cheating. It is a release. A lot of men need their release (heck I know I do) almost daily/twice daily and a lot of women can't or don't want to keep up with this. Would you rather your man suffer and got frustrated (and so angry, harder to deal with) or dealt with it. Men don't look at the woman or what they are about in porn - its simply a body to to look at. Hence mens porn is just that - no real story, nothing. Just T&A and bea....
It's not that I can't keep up with him, it's the other way around. When he is solely watching porn and wanting nothing to do with me, that hurts.
That's a different issue, but that wasn't very clear earlier in the thread. You and him should really have a talk about that. Its never good when your spouse doesn't want to be intimate with you.0 -
no. my boyfriend is skinny anyway and could stand to gain some.0
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This is gonna sound corny, but its really how i view the cheating thing: I have never cheated because i'm such a unique individual, that whoever is with me deserves my full love, attention, and commitment for them being so understanding and committed to me. If someone can put up with my quirks, weirdness, and individuality...then why should i jeopardize that with someone who may be looking for a quick fling or doesn't really even know the real me?
^^THIS0 -
There is no way in this earth that I would cheat on my girlfriend. I've been cheated on, and I know how it feels. So I couldn't do that to her.0
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That wasn't really even where I was going with this, just happened to come up. I feel if a man is truly happy with his wife/girlfriend, he shouldn't WANT anyone else. But that's just my personal opinion. I am in no way judging anyone who feels differently...0
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Exactly. It's that second part that would concern me. And I understand that sex IS a physical must have for men. But what's good for the goose is good for the gander! (switch that) Us girls are much more responsive to sex when we are emotionally fed. Neglecting a woman emotionally and then expecting her to lay down and spread'em doesn't work out so well! Ladies.............if you're lucky enough to have a man who spends time with you and does little things to show he cares don't be afraid to put on the heels and pull some hair!Porn is not cheating. It is a release. A lot of men need their release (heck I know I do) almost daily/twice daily and a lot of women can't or don't want to keep up with this. Would you rather your man suffer and got frustrated (and so angry, harder to deal with) or dealt with it. Men don't look at the woman or what they are about in porn - its simply a body to to look at. Hence mens porn is just that - no real story, nothing. Just T&A and bea....
It's not that I can't keep up with him, it's the other way around. When he is solely watching porn and wanting nothing to do with me, that hurts.
But if you know your porn habit is bothering your girl don't expect her to just accept it. It ain't going to happen.0 -
Porn is not cheating. It is a release. A lot of men need their release (heck I know I do) almost daily/twice daily and a lot of women can't or don't want to keep up with this. Would you rather your man suffer and got frustrated (and so angry, harder to deal with) or dealt with it. Men don't look at the woman or what they are about in porn - its simply a body to to look at. Hence mens porn is just that - no real story, nothing. Just T&A and bea....
It's not that I can't keep up with him, it's the other way around. When he is solely watching porn and wanting nothing to do with me, that hurts.
That's a different issue, but that wasn't very clear earlier in the thread. You and him should really have a talk about that. Its never good when your spouse doesn't want to be intimate with you.
I agree with this.
Talk to your husband. I suspect that you guys have some serious communication issues if you are using the internet to find answers and he is all lost in porn. Put the baby down for a nap. Turn off all forms of media. Engage in a little intimacy with your husband. It can start as a conversation and who knows where it will lead... all the best to you.0
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