ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???

Options
1…1415171920…26

Replies

  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
    Options
    If it's an event that people don't normally dress up for, why would I dress up for it just because my boyfriends ex is going to? That's just stupid...
  • OnMyWeigh464
    OnMyWeigh464 Posts: 447 Member
    Options
    I've been with my husband since I was 16, he was 17. We've been together for 19 years now, married 14.. He never had any girlfriends before me so thankfully I don't have to contend with any exes however if he ever said this to me saying that "other women" will be dressed up blah blah...I would have his bags packed. No ifs, ands or buts. No counselling needed. No apology would EVER take those harsh words back. Ever.
  • MissAlexxMarie
    MissAlexxMarie Posts: 171
    Options
    That's just insulting! Not even being just a flat out jerk!
  • Fitfaery
    Fitfaery Posts: 68 Member
    Options
    Ok, here is my opinion.
    I wouldn't take it harsh or wrong. This is why...if I were to run into my ex I would really want my husband to look his best to put it in my ex's face that I am so much better off without him. I would want him to see my amazing husband for all that he is and to see that I am so happy and have an amazing man. I don't think he is saying you are very little or horrible in any means. I think of it just as when I have company over I want my house to look great. I clean it and make sure it is picked up. I think for him it is a similar thing. He is not embarassed of you, he wants to show you off in the finest! And think we women are very very judgmental of each other especially when it comes to ex's. He doesn't want you going into the event thinking it is casual, coming out in the end knowing she was there and you feeling like crap because you should have known ahead of time to get sexy and show that woman why YOU are who he chose! If that were the case you would feel worse about yourself than you feel now wondering his intentions. Maybe you should just ask him what his intentions were with an open heart and open mind and hear him out. I bet he just wants to show her whats up and how he is so much better off with you!

    ^^^^ this too x
  • love2cycle
    love2cycle Posts: 448 Member
    Options
    I think it was a little jerky, though maybe with good intentions. If I had been him, I might have just said that it was an event that required extra special care in dress, and forget the comment about the ex-girlfriend.
  • RachelsReboot
    RachelsReboot Posts: 569 Member
    Options

    flip side - you guys go, he says "oh look that's my ex".

    You exclaim - "oh wow wish i would have known I would have wore something else"

    he replies - "I knew she'd be here, she always comes"

    you turn and say - "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SHE'D BE HERE?!?"

    ......... perhaps he should have worded it differently, but he was trying to help you. He should have stopped at "My ex always attends this event so we might run into her" and leave it up to you to decide what to do with that information.

    That's what I said!
  • OnMyWeigh464
    OnMyWeigh464 Posts: 447 Member
    Options
    I think if it was worded differently, then maybe it could be considered as "I want to show you off" but if it wasn't clearly obvious that this is what my husband meant, then yes I would take offense to it.
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 888 Member
    Options
    I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.

    Wow, seriously? You would care that much about what his ex thinks of how you look?

    Because I admit that I am human, I know how women are and the first thing most women are going to do is run back to her "friends" and say I saw his new girl...now do you want her to say that "she's really pretty, and had this super cute dress on" blah blah blah or "you should have seen her, shorts, t-shirt, hair in pony tail"

    In reading the OP I imagined the situation to be one like this.

    Spring music festival.
    Normally I would wear shorts or capris, a comfortable t-shirt and tennis shoes (I know i am going to be walking) I am dressed for comfort
    but if I knew I was going to be meeting someone who my BF knows, I want to make a good impression so I opt for
    Cute dress, sweater, sandals.

    What is the big deal? Why does that have to make me insecure (another post) that I think that way? I'm not insecure at all that's why I wouldn't be bothered by what he said. No psychotic episode here because a man puts his foot in his mouth, I get it.

    Rachel, you are so right! The ex would go to her friends and say, I saw "Bob's" new gilrfriend....she doesn't look that special!! I want the ex to think, WOW...he got a hottie!!!! I hate her! LOL!
  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
    Options
    If it's an event that people don't normally dress up for, why would I dress up for it just because my boyfriends ex is going to? That's just stupid...

    totally agree!
  • just4peachy
    just4peachy Posts: 594 Member
    Options
    Have the current and the ex met before? If there's already some underlying tension/competition/whatever then I'd consider the "heads up" was perfectly acceptable. Is it that he wanted everyone else (not just the ex) in attendance to see how far he's upgraded? Or is it that he was trying to be considerate but sucks at words?

    My guy has an ex that I'm fairly competetive with (she & I are hang-out-without-him-friendly, it's just our personalities to be competitive) and I'd want to know if she was going to be somewhere in heels and a skirt before I showed up in jeans.
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 888 Member
    Options
    Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????


    maybe you could word it this way, "make sure you wear something super hot and a little slutty so she can be super jealous of how hot you are." bahahahaa! i would give my husband a high five if he said that to me!

    And Monipie, that is why we are friends (OK, and two other big reasons!! haha) But you and I think the exact same. The next question would be, should I wear panties or go without??

    I've seen you two posting quite a bit, and you are both very awesome...

    So many people think there is something wrong with a woman wanting to please her SO like it's being submissive and anti-feminist...

    Ya, there are a few of us that are easy going like that!! :wink:
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
    Options
    I've been with my husband since I was 16, he was 17. We've been together for 19 years now, married 14.. He never had any girlfriends before me so thankfully I don't have to contend with any exes however if he ever said this to me saying that "other women" will be dressed up blah blah...I would have his bags packed. No ifs, ands or buts. No counselling needed. No apology would EVER take those harsh words back. Ever.

    you would leave your husband of 14 years because he told you that he wanted you to look nice?
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
    Options
    Sorry but I am not competing for my boyfriend's attention. If he wants to be with me then he will be with me. I'm not going to have some lame competition of who can dress up the best at some event with his ex girlfriend. Why would I? That's his EX girlfriend. I'm the new girlfriend. There is no competition.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Options
    I think it's pretty much unanimous that the 'heads up' was OK!!!!! It was his delivery that was disrespectful. As a man AND Av 'gentlemen' I would hope that you would learn from this faux pas and make communication a priority in your relationship.
  • Maude_Lewbowski
    Maude_Lewbowski Posts: 395 Member
    Options
    This thread is driving me to drink. I am so glad I am single!
  • LindaCWy
    LindaCWy Posts: 463 Member
    Options
    Alls you gotta say is "I hear soandso is going...this should be akward". Minute I hear that, I plan a hot *kitten* outfit.

    I wouldn't say hes being a gentleman, but it's not THAT big of a deal.
  • wvtracyann
    wvtracyann Posts: 106 Member
    Options
    I think that it may have come out insulting but that wasn't how he ment for you to take it. I know that if my boyfriends ex was goign to be there all dressed up I would want to know. Plus if you didn't know what to wear you will have it slimed down to a few things now. I think that he just wants to show you off he is proud of what he has and maybe even wants to make her jealous
  • love2cycle
    love2cycle Posts: 448 Member
    Options
    I've been with my husband since I was 16, he was 17. We've been together for 19 years now, married 14.. He never had any girlfriends before me so thankfully I don't have to contend with any exes however if he ever said this to me saying that "other women" will be dressed up blah blah...I would have his bags packed. No ifs, ands or buts. No counselling needed. No apology would EVER take those harsh words back. Ever.

    you would leave your husband of 14 years because he told you that he wanted you to look nice?

    I agree, that does seem extreme! My husband and I have been married for almost 30 years, and started dating when we were 16. There have been some dumb comments made on both sides, but that's not who we are all of the time.:love:
  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
    Options
    Alls you gotta say is "I hear soandso is going...this should be akward". Minute I hear that, I plan a hot *kitten* outfit.


    This. Exactly this. lol That's the only reason why the "I need you to do this" part would bother me (personally) - b/c my husband should already know that I'm already planning the outfit as soon as I find out info like that!
  • SaketoKim
    SaketoKim Posts: 254 Member
    Options
    The part about your ex could have been left out of your statement all together.. and who cares if she isn't dressed better than your ex. The fact that you are concernded about it... is the issue... dump time.

Categories