Would you cheat?

Annette_rose

I for one had this happen to me about 16 years ago. My x husband of 16 years had a fling with a customer (he was a Schwan's man) and said it was because she was slender and attractive. I had just had baby number 3 and she was 3 weeks old when I found out. It tore my world apart and I became bulemic; throwing up my food numerous times a day. I became a pro at knowing what I could eat and how much fluids I needed to take in, in order to make it all come back up. A very sad, sad time and something I suffered from for a couple of years. I wanted to be slender and be all that he wanted. I stayed for 5 more years after that. No...I do not suffer bulemia anymore but it took work to get beyond. It is heartbreaking when a loved one cheats.

cushygal

I would - but only if it was Mr. John Travolta So, I guess in all honesty, living in the real world I would say that I don't intend to cheat, but as someone else on the thread stated, you can never say never. But my morals and values tell me it is wrong and I wouldn't set out to hurt my husband in such a way. If things were really that bad between us, and I was that unhappy, instead of cheating I would leave.

_binary_jester_

If I continuously told her she needed to lose weight and she did nothing about it? Is she won't change to keep my interest? Yeah...I am going to find someone else. You only live once.

If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything....

Not true, I love my boyfriend but if he every became over weight I would want him to lose weight fire health reasons. I wouldn't leave him, but I sure would want him to change that

Agree! Especially if he wasn't that way when I started dating him. I wouldn't leave him for gaining weight but I would expect him to do something about it.

Or what? I love these open ended threats/statements.

BeeElMarvin

If I continuously told her she needed to lose weight and she did nothing about it? Is she won't change to keep my interest? Yeah...I am going to find someone else. You only live once.

If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything....

Really!?! Wanting someone to be in better shape, to be healthier, to be with you for a longer, healthier more exciting life is wrong?!? Not to me.

I never said it was wrong. I just said if he really loved her he wouldn't want her to change anything. Besides, since when are relationships one-sided? If my husband asked me to lose weight (which he hasn't come out and done, although I know he wants me to) of course I would. But I'd expect him to try to keep the excitement in our marriage as well, and not make me be the one trying to keep it exciting.

You essentially said it was wrong by saying "If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything...." I never said it was one sided, where did that come from? And I think it's pretty presumptuous of you to think you know what love is more than I do or more than any of these people do. For what it's worth, I've been married for longer than you've been alive, and I've never cheated. To me, if I really love somebody, I will ask them to lose weight if they need to do so for health reasons or to keep our marriage healthy, and I would expect the same from my wife. Really... never mind. You've got all the answers anyway.

JennieAL

Never cheated. Never will. Ever.

fteale

If someone would leave you over your weight, they were never worth being with in the first place.

grinch031

If I continuously told her she needed to lose weight and she did nothing about it? Is she won't change to keep my interest? Yeah...I am going to find someone else. You only live once.

If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything....

Really!?! Wanting someone to be in better shape, to be healthier, to be with you for a longer, healthier more exciting life is wrong?!? Not to me.

I never said it was wrong. I just said if he really loved her he wouldn't want her to change anything. Besides, since when are relationships one-sided? If my husband asked me to lose weight (which he hasn't come out and done, although I know he wants me to) of course I would. But I'd expect him to try to keep the excitement in our marriage as well, and not make me be the one trying to keep it exciting.

You sound a bit naive to me from your feeling like your husband's porn habit is cheating to your thinking if you love someone you wouldn't want them to change anything. The reality is that plenty of men look at porn and its not cheating. And the second reality is that people don't love their spouse unconditionally. It takes effort from both partners. Being married isn't an excuse to stop taking care of one's self just because they are supposed to stick by them for better or worse. And the majority of people are lousy judges of character, and pick a spouse that ultimately isn't right for them anyways, which is why most marriages end in divorce.

NessasMommy081311

If I continuously told her she needed to lose weight and she did nothing about it? Is she won't change to keep my interest? Yeah...I am going to find someone else. You only live once.

If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything....

Really!?! Wanting someone to be in better shape, to be healthier, to be with you for a longer, healthier more exciting life is wrong?!? Not to me.

I never said it was wrong. I just said if he really loved her he wouldn't want her to change anything. Besides, since when are relationships one-sided? If my husband asked me to lose weight (which he hasn't come out and done, although I know he wants me to) of course I would. But I'd expect him to try to keep the excitement in our marriage as well, and not make me be the one trying to keep it exciting.

You essentially said it was wrong by saying "If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything...." I never said it was one sided, where did that come from? And I think it's pretty presumptuous of you to think you know what love is more than I do or more than any of these people do. For what it's worth, I've been married for longer than you've been alive, and I've never cheated. To me, if I really love somebody, I will ask them to lose weight if they need to do so for health reasons or to keep our marriage healthy, and I would expect the same from my wife. Really... never mind. You've got all the answers anyway.

I never said I know more about love than anybody else. I just know if my husband left me because of my size, I'd be pretty freaken hurt. If you want your SO to lose weight for health reasons, of course that's fine. I just think that if you want them to lose weight just because you think they aren't attractive anymore, then you're (not you specifically, in general) more into the looks than your emotional feelings from them. I did not start this thread to fight with anyone. I am not saying I am better than anyone on here either...

SergeantSunshine_reused

If I continuously told her she needed to lose weight and she did nothing about it? Is she won't change to keep my interest? Yeah...I am going to find someone else. You only live once.

If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything....

Not true, I love my boyfriend but if he every became over weight I would want him to lose weight fire health reasons. I wouldn't leave him, but I sure would want him to change that

Agree! Especially if he wasn't that way when I started dating him. I wouldn't leave him for gaining weight but I would expect him to do something about it.

Or what? I love these open ended threats/statements.

Or umm nothing xD im lucky enough I dont see they happening xD working to.be a future dietitian he knows im a health nut xD

_binary_jester_

<snip>
Or umm nothing xD im lucky enough I dont see they happening xD working to.be a future dietitian he knows im a health nut xD

So you go in expecting to change him? Good luck with that.

Akjenn89

I thought I was one of those people that "never would". Then I tried to leave an unhealthy relationship many times, and they wouldn't let me go. To the point of them stealing my car keys so I wouldn't be able to go to work, physically pin me down in the house, etc. Sometimes the remark, "Just leave them if you don't want to be with them" isn't as easy as it sounds. And for the longest time I was too embarassed to say anything or ask for help. I eventually did cheat and got the help I needed to get out of that situation.

I don't know, I like to think not everyone that cheats is a complete *kitten*.... *shrugs* But I'm biased.

NessasMommy081311

If I continuously told her she needed to lose weight and she did nothing about it? Is she won't change to keep my interest? Yeah...I am going to find someone else. You only live once.

If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything....

Really!?! Wanting someone to be in better shape, to be healthier, to be with you for a longer, healthier more exciting life is wrong?!? Not to me.

I never said it was wrong. I just said if he really loved her he wouldn't want her to change anything. Besides, since when are relationships one-sided? If my husband asked me to lose weight (which he hasn't come out and done, although I know he wants me to) of course I would. But I'd expect him to try to keep the excitement in our marriage as well, and not make me be the one trying to keep it exciting.

You sound a bit naive to me from your feeling like your husband's porn habit is cheating to your thinking if you love someone you wouldn't want them to change anything. The reality is that plenty of men look at porn and its not cheating. And the second reality is that people don't love their spouse unconditionally. It takes effort from both partners. Being married isn't an excuse to stop taking care of one's self just because they are supposed to stick by them for better or worse. And the majority of people are lousy judges of character, and pick a spouse that ultimately isn't right for them anyways, which is why most marriages end in divorce.

That's incredibly judgmental. To each his own. If someone else is fine with their husband watching porn instead of having sex with them, fine. That's you. I personally have low self esteem, and was raised going to Church, so yeah. I think it's wrong for MY husband to watch porn instead of want me. Doesn't mean if you did it I would think it's wrong. And I personally think that if you really do love someone, their physical appearance should just be a bonus. If it's for health reasons, of course I would ask my husband to lose weight. But I wouldn't want him to change a thing about his appearance now.

grinch031

If I continuously told her she needed to lose weight and she did nothing about it? Is she won't change to keep my interest? Yeah...I am going to find someone else. You only live once.

If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything....

Really!?! Wanting someone to be in better shape, to be healthier, to be with you for a longer, healthier more exciting life is wrong?!? Not to me.

I never said it was wrong. I just said if he really loved her he wouldn't want her to change anything. Besides, since when are relationships one-sided? If my husband asked me to lose weight (which he hasn't come out and done, although I know he wants me to) of course I would. But I'd expect him to try to keep the excitement in our marriage as well, and not make me be the one trying to keep it exciting.

You essentially said it was wrong by saying "If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything...." I never said it was one sided, where did that come from? And I think it's pretty presumptuous of you to think you know what love is more than I do or more than any of these people do. For what it's worth, I've been married for longer than you've been alive, and I've never cheated. To me, if I really love somebody, I will ask them to lose weight if they need to do so for health reasons or to keep our marriage healthy, and I would expect the same from my wife. Really... never mind. You've got all the answers anyway.

I just think that if you want them to lose weight just because you think they aren't attractive anymore, then you're (not you specifically, in general) more into the looks than your emotional feelings from them.

Why does wanting your spouse to look attractive automatically put that above your emotional feelings for them? This logic makes little sense to me.

xcrushx28

I've never cheated and probably never will. There's really absolutely no excuse for it. If somebody has an issue with their significant other they should be able to verbalize it. If its something that becomes too much to handle then the mature thing would be to end the relationship before the cheating happened.

Of course some guys will cheat because that's just what they do.

karinaes

More aimed towards guys, but women can respond too...would you cheat on your wife/girlfriend (or husband/boyfriend) for someone who was thinner than her/him? Specifically because of looks.

NO! weird question to ask.
and if you do a poll, i can bet that people cheat not because of looks but because there is somethings emotionally missing in the relationship

grinch031

If I continuously told her she needed to lose weight and she did nothing about it? Is she won't change to keep my interest? Yeah...I am going to find someone else. You only live once.

If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything....

Really!?! Wanting someone to be in better shape, to be healthier, to be with you for a longer, healthier more exciting life is wrong?!? Not to me.

I never said it was wrong. I just said if he really loved her he wouldn't want her to change anything. Besides, since when are relationships one-sided? If my husband asked me to lose weight (which he hasn't come out and done, although I know he wants me to) of course I would. But I'd expect him to try to keep the excitement in our marriage as well, and not make me be the one trying to keep it exciting.

You sound a bit naive to me from your feeling like your husband's porn habit is cheating to your thinking if you love someone you wouldn't want them to change anything. The reality is that plenty of men look at porn and its not cheating. And the second reality is that people don't love their spouse unconditionally. It takes effort from both partners. Being married isn't an excuse to stop taking care of one's self just because they are supposed to stick by them for better or worse. And the majority of people are lousy judges of character, and pick a spouse that ultimately isn't right for them anyways, which is why most marriages end in divorce.

That's incredibly judgmental. To each his own. If someone else is fine with their husband watching porn instead of having sex with them, fine. That's you. I personally have low self esteem, and was raised going to Church, so yeah. I think it's wrong for MY husband to watch porn instead of want me. Doesn't mean if you did it I would think it's wrong. And I personally think that if you really do love someone, their physical appearance should just be a bonus. If it's for health reasons, of course I would ask my husband to lose weight. But I wouldn't want him to change a thing about his appearance now.

Keep believing that what your husband does along with millions of faithful husbands is wrong just because your church says so.

Apparently by your logic physical appearance and love are mutually exclusive. Its either you love the person or you love their looks, right?

raven56706

people who say that they would never ever ever cheat needs to give reasons why... a good reason is because my spouse or partner just gives me everything im looking for...


but some others just say i would never cheat because it isnt right.... thats just a dumb response... thats almost like a good answer but with no substance... give a reason and not a job like answer...

memcd911

If you would cheat, you're a douche. Regardless of size. If you can't handle your partner's size, as superficial as it is, then get out. THEN go find someone else.
[ugh]
People disgust me.

my husband gained weight. I was less attracted to him physically. Did i love him less? no. Did the chemical physical attraction lessen? It sure did. Do I disgust you?

Did you cheat on him? If not, then no you do not disgust me. It should be edited to CHEATERS disgust me. I don't mind people being supreficial. We all are to an extent. What bothers me is when people don't have the audacity to ADMIT that the chemistry is gone and just ignore it and search for fixes elsewhere.

967_1111

Before my wife, family, friends, and God, I vowed to be only with one woman until one of us dies. Nothing on this planet will ever make my cheat.

Nothing.

What about oreo cookies? i seriously might for those..

Hmm...only the double stuff ones, and only if they came with an ice cold glass of milk.....other than that, never.

see i knew it! you had limitations!

We all have a price....

ItsCasey

To me, if I really love somebody, I will ask them to lose weight if they need to do so for health reasons or to keep our marriage healthy, and I would expect the same from my wife.

I've never been married, but I completely agree.

This kind of thing is the reason people become obese in the first place ... a refusal to take personal responsibility for their actions and an insistence on blaming other people for the consequences of their actions. Anything to avoid admitting to themselves that they made bad choices and that it's going to take a lot of work to fix it.

Your husband says to you "Honey, you know I love you, but you have put on an unhealthy amount of weight, and I'm concerned about how it's affecting you and our marriage." Instead of saying "You're right, and I will work on it, but I'm going to need your support," the husband hears "You're such a jerk. If you really loved me, you wouldn't want me to change." It's projection, and it's a sign of emotional immaturity.

NessasMommy081311

If I continuously told her she needed to lose weight and she did nothing about it? Is she won't change to keep my interest? Yeah...I am going to find someone else. You only live once.

If you really loved her you wouldn't want her to change anything....

Really!?! Wanting someone to be in better shape, to be healthier, to be with you for a longer, healthier more exciting life is wrong?!? Not to me.

I never said it was wrong. I just said if he really loved her he wouldn't want her to change anything. Besides, since when are relationships one-sided? If my husband asked me to lose weight (which he hasn't come out and done, although I know he wants me to) of course I would. But I'd expect him to try to keep the excitement in our marriage as well, and not make me be the one trying to keep it exciting.

You sound a bit naive to me from your feeling like your husband's porn habit is cheating to your thinking if you love someone you wouldn't want them to change anything. The reality is that plenty of men look at porn and its not cheating. And the second reality is that people don't love their spouse unconditionally. It takes effort from both partners. Being married isn't an excuse to stop taking care of one's self just because they are supposed to stick by them for better or worse. And the majority of people are lousy judges of character, and pick a spouse that ultimately isn't right for them anyways, which is why most marriages end in divorce.

That's incredibly judgmental. To each his own. If someone else is fine with their husband watching porn instead of having sex with them, fine. That's you. I personally have low self esteem, and was raised going to Church, so yeah. I think it's wrong for MY husband to watch porn instead of want me. Doesn't mean if you did it I would think it's wrong. And I personally think that if you really do love someone, their physical appearance should just be a bonus. If it's for health reasons, of course I would ask my husband to lose weight. But I wouldn't want him to change a thing about his appearance now.

Keep believing that what your husband does along with millions of faithful husbands is wrong just because your church says so.

Apparently by your logic physical appearance and love are mutually exclusive. Its either you love the person or you love their looks, right?

No, not at all. What the hell? This thread is not an excuse for people to attack me.

Jellyphant

Nope. He can be Bradley Cooper and i still wouldn't cheat. Looks aren't everything.

slay0r

but honestly thinking about that ... if i'm less attracted physically, the sex decreases and if he continued to not please me enough for me to want to get down, that part of the marriage is going to suffer. Once that suffers, other things suffer. and the marriage could very well break down.

two options - divorce or find it elsewhere.

if everything else in the marriage was honky dory except no sex, well, that would suck. and it could easily be held together if i just went elsewhere for sex. Not intamcy, sex.

Honestly, I don't think humans were even made to be monogamous, but this idea of marriage is making us stick to a rule that isn't in our nature. I think monogamy == intimacy is right on. But I actually do not see a problem with going elsewhere for sex. It would have to be agreed upon, as sneaking is sneaking, but argh. i think society norms have screwed this all up.

bottom line - if i got physically unappealing, i ~swear to god~ would hope he'd be comfortable going elsewhere for it.

So if you get pregnant you're screwed?

forgtmenot

No I wouldn't cheat if my boyfriend gained a bunch of weight. After a certain point in a relationship it isn't physical things that keep you together anymore, it is your emotional attachment to them. If I made a list of things that keep our relationship going strong, sex wouldn't even be in the top 5.

ETA: I would however encourage him to eat healthier and exercise for his own health (I do this already and he's skinny as can be).

DarthCeltic

No I wouldn't cheat if my boyfriend gained a bunch of weight. After a certain point in a relationship it isn't physical things that keep you together anymore, it is your emotional attachment to them. If I made a list of things that keep our relationship going strong, sex wouldn't even be in the top 5.

now the male take.. sex would be the first 4 things in the list..

_Christine_

Sex is in my top 5... does that make me shallow?

slay0r

How about instead of cheating you just break it off with them then go out with said person, done? :x

Sex is in the top 5 but it's not the most important thing.

yoovie

If someone would leave you over your weight, they were never worth being with in the first place.

If you expect someone to stand by your side, while you selfishly destroy your body and health, even though you know better, and refuse to do what needs to be done to set a good example (if you are a mother or father) and it starts leading down a path that would put more stress on your partner... and even leave them feeling alone while you indulge in unhealthy behavior.... then maybe it is not them that isnt worth staying with. Perhaps it is the more selfish individual.

leavingfat

I'd totally cheat on my husband with someone who was "hotter."

Oh, no, wait. I wouldn't.

And I don't have to wait to be put in the situation--I know myself really well. I know my marriage really well. I have years of relationships and my own behavior as evidence to back it up. I don't cheat. I'm not that kind of person. (And by that kind of person, I mean a liar.) And I say that as someone who isn't totally convinced that total monogamy is the key to happiness.

Though, serious answer: if I really, really wanted to sleep with someone else, I'd talk to my husband about it and see if it was something he would be okay with. If it was, then I'd maybe do it. If it wasn't, then I wouldn't. Our marriage is the most important thing in the world to me and sex with someone, no matter how hot or exciting, isn't worth hurting him.

uh....huh? Im confused...
You said "if I really, really wanted to sleep with someone else, I'd talk to my husband about it and see if it was something he would be okay with. If it was, then I'd maybe do it."
And then you say, "ur marriage is the most important thing in the world to me and sex with someone, no matter how hot or exciting, isn't worth hurting him."

that definitely makes NO sense AT ALL!! xD

It doesn't make sense to a lot of people--but if I showed it to my husband (which I will when he gets home from work), it would make perfect sense to him.

Me being honest with him about anything wouldn't hurt him--including admitting a sexual attraction to someone else. He loves and respects me exactly as I am, come what may. I feel the same about him. I wouldn't be incredibly sexually attracted to someone to the point of wanting to have sex with them WITHOUT discussing it with my husband. To me (and in our relationship) that would be keeping secrets and disrespectful.

If he wants to sleep with someone else one day, I'd want him to tell me. If I want to, I'll tell him. (And by want to, I mean to the point where it's distracting. Haven't been to that point or in that situation yet, but I'm realistic enough to know that our marriage in our 20s won't be our marriage in our 30s, 40s or 50s. I think it's totally reasonable to assume that at some time in the next 50 years, one of us will have an incredibly strong purely physical attraction to someone else that won't lessen our love for each other.)

It's one of those things I'll work out when I get there.

I just said, "I'd totally cheat on my husband" because, really? Who's going to excitedly admit to being willing to cheat?

tl;dr If sex with someone else would make my husband feel bad or insecure at all, I'd never have sex with anyone else. If he was cool with it, then I might do it, if I wanted to. Haven't gotten to that point yet--just realistic about the next 50 years.

QueenJayJay