Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

Well, it's nice, but they shouldn't have to. Most dates I've been on, it does go that way - but then I insist on leaving tip.

i wouldnt refuse to pay, but it depends on the situation. if it was on a date with a guy i way already friends with i would pay. if it was a guy i just met i would feel weird paying. not sure why, just would. plus im a super poor college kid so lol.

with my man now i let him pay every time he insisted in the begining. its now two years later and we live together. we spent a month or two not being able to go anywear paying off credit card bills from those dates lmao. he just felt like he had to pay, if i woulda known the situation i wouldnt have thought of him any differently and i would have paid.

Jesus.

I pay on first dates. When me and a girl get comfortable, sometime she'll want to pay, and I say ok. Sometimes I pay. If we go places, I always assume I'm going to pay, but sometimes she wants to, so i let her. That doesn't make me less of a man. If you think it does, then I hope your goldfish dies.

So, the question was "Should a guy pay on a first date?" and I say yes. I also agree with what you say on the :When me and a girl get comfortable, sometime she'll want to pay," but to the original question Yes, I believe the guy should pay on the first date.

Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

You didn't pay on our first date...

If I ask a woman out on a first date, of course I will pay.

However, if a woman expects a man to pay for everything on every date or every time they go out because it's "traditional", then I will traditionally get the hell out of dodge and not look back.

Most people are adults and I expect them to know what is right and what is bull****.

I agree with Joe as usual.

Absolutely NOT. I have never, ever let a man pay for the first date; I have paid for most of them and, for those who refused, split the bill. If we women want equal rights, we should be prepared to pay for your own grown *kitten* self and figure out how to open your own car door. I think this is a ridiculous artifact of women wanting to have their cake and eat it, too (low cal cake on MFP, of course, but still). I like to establish from the very start that I don't want or need any man to pay my way at all, ever.

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Actually, you've completely ran off and taken what I wrote out of context.

Taking it point by point:

If you recall, I never judged you, or your relationship. It was you and the other woman doing the judging from the word go.

So how about you stop picking my posts apart and purposely misunderstanding them?

But you called me irrational....isn't that judging me?

Bravo! Excellent, on topic response!

First, what you wrote, if not irrational...was certainly a huge stretch.

Second, I...and those who believe as I do (that men should pay for the first date at minimum) were clearly judged first.

Would you like to comment on topic? Or have you run out of pertinent arguments that prove somehow that me paying for dates is controlling?

here's your argument:
When I pay for everything I feel like a man. This is the way I was raised.
If I woman pays, I feel that I am not fulfilling my responsibilities as a man
Therefore, I cannot be in relationship with a woman who wants to pay sometimes.

I cannot argue with how you feel and certainly agree that you shouldn't even try to be in a relationship with someone who would like to pay for dinner. However, I would wonder how a relationship would survive the ups and downs of life.

My point is
When a man states that he " won't let " a woman do something, it's a red flag.
Yes sometimes, there's a conflict between what two people want to do, but when one says "never' then I think there's a control issue.
In a respectful partnership, there's give and take. Woman are also capable and should be given the opportunity to show respect/admiration/love the same way (e.g. buying dinner)

On topic enough for you?

I like how you deflected the point I was making that you were judging me

Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

This is a whole other situation, and isn't directly comparable to opposite gender dating, in that there's no traditional roles to fulfill, no basic belief systems to respect, etc.

Although, I was talking to a gay friend a year ago (spurred by an MFP thread, no less!), and he told me that even then...there's often a more dominant and more submissive partner, and that's the way it usually goes when paying for dates.

Split it as I do not have a lot of money to be spending , unless it's something small.

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Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

This is a whole other situation, and isn't directly comparable to opposite gender dating, in that there's no traditional roles to fulfill, no basic belief systems to respect, etc.

Although, I was talking to a gay friend a year ago (spurred by an MFP thread, no less!), and he told me that even then...there's often a more dominant and more submissive partner, and that's the way it usually goes when paying for dates.

This^ I have a few gay male friends and this is how it goes for them. I'm not too sure about how it goes with women though but I figure its probably similar.

I do agree that the man should pay instead of the woman. The man is usually the one that makes the money in a relationship most of the time, and that he should provide his best for her, no matter what the case may be on the date.

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Yes! The women should offer to pay and the man should refuse to let her. :happy: That's how it works people.

No Dumbass...If you offer to pay, you better have the money to fork it over. Don't say something unless it is the truth. Nobody likes a liar.

A real man is gonna want to do it...not because it's his job or anything...but because he wants to, and it's usually the way he was raised. I think it's sweet and romantic. And I also think that it's super sweet when the woman pays...even though she's with a guy who wants to. She's showing him that she wants to be there just as much as he does. She doesn't feel that he HAS to pay.

It's so much sweeter when there are no RULES. Do what you want to do....and if there's a second date...GREAT!!

My boyfriend always wants to pay.....and I literally have to sneak and pay..or do it quickly. I love treating him to dinner. I think he paid on our first date though..but I think I left the tip. We had a great time

Yes! The women should offer to pay and the man should refuse to let her. :happy: That's how it works people.

^^ This

It's about chivalry from the man, and courtesy from the women.

The guy pays. It's a no-brainer.