Fit Men / Un-fit Women

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  • MFPAddict
    MFPAddict Posts: 2,303 Member
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    Nobody ever says "I'm looking for a couch potato...ya know, a real slummer!"

    Seriously, who has room for two couches in their house? :noway:
    You haven't seen my friend's house :laugh:

    In my house, I have room for one and I'm not sharing! :grumble:
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    I guess I'm in the minority in that I've seen more fat men with fit women than the other way around... probably because men tend to have better self-esteem in general:
    men-vs-women-mirror-jokes.jpg

    Regardless, though, does it really matter? You have your own preferences, other people have their's.

    On that note, I was content being with a fat man when I was morbidly obese but, after working very hard to get fit and healthy, his lack of willingness to even put in a token effort at being physically active was definitely a challenge to deal with. We're not together anymore, and I will admit that going forward finding someone physically active will be a "must have" item for me, but it doesn't matter if he's ripped or chubby, as long as he's active.
  • ChasingSweatandTears
    ChasingSweatandTears Posts: 504 Member
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    I think your statements could go both ways Fit Women/ Un-fit Men as well.

    Yup works both ways. I have wondered this before myself really.

    I knew I couldn't be the only one. Both ways, I agree with. So I'm average, 199lbs now but lead a very active lifestyle; strength, cardio, kayaking and survival camping, tactical combat simulation and more. I'm not looking for someone into the same things as I am but I work out several days a week and so should you. I need a little help learning to cook more efficiently so I would be looking for someone in that department. More or less, why aren't people interested in individuals that will provide a level of competitiveness in a relationship rather than someone, who by most accounts, is performing at a much higher, or lower, level?

    My husband and I are both very health conscious. We both let ourselves go a little, but it's definitely easier getting back to where we want to be while supporting each other. I do wish he'd pick up a weight every now and then because it'd be more fun to lift with him, but if he doesn't want to, that's his perogative. As long as he cares about his health and eats what I cook I'm happy lol. That being said there is a huge difference between support and competition in a relationship. I have no desire to be in a relationship where ANYTHING is a contest. Blech. I can't understand that thinking. Equal play partner yes, survival of the fittest, no thank you.
  • mrsnathanandrew
    mrsnathanandrew Posts: 631 Member
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    OHH OHH, I can actually answer this!

    I've always been out of shape, even at 15 when I started dating my now fiance who has always been big into lifting weights, and body building (he was 18 when we starting dating). I know when I got to my biggest at 260 lbs and I was still with him, and he still had that whole 6 pack, big muscles thing going on I was ashamed that he looked so amazing, and I looked like crap. I definitely felt like he deserved better. With that being said, I didn't go into the relationship thinking "Oh my guy has to look like this" or anything, I actually thought the whole big muscles thing was gross (complete opposite now!) It was more of a, I saw him walk into a building, thought he was the most attractive guy I had ever seen (from his face), realized I knew his mom, made it a point to get introduced, flirted all day with him, and ended up finding the guy I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I think that women that are over weight that are trying to find guys like that, see how they themselves look, and realize they don't want someone that looks like them, they want some one fit.

    Now we've been together for going on 8 years, he's still incredibly built, and I'm working my way towards it, but I can tell you I didn't stay with him because of how he looked, I stayed with him because I love him with all my heart. His muscles are just a bonus :)
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,806 Member
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    Also, these forums at least are mostly women. That's all I think he meant.
  • bby12
    bby12 Posts: 4
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    nae
    disagree my hunny is a good 220lbs & i WAS a good 125 wen we got together! people (his friends& family) would say i was using him because they couldnt believe i was wit him for him & hes 10yrs older then me. now im around 155 but thats baby fat from having our son lol
    i could care less if u have a six pack as long as u treat me like a princess and respect me my heart is urs. <3
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    Women are the gatekeepers. Nature states that only the fittest men get to procreate. This is true in our society as well. Women tend to have a very strict guideline on their own appearance and that carries over with what they consider acceptable for a mate moreso than men do. One only needs to take a walk at a public place to verify that.

    For the most part when you see two people together, their body types tend to be similar if not identical. Fit men with fit women. Normal men with normal women. Fat men with fat women.

    Sometimes you'll notice a fit person with a fat other. Nine times out of ten its a fit man with a fat woman. This could be because she had his babies and that happens when you have babies. However, it is very odd to see a fit woman with a fat man. In fact in my entire life i've seen it all of three times and all three times it turned a lot of heads.

    However regardless... these instances are rare as again you typically see fit people together. Its rare period to see a fit person with someone who is not fit out in public, at least in my own experience

    Well said, although I have noticed the uneven pairing (in both gender arrangements) fairly often. But my experience doesn't qualify as a research study.

    I think that's just Phoenix, to be honest...because I've noticed it here too.

    When I lived in Northern Nevada, it was ALL heavy women with fit men (farm boy types). It's a standing joke up there that women put on weight at a young age to survive the cold lol. THEY are the ones that tell it. The more attractive women were usually single, or...well, strippers/prostitutes.

    And trust me, I'm not generalizing here. In a town of 12,000, with only a couple other towns near it...you pretty much know who is doing what.
  • Trail_Addict
    Trail_Addict Posts: 1,350 Member
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    Also, these forums at least are mostly women. That's all I think he meant.

    That's how I read it too. This place is HEAVILY dominated by women.
  • jillian769
    jillian769 Posts: 247 Member
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    Ugh... it's a total double standard. I've heard MORE fat men say, "I don't like fat girls" or "No fatties", etc. Don't believe me? Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bomkgXeDkE

    MOST of the time (but not always) men are much more demanding that their partner be physically attractive than women. Same goes for gay men. I have a gay friend who said looks for him is 90% of the relationship.

    You are so right!!! I see many many MANY more ugly out-of-shape dudes with beautiful women than the other way around. In fact most muscular super fit guys are with trophy wives/girlfriends, so I think this OP is wayyyy off!!!! Women are much more open to dating an unattractive male than the other way around. LOL
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
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    Ok, so this is something I've been thinking about for a very long time now. And since this is primarily a female site, I feel like it's appropriate to ask here. The question is simple yet the answer escapes me.

    Why is it that women, overweight women in general, set their preference in men to be strong and fit?

    I've seen comments to the effect of, "No six pack, no date" and my man has to have {insert muscle type here}. I bring this up because over the years, I've noticed women, really the entire population, have become bigger and lazier in keeping fit and taking care of themselves. I see a lot of it here but also when out with friends. Most of my friends are female but I would never ask them this.

    If men are doing all that they can do to stay healthy by strength training, cardio, diet and active hobbies, why is it that overweight women without an active lifestyle would think that a man like this would be interested in them?

    For the most part, I am one of these men. Having to forgive myself for the recent uptick in weight, I am blessed to have found MFP to bring myself back into the big picture and have had great success. Overweight women have been attracted to me all my life but I find no attraction to them so this affects me regularly. Without going into what I find attractive, hopefully I can finally figure out what's going on here.

    Please don't be offended by any of these statements or questions; they are intended for educational purposes only and should not be taken personally.
    If the question was "Why is it that men, overweight men in general, set their preference in women to be thin and fit?" Would you really wonder? Would it ever dawn on you or anyone to ever even pose that question? The answer is the same to both questions. I just doubt that anyone would even question some fat, dumpy guy who wanted to date a super model.
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
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    All I know is that if I'm going hiking and a woman can't keep up; there isn't any way she's going to have my babies. It's either balls to the walls healthy for both of us or no deal at all.
  • gracie2586
    gracie2586 Posts: 69 Member
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    Alright well I'm going to attempt to analyze myself for this cus I'm sorta one of those women. I have been so insecure about my weight for so long that i do not feel comfortable dating a man who is thinner, shorter, or who has smaller hands than me. For some reason it makes me feel manly. I like my men to be strong it doesn't make me feel as big if they can lift me and it makes me feel more feminine if i have to look up to his face or if i can fit securely in his arms without him having to struggle to get them around me. And that why i prefer bigger or strong fit men also i'm hoping some of his fit habits would rub off on me lol and I'd have a workout partner.
  • Lolli1986
    Lolli1986 Posts: 500 Member
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    ...same reason unfit men are attracted to fit, thin women?
  • BazAbroad
    BazAbroad Posts: 248
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    Eye candy is fine for a fling, a good time or even some bedroom sport, but long term, if you can not communicate with a partner, share interests, have a laugh, and find connections out of the bedroom, the relation ship is doomed.
    As a lady already mentioned, personality trumps everything.
    Looks can be what catches your eye but that's only a snap shot of now, not what the future holds.
  • Zara150
    Zara150 Posts: 53 Member
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    I wish men could give birth
  • DFWTT
    DFWTT Posts: 374
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    Ok, so this is something I've been thinking about for a very long time now. And since this is primarily a female site, I feel like it's appropriate to ask here. The question is simple yet the answer escapes me.

    Why is it that women, overweight women in general, set their preference in men to be strong and fit?

    I've seen comments to the effect of, "No six pack, no date" and my man has to have {insert muscle type here}. I bring this up because over the years, I've noticed women, really the entire population, have become bigger and lazier in keeping fit and taking care of themselves. I see a lot of it here but also when out with friends. Most of my friends are female but I would never ask them this.

    If men are doing all that they can do to stay healthy by strength training, cardio, diet and active hobbies, why is it that overweight women without an active lifestyle would think that a man like this would be interested in them?

    For the most part, I am one of these men. Having to forgive myself for the recent uptick in weight, I am blessed to have found MFP to bring myself back into the big picture and have had great success. Overweight women have been attracted to me all my life but I find no attraction to them so this affects me regularly. Without going into what I find attractive, hopefully I can finally figure out what's going on here.

    Please don't be offended by any of these statements or questions; they are intended for educational purposes only and should not be taken personally.
    If the question was "Why is it that men, overweight men in general, set their preference in women to be thin and fit?" Would you really wonder? Would it ever dawn on you or anyone to ever even pose that question? The answer is the same to both questions. I just doubt that anyone would even question some fat, dumpy guy who wanted to date a super model.

    No, I question this as well but it doesn't affect me directly so I focus less.
  • Nopedotjpeg
    Nopedotjpeg Posts: 1,806 Member
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    I wish men could give birth

    I don't. Looks like I win. :tongue:
  • carloc
    carloc Posts: 135 Member
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    In species like birds of paradise this is true. The Male bird goes to extreme lengths, plumage, coloration even building a court for the sole purpose of displaying himself to the females in the hope he is chosen to be the mate.

    Or, a male lion simple takes what he wants... He has to fight other males but the female has no choice once the battle has been won.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    In species like birds of paradise this is true. The Male bird goes to extreme lengths, plumage, coloration even building a court for the sole purpose of displaying himself to the females in the hope he is chosen to be the mate.

    Or, a male lion simple takes what he wants... He has to fight other males but the female has no choice once the battle has been won.

    No choice, and really could give a damn less lol.
  • DFWTT
    DFWTT Posts: 374
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    Eye candy is fine for a fling, a good time or even some bedroom sport, but long term, if you can not communicate with a partner, share interests, have a laugh, and find connections out of the bedroom, the relation ship is doomed.
    As a lady already mentioned, personality trumps everything.
    Looks can be what catches your eye but that's only a snap shot of now, not what the future holds.
    No. personality is a must and so I agree 100%. I am speaking more to initial attraction without knowing the person directly or minimal information based solely on a "this is what I want" scenario.

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