He Called me Stupid..is it Emotional abuse?

Let me tell you a story about a woman who wasn't sure if she was being abused or not. She was my next door neighbor when we lived in AZ. Her and her DH had 2 kids together - ages 3 and 2. He also had a 7yo who would stay with them during the summer. More than a few times I'd have to close the window next to my desk (faced their house) because they would be swearing at each other. She excused and justified it because she yelled and called him names too. He'd grab her arm and she excused it saying he was trying to stop her from leaving so they could talk. He'd "playfully" slap her which all too often got out of hand and she ended up with bruises. She excused it because he apologized and said he was only playing.

One summer night they went to a party in the court across the street. She was talking with the husband of one of the neighbors. Her husband didn't like that, got jealous, and they started arguing. They went home to avoid fighting at the party. It was already late and the party broke up soon afterwards. At some point their argument turned violent. He hit her, punched her, kicked her, and when she was laying on the floor he stomped on her head while wearing steel toed boots. She was a bloody, barely alive, incoherent, semi-conscious mess.

He got the 3 kids into the car then got her into the car and drove several hundred miles into CA. He told the kids not to talk to her. She'd occasionally babble but it wasn't really words. At one point he had to stop so the 7yo could use the restroom and he could get gas. The son went into the gas station and told the clerk that his mom was hurt really bad. The clerk took one look out the window into the car and called 911. The police arrived before he could leave and arrested him. She was air lifted to a hospital in CA. She died 2 weeks later.

Do not ever excuse name calling and belittling. Playing around is fun for both people and never causes real pain. Otherwise it's sadistic.

My husband and I will celebrate our 19th anniversary next month. We've been together for 22 years. We've had arguments but neither of us has ever put down the other, belittled them, insulted them, or tried to verbally hurt them. Neither of us have ever laid a hand on the other in anger. Neither of us has ever belittled the other to the kids. If any of those had ever happened I wouldn't stick around and make excuses for him. I'm worth more than that. So are you. So is everyone.

The point is, there were big red flags before we were married, but I didn't heed them. Things escalated after we were married to the point of violence and fear. Whatever you are suffering now will likely be much bigger if you marry him. He might just be a jerk, but keep in mind that I went through what you are going through, and he turned out to be so much more than a mere jerk.

Please be careful around this guy. Take care.

This is what I'm scared about. I get pushed around a lot by my boyfriend, small things that don't hurt like slaps and pinches. Once in a while he covers my mouth so I can't breathe. And it's all done in a joking way (most of the time). But I get worried about this-what if it gets worse later, once I'm much more committed? Thanks for sharing your experience.

That I fear too, We were engaged and due to all this stress and me feeling awkward I told him no more wedding ..that we needed to get to know eachother more. Thanks to the ladies that have shared their stories with me privately ..I know see just how ugly it could get .

If you have to ask, you know it is.

Calling you stupid isn't abuse. It might be obnoxious, but not abuse.
Screwing with you in front of his kids is setting a really bad example for his daughters but not abuse.

That is too much of a blanket statement. Sure, being called "stupid" when you're in the middle of an argument every so often may not be abuse, but that isn't what the OP is describing here. She is describing being called "stupid" and being both verbally and physically degraded on a regular basis, which is abuse.

The hitting depends on how hard.

Huh? I can't believe I just read this. Sorry, but this is exactly how some women end up dead. "He hit me, but not THAT hard." They keep using that and other excuses for the guy until they're dead or have been seriously harmed. Are people supposed to sit and evaluate how hard they've been hit on a scale of 1 to 10 before they determine whether or not being hit was acceptable? No. He had no business putting his hands on her in the first place. It's abuse plain and simple. It may not be the worst case of abuse you've ever heard of, but that does not mean that it isn't abuse. Additionally, situations like this escalate more often than not.