Husband left me because of weight. NEW motivation.

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Replies

  • LCraig0124
    LCraig0124 Posts: 11 Member
    Wow!! What a total jerk!! Do this for you, don't worry about him. He will realize he made a huge mistake when someone does to him what he did to you, and trust me it will happen.
    You will find someone wonderful, it takes time you are still very young. Enjoy life!! I am 31 and just recently married, to a wonderful man who is doing MFP with me and we are losing the weight together.
    You will find someone much better than him who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.
  • melhayes1115
    melhayes1115 Posts: 187 Member
    He sounds like a real douche bag. You're better off without him. I'm glad to see you are taking charge of your life and focusing on yourself. He will realize what he gave up.
  • Gr8ChangesAhead
    Gr8ChangesAhead Posts: 836 Member
    you deserve better !!!!
  • f15htank
    f15htank Posts: 33 Member
    wow if he leaves you for your weight then he's a douche, cheating aside.
    you shouldn't have to be understanding of that.
    you deserve muchmuchmuch better.
  • tinytubbs
    tinytubbs Posts: 54
    I have been married to my wife for going on 11 years and we are both big people. if you love someone it doesn't matter if they are 100lbs or 400lbs and anyone who bases love on size is a idiot. plain and simple. you are better off without him.
  • IrishChik
    IrishChik Posts: 465 Member
    What an a$$hat. Seriously what is wrong with people? I think he had some issues inside that he did not want to divulge and used your weight as an excuse. Sadly, happens all the time. When you love someone and get married - "in sickness and in health"- you don't divorce and move on just because someone has trouble losing weight - or gained weight - whatever the case may be. He is too shallow and he will never truly be happy in life. You can count on that. He has some of his own insecurities - obviously. I am sorry you went through this. After my first divorce to the husband where I had to be the trophy wife - I vowed I would find someone who would take me as I am - big or small- and if he did not take me at the size I could happen to be - he did not deserve me at all. The man I am married to now loves me just the size I am. But - he knows the weight is causing a lot of pain on my joints. We want a long and happy life together - so that's why we started to work towards our goals together.
  • tashaa1992
    tashaa1992 Posts: 658 Member
    My husband left me in December because of my weight. When we married I was 200 lbs, and when I moved to Korea (we were stationed there) I was 240. He became disgusted with my weight. Fair enough. I understand to an extent. I joined here and lost 20 lbs (and was doing GREAT) but he generally started to become unsupportive. Would tell me he didn't see any changes. Blah blah blah.

    We moved back to the US in December and he told me he wanted me to take charge of my weight. I agreed and decided once we'd get to Georgia (which was where our next duty station was, and where we were going at the end of Dec) I'd take charge 110% NO excuses. My husband decided he didn't want to risk it though and eventually ended up calling me "lazy" and a "fat '*****'" He pretty much gave me the same reason for cheating on me, too.

    I feel pretty low. The one person who was supposed to love me for who I am, in SICKness and in health turned their back on me. Although I could understand if I had gone to GA and not made ONE OUNCE of change, I was dedicated to making a difference. It makes me sad, honestly. There had been times before I told him I would lose it and didn't (You know how that goes) and he eventually told me he didn't believe me when I told him I'd lose it when we got to GA. I know for some people that makes them want to "prove them wrong" but for me, it's so disheartening.

    I'm trying to keep my head up though. I'm only twenty. I'm young. I have a lot of life ahead of me. And, I'm happy to say, I'm going to be back on here a lot more. I won a Wii recently and Just Dance 3 and that's a whole lot of work out! Plus, I recently got a job at a Daycare which requires none stop movement. I've lost quite a bit of weight so far, but I'm looking to really push myself now. I want my ex to feel like a stupid fool when I see him at his sisters wedding in September. Today I'm tracking my food to see what my eating habits are like and what I need to change. (I never give up food, I just cut back)

    I'm pretty excited to be back on here. :)
    You do not need him at all, you're strong and beautiful and it sounds like all he ever did was bring you down. If he loved you, he wouldn't have done that because knowing it was hurting you would've been enough to stop and make him think. My ex is like yours, he never called me out about my weight(I suffer with anorexia)but he did about my looks in terms of my face and skin tone. When I met him I was in recovery again and doing really well but almost as soon as we started a relationship, I relapsed from his comments. He constantly told me I wasn't strong enough to fully recover and I got scared and just fell back. He told me I didn't need to eat much, 700 calories was enough for me, I suffer with anorexia but I have always more or less eaten, it was always just fruit and vegetables but way more than 700 calories. It hurt so much and till recently I was still confused because I believed I was consuming too much.
    Mark cheated on me too, I do blame myself, he blamed me too. He said it wasn't based on my looks but that doesn't make sense to me. He's the reason I was triggered into a really tough relapse and as much as I love him I would never be with him again in a million years, not because I hate him, I don't, I can't, but just because my health is more important than him, I have to think about what I need and I don't need triggering people like him in my life.
    Basically what I'm trying to say is, none of what you were put through was your fault, it was his and his alone. If you want to sort out your health, it has to be for you and not him because otherwise it could be easy to spirral back into where you were. Do this for you because you are worth it xxx
  • AliciaStaton
    AliciaStaton Posts: 328 Member
    You are better off without him. My husband have been very supportive and have never made me feel crap. Lose the weight for you girl, he doesn't matter. What matters is the rest of your life and what YOU want out of life. :wink:
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
    Cheaters are cheaters. He was just looking for an excuse to leave. Since he married you when you were heavy, he can't use that as an excuse. Even if you get to 110 pounds, he would still cheat. Some people are just like that. Consider yourself lucky to be rid of THAT extra baggage! Good luck!:flowerforyou:
  • WhatAgirl_
    WhatAgirl_ Posts: 151 Member
    WOW WHAT F****** DUMB *kitten*..... this really pissed me off... I feel for you. God protect us from these type of ignorant men, usesless males. not MEN. anyways! I can honestly tell you 1) You are very beautiful. 2) You are very young 3) You can do it. 78 pounds is not tht much and with dedication you will lose it before you know it. We are always here to support you. that *kitten* ( your ex) can also be a motivation tool too. You can do it!!!!!!!! I am excited for you :smile:
  • liftingheavy
    liftingheavy Posts: 551 Member
    Welcome back to MFP! I am so sorry about your hubby leaving, and being so insensitive. You will eventually figure out that you are better off without him, but it still stings.

    He probaby had other issues. He married you at 200lbs, so I think he wanted an excuse to cheat and/or leave and used weight, making you feel worse in the process.
  • christina_theresa
    christina_theresa Posts: 290 Member
    He is clearly the one with the problem! I am rooting for you! :flowerforyou:
  • msflex
    msflex Posts: 2
    They become insecure when they see our quest for fitness ISN'T about them anymore, but about US!
  • DataBased
    DataBased Posts: 513 Member
    Thanks girls! I definitely will be doing so! For saying he's in the army, he's getting close to being kicked because HE'S gaining weight...! Karma!!!

    I'm really excited though. It's not just about being healthy anymore. It's about being a gorgeous AND healthy woman!
    Amen! I am rarey a vindictive person, but I'll make an exception in this jerk's case... in my opinion, the best medicine for you is to get healthy and let the world see how happy you are. Let him stew in his own karmic juices.

    You go girl!
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
    Sounds to me like you lost the most damaging 170 lbs you could possibly loose. (just guessing a weight for him). What a great start in a journey to rebuild yourself, love yourself and then find some one who will love the real you!
  • autumnk921
    autumnk921 Posts: 1,374 Member
    I bet once you lose the weight & have a more confident attitude he will be chasing you to get you back...That is the best revenge b/c when he is begging for you to come back....Tell him to F#*@ OFF!!! That will be the best feeling ever....Been there/done that!!

    Best of luck...You can do this & you deserve WAY BETTER than him....That is for sure!!

    :heart: A
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
    My fiance and I started dating at my highest, but he has told me there is a limit and he was unsure if he could still be attracted to me at a higher weight. For that reason I understand where your hubby was coming from. sexual attraction is a huge part of a marriage, just as important as an emotional connection and respect of one another. That is where he loses me, respect and support build a marriage and he seems to not have either to spare for you. Doing this for you should be motivation enough and finding someone who cares for you no matter what after first loving who you are should be your goal. Good Luck!

    I would be a little wary here. Do you want a "qualification" hanging over your head? If someone really loves you, they wouldn't give you a qualification for acceptance. Instead, IF you got heavier, they would THEN offer their support in helping you get to your goal. Just don't feel like you have to settle for something (or somebody) less because you happen to be over weight. Sometimes these qualifications later serve as an excuse for verbal and emotional abuse. Please just keep this in mind before 100% committing yourself. If you have a doubt, get out.
  • solarpower03
    solarpower03 Posts: 12,161 Member
    Men! ARGH! My ex husband took a video of me walking in front of him, then showed it to me and said 'And you wonder why I don't find you attractive?'

    I would have said- this is the bit I like and I don't want you to lose this but lose weights from other parts! Now this would have made your job even more difficult!
    On a related note, making video to tell this is quite weird.
  • kobiemom
    kobiemom Posts: 218 Member
    One day, you'll look back and thank him for the wonderful gift of freedom from his total B.S. I remember reading a tabloid at the dentist's office one day. There was a story about the fattest woman in history - over 1,000 lbs. Her husband was so concerned that he got Richard Simmons to help her. He was committed to her and to getting help for her. The next stories were about Halle Berry and Christie Brinkley who's husbands cheated on them and left them. Both women made excuses for the guys. Either he's in or he's out. The excuses don't make any difference. It all comes down to maturity and commitment. Don't forget - the best revenge is to live a good life. Be the best you can be - for YOU!! Good luck, Sweetie!
  • Divagettinfitin2011
    Divagettinfitin2011 Posts: 500 Member
    It's his loss!! Good luck on your journey!
  • kikilareggae
    kikilareggae Posts: 289 Member
    You're right, he WILL feel/look like a fool! Cuz you WILL lose weight, it's only a matter of time and willpower! He obviously has some issues he needs to work out in himself cuz he was LOOKING for a reason, any reason, to cheat I think. In my opinion it would've happened sooner or later, regardless of your weight. This may be a blessing in disguise for you and you may have just dodged a bullet w/this guy! I have quite a few women friends whose spouses have blamed them for cheating and the reasons for cheating are ALL over the board. Keep you're chin up and truly come to KNOW you deserve to love and be loved UNCONDITIONALLY, in return! :)
  • TheAnie
    TheAnie Posts: 180 Member
    Lose the weight and mail him a picture of your new sexier body. Let your hating ex make you stronger and more determined to do this for YOU. Cause it sure sounds like you are off better than you were with him. Anyone who can treat you so poorly doesn't deserve you.
  • Monti_e_lmt
    Monti_e_lmt Posts: 189 Member
    what a d-bag! You are gorgeous hun you remind me of a pin up girl from the '40s. I have a similar motivation to yours, I too want to lose a ton of weight and bump into my ex and see his eyes pop out! You can do it! :drinker:
  • sebbysmommy
    sebbysmommy Posts: 63 Member
    As a fellow military wife..WHAT A ****ING JERK. First of all, he moved you to the other side of the WORLD, and didn't expect you to gain weight? You have no friends, are in a foreign country, and on top of that you're life is extremely stressful. It's not like the other wives are "friendly" either. lol. Everyone gains weight when you get married, it's a level of comfort!

    You're doing great, and if you need any support feel free to add me. I gained about 60 pounds when I got married, and I'm on the journey to losing it. This website is helping me a lot! So chin up girl, he's a douche anyways.
    Another military wife here and I agree 100%. I gained 50lbs since marrying my husband (had 5 of his children) and he still tries to jump my bones constantly. I know I am not as attractive as I was way back when but he never lets on and is supportive of my healthier lifestyle now. Feel free to add me if you like I have kissed my share of toads along the way to finding the right man!
  • raevynn
    raevynn Posts: 666 Member
    Take your ex-spouse's weight....



    ..... and THAT'S how much "ugly fat" you've lost!!

    My first spouse was a jerk, too. I dumped him to the curb - 300lbs of ugly fat gone!! - and now I'm in a much better place in my life!!
  • tiffani79
    tiffani79 Posts: 13
    Girl, I would've burned some calories kickin his *kitten*! Grrr! That pisses me off... I wish you all the best and all the happiness you deserve. His loss and your gain!
  • palmerig88
    palmerig88 Posts: 623 Member
    There are no words. I'm deeply sorry this happened to you.
  • gracienkaidens_momma
    gracienkaidens_momma Posts: 379 Member
    I'm really sorry you are going through this. You have made AWESOME progress though! You have done so well for yourself and winning a Wii and Just Dance 3 is awesome! I have Just Dance 2 and I love it! I might dig it out and play later lol. Keep it up. He will feel stupid when he sees you all thin and fit at his sister's wedding in September. he will regret leaving you, but it will be too late! Hopefully you find someone who loves you for who you are on the inside. God Bless!
  • EversBeautiful
    EversBeautiful Posts: 33
    I had an ex husband who was the opposite he wanted me to gain weight! I refused and he started cheating on me, I left him I wasn't going to risk my health to please him. Long story short he got kicked out because of his weight.
  • Deutsche1999
    Deutsche1999 Posts: 10
    Girl... be glad to be rid of him ... he is no good for you and your self esteem. When somebody loves you they don't bring you down, they lift you up, encourage all that you do and if you fail they applaud your effort. He is not worth your breath and congrats on your accomplishments. Please do me a favor .. lose this weight for you and your health, not to get back at him in September
    KEEP DOING GREAT
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