ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???

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Replies

  • elishabeish
    elishabeish Posts: 175 Member
    JERK!! For him to say I need you to look your best is insulting as if she doesn't know how to dress when at certain events. I think my man would have been walking around looking like a raccoon because he would have been popped for saying some ish like that

    ^^This^^ Most def!!!!:explode:
  • stablesong
    stablesong Posts: 224
    If you say this to your girlfriend, she is fully allowed to not speak to you OR attend the event.
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
    This just cracks me up. I guess having been with my DH for 15 years I have a different take on this. I tend to DRESS DOWN on the weekends and for events because I do DRESS UP during the week. It is not uncommon for him to ask me to wear something nicer and I don't get offended. He always tells me he likes it when as he puts it I get "duded up!" On the flip side, knowing my parents like to dress up for things he'll ask me what he should wear to an event so we don't stick out. I always error on the side of being over dressed!

    That said, your delivery may have left a lot to be desired. I would have suggested you say "Honey I want you to dress to the 9's for this event so I can show you off and make all the other men jealous!" And then at another opportunity told her BTW my ex will be there and left it at that.
  • cressievargo
    cressievargo Posts: 392 Member
    I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.
    Why do you feel the need to impress his ex at all? Who cares what her first impression is? And thinking of yourself as an "upgrade", that's just vulgar.

    This. Are you that insecure? Grow up.
  • coe28
    coe28 Posts: 715 Member
    Honestly I didn't read more than the first 5 replies so excuse me if I'm repeating what anyone else says. But this "man" is obviously trying to make his ex jealous. Very mature. I say "JERK".
  • Mera_Mera
    Mera_Mera Posts: 153
    A total jerk. I tell him to sit on a broom stick and rotate and let the ex-girlfriend see him do it. Just my opinion.
  • lau444
    lau444 Posts: 120 Member
    Obviously his ex still has a hold on him. Unless you are some grossly upkept person (which I'm sure you're not), his comment was completely insulting. You obviously agree, because you felt the need to pose the question here. Don't doubt your instincts.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    I would be highly offended. And plus why do you care about how your ex-gf is going to look.
  • Tara1090
    Tara1090 Posts: 199 Member
    Its one thing for your BF to ask you to dress up, as often I personally prefer a pair of skinny jeans, T-shirt and flats. BUT, its another for him to ask you to dress up because he wants to impress his ex. I am sorry to say but that is an A-HOLE move on his part, and totally disrespectful!
  • alexbusnello
    alexbusnello Posts: 1,010 Member
    WOW, how rude! And why is he even thinking about his ex and how you need to be dressed up better? Who cares! I'd be more concerned about why he's worrying about his ex now.....

    Sure, i talk about mine from time to time with my boyfriend but it's NEVER good things. i don't mean to talk about him but sometimes it comes up. But I'd never tell my boyfriend to be or look a certain way if i knew my ex was going to be somewhere were me and my boyfriend are going to be. Who cares! I'm happy, his loss, end of story.
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
    "I need you to look your best" is an insult. It's all about you.

    "I better warn you that my ex" [facial expression of slight disgust] "will probably be there. She always goes. Dressed to the nines." [Roll the eyes.] is a warning, and very welcome.

    ^^^^this
  • ChrisIn757
    ChrisIn757 Posts: 159 Member
    Jerk. What you should say is something like "we're going to this event and I just want to forewarn you that my ex girlfriend may be there. I want you to know in case she comes up to us and starts talking."

    Your relationship with your ex is over, or should be. Does it really matter what she thinks or who looks hotter?

    this ^^^
  • karmaticgeek
    karmaticgeek Posts: 108
    Urge to kill rising.
  • monipie
    monipie Posts: 280 Member
    Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????


    maybe you could word it this way, "make sure you wear something super hot and a little slutty so she can be super jealous of how hot you are." bahahahaa! i would give my husband a high five if he said that to me!

    And Monipie, that is why we are friends (OK, and two other big reasons!! haha) But you and I think the exact same. The next question would be, should I wear panties or go without??

    haha! hmmm. go with and then take them off later ;)<3 you tink!
  • Pancake86
    Pancake86 Posts: 94
    Well its both, an insult but also a great heads-up! It is one of them things, he should of said oh my ex will be there, as surely that is enough for us women to be like great ill make sure i look extra hot! I would be pissed if he hadn't told me his ex was going to be there and i didn't make much effort. I just think its his way of giving you the heads up and also wanting to show you off to the max!
  • Elizadolots
    Elizadolots Posts: 178
    I'd be mad if he knew she was going to be there all dressed up and he didn't warn me!!
  • abigailV91
    abigailV91 Posts: 14 Member
    I think he's kind of being a jerk. If you're with him it shouldn't matter who else will be there. And he should know that you always look your best.....
  • sipseyab
    sipseyab Posts: 56 Member
    I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.

    Wow, seriously? You would care that much about what his ex thinks of how you look?
  • Dawn3218
    Dawn3218 Posts: 80
    It amazes me how much some women over think things.




    Please don't tar us all with the same brush - some of us aren't as sensitive as others!! He could have worded it better - but he shouldnt be hung, drawn and quartered for it.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????


    maybe you could word it this way, "make sure you wear something super hot and a little slutty so she can be super jealous of how hot you are." bahahahaa! i would give my husband a high five if he said that to me!

    And Monipie, that is why we are friends (OK, and two other big reasons!! haha) But you and I think the exact same. The next question would be, should I wear panties or go without??

    I've seen you two posting quite a bit, and you are both very awesome...

    So many people think there is something wrong with a woman wanting to please her SO like it's being submissive and anti-feminist...
  • kimber53171
    kimber53171 Posts: 16
    I agree he sounds like a jerk. It might not have been his intent. Heaven knows men never say things the right way because they only think 3 minutes ahead of right now, but I would have been offended.
  • Susan1548
    Susan1548 Posts: 8
    Are you kidding me?! If that 'suggestion' from your boyfriend doesn't show you what an idiot he is nothing will. Do you really want to continue dating someone who thinks so little of your feelings?
  • arkansascountrygirl
    arkansascountrygirl Posts: 234 Member
    he would defintely be a Jerk!! I
  • ItsMeRebekah
    ItsMeRebekah Posts: 909 Member
    didnt read all the replies but.. how it was said yea it was suckie.
    BUT that being said, i dont care what anybody says, women will try and look their HOTTEST if they know an ex will be at an event... he just said it, instead of letting you do it on your own.
  • ♥ChUbByCoyLe♥
    ♥ChUbByCoyLe♥ Posts: 267 Member
    Sounds like he's not over the EX??
  • w2bab
    w2bab Posts: 353 Member
    Makes me kind of wonder how your SO would feel if he saw this thread. Or how you would feel if you made a questionable comment and your SO posted it on a forum to ask whether you were being considerate or being a b*tch, and he got a dozen pages of responses. . . .

    I'm pretty sure my husband would think I was being insensitive.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,644 Member
    I would let him know that am sure the ex will appreciate seeing him alone, since i would not be attending with him...
  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member


    So many people think there is something wrong with a woman wanting to please her SO like it's being submissive and anti-feminist...

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to please one's SO. I dress up for my hubby as much as I do it for myself. I love knowing that he thinks I'm the most beautiful women in any room we are in and that he is proud to claim me as his when another man checks me out.

    But, I do it b/c *I* want to - not because he tells me he needs me to do it so that some other women will take notice. There is a big difference.
  • kimber53171
    kimber53171 Posts: 16
    And I have to exclude my own husband from my statement because he wisely told me when we were dating that I was the most attractive person he'd ever dated. Who could say if that is true? I've seen some, but not all. He gets points for trying.lol
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member


    So many people think there is something wrong with a woman wanting to please her SO like it's being submissive and anti-feminist...

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to please one's SO. I dress up for my hubby as much as I do it for myself. I love knowing that he thinks I'm the most beautiful women in any room we are in and that he is proud to claim me as his when another man checks me out.

    But, I do it b/c *I* want to - not because he tells me he needs me to do it so that some other women will take notice. There is a big difference.

    My comment wasn't in relation to the main subject of the thread.
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