"Old Fashioned" or "Traditional" gender roles
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I've never understood people who get all bent out of shape when their SO wants to do something, alone, with their friends.
Me neither. Sadly, I've seen it happen with a lot of my women friends with their possessive or jealous boyfriends/husbands etc. I've seen it with men too with women who harass them all the time. That was a dealbreaker for me. I can't deal with that level of drama.
Yup, same here :laugh:0 -
The man has to kill the bugs...
I'm good with that as long as the woman handles the mice.0 -
Feminism took a wrong turn when women tried to be the SAME as men. Equal doesn't mean identical. Women and men have naturally different roles obviously, and while there are some exceptions, men like women who are feminine and women like men who are manly. How they define those characteristics differs, but there are some constants. I don't know many women who like a guy that cries every time he sees a baby. And I don't know many men who like women that have farting contests.
in general i think roles in relationships need to be based on mutual respect of what each person brings to the relationship. if that means people will fall into traditional gender roles then sobeit.
i've always found modern feminism interesting because these are things that are naturally built into the culture i was raised in. there's an understanding that both partners are necessary to the health and well being of the relationship, home and the family and it's never broken off into what's more or less important.0 -
Long reply...Feminism took a wrong turn when women tried to be the SAME as men. Equal doesn't mean identical. Women and men have naturally different roles obviously, and while there are some exceptions, men like women who are feminine and women like men who are manly. How they define those characteristics differs, but there are some constants. I don't know many women who like a guy that cries every time he sees a baby. And I don't know many men who like women that have farting contests.
I think I love you...seriously. I'm all for feminism, and I'm completely against women who want to be men.Well I class myself as old fashioned and for my marriage it means that Im a stay at home mum and I cook all the meals, clean the house, I get up to make my hubbies breakfast and lunch for work....Even on the days he has to get up at 4 am and I always make an effort to look good everyday and we have sex all the time.....like at least once a day. But I also do things that dont conform to the 'old fashioned' veiw like I love to play footy and I do most of the mechanical work cause I loooove cars.
So - perhaps if you get tired of this one... you can marry me? I would LOVE someone to do all that for me - wow.
Umm...I'm first in that line...thanks! You'd better not forget it either lol.I would be sooo upset if my boyfriend ordered for me! LOL I even say my own order in the drive-thru when I'm in the passenger side! HAHA
I know! I would hate it. To me, being a gentleman means treating you with respect, not like you can't speak for yourself. I see this as condescending. BUT that is just my personal opinion. I also think whoever gets to the door first should open it. But a love, love, love a manly guy who can fix things while wearing
It's not that he's treating you like you *can't* speak for yourself it's more...I don't know how to explain it, actually. I just know that I love it. :laugh: There's nothing disrespectful about it, to me.
I totally and completely respect your opinion. I just can't wrap my head around it. I can't see how it can perceived as anything BUT him treating you (you in the generalized, plural sense) like a child with no power or voice. Again, I respect your opinion. I just can't see the appeal. Maybe one day it will happen and I'll get it like lightbulb going off. Haha
And this is why gentlemen in general are disappearing. If I order for you (and I usually will), it's not because I think you're a moron or incapable (if you were either, we wouldn't be together regardless). It's out of caring, respect, and my need to show that to you. If you can't comprehend why a man would do that...and how it doesn't make you less of a woman...then perhaps you should realize that chances are you'll be dating the typical kind of man all women ***** about constantly. Think about that, and maybe you might try to realize that just because someone does something for you...it doesn't mean he thinks you're incapable or stupid. As a matter of fact...it might be 100% the opposite.My views are that a couple:
- should complement each other (pick up each other's slack)
- be a functioning Team... us against the world
- help each other with weaknesses
- be respectful of each other... ESPECIALLY in public or around others
- support the other in tough times
I am 'traditional' in the sense that I am the one the fixes everything, deals with the dirty, difficult tasks, holds the door open, lets her always order first, and does all of the driving. But I'm more modern in the shared raising of our son, have always done my own laundry, and does the grocery shopping. I'm a little of "then", and a little of "now".
You and I are way too much alike man. Seriously.I would like to reference the song "Silence on the Line" by Chris Ledoux, specifically the lyric
"Babe I only need a man for the things a man is good for".
In the song I have no pity for the cowboy, because he put himself and his wants first. I love that my husband puts me first, in every thing and always. He does do man stuff, and I do woman stuff. Sometimes, my woman stuff is to swoon over the raw physical strength he has that I don't, or the emotional strength not to cry when things are bad because I need that stoicism.
I can mow the lawn. What I like better is to let him mow the lawn and shower him with affection and love for a job well done. He makes me happy because I am required to be happy for him to be happy, and he makes me need him to be happy. I only need a man for the things a man is good for, and my hubby is really good for a lot of things (also, giggity!).
Mm. That actually sounds pretty good!
That...is what being a man is all about...right there. You and your husband are both very lucky...you to have him, and him to have you, someone who understands what he is, and cherishes him for it.0 -
Cris gets it :flowerforyou:0
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Cris gets it :flowerforyou:
If I do...it's all because I had a great role model for a Father, who taught me that to love a woman is to make her understand, in every way possible, that she's THE single most important thing in your life (excepting your children of course...they get a whole separate category above and beyond humanity). If she can't appreciate that...and the things I do for her to show her that...then she needs to be with someone else.
Which is probably why I'm still single. Women alllll say they want that...but in the end, they really kind of...well...
Don't.0 -
I'm definitely not traditional...
I manage all the finances
Am more excited about making money, career, and traveling then having a kid
Usually make most of the decisions regarding what we plan on doing
I do some chores... mostly laundry because my husband would forget otherwise I assign some for him to do which he is happy to do
Husband is just freakishly laid back ...
He cooks dinner because our schedules make it that way
He's a better host then me... I'm not good with party planning
He does not watch sports!
Otherwise we fit gender roles pretty well. I LOVE shopping.... he LOVES games and guns. I'm more on top of cleaning. He does car stuff. I love dressing up and he doesn't really care as long as it is simple. He does a typical male job of IT support and also is the breadwinner for now. I'm in a typical female job of doing bookkeeping junk but am also working on a degree.
Guess it really matters that you make a good team more then anything. IF that's the case then everything else will work out.0 -
Old fashioned gender roles, to me, means the man is the main bread winner and the woman primarily takes care of the home and children.
Nothing wrong with that, of course, but some men want to be stay at home dads, while some women aspire to be CEOs. No shame in following whatever path you feel led to, traditional or not.0 -
Cris gets it :flowerforyou:
If I do...it's all because I had a great role model for a Father, who taught me that to love a woman is to make her understand, in every way possible, that she's THE single most important thing in your life (excepting your children of course...they get a whole separate category above and beyond humanity). If she can't appreciate that...and the things I do for her to show her that...then she needs to be with someone else.
Which is probably why I'm still single. Women alllll say they want that...but in the end, they really kind of...well...
Don't.
I think the problem is so many want it on their terms, and as we've seen here, certain gestures can be horribly misinterpreted. I think your idea of how a man should treat a woman is lovely and any woman will be lucky to have such a devoted partner. Hopefully you'll find someone soon who appreciates how you go about showing her how special she is0 -
The man has to kill the bugs...
HAHAHA this because I freakingly hate flying bugsand mow the lawn.
YEAH and also do the laundry, ironing & cooking :laugh:
All while he wears no shirt and is conveniently glistening with just the right amount of manly perspiration.
When I think traditional, I imagine a lot of the aforementioned things, but my relationship reflects that in a lot of ways but not because it 'should'. Instead, he makes more money because he's not still in school and as a result, he usually pays because he likes to and has the means to do so.
I'm pretty spoiled though. I get massages and support in everything I do.0 -
Cris gets it :flowerforyou:
If I do...it's all because I had a great role model for a Father, who taught me that to love a woman is to make her understand, in every way possible, that she's THE single most important thing in your life (excepting your children of course...they get a whole separate category above and beyond humanity). If she can't appreciate that...and the things I do for her to show her that...then she needs to be with someone else.
Which is probably why I'm still single. Women alllll say they want that...but in the end, they really kind of...well...
Don't.
I think the problem is so many want it on their terms, and as we've seen here, certain gestures can be horribly misinterpreted. I think your idea of how a man should treat a woman is lovely and any woman will be lucky to have such a devoted partner. Hopefully you'll find someone soon who appreciates how you go about showing her how special she is
I agree...and who on earth knows what those terms may be.
My last girlfriend, loved EVERY single thing about me...except for the fact that I'm not a person that has to have 'away' time. I get enough of that at work. I didn't mind her having hers...but I also didn't think that 'hers' should have been scheduled during time that was normally 'ours' (and she was very good about respecting that). That never really was our main issue though. What the main issue ended up being was that I have no secrets, and need no 'private' space in order to maintain my own identity. I was cooking dinner for us once, and asked her to log into my email and check something for me one time. She was literally unhappy about it...almost to the point of flat refusing. I asked her why...and she told me that it's because she wouldn't want me checking her email for any reason. I was like...seriously...what on earth would you have to hide?
That was the beginning of the end. Turned out lol...I found out a bit later, she did have things to hide.
Go figure.0 -
So here's my take on the whole thing...a man is a gentleman...he opens doors, he pays on dates, he walks on the road side of the sidewalk. He works...he doesn't necessarily have to be the one making the most money in the house, but a man is supposed to work. He also does his part around the house...traditionally I guess it would be he handles the yard work while the woman handles everything inside the house...I kind of think that's BS...guys should do their part inside the house as well...when my wife and I were still together, and still gave a damn about keeping the house clean, we had an agreement that I would keep the living room and bedroom straight while she handled the kitchen and bathroom...mostly because she was better at that type of thing than I was.
So, now the ladies...they should be submissive...not in the sense that whatever the man says goes, but they should understand that ultimately the final decision is the husband's...however, the husband should be open to his wife's opinion, and not quick to make any decision without her consideration. The woman's first responsibility should be to the children, if there are any, but that doesn't mean she cannot have a career, and as previously mentioned...if she's the one making the most money, that's okay. I don't think that women are less capable of doing an upper management type job or whatever.0 -
Cris gets it :flowerforyou:
If I do...it's all because I had a great role model for a Father, who taught me that to love a woman is to make her understand, in every way possible, that she's THE single most important thing in your life (excepting your children of course...they get a whole separate category above and beyond humanity). If she can't appreciate that...and the things I do for her to show her that...then she needs to be with someone else.
Which is probably why I'm still single. Women alllll say they want that...but in the end, they really kind of...well...
Don't.
I think the problem is so many want it on their terms, and as we've seen here, certain gestures can be horribly misinterpreted. I think your idea of how a man should treat a woman is lovely and any woman will be lucky to have such a devoted partner. Hopefully you'll find someone soon who appreciates how you go about showing her how special she is
I agree...and who on earth knows what those terms may be.
My last girlfriend, loved EVERY single thing about me...except for the fact that I'm not a person that has to have 'away' time. I get enough of that at work. I didn't mind her having hers...but I also didn't think that 'hers' should have been scheduled during time that was normally 'ours' (and she was very good about respecting that). That never really was our main issue though. What the main issue ended up being was that I have no secrets, and need no 'private' space in order to maintain my own identity. I was cooking dinner for us once, and asked her to log into my email and check something for me one time. She was literally unhappy about it...almost to the point of flat refusing. I asked her why...and she told me that it's because she wouldn't want me checking her email for any reason. I was like...seriously...what on earth would you have to hide?
That was the beginning of the end. Turned out lol...I found out a bit later, she did have things to hide.
Go figure.
Well that's just not very nice. Everyone's different and each couple has to work out what works best for them, and part of finding the kind of love that can last through anything is finding someone who really and truly appreciates you the way you are. I've had to learn that the hard way with my husband. He appreciates me when I'm molding myself into the person he wants...and as a result, I'm just miserable and we're headed for divorce.
I hope you find that someone soon...and that she doesn't have anything to hide.0 -
@andrew OMG. it's so rare to hear a guy talking about walking on the road side of the sidewalk :flowerforyou:0
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So here's my take on the whole thing...a man is a gentleman...he opens doors, he pays on dates, he walks on the road side of the sidewalk. He works...he doesn't necessarily have to be the one making the most money in the house, but a man is supposed to work. He also does his part around the house...traditionally I guess it would be he handles the yard work while the woman handles everything inside the house...I kind of think that's BS...guys should do their part inside the house as well...when my wife and I were still together, and still gave a damn about keeping the house clean, we had an agreement that I would keep the living room and bedroom straight while she handled the kitchen and bathroom...mostly because she was better at that type of thing than I was.
So, now the ladies...they should be submissive...not in the sense that whatever the man says goes, but they should understand that ultimately the final decision is the husband's...however, the husband should be open to his wife's opinion, and not quick to make any decision without her consideration. The woman's first responsibility should be to the children, if there are any, but that doesn't mean she cannot have a career, and as previously mentioned...if she's the one making the most money, that's okay. I don't think that women are less capable of doing an upper management type job or whatever.
Werd.0 -
@andrew OMG. it's so rare to hear a guy talking about walking on the road side of the sidewalk :flowerforyou:
lol...My mama and daddy raised me right. If anyone's gonna get mud splashed on them it ought to be the man...wimmenz is too pretty for all that.0 -
So here's my take on the whole thing...a man is a gentleman...he opens doors, he pays on dates, he walks on the road side of the sidewalk. He works...he doesn't necessarily have to be the one making the most money in the house, but a man is supposed to work. He also does his part around the house...traditionally I guess it would be he handles the yard work while the woman handles everything inside the house...I kind of think that's BS...guys should do their part inside the house as well...when my wife and I were still together, and still gave a damn about keeping the house clean, we had an agreement that I would keep the living room and bedroom straight while she handled the kitchen and bathroom...mostly because she was better at that type of thing than I was.
So, now the ladies...they should be submissive...not in the sense that whatever the man says goes, but they should understand that ultimately the final decision is the husband's...however, the husband should be open to his wife's opinion, and not quick to make any decision without her consideration. The woman's first responsibility should be to the children, if there are any, but that doesn't mean she cannot have a career, and as previously mentioned...if she's the one making the most money, that's okay. I don't think that women are less capable of doing an upper management type job or whatever.
LOL no way! If my husband tried to "make decisions" for me, it would not go well for him.
We do discuss it and come to a mutual agreement, but the decision is not ultimately "his" ever when it concerns us both. It's ours. My say has as much weight as his.0 -
So here's my take on the whole thing...a man is a gentleman...he opens doors, he pays on dates, he walks on the road side of the sidewalk. He works...he doesn't necessarily have to be the one making the most money in the house, but a man is supposed to work. He also does his part around the house...traditionally I guess it would be he handles the yard work while the woman handles everything inside the house...I kind of think that's BS...guys should do their part inside the house as well...when my wife and I were still together, and still gave a damn about keeping the house clean, we had an agreement that I would keep the living room and bedroom straight while she handled the kitchen and bathroom...mostly because she was better at that type of thing than I was.
So, now the ladies...they should be submissive...not in the sense that whatever the man says goes, but they should understand that ultimately the final decision is the husband's...however, the husband should be open to his wife's opinion, and not quick to make any decision without her consideration. The woman's first responsibility should be to the children, if there are any, but that doesn't mean she cannot have a career, and as previously mentioned...if she's the one making the most money, that's okay. I don't think that women are less capable of doing an upper management type job or whatever.
LOL no way! If my husband tried to "make decisions" for me, it would not go well for him.
We do discuss it and come to a mutual agreement, but the decision is not ultimately "his" ever when it concerns us both. It's ours. My say has as much weight as his.
And what happens when you're both coming at it from different angles and neither of you are willing to compromise? Do you just say "screw it" and nothing gets done about the situation?0 -
If I saw someone go out of their way to write that on a dating site, what it would mean to me is that they're possibly close-minded, homophobic, probably a bit sexist, and that I don't care to write to them.0
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Cris gets it :flowerforyou:
If I do...it's all because I had a great role model for a Father, who taught me that to love a woman is to make her understand, in every way possible, that she's THE single most important thing in your life (excepting your children of course...they get a whole separate category above and beyond humanity). If she can't appreciate that...and the things I do for her to show her that...then she needs to be with someone else.
Which is probably why I'm still single. Women alllll say they want that...but in the end, they really kind of...well...
Don't.0
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