Being bashed on for being 23 and pregnant!! :(

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  • email4jenp
    email4jenp Posts: 52 Member
    My mom had me when she was 20 years old (but that was in the 70's) and she was married to my deadbeat dad. She got the nerve up to leave him (he was abusive physically & Mentally) so my brother and I were raised by a single mother. She worked SO hard and she did the best she could. Now that I am a mom, I look back and realize what an AWESOME mother she was to us when we were little. It was so hard on her, but for us, she kept going, she never gave up. She put herself through school, just like you are doing and became a respiratory therapist. Things were tight financially because my dad never paid child support. I admire my mom. She made it work and did what she had to do. I admire her for leaving a terribly awful situation and working hard for us.

    You are on the right path. Stay in school & finish that off. It will pay off when you need it the most. You will do just fine! Good luck to you and your new baby!
  • amfmmama
    amfmmama Posts: 1,420 Member
    I am a mom and I am a teacher. I see young girls 15 and 16 years old pregnant and have no clue what they are getting into. You are 23 and that is QUITE different. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Stay in school! You will get a better job when you are done. On another note, I am 40 and I have a 3 and 6 year old. As much as I cannot imagine having a baby at 23, I often wish I had done it much younger, but I was focusing on other stuff. I worry about being their for my kids when they are older. My parents are so great to me, I want to do the same for them.

    You will find that the when pregnant, you are constantly getting unsolicited advice, from family, friends, even strangers...don't let it bother you! Good Luck!
  • shannonperry13
    shannonperry13 Posts: 99
    you will do great! :)

    i found out i was pregnant with my first daughter when i was 21. i am still with her daddy today, and we have 4 beautiful little girls. i am only 29 years old and have lots of energy and am able to keep up with my young family. :) shame on anyone who is not supporting you when you need support. :) good luck!
  • leslieleet
    leslieleet Posts: 41 Member
    I don't know where you live, but most cities have temp services where you can work for a week or month at a time doing stuff like reception work---if you are worried about insurance--don't, it is too late to get any, you are uninsurable and the baby is coming anyway, so find the low cost or free clinics in your area, they will set you up with medicaid---you'll be ok.
  • duplicitous
    duplicitous Posts: 82 Member
    23 is not too young at all. It's the age when families often begin. Opinions of others are like buttholes...everybody has one.
  • KSpiked
    KSpiked Posts: 12
    23 seems like a normal age. Sorry you are not getting support. Hopefully, some of your family will change their minds when they see a sweet baby. Nobody ever thinks they are ready or have enough money when a baby comes. But they still keep arriving ;) God bless.
  • eatandexercise1
    eatandexercise1 Posts: 67 Member
    I had my daughter right after turning 23. When I first found out I was pregnant, my husband and I were both unemployed. But God watched over us, and DH was able to get a good job and things turned out well. This baby is the light of our lives.

    You're in a scary position, but have faith, do your best to find work, and enjoy the ride.

    As for being "too young," don't you want to enjoy your kids while you're young, instead of when you're too old?
    Good luck!
  • MissC787
    MissC787 Posts: 175 Member
    Being a mom is one of the hardest yet most rewarding things you will ever be in life!
    With that being said I was a TEEN mom. I found out I was pregnate right after my 16th Birthday.
    I was devastated. My parents wanted me to have the baby, and sign it over to them. My boyfriend....
    Was awesome! He is STILL my husband today. We now have 3 kids together, and Have been married 17yrs.
    We have been together 18yrs. Oh, and my oldest son is 17yrs old. He is going to the 11th grade, and he is not a TEEN dad.
    He has goals, and morals, and respect. I am often complimented on how well behaved/respectful all three of my kids are.
    Feel free to add me or message me with any questions. I also went thru a phase durring my pregnancy where my parents did not talk to me either. Good luck.
  • _LilPowerHouse
    _LilPowerHouse Posts: 365 Member
    23 is not young for being Pregnant.. My wife was 17 when we got pregnant, and we went on to have two more children afterwards, so dont press the age issue, its not that bad.. Today our oldest will be 20yrs old at the end of the month, our Daughter is 18 and the youngest is 15 and will be 16 in June... We just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary last month.. It takes Hard work, communication, dedication and compromising to have a long lasting relationship and to raise kids.. enjoy your pregnancy and your future motherhood..
  • shannonperry13
    shannonperry13 Posts: 99
    you will do great! :)

    i found out i was pregnant with my first daughter when i was 21. i am still with her daddy today, and we have 4 beautiful little girls. i am only 29 years old and have lots of energy and am able to keep up with my young family. :) shame on anyone who is not supporting you when you need support. :) good luck!

    also, forgot to mention. i went to nursing school when my first daughter was 1. it was a year long, full time. i graduated, and got a job 2 months later. i am still working at the same job 7 years later, and make just over 26.00/hr, and only have to work 2 or 3 days a week and considered full time. so, you CAN go to school, and do what you want to do. don't let them get you down.
  • samandlucysmum
    samandlucysmum Posts: 320
    I married at 19, and my first child was born that year, my second the following year, and another 4 after that. I chose to have a child then, it was the life I wanted, I was not a party animal or socialite, I enjoyed being a mum. No one has a right to judge anyone else for their choices in life unless it affects them personally. Enjoy motherhood, and be proud and happy about your choices, you can always do evening couses, or home learning course.
  • ortonin30
    ortonin30 Posts: 1
    I was 19 When I married in 1986 and still married today. I was almost 21 when I had my first child (not a clue what I was doing) I will bet your Mother had on the job training as well just like most parents do. But you know what the good thing is and I am sure she will realize this if you tell her. You have 23 years of experience of her parenting skills to go by :smile: . We take the good with the unexpected and run with it all. I am betting you are going to succeed because you are driven to succeed at parenting and at life in general. You Go Girl!!!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member

    if she doesn't feel that she is capable of raising a child at 23, which is a young age for motherhood in 2012

    What a beautiful bubble you live in! My daughter will be 13 this year and I'm just praying that I won't become a grandmother before she finishes high school. She already had one friend drop out of school this year because she got pregnant. Teen pregnancy is on the rise. 23 is not all that young for motherhood.
  • jwaitman
    jwaitman Posts: 367 Member
    I think in time your family will come around. I was young (20) when I had my first child. It is a struggle especially going to school and I was working full time too. You need to decide what is best for you and the child not worrying about what the rest of them think. It can be done. If your boyfriend is being supportive that is the main thing. Perhaps you can lean on his family.

    My daughter is now almost 20 and has turned in to a fine young person. So I think I did a pretty good job for being young when I had her. We may not have been able to provide her with all the luxuries of life, but she has never done without the things she needs and most of her wants. We later had another child who is now 14. It is forever a struggle keeping up with everything.

    My advice would be to finish school and by the time you are done with your classes you will be just about ready to give birth and can start your new career on the right foot. The job market is tough for everyone and I can imagine would be even more difficult trying to find a job while pregnant.

    Good luck to you.
  • outtanms
    outtanms Posts: 237 Member
    I had children young. They are 13 and 11. I wouldn't change it, well other than they are hormonal pains in the *kitten* right now. But in time that too will pass. Have fun with the baby. Enjoy it while they are young that is the best time.
  • ndwarren
    ndwarren Posts: 5
    People are going to talk about you anyway it goes. All that matters is you and your boyfriend to raise that baby the best way with love and of course money. But God will take care of you guys. This is coming from a mother of 3. I had my first child at 16! I was still in high school. People said i was going to drop out of school. I went out got a part time job on the weekend. My boyfriend was working full time because he was older then me. I finished high school, i had a part time job, and people still talked about me. I didnt have a baby shower because i felt that was asking people for stuff and so we bought everything ourselves. Now i have 3 wonderful sons with much love and they are healthy and we did a good job raising them. You will be fine! CONGRATS!
  • nashkim
    nashkim Posts: 19
    I was 21 when I had my first son, and 23 when I had my second. They are now 26 and 28 years old; they are college educated, and living productive lives. The three of us are very close. They are the best thing that ever happened to me. I know people didn't think I was old enough and I am sure plenty of people thought I'd fail, but I knew I could be a good mother so I didn't let any doubts or people's opinions get to me.

    You sound like a person who knows herself well and you will find your way just fine. I'm rooting for you! It's the most important job of your life.

    Kim
  • nycalison
    nycalison Posts: 51 Member
    If you're worried too about going to school pregnant, I was pregnant with my son in 2009 and finished the semester which ended right before christmas, and I gave birth January 13th 2010, sometimes I look back and wonder how I walked around campus that huge, but I'm proud that I did, and it felt good to have my mind on other things. I then went back to school that fall, which was a bit harder to get things done, but the worst thing that will happen is that you'll be tired through it all, but it will be so worth it!

    I'm 30 now, but I also have a 13 year old daughter, I was 17 when I had her and I cant imagine her not in the world, she is awesome, seriously she is an asset to the world, not just me so not one regret there, but I didn't go to school until she was older because of a million excuses and then wound up having a baby anyway while going to school, if there is an easy way and a hard way to do something, I always wind up going the hard way! Anyway enough about me- the fact that you're planning and worrying now shows that you will be ok, life always works out when we need it to! <3 good luck!
  • Mrsfullwood
    Mrsfullwood Posts: 172 Member
    I was much younger than 23 when I had my son. Now I'm 27 and I am married, I have a great government job (the reason why I stress goverment is b/c people think that when you have a child in your teens or ealry 20's you will only work fast food or dead end jobs the rest of your life) and also have a 9 month old. One thing I can say is having a child at a young age SLOWS you down but it will not stop you. I graduated high school (on time) and I've been going to school off and on to get my degree in Administrative Assistant. In a few months I'm going to take a six week course to get my CNA certification. Even when you're married with children you still have to do some adjusting and modifications it can be just as hard.
    Don’t let anyone tell you that you can't do it and you're not going to make it. It might take you a little longer to achieve your goals but trust me you can do it.
  • JeanineLaymon1970
    JeanineLaymon1970 Posts: 44 Member
    I was married at 20, and 5 months pregnant. My husband and I have been married almost 21 years and my son (the best thing I have ever done) is 20 years old, and a Marine, and beautiful inside and out! Parenting is the hardest thing you will ever do, but also the most rewarding. I am sure I made TONS of mistakes on the way; however I did the best I could with what I had. Hang in there, you are in for a bumpy ride, but it is all worth it. Your family will come around, just prove to them you can do this and it is the best thing for you. Get your school finished no matter what. Get a job after the baby is old enough for childcare. Sign up for all the goverment assistance you can. That is why you have paid taxes so far in your life. Good Luck!

    :flowerforyou:
  • missjewl
    missjewl Posts: 214 Member
    Hun... i was 23 when i first got pregnant! There is absolutely no shame in it! I know many girls much much younger with several children and they turned out just fine. Ignore the ignorance from others and you'll be fine. Big deal you're 23...at that age you should be mature enough to handle anything. My son is will be 10 soon and im at the perfect age to enjoy everything he wants to do. enjoy the fact that you're pregnant... Congrats!
  • cowchick4_fun
    cowchick4_fun Posts: 26
    i was 19 when i got pregnant with my first one and then when i hit 3 months i lost it. it broke my heart. then after i turned 20 i got pregnant again with my daughter and had her at 21. now im going on 28 on friday and i now have 3 kids ages 6, 5, and 2. i love them so much and im ok that i was young having them. so dont even feel that your too young to be having a family at 23 because your young but old enough to take care and love the baby! Please Dont stress yourself out with comments people have to say about it. as long as your happy and ready to take care of the baby thats all that matters im sure you will be a great mom no matter what age you are!
  • karenwill2
    karenwill2 Posts: 604 Member
    my sis had her first son at 18. My bff from high school had her first and only child at 17. Both of these kids are amazing and the moms are as well. I had my first at 28 and hope mine turn out to be half as good as theirs.
  • sisierra
    sisierra Posts: 659 Member
    There is nothing wrong with being 23 and pregnant! I see a lot of people I know that are pregnant or already have kids and i'm glad I've made it out of my 'teens without getting preggers. As long as your happy with the life you've lived/are living I think you'll be fine =)
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    My mother was 23 when she got pregnant with me. I was 21 when I got pregnant with mine.

    I know you have pages and pages to poor through here, but have you considered that the 'age' issue might just be a cop out for your family. Could it possibly be something else that they protest when it comes to your pregnancy? Like maybe the baby's father?

    My family hated my ex-husband... and honestly, they had good reason.
  • donna_glasgow
    donna_glasgow Posts: 869 Member
    I had my first child at 17 YO ..... I was a single parent for the first 5 years of her life, ... being a mum is the best thing that ever happened to me from the minute she was born and I held her I knew I could never love anyone more .... times were hard at 17 I had no job or career, so I struggled for a long time but I wouldnt change it for the world

    think of the plus sides of being a young mum ... energy is one of them

    good luck with your pregnancy xxx young mums rock xx
  • Bankman1989
    Bankman1989 Posts: 1,116 Member
    So I recently just found out that I am pregnant. I do not believe in abortion, and I am for sure willing to own up to my responsiblity. My boyfriend is very supportive as well, although the thing is.. I recently just left my job to go back to school, it is hard finding another job these days otherwise I would've saved money if I knew I'd get pregnant :( I know no matter what I will strive to be the best mom I can be, I may be very "young" to alot of people, but I would love to hear any stories from young mothers who are holding up strong with their child today, and who HAS MADE IT if there was a struggle along with being pregnant at a "young" age. My mother & family aren't speaking to me as of this day and think I am so stupid and crazy for having a child. Please.. I need the support....


    I'm worried about being unemployed.. my bf is working, I am going to a ROP program for school which is about a 6-8 month program for medical assisting / billing & coding, I cannot afford going to another school right now.. I hope I can make it, I know it will be a struggle but I also know it'll be worth it.

    I was 20 when I got the news that I got a woman I barely knew pregnant. We ended up getting married and the result was two beautiful boys that I couldn't be prouder of 24 years later. It WILL workout and who cares what anyone else says! GOOD LUCK!
  • Bobbiehenderson
    Bobbiehenderson Posts: 18 Member
    I was five months prego when my husband an I got married at 20. I was like you not working and very scared about what my family would think. My husband had a job but nothing great, At 21 my son was born 15 months later we had a little girl, My family was very hard on us at first telling us it is going to be hard and we need to think about what we are doing but i wouldnt have it any other way. My husband has a wounderful job now. Three years ago we were blesssed with another baby boy. Two years ago i went back to school and became a phlobotomist. I wont lie it has been hard at times but in the end it is all worth it. Dont let anyone make you feel bad about your choice cause in the end it is all about you and that amazing little gift from god. :smile:
  • Nice
    Nice Posts: 84
    I was 16 years old..way too young!!! However, I finished high school on time, went directly to college after and worked as well. It was hard but I never gave up. I'm now 28, married, with 3 boys :) I bought a home when I was 23 years old and my husband and I do quite well.
  • KDMC3
    KDMC3 Posts: 2
    Hold your head up and everything will turn out just fine. My mom had her first at 21 and a second by 23!! You'll do great, just leave the negative and only take the positive!

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