I find myself becoming very judgemental

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  • HorrorChix89
    HorrorChix89 Posts: 1,229 Member
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    This is the same as me thinking everyone should know exactly how to do something because I myself know how to do it. Like if I'm playing a video game and my boyfriend constantly asks me how it works. I give him short answers because I assume he should know how to play it. I mean, it's easy right? I did, how come he can't?
  • mccarol1956
    mccarol1956 Posts: 422 Member
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    It must be exhausting for some of you worrying about other peoples' lives, trying to get them to live how you think they should live, trying to get them to look how you feel they should look, trying to get them to think how you think, etc...


    ^^Exactly!^^
  • mccarol1956
    mccarol1956 Posts: 422 Member
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    this gave me tears =(

    But so true and spot on. We turn humans into bags of meat that we judge based on it's value in terms of "attraction, how it thinks like us, how it talks like us, how it looks like us" that it *is* dehumanizing, it *is* disgusting, and it *is* rehensible.

    Treating people like objects *is* rehensible. Treating people like property *is* rehensible. Judging someone's worth based on their clothing size *is* rehensible.

    In my opinion, it makes you more like a diseased animal knocking its head into a tree over and over.

    If you want to judge people off of things that you stereotype and have no real actual understanding on other than "ew that person is fat and ugly and I am terrified of becoming that/going back to that", let's go ahead and lay the one judging out on the plinth of shame as well. I guaran-effing-tee you that we can find a good dozen things to judge you back on.

    There is not a person alive that can walk around judging others and not have their own issues that could be ripped out in the open and shamed with. It just so happens that being fat is an outward visible thing.

    Being pretty on the outside is short term and fleeting. Time, disease, genetics all take their toll on a human body. And when you can't fall back on your looks anymore and only have that toxic diseased core which is 100x uglier than an obese person in the grocery store carting the ice cream around, you'll find out the true meaning of what being unhealthy is.

    Health is a combination of not just physical appearance, but your intellectual and inner core as well. You may be hot as hell on the outside and ugly and toxic as hell on the inside... except eating makeup isn't going to make you prettier there.

    ^^ Thank you so much. I could not agree more.
  • musicstardust67
    musicstardust67 Posts: 299 Member
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    Jeez some people on this post need to really grow up. It's so easy to be rude to the OP because he's so ignorant and rude and doesn't take into account various meds that cause weight gain and all the other stuff people have complained about. Yes, he may judge others at the store for buying crap and at restaurants but im sure all of us have judged others almost daily. Some people may judge less often than others but come on he was just venting and shared some of his thoughts about overweight/obese people making bad choices. It's easy to judge others that are obese when ur choosing the right path of working out and eating right. I don't think the op deserves the crap he's getting. Just because he judges others for not doing what he's doing doesn't make him a horrible person. Yes, people don't have to follow ur workout and eating plan but there is a lot to be learned from others doing this, I can admit that. I don't think the OP wants every single person to do exactly what he's doing, he probably just wants to encourage everyone that they really can do it if they want it bad enough but even when they do, some people just have a lot of circumstances in their lives that make things complicated. Then, there are the people that just simply make excuses for not eating right and working out. Yes, pure laziness. But everyone has static in their life so truth be told no one should be judged yet everyone judges in some way.
  • tinamatteson
    tinamatteson Posts: 125 Member
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    It is hard not to be judgmental but we never really know what others are going through. (yes I'm the queen of stories) When my first son was born he was taken to the NICU with pneumonia I however, had to stay that the hospital where I had given birth for two weeks after he was born because of complications. I was around 200lbs. As I was walking (ok waddling because I had just had a c-section) through the parking lot to go see my son for the first time (yes he was taken directly to the NICU I didn't see him till he was 2 weeks old) A teenager yelled "Hey look at that fat ***ch waddle!" I was appalled and I told him i had just had a baby. He responded "Was it tasty?" As you can imagine I was horrified! But the point is we never know what is really going on. Trust me if you are fat you realize you are fat. Or else your delusional and boy I would love to be delusional some days.

    Wow, I am so sorry this happened to you! That was incredibly rude and disrespectful.
  • graysmom2005
    graysmom2005 Posts: 1,882 Member
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    I think it's kind of a natural reflex that is really our minds telling US that, so we don't end up going there again. If we are conscience of the world around us, and we are telling ourselves over and over that isn't "good" when we see bad choices it's just reaffirming to ourselves not to do it. I don't think you can really help it. It's usually because you feel better now, and you want others to have that success.
  • tinamatteson
    tinamatteson Posts: 125 Member
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    Sometimes when my family and I are eating out, as I'm carefully scouring the menu options to find something relatively healthful and low calorie, I wonder if the waiter is thinking, "Lady, if you're on a diet, why are you eating at Chili's??" (or whatever the restaurant is.) And when I am shopping and my cart is full of fruits and veggies and also a bottle of soda or some chips (for my husband!) occasionally I wonder if people are looking and thinking, "Gee, why is she buying THAT crap?" Hahahaha.

    I suppose I'm way too concerned about what others are thinking, and most are probably not looking at me anyway!

    I have noticed a difference in the way I look at other people since becoming more AWARE of what I'm doing to my body; It feels a tad judgmental at times but actually it's more of a realization that I used to do that too (ie. eat half a package of Oreos in one sitting) and now I don't, cause I realized what it was causing (fat!) and I'm making a daily choice to change that for myself.

    Yes, fat people know they are fat, and don't need it pointed out (and I hate that there are such rude people out there that would do that, anyway) but beyond even that, through my own experience I'm seeing that everyone has to be ready to make a change for themselves, and till they are ready, they won't - or can't - do it. So, nagging at my husband or kids, or pointing out to my friends all the bad stuff they are eating, is not going to help, except to make them mad at me. All I can do is change myself.:flowerforyou:
  • tinamatteson
    tinamatteson Posts: 125 Member
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    I think it's kind of a natural reflex that is really our minds telling US that, so we don't end up going there again. If we are conscience of the world around us, and we are telling ourselves over and over that isn't "good" when we see bad choices it's just reaffirming to ourselves not to do it. I don't think you can really help it. It's usually because you feel better now, and you want others to have that success.

    YES!
  • tataliciousd89
    tataliciousd89 Posts: 465
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    I think it's just hard to watch people "hurt" their bodies when you're trying so hard to take care of yours, something you didn't think of so much before you decided to change how you live.

    What a good way to look at it.
    Agreed. This is how I feel too. It's really hard when I'm in nursing school watching patients being totally non-compliant with prescribed diet and activity orders. I feel like saying "You only get one body you know. You are going to regret this later," but of course I'm not aloud to. Then when I see people out in the stores going down the same path and I want to yell at them.
  • adamb83
    adamb83 Posts: 719 Member
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    I do it, too... and for me, I think it's partially coming from a place of fear that - hey, I've been there and I could fall backwards. I worry about making those easy, wrong choices again, and ending up like that again, and think about how unhappy I was. Of course, all these emotions are happening instantaneously, so I don't process it then, but that's where the jerk-reaction anger/annoyance/disgust comes from.
  • abbigail_r
    abbigail_r Posts: 283 Member
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    I sometimes feel that way too. And I dont like to be judgemental at all. But then I remind myself that its not my job to change everybody.
  • spectralmoon
    spectralmoon Posts: 1,230 Member
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    I think it's just hard to watch people "hurt" their bodies when you're trying so hard to take care of yours, something you didn't think of so much before you decided to change how you live.


    Honestly, this was the way I started looking at myself (and reminding myself) to keep motivated to start the workouts and the calorie counting. It occurred to me one day that half of what I was eating regularly was "poisoning" my body; after that, I started really looking in the mirror and looking for the differences from where I had been before and what I had become with that thought in mind. Got me up and stretching that day, and that lead to aerobics and dumbbells, which is now intense aerobics, heavier weights, squats, dancing, walking, jumping, and whatever else I can challenge myself to do to melt off 300 calories a day.
  • iamahealthychick
    iamahealthychick Posts: 207 Member
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    I think we develop this expectation that other people are under some obligation to live their lives in the same way we do...probably because we see a need that drives us. it's sort of natural; we relate to the world by comparing things to ourselves. I think that we also make some inappropriate and sometimes unfortunate assumptions when we do this. I know it's something I try to watch with varying levels of success and failure.

    Unfortunately, one size does not fit all, so to speak. We cannot possibly imagine all the circumstances that factor into the tiny glimpses we see of the lives of strangers. We cannot be judges when we don't have the facts.

    I think this is very well said.
  • esfetters1
    esfetters1 Posts: 1
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    Ive been overweight to morbidly obese.....most of my life......and yet I judge others as well....I think we all do ladies....I think the difference is that obesity is "accepted" unfortunately ....Just imagine if you were sitting eating at Mcdonalds....and a guy walked in sat down got out a bunch of drug paraphernalia .....and started shooting up....I would definetely say something and fast..... But that lady with the four fat kids and a cart full of crap is normal to us now...sad but normal. I think those of us who have decided to change our lives need to just be more vocal...out there about it....this is a great forum...... but not enough in terms of societal change. I feel like all I ever see is a bunch of skinny ....never been 5 lbs over weight.... snotty little chicks telling me how to be...How about the people that have the problem get their butts on TV and lead....talk about the ins and outs.....I hate that tiny little b*itch on the 4 th hour of the today show....who does the weight loss segements.....she's never been overweight. and is so damn condescending to the "poor"... "less than"...her former fatties...I want to smack her.... hell I'm pretty and outspoken...maybe ill go apply at NBC !!! I'd LOVE to work with KLG and Honda woman.!!!! NBC give me a call!

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