Does this constitute cheating to you?

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  • Darlingir
    Darlingir Posts: 437
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    I guess it all depends on where YOU set Your bar for being with a person of integrity and honor. It would more than a red flag for me...
  • karinefitness
    karinefitness Posts: 336 Member
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    At the moment - he's just watching porn. Just cos he's asking someone to do something doesn't mean anything else - however, if he's looking in your area sounds a bit dodgy to me.

    Exactly. It is not cheating to ME, but I guess it depends.
    Still, I'd be pissed... I'm not sure why or how I can explain this but paying some cam girls for shows is worse than watching random porn on the web, in my opinion. Maybe it's because there is interaction with those girls... I would be pissed... and then I'd be sad I guess.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    in my eyes, that would be cheating. Not so much the webcam part, though that would be upsetting and disturbing to me, but the searching for and messaging girls in your area seems shady.... You really need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him and tell him exactly how that made you feel and ask him how it would make him feel if roles were reversed, especially if you want to work things out.
  • karinefitness
    karinefitness Posts: 336 Member
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    ... And searching for 'escorts' in the area? Well, that would be too much for me I guess :/
    Maybe it's only on webcam for now but what's next?
  • madyncaden
    madyncaden Posts: 312 Member
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    i think it is cheating to some degree. my bigger concern would be what it could turn into. porn addiction is very real and has caused problems in marriages. i have a friend that her son started doing this, as people call it "innocent" but it became nothing but a HUGE problem. he began doing other things past the internet looking and he is now in some heavy counseling facility because of the other things that became involved. I know this is one case, but if it happened to him i believe it can happen to anyone. just some info, hope everything turns out for you. and just remember you are worth someone that only has eyes for you:) best wishes!!
  • Rhea30
    Rhea30 Posts: 625 Member
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    If it was just the webcams then might be okay but the whole combination of web cam and looking up women in your area would bother me since it seems he's trying to get on a more 'personal' level then just looking at normal porn. Also if he wasn't honest in the first place and never let you know he was watching that stuff how are you going to know when he is telling the truth that he hasn't been with an escort or anything? He could easily wipe that stuff on the computer. You have to have honesty in a relationship.
  • Tybalt71
    Tybalt71 Posts: 1,081 Member
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    Maybe the OP's BF is just looking for an opinion from the girlz on the webcam to discuss his personal private relationship to search for answers, he may have the same concerns as you and needs to vent-Ty just saying
  • buffybabe
    buffybabe Posts: 180 Member
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    I feel like you could be dating my ex...In all seriousness though, I caught my ex with the SAME exact stuff. That being said, he was super upset that he was caught and apologized and I forgave him. Then he cheated on me. I guess I feel like someone that breaks a trust in one way, will do it in another. He obviously has some sexual issues, and from my experience, it only gets worse. I'm sure it's really hard since he is your fiance and all, but trust is such a huge issue.
  • CharleneExtreme
    CharleneExtreme Posts: 372
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    Okay at first i found what he was doing disrespectful, yet slightly (very, very, VERY slightly) understandable because i falsely assumed he was compensating for you having a low sex drive. I wasn't even going to comment because i knew "men" and maybe some women would try and take his side. But the fact you've a higher sex drive than him - and yet he still did that, is downright disgusting. I say look at your username and do what it tells you; Run Rog, Run! You can do better - MUCH better. Get out of there before he does cheat. Or if you're a "Don't get angry, Get even" person, i suggest playing him at his own game and see how he likes it!!
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,352 Member
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    Apparently, I am the weirdo chick..........



    I would be pissed that he was spending money on it and I didn't get to watch it too. Porn is fun. Interactive porn is even MORE fun. It sounds like it bothers YOU though, and if it does, then it will cause major problems down the road. Either change the way you see it, or move on, but if you dislike it now, it will only bother you more and more............ You may wanna get some videos and some really sexy outfit and surprise him one night...... but try to actually enjoy it. When you watch, don't just see two people humping. Watch it and think about how it would feel for that to be you, or imagine doing that with her, or whatever. You may be surprised how much you like it if you give it a shot.........
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 888 Member
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    I would be upset too...especially if he has this at home (me) and I would do any of that stuff for him for free!

    When I talk to women whose husbands are addicted to porn (not just watching porn, but actually addicted to porn), most of the time, the first sign (before the women even know about the porn) is the lack of sexual interest in their partner. Weird....you would think it would boost their sex, but it has the opposite affect.

    Only you know what you should do. He probably needs counseling. I know that if it was my husband, I would stand by him to fix it. But I would make sure that he is better before I married him. It would be horrible to marry him only to find out he has been paying for escorts! And, I do not know how you can make sure that he isn't doing this without becoming an obsessed woman.

    I am truly sorry that this has happened!!!
  • feistyhorsegal
    feistyhorsegal Posts: 109 Member
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    haven't read all the other replies, but I wouldn't be tolerating this. Its not technically cheating, but its still not on. Tell him he stops or he's gone, thats what I'd do.
  • Nerple
    Nerple Posts: 1,291 Member
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    Set up your own site and him pay you?

    I like this sort of out of the box thinking!
  • tracygarrison
    tracygarrison Posts: 1 Member
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    Yes, it's betrayal. He's justifying to you that it's just "porn." I used to date a guy just like this. Then, when he started hooking up with other women, "it would never happen again." And.........it did...................Run away! Run away, fast!
  • babyblooeyes
    babyblooeyes Posts: 67 Member
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    In my opinion it is cheating or like someone else had said it will likely lead to it. My husband did this to me while I was pregnant with his son. I confronted him about it and he said it was all innocent (yah right). Well, suffice to say he also searched for women in our hometown and eventually was caught with his pants down so to speak. We ended up separating and soon after divorced because the trust just wasn't there any longer. I would consider therapy or just leaving the *kitten* because he has issues.
  • jsapninz
    jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
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    Ditch him.

    The guy has issues. It's not technically cheating but he is NOT someone I would want to be married to.

    Whenever you are in doubt ask: Is THIS the man I want to father my babies?!

    Thank the powers that be that you found this out BEFORE you married him, and then CUT THE CHAIN.
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
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    It doesn't matter if anyone considers it to be cheating. What matters is that you aren't comfortable about it and you see it as creating a problem in your relationship. Talk to your fiance about how upset this makes you. He'll either stop, or he won't.
  • CharleneExtreme
    CharleneExtreme Posts: 372
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    I feel like you could be dating my ex...In all seriousness though, I caught my ex with the SAME exact stuff. That being said, he was super upset that he was caught and apologized and I forgave him. Then he cheated on me. I guess I feel like someone that breaks a trust in one way, will do it in another. He obviously has some sexual issues, and from my experience, it only gets worse. I'm sure it's really hard since he is your fiance and all, but trust is such a huge issue.

    At least your ex apologised and felt guilty - when i confronted mine about sending filthy texts and then visiting the girl his reaction was "Thats just my friend Gemma*, I always try it on with her but she always turns me down." Charming right?! :-/
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    At the moment - he's just watching porn. Just cos he's asking someone to do something doesn't mean anything else - however, if he's looking in your area sounds a bit dodgy to me.

    Agree ^^ I have to wonder why he'd care where the girls were if he wasn't at least toying with the idea of taking it further than the internet.
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 888 Member
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    Apparently, I am the weirdo chick..........



    I would be pissed that he was spending money on it and I didn't get to watch it too. Porn is fun. Interactive porn is even MORE fun. It sounds like it bothers YOU though, and if it does, then it will cause major problems down the road. Either change the way you see it, or move on, but if you dislike it now, it will only bother you more and more............ You may wanna get some videos and some really sexy outfit and surprise him one night...... but try to actually enjoy it. When you watch, don't just see two people humping. Watch it and think about how it would feel for that to be you, or imagine doing that with her, or whatever. You may be surprised how much you like it if you give it a shot.........

    I think that she said she does not mind if he looks at porn, BUT, it is the web cam, women doing things for him, looking up locals escorts, his lack of sexual interest in her even though she has a higher sex drive. This is not just casual porn, this is a lot more than that.

    I think your advice about spicing things up is great, but what if your man is not interested in you (like she stated) and is more interested in the web cams and flirting with escorts....that is a whole different show there.

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