Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

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  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    Most guys that I know don't mind this actually. Now if you embarrass them in public, then its different. I've known guys who just honestly don't know any better. Or sometimes the last girl they dated was an "ultra feminist independent type" so it left a bad taste in their mouth and now they think girls hate when they do nice things.

    If a guy treats you in a way that you don't like, even if its something small like he didn't hold the door for you, you should let him know. If he actually gives a damn about you, he'll correct the behavior.

    So, if I don't hold the door open for a girl, or worship her every breath, I need to correct my behavior?

    the last girl I was with stayed at home, didn't work. I paid for everything. She was a dirty *kitten*. But hey, she was traditional!

    So that left a bad taste in my mouth, not women who make me think, "I think she'll be alive next time I come around, since she's an adult and all." Because you know, nothing like having a big, spoiled kid to take care of before you even date! And that's exactly how you seem like you would be.

    Then it's your fault for putting up with it. It works both ways, you should have let her know you didn't like it and either gave her a chance to correct her behavior or walk away. No need to take your sour relationship out on me.

    Wait, so it's my fault for paying for everything and not making her work and pay for stuff? Doesn't that go against everything you just said?
    You said she did nothing, was a spoiled kid, and a dirty *kitten*. I'm saying its your fault for allowing her to treat you so badly and take advantage of you. You shouldn't have to make her do anything but you should also know and respect your own worth and be able to move on when you realize that you deserve better. Its fine if you wanted to take care of her financially but she should take care of you in other ways whether its just being supportive emotionally, taking care of the house, or being there when you need her.

    Now if she's going behind your back being a *kitten*, being selfish, and overall just using you, then you should never stay with a person like that at all. There needs to be some kind of balance.
  • bert16
    bert16 Posts: 726 Member
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    Absolutely NOT. I have never, ever let a man pay for the first date; I have paid for most of them and, for those who refused, split the bill. If we women want equal rights, we should be prepared to pay for your own grown *kitten* self and figure out how to open your own car door. I think this is a ridiculous artifact of women wanting to have their cake and eat it, too (low cal cake on MFP, of course, but still). I like to establish from the very start that I don't want or need any man to pay my way at all, ever.
  • chelseathinspired
    chelseathinspired Posts: 31 Member
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    To be honest, I find this to be a bit silly. Obviously I always offer to pay for myself. I can take care of myself. I don't NEED a man to pay. But if he offers I let him. I'm sorry if you disagree, but men were meant to take care of women. And if he wishes to do so, let him. It just shows he cares.
  • sunnyday789
    sunnyday789 Posts: 309 Member
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    Actually, you've completely ran off and taken what I wrote out of context.

    Taking it point by point:

    If you recall, I never judged you, or your relationship. It was you and the other woman doing the judging from the word go.

    So how about you stop picking my posts apart and purposely misunderstanding them?
    But you called me irrational....isn't that judging me?

    Bravo! Excellent, on topic response!

    First, what you wrote, if not irrational...was certainly a huge stretch.

    Second, I...and those who believe as I do (that men should pay for the first date at minimum) were clearly judged first.

    Would you like to comment on topic? Or have you run out of pertinent arguments that prove somehow that me paying for dates is controlling?

    here's your argument:
    When I pay for everything I feel like a man. This is the way I was raised.
    If I woman pays, I feel that I am not fulfilling my responsibilities as a man
    Therefore, I cannot be in relationship with a woman who wants to pay sometimes.

    I cannot argue with how you feel and certainly agree that you shouldn't even try to be in a relationship with someone who would like to pay for dinner. However, I would wonder how a relationship would survive the ups and downs of life.

    My point is
    When a man states that he " won't let " a woman do something, it's a red flag.
    Yes sometimes, there's a conflict between what two people want to do, but when one says "never' then I think there's a control issue.
    In a respectful partnership, there's give and take. Woman are also capable and should be given the opportunity to show respect/admiration/love the same way (e.g. buying dinner)

    On topic enough for you?

    I like how you deflected the point I was making that you were judging me :wink:
  • Sarahbara76
    Sarahbara76 Posts: 601 Member
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    Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


    Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

    I took a girl out and I paid, she didn't have a job tho LOL - We would order pizza and hang at her place most times and I paid unless her ex hubby threw some money at her .
    Great point Mer !!
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


    Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

    This is a whole other situation, and isn't directly comparable to opposite gender dating, in that there's no traditional roles to fulfill, no basic belief systems to respect, etc.

    Although, I was talking to a gay friend a year ago (spurred by an MFP thread, no less!), and he told me that even then...there's often a more dominant and more submissive partner, and that's the way it usually goes when paying for dates.
  • Rjdj3530
    Rjdj3530 Posts: 154
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    Depends on who asked who out. If he asked her out then yes he should expect to pay. Upon the wild chance that she asked him out then maybe she should think about paying.
  • lickmybaconcakes
    lickmybaconcakes Posts: 1,063 Member
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    Split it as I do not have a lot of money to be spending , unless it's something small.
  • sjebert
    sjebert Posts: 212 Member
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    I believe that a guy should pay regardless of who asked who out.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


    Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

    This is a whole other situation, and isn't directly comparable to opposite gender dating, in that there's no traditional roles to fulfill, no basic belief systems to respect, etc.

    Although, I was talking to a gay friend a year ago (spurred by an MFP thread, no less!), and he told me that even then...there's often a more dominant and more submissive partner, and that's the way it usually goes when paying for dates.

    This^ I have a few gay male friends and this is how it goes for them. I'm not too sure about how it goes with women though but I figure its probably similar.
  • terryjo623
    terryjo623 Posts: 101 Member
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    If he wants a second date then yes he should pay on the first.
  • ChihakuZeal
    ChihakuZeal Posts: 65
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    I do agree that the man should pay instead of the woman. The man is usually the one that makes the money in a relationship most of the time, and that he should provide his best for her, no matter what the case may be on the date.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    I do agree that the man should pay instead of the woman. The man is usually the one that makes the money in a relationship most of the time, and that he should provide his best for her, no matter what the case may be on the date.

    a date =/= providing for
  • iAMaPhoenix
    iAMaPhoenix Posts: 1,038 Member
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    Yes! The women should offer to pay and the man should refuse to let her. :happy: That's how it works people.
    No Dumbass...If you offer to pay, you better have the money to fork it over. Don't say something unless it is the truth. Nobody likes a liar.
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,616 Member
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    I prefer to pay for myself on a date, especially a first date. I certainly always ensure I have the cash with me to pay for myself, and I always am ready to do so. I'm a pretty independent person, and it's important to me to stand on my own two feet. However, if it's clear that the man I'm out with would prefer to pay, I'm not going to get into the credit card scramble with him.
  • NU2U
    NU2U Posts: 659 Member
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    A real man is gonna want to do it...not because it's his job or anything...but because he wants to, and it's usually the way he was raised. I think it's sweet and romantic. And I also think that it's super sweet when the woman pays...even though she's with a guy who wants to. She's showing him that she wants to be there just as much as he does. She doesn't feel that he HAS to pay.

    It's so much sweeter when there are no RULES. Do what you want to do....and if there's a second date...GREAT!!

    My boyfriend always wants to pay.....and I literally have to sneak and pay..or do it quickly. I love treating him to dinner. I think he paid on our first date though..but I think I left the tip. We had a great time <3
  • alyson820
    alyson820 Posts: 448 Member
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    Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


    Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

    I don't think so either. I think whoever does the inviting pays, and the other person pays the tip.
  • fromaquasar
    fromaquasar Posts: 811 Member
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    Yes! The women should offer to pay and the man should refuse to let her. :happy: That's how it works people.

    ^^ This

    It's about chivalry from the man, and courtesy from the women.
  • lbetancourt
    lbetancourt Posts: 522 Member
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    if i pay, i expect for him to give it up.
  • gastankerdriver
    gastankerdriver Posts: 162
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    The guy pays. It's a no-brainer.

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