Would you date someone whose religion is different than your

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  • therealangd
    therealangd Posts: 1,861 Member
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    I really don't see how I can keep God in my life AND my ex at the same time.

    You can't.

    The two of you have entirely different philosophies. You are at entirely different ends of a spectrum that is wholly important to you.

    Move on. You made the right decision.
  • bstevens1021
    bstevens1021 Posts: 33
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    I'm not able to read all 11 pages of this thread, so I apologize if this has been brought up already, but I'm going to talk about the view point of the child.

    My dad is agnostic, my mom is Christian, I am Christian. My dad did not interfere with my mom taking me to church, and he didn't interfere with her teaching me about God and the Bible. I have a very strong, deeply-rooted faith that I attribute to growing up that way-I have my own reasons for believing, it is not "blind faith", but I don't know if I would feel that way if I hadn't been educated on the subject so young.

    However, my parents argued over religion *a lot* when I was younger, sometimes blow-up fights that made me hide in my room and cry. Now, as an adult, I don't feel comfortable talking to my dad about religion at all, and that still makes me cry. It is such an incredibly important part of my life, and knowing that my dad thinks it's pretty much b.s. hurts. I don't want to get into an argument with him over it like he used to do with my mom, so I just keep it completely to myself when it comes to him, and it makes me feel very distant from him that I can't share this part of my life with him.

    So yes, to make a long answer short, I think it is incredibly important that your partner/children's father share your beliefs. Not just for you, but for your children as well.
  • grrrlface
    grrrlface Posts: 1,204 Member
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    I'm not religious and neither is my boyfriend but we both agree that if we had a child it will be educated in all religions cultures and beliefs as we have been. Then as they grow up they can make their own decisions with what religion, if any, they wish to follow.
    If I were in a relationship with someone who was a different religion I would allow the child to do what they choose, if they want to go to church with you then that's cool but I wouldn't force them, but I'd allow them to hear both views of the parents and let them choose ultimately.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    Every religion is equally silly, so it doesn't really bother me if I date someone who believes in talking bushes or the Easter bunny or whatever floats their boat.

    I could see it as being an issue in the long term, though. The majority of Americans who are casually religious in the "well, I guess it couldn't hurt" sense aren't all that bad, but the devout tend to have that really annoying habit of wanting to convert you. Off your high horses, wackos, there's no god that is going to throw someone in a pit of fire for eternity for not agreeing with you.
    I'm curious why you couldn't just give your opinion without ridiculing and calling devout Christians wackos. It always amuses me how some non-believers come off as so angry with a religion they don't even believe in. You okay, there?
  • Christina1007
    Christina1007 Posts: 179 Member
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    I'm very atheist, anti-religion. I couldn't be in a serious relationship with someone religious.
    My husband is more agnostic and even that borders on being a problem. He has no issues with the kids going to church if they want (but he's not taking them, i.e. go with a friend) wheras I'm totally against them going at all.

    i wuld not wish hell on anyone but th path that you ar en you well see it. I will be praying for you. there is a God and he is a loving God and he knows this facts abouyouand still loves you. Please open your eyes to the wonderful light of God

    I like the sound of that, thanks! will definitely look into it!
  • MyFeistyEvolution
    MyFeistyEvolution Posts: 1,015 Member
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    Yes.

    I'm Christian, my husband was raised Catholic. He isn't a practicing Catholic and doesn't agree with a lot of it now so he goes along with what I do. I'm not as active in my church community as I use to be growing up but I do have my faith and strong beliefs and he respects them regardless if he agrees with them or not. Coincidentally...he wants our kids to go to church growing up because he does believe that it installs positive ideas into a childs mind aka enforces respect, tolerance, forgiveness, saying sorry etc. and then when they're old enough, they can decide what they want to believe in.


    OP....I highly doubt anything has changed for your ex....being religious and not religious isn't something that just happens and if you broke up over this, I would put money on it that it's going to be a future issue if you get back together.

    Can I just add....the intolerance in this thread has my head spinning. The hypocrisy of non religious attacking the religious and vise versa is mind baffling.
  • daphnegetnfit
    daphnegetnfit Posts: 175
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    Well..now my ex has changed his tune a little, and says he'd allow his children to go to church.
    And you believe him, that's cute.

    gee, thanks.

    Thank you (everyone else) for your responses! Keep them comin'!
    Do you think I'm joking? Honey. Think about it for a few seconds. He didn't suddenly do a 180 on his beliefs. He's telling you what you want to hear to get you back. Open your eyes OK?

    ...I'm going to keep my mouth shut and just ignore you.

    I will ignore with you.
  • CrazyDaisysMommy
    CrazyDaisysMommy Posts: 472
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    I don't envy the position you're in. Religion/faith/spirituality is for many people an integral part of their identity, and often times we don't even realize it is until it is challenged. It sounds like this experience is challenging you right now. Ultimately, interfaith relationships can work if there is mutual respect of each person's belief system. There would need to be open communication about how to negotiate sticking points, otherwise the discussion devolves into a "I'm right, you're wrong" debate, which no one wins. If that respect is missing, then there is no point in moving forward.

    I was reading through this thread and there were some interesting points, but I guess the issue I get stuck on is the labeling. I was born Catholic, lived in the so-called Holy Land, and studied religious conflict and extremism. As a result of my experiences, I have found myself moving away from organized religion, but I do have fundamental beliefs about how a good person should live, and these I've cherry-picked from all of the major religions. :flowerforyou: Maybe you could have a conversation with your ex about the fundamentals of your beliefs? Yes, church is important, but maybe what he needs to hear is why it's important to you. And if he can explain to you what his fundamentals for moral and ethical behavior are maybe you can find common ground. I wish you the best!
  • neddoh
    neddoh Posts: 116 Member
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    I am Catholic and my boyfriend is Atheist. I have no plans on letting him go because his belief isn't who he is or how he defines himself, and the same with me. I believe in raising children to make their own educated choices about religion rather than forcing one on them when they are too young to make a choice!

    The first guy I dated was a Catholic. He was not overly religious, but he went to church every week because if he didn't he was going to hell. It was difficult for me to date him. I knew in my heart that I shouldn't be with someone who didn't have the same beliefs that I did, but I thought I could convert him.

    I am a born-again believer, have been since I was 7 years old. It most definitely Defines me. I do NOT have a religion, I have a very deep personal relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Without HIM, I am nothing. HE Defines ME.

    My husband is also a born-again believer. Christ defines him as well. We would not be married if that were not the case.

    The Bible is VERY clear on this subject. If you are in fact a Christian, you are NOT to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

    Some people handle their faith in different ways :) I am not a Catholic by choice, but there are parts of the religion that I have a lot of faith in. Spiritually, I am in no means tied to one religion, one belief, or one faith. Faith and religion are fluid to me. I appreciate your input, but there is no one right answer for everybody :)
  • TheAnie
    TheAnie Posts: 180 Member
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    When I was younger I used to think it wouldn't matter. And then I had experience on the other end of the spectrum. I am a non-believer and was dating a believer. It all came to a head one day when he informed me that he still believed I was going to hell. He had intentions of marrying me as well. I realized I couldn't live my life like that. With someone who thought so little of me that they believed I was going to receive the ultimate punishment for not believing in their faith. Regardless of whether or not I believed in hell, it still floored me and I ended the relationship very soon afterwards.

    So no, I absolutely could not be with someone who was religious. And I don't care what that religion is. Thankfully, my husband joins me in the agnostic boat. We don't need a deity or a deities son at the center of our marriage to keep us stable. We've got five years under our belts to prove that.
  • soccerella
    soccerella Posts: 623 Member
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    Im catholic, and my husband is not. We had to take premarital classes to be allowed to get married in the catholic church. In these classes we talked about money, sex, religion, a whole lot of stuff. The religion thing though, I ended up being the one with an issue because my husband said he was fine with having our kids raised catholic, but I didnt want him to feel like I was forcing it on him. It was nice to really talk it out and agree on it before we're actually have to address it - Now we're on the same page about what will happen when we have kids

    as far as dating someone of a different religion - I have dated other catholics, I've dated a jewish guy, and a couple other christian denominations, as well as a devout athiest. As a practicing Catholic, I still think things like the golden rule are more important than whether or not you go to church every week.

    So yes I have dated guys of a different religion and it has never been an issue as long as everyone is respectful and your boyfriend wouldnt say something like "mommys crazy since she believes in god" or something like that to your fictional (at this point) kids. It is definitely something that should be talked about now though and not say "ok maybe they can go to church, we'll see how I feel when I actually have them" because that is something that you need to make sure you're both clear on before it ever happens
  • _snw_
    _snw_ Posts: 1,305 Member
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    Wow. I was going to say it didn't matter to me, but I guess it would.

    I'm athiest so I don't think I could date a believer. But then again, I wouldn't think a believer could date me either. If we were just different religions, I could say the potato potato thing, but i don't think someone could date me when i say there is no such thing as either. (and vice versa)
  • roycelynberry
    roycelynberry Posts: 46 Member
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    Yes I would date or possibly marry someone with a different religion then me I mean why not I am married to a man who has a different racial background and alot of the ways we were raised etc etc were different but when we had kids we came up with our own way of doing things not how we were raised but you know relationship and life for that matter are not easy. At the end of the day it's whatever is best for you.
  • maddyg1989
    maddyg1989 Posts: 108 Member
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    It is crucial to a happy relationship/marriage/family to have the same religion. There is enough stuff that will try to push you apart but that is the number 1 thing you two should have in common. That should be the foundation of your relationship.

    I'm just assuming here but it sounds like you don't truly believe him when he says he'd allow his children to go to church. First of all, you're a great catch... he wants you back. Most guys are idiots. And he will say anything in the world to hold on to you. But YOU need to back up and really look at the situation in order to make a clear decision.

    And most importantly... DO NOT BE AFRAID OF BEING ALONE!!! Believe me, you would rather be alone than married to someone who lies to you for your trust and ends up hurting you on a daily basis. This is my advice to you. But it's your life. You need to live it the way YOU believe and not put YOUR religion and beliefs aside for a MAN.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    Yes.

    I'm Christian, my husband was raised Catholic. He isn't a practicing Catholic and doesn't agree with a lot of it now so he goes along with what I do. I'm not as active in my church community as I use to be growing up but I do have my faith and strong beliefs and he respects them regardless if he agrees with them or not. Coincidentally...he wants our kids to go to church growing up because he does believe that it installs positive ideas into a childs mind aka enforces respect, tolerance, forgiveness, saying sorry etc. and then when they're old enough, they can decide what they want to believe in.


    OP....I highly doubt anything has changed for your ex....being religious and not religious isn't something that just happens and if you broke up over this, I would put money on it that it's going to be a future issue if you get back together.

    Can I just add....the intolerance in this thread has my head spinning. The hypocrisy of non religious attacking the religious and vise versa is mind baffling.

    I am completely with you on this one. Are you my long-lost sister? A relationship where two people do not share the same beliefs can work, if you can set and agree to the ground rules. You need to treat each other and each other's beliefs with respect. If you can't do that, then it is probably best long term for you not to try this relationship again.

    In my day to day life, at work, out in public, I interact with, am friends with and work closely with people of extremely varying views on religion. For those of you bashing people of different beliefs than yourself, how do you deal with the people in your lives that are not just like you? Do you call them the names you are calling each other here? Do you belittle them and their beliefs like you are here?
  • soccerella
    soccerella Posts: 623 Member
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    Maybe you could have a conversation with your ex about the fundamentals of your beliefs? Yes, church is important, but maybe what he needs to hear is why it's important to you. And if he can explain to you what his fundamentals for moral and ethical behavior are maybe you can find common ground. I wish you the best!

    this definitely. Like I said as well, its somethign that shoudl be addressed now and not further down the road. But he needs to ahve an open mind to see why going to church is so important to you and why you think this is a necessity for your future kids. And you need to be willing to listen to him say why he is against organized religion. If neither of you an do this (either the explaining, or the listening) then its just not going to work
  • Hoakiebs
    Hoakiebs Posts: 430 Member
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    Atheist/Anti-theist, married to a non-devout Christian. I'm fine with her, cuz she doesn't prOselytize. She takes my daughter to church daycare, but I don't support the teachings when she asks me. When she gets old enough we'll have the talk and let her make up her own mind. Heck, right now she believes princesses are real.
  • cbenzerga
    cbenzerga Posts: 65 Member
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    "12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

    15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?"

    1st Corinthians....You should be equally yolked, but if you wish to be married to a non-believer,...as read in 12-16 it's okay...but it will be a burden.

    I'm a Christian and my husband is Muslim...we have many similar beliefs and only 1 major difference, he calls Jesus the Mesiah, I call him the Son of God. However I had to make a consession: Our son will be raised Muslim, however he may attend church with my side of the family which my result in a very confused child or well rounded. Only time will tell and he will have to make that choice.
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    This used to be a huge deal for me... I've been agnostic since childhood, formally since college. I was raised by bible-thumping Christians, both sides of the family. So... I guess I've always had to deal with this. I think my family pretty much "gets it" that it's just a non-topic for me, when I'm around them.

    Now... as for a significant other. My ex-bf of six years was a Christian. In the end, it wasn't so much religion that separated us, as it was several things piled on top of one another. But he was very obstinate and obnoxious in his beliefs, which were a big turn-off... oddly, we were nevertheless very much attracted to one another... and still have love for one another to this day, we're good friends.

    I'm a newlywed... we've been married four months now. He's not just a Christian, he's a Messianic Jewish Christian... LOL. I won't explain this, just Google it. He pretty much just observes Sabbath on Saturday... and doesn't eat pork, shellfish, tries to attend synagogue (which is an hour away) on occasion... fine & dandy with me. I could give a rip. He does know that I stand firmly in my agnosticism... there's pretty much no changing me there. I respond only to cool logic... As for kids, if/when we have ONE (lol, one not two or three...) I've explained to him what I will tolerate & allow: The child will never be taught there is "one" way, the "right" way, etc... and that a belief in God is a choice. The child will always be allowed to choose... that is the most important thing for me. Church/synagogue with Dad will be an option.

    That said.... I think it takes real tolerance to do something like this... just a few years ago, I'd never have been ok with it. My ex and I went round in circles. Not sure I wold have married someone of a different set of beliefs when I was in my 20's. Maturity helps!
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    My last relationship ended because he is Agnostic and I am a Christian. We finally had the "religion talk" and he said he wouldn't allow his children to go to church. That was a big deal to me, considering I grew up going to church 2x/week. I told him I couldn't raise children without bringing them to church, so we broke up.

    Now that we have been apart for several months, I have been actually excited to meet someone with the same beliefs as me, because I have never made religion a priority in my dating life before.

    Well..now my ex has changed his tune a little, and says he'd allow his children to go to church. He misses me, still loves me, etc, etc, and wants to get back together. Great! But is he going to ignore everything relating to God except the going to church part? For example, if I am having a conversation about God to my kids, is he just going to leave the room? I really don't see how I can keep God in my life AND my ex at the same time.

    How important do you think it is to date someone who has the same religious beliefs as you? I want your opinions, please!

    If your relationship with God is an important part of your life, I HIGHLY recommend you DO NOT get involved with someone who doesn't share your beliefs. Not because you are better than them, or they don't deserve you, but because it's very hard to share a life with someone when there's so many fundamental points on which you disagree. In my early twenties, I made the mistake of marrying someone who was not a Christian, and it DID NOT work. Even God's Word says, "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" He also says in the New Testament, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers..." The term "unequally" here is not a term of condescention in referrence to unbelievers, it simply means that your views and lifestyle vary so greatly that it would make a long term relationship far more difficult than in should be. If you are a Christian, I strongly advise you to find someone who shares your beliefs. Relationships and, eventually, marriage are difficult enough as it is. When you throw these types of fundamental differences into the mix, it's that much more difficult. I agree with a previous poster, MyFeistyEvolu, when she said that it's unlikely that he just changed his mind on something like that. It's far more likely that he's telling you what you want to hear in an effort to soften you to the idea of getting back together. Even if that particular point is no longer an issue, there's bound to be other things that will pop up and cause problems.

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