Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

It has been a million years since I have been on a first date... and this thread makes me hope more than ever that I never have to again. So much expectation and game playing on both sides of the equation. Personally I agree with those who said that a first date is a test for whether you go on a second. However I don't think that means you set-up weird 'tests' in order to determine it. Isn't it just better to upfront about your expectations. If you are a man who feels it is really important to pay then insist on paying and say "I would like to pay because I think its a mans job".... If you are a woman who expects the man to pay then don't offer. If you are a man or woman who would expect to split the bill 50/50 then work out what you own and put the cash on the table.

Seriously despite being a staunch feminist, I actually agree with the "don't tell me how to me a man" guy... Because I personally feel like "don't tell me how to be a woman!"... now in this particular situation his way of being a man doesn't match my way of being a woman... so we probably wouldn't go on a second date, no harm no foul!

all this reasoning out etc - there is no reason. It's just how it is. In the past it might have been because guys earned more or whatever, but the truth is that it is expected, and really, we don't mind.

To be honest I'm not loaded - I've got a mortgage, fast car and all the expenses that come with those and only one income to cover them. So I don't take a girl out for an expensive meal. To be honest - I don't like that much anyway, maybe once in a while as a treat, but it's just not my thing.

The last first date I went on was 2 glasses of coke each in this nice old country pub, then a drive out to this cool high bridge looking over the motorway for a kiss and a cuddle watching the car lights fly by (high bridge sounds way dodgier than it really is).

Point is it cost me the price of 4 drinks and we both loved it.

She always says about how I pull these really cool dates out and it's all just stupid stuff like going to my local pub for a drink, bit of pool and some darts. That could be a terrible date, but it's about how you play it in the end. If you make it fun that's what counts.

all this reasoning out etc - there is no reason. It's just how it is. In the past it might have been because guys earned more or whatever, but the truth is that it is expected, and really, we don't mind.

To be honest I'm not loaded - I've got a mortgage, fast car and all the expenses that come with those and only one income to cover them. So I don't take a girl out for an expensive meal. To be honest - I don't like that much anyway, maybe once in a while as a treat, but it's just not my thing.

The last first date I went on was 2 glasses of coke each in this nice old country pub, then a drive out to this cool high bridge looking over the motorway for a kiss and a cuddle watching the car lights fly by (high bridge sounds way dodgier than it really is).

Point is it cost me the price of 4 drinks and we both loved it.

She always says about how I pull these really cool dates out and it's all just stupid stuff like going to my local pub for a drink, bit of pool and some darts. That could be a terrible date, but it's about how you play it in the end. If you make it fun that's what counts.

That sounds like a great first date - much better than dinner imo!

But yes, the man should ABSOLUTELY pay on the first date, and hold the door etc. I mean, it should at least start at that then after 16 years he can try hit her in the face with the same door 'by accident' (*joke - that never happened)

You should do what's agreeable for you both. There is no right or wrong. Me and the misses share paying for meals. A man paying because he's a man is an out of date view from when women didn't really work and didn't have a disposable income.

If you do all the paying, does that make her a hooker as eventually you may get her into bed?

I think it kind of depends who asked who out on the date... I wouldn't expect to be asked out for a meal and pay for my own. But if I asked someone out, I'd like to pay.

Though I'll admit, I do like it when a man is chivalrous. But not too much.

Not having read the last multiple pages, i can say i always offer to pay at least my share - i figure first date is about both of you trying to figure out if you'll get along, usually - but i do appreciate when the guy offers to pay. Even in my long term relationships, i do enjoy treating my mate here and there, but he usually pays.

As long as the overall treatment is respectful and caring, i take "the man always pays" as a sign that chivalry is not dead, like holding a door. If he is otherwise a controlling douche, then it's just another sign of being controlling... and i'm gone.

I've been married for almost 17 years and have two beautiful children. My husband paid for the first date... the ingredients anyway... he "made" me dinner himself. Neither one of us had a lot of money, but he showed me respect by treating me. The next date, we met at the gym and worked out side by side. We played checkers at his house the third date, and he made a cheesecake topped with raspberries.

Later in life, when we had two small children, he was laid off from his job... however, our relationship only strengthened during those months. We enjoyed our time together taking walks, having indoor picnics with the kids, even camped out in the backyard. I never paid for a date with him, and although I worked until just after our second child was born, we are still a team.

He has always made me feel like I am worth the effort, and I respect him for his ability and willingness to care and provide for me and now his children as well. We don't have money coming out our ears, but we live within our means and know how to have a fully satisfying relationship without needing much extra spending money.

You should do what's agreeable for you both. There is no right or wrong. Me and the misses share paying for meals. A man paying because he's a man is an out of date view from when women didn't really work and didn't have a disposable income.

If you do all the paying, does that make her a hooker as eventually you may get her into bed?

Best post here. Perfectly worded.

Guys should pay on EVERY date.

Why? Aren't we all supposed to be equal in this day and age?

Guys should pay on EVERY date.

Why? Aren't we all supposed to be equal in this day and age?

Sure. I also open doors and pull out chairs for a lady, it's just good manners and respect.

first date? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! after that, fair game.

Guys should pay on EVERY date.

A real lady will offer to pay once in a while. I like that you open doors and such. I am a bit old-fashioned and feel that these are sad times, where the line between men and women is so blurred. Not all women want to be macho. I want to be fit, but not to the point of looking like a guy. I wear skirts all the time, because I like the feminine feeling. But I also offer to pay when I go on dates because I often make more than the men I date.

I will always offer to pay my half on the first date but if you actually let me pay, there will NEVER be a second date. Please, be a gentleman and pick up the tab. Hold my door open and stand back as I walk through. All these little things make me feel like the lady that I am. I don't mind paying every once in a while once we are dating but the man should definitely pay for the first date.

Why even offer to pay, if you're just gonna get pissed at him for allowing you to. That's immature BS. Don't offer to pay if you're just testing him. If you're gonna put the offer on the table....be prepared to follow through. If he's smart..he won't even want a second date.

I am curious, for those who believe a man just should pay for dates... does that still stand if the woman earns significantly more than the man? Or would you not date someone way more successful than yourself anyway?

I ask because I am genuinely curious, this concept is honestly so strange to me.

I still think the guy pays and plans the first date. After you're in a relationship then things adjust.

It doesn't have to be anything expensive either. So even if he has no job and no money he can come up with something creative. The whole point is giving the guy a chance to do it and feel manly.

I am curious, for those who believe a man just should pay for dates... does that still stand if the woman earns significantly more than the man? Or would you not date someone way more successful than yourself anyway?

I ask because I am genuinely curious, this concept is honestly so strange to me.

I still think the guy pays and plans the first date. After you're in a relationship then things adjust.

It doesn't have to be anything expensive either. So even if he has no job and no money he can come up with something creative. The whole point is giving the guy a chance to do it and feel manly.

Why, oh why is it that a pikachu looking kitten seems to be the only creature on the planet that knows me to my core?