Would you date someone whose religion is different than your

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  • Thriceshy
    Thriceshy Posts: 707 Member
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    I think it would be extremely difficult to date someone of another religion or someone who is agnostic. My daily life is affected by my Christian beliefs, so dating someone who doesn't make choices in the same manner would affect our relationship.

    I think this is the case for many, including myself, inversely. I like the thought and the fairness you've put into this--it's not a judgment call, it's just a statement of fact, and you seem to have considered it well.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    I am Catholic and my boyfriend is Atheist. I have no plans on letting him go because his belief isn't who he is or how he defines himself, and the same with me. I believe in raising children to make their own educated choices about religion rather than forcing one on them when they are too young to make a choice!

    The first guy I dated was a Catholic. He was not overly religious, but he went to church every week because if he didn't he was going to hell. It was difficult for me to date him. I knew in my heart that I shouldn't be with someone who didn't have the same beliefs that I did, but I thought I could convert him.

    I am a born-again believer, have been since I was 7 years old. It most definitely Defines me. I do NOT have a religion, I have a very deep personal relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Without HIM, I am nothing. HE Defines ME.

    My husband is also a born-again believer. Christ defines him as well. We would not be married if that were not the case.

    The Bible is VERY clear on this subject. If you are in fact a Christian, you are NOT to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.
    According to the Bible, you should "kill" non-believers, so why don't you do that?

    ???!?!!?I thought you were an atheist, meaning you're not supposed to care about religion, how do you know these "things" said in the Bible? Which Bible!!!??!!?

    Being an athiest does not mean one does not know about religion. It means that they reject it. A person can be an athiest and still know all about the bible. Just like there are a very large number of religious christians who don't know much about the bible, just what they were told.

    The bible says a lot of things. Killing non-believers is one of them. Taking slaves is another. There are a lot of things in the bible that the bible says you should do that no one does. One of my issues with the bible is that people pick and choose what they will do and ignore the stuff they don't want to.

    Catholics, for example, split up the ten commandments to remove the portions of the graven images. (I was a catholic for a long long time)

    The book has also been retranslated several dozen times over, many times for political purposes, which further makes it hard to follow exact.

    "Thou shalt not suffer the witch to live" used to read "thou shalt not suffer the sorcerer to live", and a sorcerer was not a person who practiced magic (neither was a witch really), but rather a poisoner or a murderer. "Thou shalt not suffer the poisoner or murderer to live" gives a whole new meaning to that passage. It was changed to witch for political reasons (drive the pagans out of brittania).

    FYI Witch means "wise woman". Medicine woman. The same as a native american shaman.

    This is just another example. There is a list.

    By the by I'm not bashing your or anyone's religion. You are free to believe as you will as am I. I get ruffled when I read people writing or hear them speaking for god and claiming to know his will (one of the reasons I find religion absurd is that everyone is bickering over which version of god is the right one and many people would be fervent believers of an opposite religion had they been born in that region where it was taught to them as children) and basing it off of a book that is followed partially yet quoted often (how many actually know you should kill your enemies, take slaves, and kill your children if they mouth off?)

    Especially fun when you realize the jewish, christian, and muslim religions all basically have the same old testament but fight over which ones are the true right ones and which ones are the infidels/non believers.
  • bhalter
    bhalter Posts: 582 Member
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    I was reading through this thread and there were some interesting points, but I guess the issue I get stuck on is the labeling. I was born Catholic, lived in the so-called Holy Land, and studied religious conflict and extremism. As a result of my experiences, I have found myself moving away from organized religion, but I do have fundamental beliefs about how a good person should live, and these I've cherry-picked from all of the major religions. :flowerforyou: Maybe you could have a conversation with your ex about the fundamentals of your beliefs? Yes, church is important, but maybe what he needs to hear is why it's important to you. And if he can explain to you what his fundamentals for moral and ethical behavior are maybe you can find common ground. I wish you the best!

    I agree with this. I do not like religion and labeling and it was many years before I was able to realize that these things are different than faith and your belief in God. I've finally found a church and friends who don't care about the religious aspect and try to just live in the "love others" aspect and try to be good people. That's what I want, and that's what is important to me. Not religion, not who goes to what church, not labeling myself. I try daily to be a good person, uphold the Bible's teachings, and love others. Not that I'm perfect, emphasis on the TRY. I think it's more important to raise children with morals and beliefs instead of religious labels and teach them to be tolerant of everyone. Jesus hung out with sinners and prostitutes...who are we to judge a person based on the label we've put on them? I'd rather my children grow up with a solid foundation of love, morals, and beliefs and then find their own church based on that.
  • angiesteele
    angiesteele Posts: 366 Member
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    I dont think you could ever have a healthy relationship unless you are both of the same religion.
  • BellydanceBliss
    BellydanceBliss Posts: 330
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    I am Catholic and my man is Sikh. We respect each others beliefs and found a lot of them are the same. We want to raise our childern with both belief systems, Its hard in other aspects. Ie. Acceptance from others, looking down at us being together, familiy issues etc. But our love is stronger than all of that and we keep at it.

    ^^^^This is how it is supposed to be. No judgement. Amen
  • momof8munchkins
    momof8munchkins Posts: 1,167 Member
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    My last relationship ended because he is Agnostic and I am a Christian. We finally had the "religion talk" and he said he wouldn't allow his children to go to church. That was a big deal to me, considering I grew up going to church 2x/week. I told him I couldn't raise children without bringing them to church, so we broke up.

    Now that we have been apart for several months, I have been actually excited to meet someone with the same beliefs as me, because I have never made religion a priority in my dating life before.

    Well..now my ex has changed his tune a little, and says he'd allow his children to go to church. He misses me, still loves me, etc, etc, and wants to get back together. Great! But is he going to ignore everything relating to God except the going to church part? For example, if I am having a conversation about God to my kids, is he just going to leave the room? I really don't see how I can keep God in my life AND my ex at the same time.

    How important do you think it is to date someone who has the same religious beliefs as you? I want your opinions, please!
    No I wouldn't.. the bible warns us not to be unequally yolked with unbelievers.. it's a bad idea. and will only lead to constant strife and bickering. How can two walk together unless they be agreed.. it's not just going to church and talking about God..as a Christian, your beliefs influence everything in your life.. how can you possibly build a life with someone that believes the opposite than you do.. think about holidays, family gatherings, I mean even saying Grace at dinner would turn into a sore subject. also you can't go into a marriage thinking you will change his mind and save him..better that you both go your seperate ways .
  • neddoh
    neddoh Posts: 116 Member
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    I think the sad trend in this thread is that the devout religious seem to have a problem respecting another person's religion or lack of religion and have no faith in another person to be truly respectful of theirs.
    Respect makes the world go 'round, folks!
  • soccerella
    soccerella Posts: 623 Member
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    Ugh.....this has turned from a serious question to intolerant-name calling as usual

    Just gonna wait and see how long it takes for this topic to be locked
  • iCACTUS
    iCACTUS Posts: 113
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    I could care less what others believe. I was born Catholic & forced to go to church every week, do CCD, communion, confirmation, the whole nine yards. I loathed it and grew to resent the religion as I got older. So full of hate and judgement. When I was 13 I finally said enough is enough and began to explore religion on my own. I came to find that I do not believe in a God. I believe EVERYONE is the God or Goddess of their world. YOU are God, more or less. In all honesty I am not judgmental about what anyone believes. If I ever plan to have children I am going to let them approach the topic of religion on their own, let them explore it at their leisure & find out what they wish to believe without any influence from me. I am going to do for my children what I wished was done with me. It is a little sad to me that you would turn someone away who loves you because they believe in something different. I mean no offense. To each his/her own.
  • jmehere
    jmehere Posts: 108 Member
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    Our relationship with god is a personal one. I didn't want or believe in god until the last year or so. People change, but you can't change them. In my marriage, we both started out not believing, or being agnostic. My husband is still agnostic, but he respects my change and I respect him for where he is.
    Going to church is not really a belief, it is a habit. It is a way to have a community, based on beliefs. But each of you, regardless of what you believe; have your own personal relationship with god. If the habit of going to church is important to you and your ex is willing to get on board with that, I would give him a chance if that relationship is still important to you.
  • ANeWcRe8N
    ANeWcRe8N Posts: 1,180 Member
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    Well I don't believe in religion, but a relationship with Christ I do. I couldn't spend the rest of my life with someone who didn't believe..
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
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    Well my ex wife was a Christian but of a holiness denomination. They didn't believe in women being allowed to remarry while their husband was alive, so I'm pretty sure she's going to try and have me killed . Also in our pre marriage counseling meeting she had the minister read a scripture pertaining to oral sex not being natural, after telling me all this time she only would do that for her husband. So the answer is HELL no. You can't even be a different denomination than me.
  • beskimoosh
    beskimoosh Posts: 375 Member
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    I'm not particularly religious, but was brought up Catholic. I've dated men of different religions, including a Muslim, a born again Christian and a VERY athiest man. To me, religion isn't something of massive importance in a relationship. What is important is that you agree on the main values and beliefs your relationship is built on, and none of my values are to do with religion.

    Saying that, your values and the way you live your life and want your children to live their lives is based on your religion, and if you and the person you're with can't find a compromise which is acceptable for both of you, then maybe that isn't something that would work. I'm not saying you have to compromise, just that if you don't match up on the things that are important and can't, I'd find that a huge issue.

    It can be done, I know a lot of people who have managed to find that middle ground. Either way, good luck with whatever you choose :smile:
  • bhalter
    bhalter Posts: 582 Member
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    I don't think it's coincidence that the stupid streak runs rampant among the religious :P

    I think that's a little uncalled for and a pretty big sweeping generalization, which I think is more rampant among the stupid.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I think the sad trend in this thread is that the devout religious seem to have a problem respecting another person's religion or lack of religion and have no faith in another person to be truly respectful of theirs.
    Respect makes the world go 'round, folks!

    I'm seeing an awful lot of the same thing from both sides.
  • Thriceshy
    Thriceshy Posts: 707 Member
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    Our relationship with god is a personal one. I didn't want or believe in god until the last year or so. People change, but you can't change them. In my marriage, we both started out not believing, or being agnostic. My husband is still agnostic, but he respects my change and I respect him for where he is.
    Going to church is not really a belief, it is a habit. It is a way to have a community, based on beliefs. But each of you, regardless of what you believe; have your own personal relationship with god. If the habit of going to church is important to you and your ex is willing to get on board with that, I would give him a chance if that relationship is still important to you.

    That's very nice. You made me smile. Thank you for putting it down in such a thoughtful way.
  • WhiteCoc0
    WhiteCoc0 Posts: 192 Member
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    I am Catholic and my man is Sikh. We respect each others beliefs and found a lot of them are the same. We want to raise our childern with both belief systems, Its hard in other aspects. Ie. Acceptance from others, looking down at us being together, familiy issues etc. But our love is stronger than all of that and we keep at it.

    ^^^^This is how it is supposed to be. No judgement. Amen

    Thank you! xxoo
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    According to the Bible, you should "kill" non-believers, so why don't you do that?
    I believe you're misreading the Ten Commandments.

    Also ignoring the New Testament.

    The first sign of someone who is ignorant of the Bible and Christianity is when they start quoting Mosaic Law written more than a thousand years before Christ existed and asking why Christians don't follow those laws.
  • beskimoosh
    beskimoosh Posts: 375 Member
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    My last relationship ended because he is Agnostic and I am a Christian. We finally had the "religion talk" and he said he wouldn't allow his children to go to church. That was a big deal to me, considering I grew up going to church 2x/week. I told him I couldn't raise children without bringing them to church, so we broke up.

    Now that we have been apart for several months, I have been actually excited to meet someone with the same beliefs as me, because I have never made religion a priority in my dating life before.

    Well..now my ex has changed his tune a little, and says he'd allow his children to go to church. He misses me, still loves me, etc, etc, and wants to get back together. Great! But is he going to ignore everything relating to God except the going to church part? For example, if I am having a conversation about God to my kids, is he just going to leave the room? I really don't see how I can keep God in my life AND my ex at the same time.

    How important do you think it is to date someone who has the same religious beliefs as you? I want your opinions, please!
    No I wouldn't.. the bible warns us not to be unequally yolked with unbelievers.. it's a bad idea. and will only lead to constant strife and bickering. How can two walk together unless they be agreed.. it's not just going to church and talking about God..as a Christian, your beliefs influence everything in your life.. how can you possibly build a life with someone that believes the opposite than you do.. think about holidays, family gatherings, I mean even saying Grace at dinner would turn into a sore subject. also you can't go into a marriage thinking you will change his mind and save him..better that you both go your seperate ways .

    I'd just like to point out that as someone completely not religious, if someone says grace at dinner I have respect for them and their beliefs and it would not cause argument. Also, as far as I know from being raised Catholic, isn't a lot of the belief system around tolerence, respect and helping others? Because I know a lot of non believers who go in for that, including me.

    My family are still Catholic, and I attend family gatherings and holiday events with them, including things like Christmas, which obviously has religious meaning to them. I respect their right to their beliefs, and fully support their right to be active in their faith. I think you're generalising against people who are not religious a little too much here.
  • bhalter
    bhalter Posts: 582 Member
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    According to the Bible, you should "kill" non-believers, so why don't you do that?
    I believe you're misreading the Ten Commandments.

    Also ignoring the New Testament.

    The first sign of someone who is ignorant of the Bible and Christianity is when they start quoting Mosaic Law written more than a thousand years before Christ existed and asking why Christians don't follow those laws.

    Exactly. We live under the new covenant that Jesus created with God when he died for our sins. That got rid of the old covenant with all of the Old Testament laws that people love to quote and ask why we don't follow those. And basically all you are supposed to do under Jesus is love your neighbor as yourself and follow him, that's it. When you think about it, most sins/crimes would be eradicated if everyone just loved each other. You wouldn't kill them, wouldn't lie to them, wouldn't steal from them, wouldn't cheat on them, etc.

    And I think love is something that EVERYONE can agree on, regardless of your religion, demonination, beliefs, etc.

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