Ever asked the husband/wife/SO this question?
Replies
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Well, I wouldn't be attracted to him if he got too overweight, and not because I loved him less, but because in order for him to get that way, he would have to have a total lifestyle change for the worse. THAT would not be attractive, because he would not be taking care of himself that way, and I know he would feel the same way about me.
So we don't have to ask that question, because we both have very specific lifestyle goals that keep us the way we are, and changing those goals would be the big issue, not the resulting body changes.
^^^This!! the basis of the understanding we have
I hope you never sustain a horrific injury such as having your face disfigured in a fire. Being as your husband is in the AIRFORCE, would you still love him if he was horribly injured?
Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.0 -
I agree, and feel the same way. The OP's question wasn't about LOVE, it was about attraction. We can still love someone when they don't physically appeal to us, but physical attraction is important in a relationship.Well, I wouldn't be attracted to him if he got too overweight, and not because I loved him less, but because in order for him to get that way, he would have to have a total lifestyle change for the worse. THAT would not be attractive, because he would not be taking care of himself that way, and I know he would feel the same way about me.
So we don't have to ask that question, because we both have very specific lifestyle goals that keep us the way we are, and changing those goals would be the big issue, not the resulting body changes.
^^^This!! the basis of the understanding we have
I think most people would lie in response to the OP's question, or fall back to the "I'd still love you no matter how you look", but the truth is...we dont' always find that person attractive anymore when something about their appearance changes drastically.0 -
My hubby tells me that he doesn't care how much I weigh but he does care that I don't like myself and the way I look. he's more worried that my self-esteem issues will work their way onto our 12 year old daughter. I was overweight when we met but now i'm even bigger - his weight has gone up and down and up again in the 17 years we have been together but since he's tall it's not as noticeable - i'm only 5'5" so it shows a lot more on me. He gets mad at me for always saying i'm going to exercise more and eat better and then I don't - I'm a procrastinator and he doesn't like that at all. My ex husband told me he was divorcing me because I got fat. within the last few years I was diagnosed with Axial Spondyloarthritis so i'm in pain a lot of the time and then last December I developed 4 blood clots in my lungs that almost killed me. It made me realize that i'm wasting life on the couch & that he deserves better than that. Fortunately the clots had nothing to do with my weight & they are almost completely gone so i'm looking forward to the day when the doctors completely release me and I can get back to kickboxing to burn off some weight!1
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My husband has loved me from my smallest point to my biggest point. He has never let a day pass that he has not told me that I was beautiful. One of the ways I knew it was time to change, was when I could no longer accept the compliment without saying, "I am glad you think so." But, I am slowly working my way out of that stage. Since I committed to losing I feel better about myself, and even if my stubborn ticker does not show it, I have actually lost 6 lbs so far!0
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I have never asked because my husband has NEVER made me feel anything short of being the most beautiful person in any room. I hope I do the same for him.0
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My boyfriend always makes it known how attracted he is to me, even though not too long ago I was as heavy as 192 lbs.
He said to me on the phone the other day: "if you're happy, then I'm happy". He's the sweetest
I love these words. My boyfriend say it on a daily!!!0 -
I'm so very thankful for my husband and after reading some of these comments it makes me do much more thankful to have such a wonderful man in my life. My husband has always loved me just the way I am. I have known him since I was 11 years old. Never knew he had a crush on me until I was 23. He has seen me as a skinny teenager, overweight after having a child and had gone through a horrible relationship. When my husband and I started dating I was 170lbs.. I'm 5'7.. We had a son before we got married.. We both put on weight during this time. We were both overweight for our wedding.. More like obese most likely. Right after that I got pregnant with our daughter. I was huge with her. We tried several times to lose the weight and failed. Last summer my husband and I both lost 30lbs before our trip to Vegas with our friends. came home and fell off track as we got busy into house hunting, moving, and then the holidays. 3/16/12 we got the biggest scare of our lives as my husband had to be driven to the ER by his co-worker due to chest pains. This was it no more up and down on the weight roller coaster. We had to get healthy.. For ourselves, each other and our family. Through all this I'm so proud to say my husband and I have been so in love the entire time. I've never had to ask whether or not he thought I was sexy. The way he looks at me, comments he makes, playfully grabbing at my butt and boobs when he walks by, our sex life etc... Shows me what he thinks of me. When I'm upset about my weight.. He always let's me know he loves me the way I am but if it upsets me then do something about it. I've always found my husband extremely sexy no matter his weight. I fell in love with more than his physical appearance. He has an amazing sense of humor, he is very sweet and thoughtful and always makes me feel amazing. I feel sorry for those that get married based on physical appearance and who would divorce because of it. It shows how shallow you are and that you have no idea what true love is.0
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I didnt ask. He just straight told me. Said the sight of me naked (New Year's Day) made his **** soft.0
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You know, sometimes the truth hurts but sometimes that's what we need to wake us up. My HB has always been affectionate, but once I started losing weight, he really couldn't keep his hands off of me! He did tell me he is definitely more attracted to me now than before, which he should be! We have to remember that women are emotional, and men are visual. He also told me when I was heavier that he wanted me to lose weight- at first I was upset but then I told myself that I would much rather he be honest with me than to say nothing, have it lead to intimacy issues and then it all snowballs and crumbles into a divorce.
Number one thing is that you have to lose weight FOR YOU because YOU DESERVE IT. And also remember that confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have- it's MUCH sexier than any body part.0 -
Nah...i left him once I got thinner, so it was pretty irrelavent by that point....:drinker:0
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I have never asked because my husband has NEVER made me feel anything short of being the most beautiful person in any room. I hope I do the same for him.
That is amazing! Congrats to you on having a great husband!0 -
Well, I wouldn't be attracted to him if he got too overweight, and not because I loved him less, but because in order for him to get that way, he would have to have a total lifestyle change for the worse. THAT would not be attractive, because he would not be taking care of himself that way, and I know he would feel the same way about me.
So we don't have to ask that question, because we both have very specific lifestyle goals that keep us the way we are, and changing those goals would be the big issue, not the resulting body changes.
^^^This!! the basis of the understanding we have
I hope you never sustain a horrific injury such as having your face disfigured in a fire. Being as your husband is in the AIRFORCE, would you still love him if he was horribly injured?
Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.
Pretty sure OP asked about weight, which in most cases is a controlable situation, not catastrophic accidents. I'm sorry if it offends you if my husband and I are completely honest about how we feel about the other taking care of thier body.0 -
Nah...i left him once I got thinner, so it was pretty irrelavent by that point....:drinker:
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:noway: :laugh: That post made my day.0 -
I disagree to a point. Its not what marriage is completely about...but factor that out and something is missing in your relationship.Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.
If your spouse turns into someone you are physically repulsed by, do you spend the rest of your life without intimacy and never get tempted by physical needs?
I'm not saying its an excuse to go out and cheat, or that you should automatically leave..but sexual attraction is a VERY important part of a relationship.0 -
I LOVE this topic!
My boyfriend met me while I was heavy, and I had my own insecurities because all the women he has really dated, have always been very thin. He has never made me feel ugly, or unwanted.. He loves me and my big body, and is loving me through my whole lifestyle change even though I ***** and moan the whole way... we are some lucky people to have found such good SO. One day, I'll ask him th dreaded question, but I already know he loves me how I am.. so it's not even fully needed
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I did and his response was;
'It's easier to love you now because I can tell you love yourself more and that makes me happy'
Same here!! 0 -
I disagree to a point. Its not what marriage is completely about...but factor that out and something is missing in your relationship.Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.
If your spouse turns into someone you are physically repulsed by, do you spend the rest of your life without intimacy and never get tempted by physical needs?
I'm not saying its an excuse to go out and cheat, or that you should automatically leave..but sexual attraction is a VERY important part of a relationship.
Exactly. Getting the point of repulsion would take time, and during that time I am secure n the fact that he or I would say something or make attempts to keep it from getting to that point. Which is part of why we made our understanding.0 -
I agree, and feel the same way. The OP's question wasn't about LOVE, it was about attraction. We can still love someone when they don't physically appeal to us, but physical attraction is important in a relationship.Well, I wouldn't be attracted to him if he got too overweight, and not because I loved him less, but because in order for him to get that way, he would have to have a total lifestyle change for the worse. THAT would not be attractive, because he would not be taking care of himself that way, and I know he would feel the same way about me.
So we don't have to ask that question, because we both have very specific lifestyle goals that keep us the way we are, and changing those goals would be the big issue, not the resulting body changes.
^^^This!! the basis of the understanding we have
I think most people would lie in response to the OP's question, or fall back to the "I'd still love you no matter how you look", but the truth is...we dont' always find that person attractive anymore when something about their appearance changes drastically.
THANK YOU! I kind of feel like my husband is being called a douche because he was honest. He did always tell me he loved me and that my size did not matter but I know his actions spoke louder than words. I am not mad, I do not think he is a jerk. He does LOVE me, that doesn't mean he automatically finds me sexy at 235lbs and I'm ok with that. I don't think I was sexy at that weight either. We still had sex, we married at that weight, we had another child at that weight, he would never have left me. I love him, too. I think he is sexy too. I cannot say if he gained 100lbs that I would be as attracted to him as I am now but I would still love him the same. He is still uber sweet. We all have our own preferences and that is ok. 0 -
Bump0
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I did this at my highest weight and later on at a lower weight and got the same answer that he found me very sexy so who knows what he really thought.0
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Even at my heaviest (226) I never had to ask. My husband tells me - often - how beautiful and sexy I am.
Mine too. I love him.
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Well, I wouldn't be attracted to him if he got too overweight, and not because I loved him less, but because in order for him to get that way, he would have to have a total lifestyle change for the worse. THAT would not be attractive, because he would not be taking care of himself that way, and I know he would feel the same way about me.
So we don't have to ask that question, because we both have very specific lifestyle goals that keep us the way we are, and changing those goals would be the big issue, not the resulting body changes.
^^^This!! the basis of the understanding we have
I hope you never sustain a horrific injury such as having your face disfigured in a fire. Being as your husband is in the AIRFORCE, would you still love him if he was horribly injured?
Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.
Pretty sure OP asked about weight, which in most cases is a controlable situation, not catastrophic accidents. I'm sorry if it offends you if my husband and I are completely honest about how we feel about the other taking care of thier body.
A good example of my original question. I think you and your husband have an understanding about what you expect from your spouse and it's great you are honest.0 -
I did and his response was;
'It's easier to love you now because I can tell you love yourself more and that makes me happy'
Love this 0 -
Well, I wouldn't be attracted to him if he got too overweight, and not because I loved him less, but because in order for him to get that way, he would have to have a total lifestyle change for the worse. THAT would not be attractive, because he would not be taking care of himself that way, and I know he would feel the same way about me.
So we don't have to ask that question, because we both have very specific lifestyle goals that keep us the way we are, and changing those goals would be the big issue, not the resulting body changes.
^^^This!! the basis of the understanding we have
I hope you never sustain a horrific injury such as having your face disfigured in a fire. Being as your husband is in the AIRFORCE, would you still love him if he was horribly injured?
Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.
Pretty sure OP asked about weight, which in most cases is a controlable situation, not catastrophic accidents. I'm sorry if it offends you if my husband and I are completely honest about how we feel about the other taking care of thier body.
It doesn't offend me. Just kind of puzzling to me is all. I don't see how you have an appearance exception for accidents but not one for weight.
I was more replying to your statement specifically, not to the OP. I replied to the OP in an earlier post.
You made a statement about yourself that you seem to think is fact such as you're done having children. Unless you had a hysterectomy, even tubal ligations are not 100%. My sister had one where her tubes had to be cauterized and even then has had two more children.
End of the day it's not my relationship so I'm leaving this one alone.
edited because I was a bit too harsh0 -
I agree, and feel the same way. The OP's question wasn't about LOVE, it was about attraction. We can still love someone when they don't physically appeal to us, but physical attraction is important in a relationship.Well, I wouldn't be attracted to him if he got too overweight, and not because I loved him less, but because in order for him to get that way, he would have to have a total lifestyle change for the worse. THAT would not be attractive, because he would not be taking care of himself that way, and I know he would feel the same way about me.
So we don't have to ask that question, because we both have very specific lifestyle goals that keep us the way we are, and changing those goals would be the big issue, not the resulting body changes.
^^^This!! the basis of the understanding we have
I think most people would lie in response to the OP's question, or fall back to the "I'd still love you no matter how you look", but the truth is...we dont' always find that person attractive anymore when something about their appearance changes drastically.
I find my husband extremely attractive at 294 lbs. I found him just as attractive at 321 lbs and I'll still find him attractive whatever weight he decides to get down to.. Not solely because he's a good looking man but because of who he is. There is more to being attractive than a pretty face/hot body.. You can have all that and be a shallow snob and still be extremely unattractive.0 -
I suspect a lot of people are in denial about the truth that their spouse might not find them attractive anymore. When we meet and date someone who looks a certain way, its because we're attracted to them that way. If something changes (aside from basic aging, etc.) its likely that the attraction level will change too (it doesn't make that person a jerk or mean they love you any less). I've seen plenty of people (men and women both) who let themselves go after marriage thinking they'd locked in their spouse and didn't have to bother keeping themselves looking good anymore, and then later on...someone ended up cheating or leaving!THANK YOU! I kind of feel like my husband is being called a douche because he was honest. He did always tell me he loved me and that my size did not matter but I know his actions spoke louder than words. I am not mad, I do not think he is a jerk. He does LOVE me, that doesn't mean he automatically finds me sexy at 235lbs and I'm ok with that. I don't think I was sexy at that weight either. We still had sex, we married at that weight, we had another child at that weight, he would never have left me. I love him, too. I think he is sexy too. I cannot say if he gained 100lbs that I would be as attracted to him as I am now but I would still love him the same. He is still uber sweet. We all have our own preferences and that is ok.0 -
I disagree to a point. Its not what marriage is completely about...but factor that out and something is missing in your relationship.Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.
If your spouse turns into someone you are physically repulsed by, do you spend the rest of your life without intimacy and never get tempted by physical needs?
I'm not saying its an excuse to go out and cheat, or that you should automatically leave..but sexual attraction is a VERY important part of a relationship.
Exactly. Getting the point of repulsion would take time, and during that time I am secure n the fact that he or I would say something or make attempts to keep it from getting to that point. Which is part of why we made our understanding.
Yeah, well sexual attraction (or lack there of) has ruined many marriages I am sure. I think sex is a very important part of a relationship. I used to say it wasn't until it became an issue in my marriage. I NEED my husband to be sexually attracted to me. I can't make him feel something he doesn't, so I did what I needed for myself to help fulfill that need in my marriage. And it's better than ever. No shame in that.
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Well, I think I am way too old fashioned because I plan on staying married even if my husband's pecker no longer works. :devil:0
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Even my husband says you are beautiful but I felt horrible inside because of my looks. It is at that depressing point he said that ''Then what are you doing about it?'' I think he just got irritated by my inactivity and not keeping my promises to myself. Now I haven't lost any weight as such but he is happy now that I am doing something for myself and he definitely can't keep his hands off me!!My husband has loved me from my smallest point to my biggest point. He has never let a day pass that he has not told me that I was beautiful. One of the ways I knew it was time to change, was when I could no longer accept the compliment without saying, "I am glad you think so." But, I am slowly working my way out of that stage. Since I committed to losing I feel better about myself, and even if my stubborn ticker does not show it, I have actually lost 6 lbs so far! 0 -
Well, I wouldn't be attracted to him if he got too overweight, and not because I loved him less, but because in order for him to get that way, he would have to have a total lifestyle change for the worse. THAT would not be attractive, because he would not be taking care of himself that way, and I know he would feel the same way about me.
So we don't have to ask that question, because we both have very specific lifestyle goals that keep us the way we are, and changing those goals would be the big issue, not the resulting body changes.
^^^This!! the basis of the understanding we have
I hope you never sustain a horrific injury such as having your face disfigured in a fire. Being as your husband is in the AIRFORCE, would you still love him if he was horribly injured?
Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.
Pretty sure OP asked about weight, which in most cases is a controlable situation, not catastrophic accidents. I'm sorry if it offends you if my husband and I are completely honest about how we feel about the other taking care of thier body.
It doesn't offend me. Just kind of puzzling to me is all. I don't see how you have an appearance exception for accidents but not one for weight.
I was more replying to your statement specifically, not to the OP. I replied to the OP in an earlier post.
You made a statement about yourself that you seem to think is fact such as you're done having children. Have you had a hysterectomy because if you haven't even tubal ligations are not 100%. My sister had one where her tubes had to be cauterized and even then has had two more children.
That was a rhetorical question; I do not expect you to answer so don't feel like I'm getting too personal.
End of the day it's not my relationship so I'm leaving this one alone.
My husband has had a vasectomy and I only gained 15-20lbs with both my pregnancies so that isn't an issue really anyway. A person can control their weight in pretty much any situation. Whether it be medication for a medical condition, diet and specific exercises if disability occurs, special diet for food allergies that cause weight gain, etc. plus, I never said we'd stop loving each other. We have been through enough to know we will love each other no matter what, but physical attraction has to do with physical appearance. But we're live an alternative lifestyle anyway so I guess not much would change.0
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