Being bashed on for being 23 and pregnant!! :(

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  • alicepoppyh
    alicepoppyh Posts: 88
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    My Mum was 23 when she had me and I was her THIRD! Can't plan everything in life! She has been a wonderful Mum and while money may not have been great we never wanted for anything. You're very brave and you're going to do great. I hope your family come around soon because it will be their loss. x
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I know I am in the minority but 23 is too young. There are some beautiful success stories here. And I would never bash anyone for getting into that situation. It's hard enough trying to figure out your way through the world, decide on a career, etc. When a kid comes along, that becomes your main focus in life and it should be. I agree with many of the comments saying kids are the best thing that can happen in your life. But there is so much to see and do before adding that level of responsibility.
    One positive is that you will still be young when your kids grow up and move out. Then you can see and do the things that you may not have been able to do now.

    Good luck and enjoy your baby because 18 years passes in a blink then they are out (sometimes). Cherish every moment.

    BTW - we had ours when I was 31 and my wife was 30.

    What good does it do to tell her she's too young? It's done. She's pregnant.

    And, for the record, a HUGE reason infertility is on the rise is that women are starting families in their 30s instead of their 20s. A woman's fertility drops drastically at age 27 and goes down after that. Women are, biologically, supposed to have children when they're young.

    Is it ideal to have a baby when you are just starting college and just quit your job? Certainly not. But it's doable.

    My parents were 24 and 25 when I was born. When my mom got pregnant, they lived in a cabin on a farm. The cabin had no running water or electricity and they worked the farm to pay room and board. My father was in grad school. They moved to an apartment, my mom worked temp jobs and my dad drove a school bus and finished his degree and then got a better job. They were even on food stamps for a short time. But since then they have both paid back way more in taxes than they ever took in assistance.

    To the OP, if you need some assistance while finishing your education, I say take it. I have a serious problem with people living off the system their entire lives, but I have no issue with helping people get to a place where they don't need it anymore.

    Again, good luck to you. I'm sure you will do the best you can and things will work out.
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    I know I am in the minority but 23 is too young. There are some beautiful success stories here. And I would never bash anyone for getting into that situation. It's hard enough trying to figure out your way through the world, decide on a career, etc. When a kid comes along, that becomes your main focus in life and it should be. I agree with many of the comments saying kids are the best thing that can happen in your life. But there is so much to see and do before adding that level of responsibility.
    One positive is that you will still be young when your kids grow up and move out. Then you can see and do the things that you may not have been able to do now.

    Good luck and enjoy your baby because 18 years passes in a blink then they are out (sometimes). Cherish every moment.

    BTW - we had ours when I was 31 and my wife was 30.

    What good does it do to tell her she's too young? It's done. She's pregnant.


    Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean "it's done" - if she doesn't feel that she is capable of raising a child at 23, which is a young age for motherhood in 2012, then adoption is always an option.
  • JulieH3art
    JulieH3art Posts: 293 Member
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    She said she's keeping the baby, so back off. Just because 23 was too young for you doesn't mean this logic can be applied to such an incredibly personal choice in other people. Don't push your choices on others, especially when they've made theirs. I think it's out of line to tell an adult woman you don't even know what she should or shouldn't do at this point.
  • TheChocolatePrincess
    TheChocolatePrincess Posts: 137 Member
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    She said she's keeping the baby, so back off. Just because 23 was too young for you doesn't mean this logic can be applied to such an incredibly personal choice in other people. Don't push your choices on others, especially when they've made theirs. I think it's out of line to tell an adult woman you don't even know what she should or shouldn't do at this point.

    Why do people on here get so offended when differing opinions are voiced?

    When someone puts themselves out there, then there are going to be people who have varying thoughts about the subject matter.

    He wasn't being critical or judgemental, or "pushing his choice on others", he was just expressing a different perspective.
  • azwaa
    azwaa Posts: 81 Member
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    I have six kids and don't turn 30 until the December. I also finished my BA with a newborn baby on my lap. Do what is right for you and ignore the rest. Besides, this means you get to still be young when the kid grows up and moves out. I would rather be a young Grandma and be able to enjoy my forties instead of just starting my family.
  • JulieH3art
    JulieH3art Posts: 293 Member
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    She said she's keeping the baby, so back off. Just because 23 was too young for you doesn't mean this logic can be applied to such an incredibly personal choice in other people. Don't push your choices on others, especially when they've made theirs. I think it's out of line to tell an adult woman you don't even know what she should or shouldn't do at this point.

    Why do people on here get so offended when differing opinions are voiced?

    When someone puts themselves out there, then there are going to be people who have varying thoughts about the subject matter.

    He wasn't being critical or judgemental, or "pushing his choice on others", he was just expressing a different perspective.

    Time and place. The girl's pregnant and keeping the baby.

    If you or anyone else think that that's NOT a good thing, whatever. He/she/you can have their opinion. It's a free world. But voicing it shows the lack of tact and consideration that you can only allow yourself online.
  • neh310
    neh310 Posts: 99 Member
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    I had my daughter at 23 (pregnant at 22). My daughter is 14 and I would not give the experience back for anything in this world. My sister was 16 when she got pregnant, and she is an amazing mother. You too will be amazing. Just do the best you can and remember that no one is perfect. Good luck!
  • tyoung8
    tyoung8 Posts: 115 Member
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    Im 22 and I have a two year old! I am doing excellently on my own! Its possible to be an awesome mom at any age. Prove everyone wrong!
  • GemaG
    GemaG Posts: 142
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    I choose to have my first child at 23 my second at 26 and it was the best thing I ever did. I love being a young mum. Enjoy every moment of it, they are only little for a short amount of time. Best of luck and I hope your family come round soon xxxxx

    Also I had a scan recently that revealed that I have polycistic ovories and if I tried now I might find it very difficult if not impossible to have children. So glad I had mine when I did.
  • squishycow7
    squishycow7 Posts: 820 Member
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    I don't have a baby... but I am 23.

    I've known people younger (and more immature than you seem to be!) who have done just fine, have beautiful babies, are living happily and getting by just fine. I'm sure it's scary, but you can do it. Hopefully your family and others who are judging you will come around to it and be supportive instead of making you feel guilty for something that is ultimately, at this point, out of your control.

    good luck, you'll be just fine <3
  • StaceyJ2008
    StaceyJ2008 Posts: 411 Member
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    I am currently in school and a girl in my class got pregnant, carried all 9 months in my class, had the baby and only missed one class. We only meet one night a week in an advanced college program but still. She did it and she's younger than you are. After the baby came, her boyfriend left her and she's still going strong. Never let anyone make you feel bad. It can be done. :) You will do great.
  • jiggs31
    jiggs31 Posts: 117
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    I'm 33 and pregnant with my first. My youngest sister was 18 when she had her first baby and now she has 2 at age 25.

    OK so she had to give up her dreams of uni for a while and be a mum instead - she can always go back to education when the kids are old enough.

    She is a great mum and I'm proud of her. I'm sure you'll be the same x
  • navstone
    navstone Posts: 30
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    I think you are being responsible. I know a girl who is 19 and her 3rd child is 3 months old!!!!!
  • tyoung8
    tyoung8 Posts: 115 Member
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    I had my daughter at 17, my son at 22. I got married at 22. I'm 23 now, and everything is GREAT! I'm in school, doing everything I need to do. You may think it'll be really difficult but it doesn't have to be. I mean, it's hard work but it's not impossible! Don't let anyone make you feel like you're making a bad choice having a baby. I fooled just about everyone who had something negative to say about me having my beautiful babies. Lol.

    You don't need to live your life the way others feel is right. Because in all reality they feel your choices aren't good for THEM. Don't worry about what anyone else wants but you. I've lost friends and family member over that topic alone, you can't please everyone! You and the bun in the oven are the only things that matter from here on out. It's a crazy ride but trust me it's totally worth it.

    Oh and don't worry about getting married to raise your baby, so many people think that's what you HAVE to do. My mom and dad were married before me and my 3 brothers were born, my dad drank all day long while my mom worked. He didn't do a d**n thing for the 4 of us. That marriage license didn't make my dad step up. And I'm not exaggerating either. He did literally nothing. So don't think you need a husband to make a wonderful life for the baby. (I'm not saying the father of your baby is bad or anything, don't get me wrong. I just want to put out there that some people might judge you for not getting married which is lame....)


    Good Advice! Same here. I work full time and go to school full time. I had my daughter at 19 after my feshman year of collage and I am one year away from my bachelors and already have a great paying job. I was determined to prove everyone wrong, and I have. Anyone can as long as your focused.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
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    She said she's keeping the baby, so back off. Just because 23 was too young for you doesn't mean this logic can be applied to such an incredibly personal choice in other people. Don't push your choices on others, especially when they've made theirs. I think it's out of line to tell an adult woman you don't even know what she should or shouldn't do at this point.

    who are you talking to? I am really asking because I don't see anyone pushing a choice on her, just voicing opinions and being supportive at the same time, not telling her what she should do or that she made a bad decision.
  • steadk
    steadk Posts: 334 Member
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    being a mom is wonderful!! And don't listen to others who bash you for being young. I was 23 when i had my precious lil girl and it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. If you wait until you think you're ready, you'll never have kids.. so go on and do your thing, and be the best mom you know how to be :) add me if you need support
  • chantalb20
    chantalb20 Posts: 132
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    I'm 19 and I have a one year old son. I fell pregnant as soon as i turned 18, and i did get judged, especially as i had no license and was catching the bus/train everywhere. But, you soon forget all of that. When you hold that baby in your arms, it's like everything else ceases to matter. My son IS my life. I'm back at university studying high school teaching again, and it's hard, but it is so worth it and so rewarding. I KNOW that i'm a great mum, and I'm sure you will be too. Oh, and my dad refused to talk to me for awhile after he found out i was pregnant, but as soon as he saw his grandchild, he forgot it all :) x
  • BrokenBarbiexoxo
    BrokenBarbiexoxo Posts: 91 Member
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    I think as long as you're happy, that's all that matters :) I know it's hard, because people are so opinionated in life, but you have to do what is right for you, you live your life, no one else! :) Just ignore them.

    My best friend is 24, but when she was 23, she had two children under 3 and was divorced... She got a lot of stick too, but it's life, it doesn't work out how it's meant to!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    I was 21 when I had my oldest. I wasn't married. Boyfriend (who eventually became my ex-husband) was kind of a jerk and didn't really do much to help me out. I struggled like you would not believe. I went through hell and back for my kids (I have 2 now, same dad). I'm a single mom now, but I'm back in school. I have a decent job. I just bought a nice house for me and my kids. Life really is pretty good. And I think my daughters respect me because they have seen me struggle and they know that I never gave up on them. Things will work out in time. Just relax and enjoy becoming a mother. It really is such a joy! :flowerforyou:

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